23rd comes around faster than my liking. Key hyung has a little get-together at his place,we were going to go to a small restaurant but he wanted it to be homely and cozy this year and so planed on cooking us a festive meal at his place. 

Need I say, the list of invites was not too long. Jonghyun hyung, Key's friend from work, Jinki hyung, his classmate, Woohyun hyung and Minho hyung. 

It's easy to say that things got way awkward after whatever little untoward 'incident' we had at his place. I hadn't spoken to him much (at all) after that and was really planning to keep things that way until I had a clearer mind. But things don't happen the way I want them to. So here I am, sitting on Key hyung's couch making small talk with Jinki hyung and trying super hard not to make anything obvious. I find myself failing at the predicament as I steal glances at him every opportunity I get, his eyes seem woebegone and distanced, I don't know what's gotten into him but I know that Minho hyung is hiding, I have a furtive feeling that he thinks of what happened at his place as a big fat mistake and just a momentary thing, that feeling when emotions take over your thinking and you just do something out of the blue and regret it for the rest of your life. That is exactly/probably what he's feeling. Why else would he be acting this way, sharing that glamorous smile with everyone but me, mingling with Key hyung and my very own brother but not me, ignoring me, he couldn't even care to pay me a look.And that very fact broke me little by little inside. 

''Hey, tell me more about you, I hear Key talk about Minho but he never really mentions the others that much'' I, sure was lost in thought but I could hear Jinki hyung talk besides me since no one was particularly loud at this get together and Jonghyun hyung was far down the corridor. I only realized that Jinki hyung was talk to me when I heard my name being called out. 

''Sorry what did you say hyung, I was just a little spaced out'' I add murmuring hopelessly and looking at him. That's when I notice him properly for the first time, defined jawline, long well-set hair, shining eyes, he was a handsome hyung. 

''Are you and Key close, I’ve heard him talk about Minho but not the others.' 

''I aa..''

''You are Taemin right?'' I nod and he gives me a knowing look, as if even-though he says he does not know me, there is lot about me that he knows. I don't really know how that is supposed to make sense. 

''I aam, me and Minho hyung are friends and that's how I got introduced to Key hyung'', friends being the key word here.

''Oh ok, I'm Jinki, Key and I work in the same shifts at the library.'' He says with a genuine smile, I notice his eyes curve up into slits and I find myself responding with a smile of my own. The two of us get into a comfortable conversation, he talks about work and his university, I tell him a little about my dance classes and Jonghyun hyung, apparently the two of them had a lot in common and had even met before in the library before...interesting. I tell him a few of Jonhyun hyung's quirks because embarrassig hyung has always been one of my favourite things to do, besids things that involve Minho hyung that is.

Taking my mind off Minho hyung really doesnot seem to be an option tonight because as much as I avoid thinking of him, images of him come flodding to him mind as if nothing ever happened.

I can tell that Minho hyung and Woohyun hyung are standing by the door frame and I inwardly tell myself not to look up at him under any circumstances. Jinki hyung plays as a good distraction but even though I am looking straight at Jinki hyung’s face I can make out both of their silhouettes from the corner of my eyes. I look up only for a second and notice Minho leaning on the door-frame handing Hyung a drink. I was strong all this time but when Jinki hyung makes his way over to the stereo to start some music I'm left with nothing else to keep me from giving inn. I shift my gaze from a random pillow to the charming face I was yearning to look at.

This time although, things turned out different, he was looking back at me. It was intense and flaming. There was softness behind the stern eyes but I know he was trying hard to masquerade it. I could not only feel my stomach doing a few flips the minute I looked into his eyes, but there was pain in my heart and it was geting worse by the second. It was something I had never really felt before, all my feelings were ten folds stronger, ten folds more prominent, I felt like I could snap and cry any minute, my face wasn't controlled and my eyes giving away more emotions that I would have liked. I felt completely and utterly exposed under his stare and at this point I was wholly unaware of what he was thinking because all he did was turn around say a few words to Woohyun, ignoring me yet again. As if on cue, Jonghyun hyung walks over to them, pours himself a drink and exchanges a few words with Minho hyung. He pats Minho's shoulder nods in agreement to whatever Minho tells him.  

It's not long before Jonghyun hyung and Woohyun hyung join us in the living room and Minho hyung walks into the kitchen. I inevitably think about Minho hyung and Key hyung being alone and despise the images my mind creates without my consent. 

Minho's POV

I see him sitting next to Key's friend in the living room, smiling lovingly and talking with him like nothing is wrong. I'm convinced to the core of my heart that he is happy things didn’t go further that night. The nagging feeling that something is still making Taemin hurt inside does not leave because I never really see him smile the way he used to or hear his laugh. I am not even lucky to hold a normal conversation with him, hearing his laugh at this point seems like a distinct dream. It's not like I didn’t try making conversations, because I did. I tried my hardest to hide the awkwardness when around him in school and just pretended as if we could still go on like before, but he wouldn't look me in the eyes and it felt like my heart was being squeezed. Things were getting worse and the sand was slipping through, all I could do there, was sit back and see it all get ruined. 

I still have the watch we bought for Key that day all wrapped up and left casually in a small gift bag on the foyer table. I'm not going to give Key the gift without Taemin and I'm not going to ask Taemin to come give it together so that bring me back to my current situation, where I am standing with Woohyun at the entrance of the living room without a clue of what to do. I don't bother starting a conversation with him, I know he doesn’t like me for reasons Key wouldn't ever tell and I am in no mood of making new friends. He shifts from foot to foot unconsciously as I lean back on the door frame and pour him and myself a drink. Key and Jonghyun hyung are holding a hushed conversion down the hall so the only sounds in the room are that coming from the now  stereo system playing and the clinging of the ice meeting with the glass as Woohyun swirls his drink around. 

I look over at him once again, still fiddling with the threads of the pillow. Please just look at me Taemin. And he does. He looks up, scanning the two of us before fixing his eyes on me . And I feel the world stop. The music slowly fading out and the thumping of my heart is loud in my ears. I try really really hard to stash away the feeling bubbling inside me as I don't want to look week in front him and look back with a poker face, stern gaze. I don't know how things got his intense, but they did. Normal friends would talk about something like this and figure it out, but we weren't normal were we. 

It was breaking me inside; my heart was sinking as the look on his face was one of pure angst and bordering grief. I don't know if he knew how much this was hurting me. If I was bad at hiding my emotions, Taemin was worse, I could almost imagine him crumbling down and I'd be the reason. Why the did I have to do that. just. uggg. I can't do this anymore. I look away. Jonghyun hyung walks up and chats with the two of us a little. I am reminded about the gift as they discuss theirs and I tell Jonghyun hyung to ask Taemin to come meet me in the Kitchen because we were not here to sit around and stare at each other. It's my best friend’s birthday and I don't want my crap ruining his day. Both of them walk into the living room as I make my way into the kitchen.