From the second Seungho met Alex formalities were out the window and he had just gone along with it probably because he was feeling like nothing mattered. When he got to know her it never felt like it was important to be formal.

“I gotta ask. She told me about how you and G.O. found her and introduced yourself as if you had never met her” YongGuk frowns

Seungho cuts him off “Yeah that..” He looks down frowning slightly “Fact is she didn’t know my name of that I was an idol. She had met G.O. once and she didn’t know his name either. She didn’t care” He sighs “It’s hard to explain to someone who doesn’t know her without sounding crazy. Alex didn’t give a about who people were basicly. It was her biggest flaw and her biggest asset all in one”

YongGuk frowns “Doesn’t really sound like a good friend” he mumbles looking at Alex on Seungho’s back.

Seungho bites his lip thinking “Alex was… God how to explain this. Alex always said that the only thing defining a person is their heart and soul. Alex isn’t her real name, I don’t even know her real name” Seungho frowns “I didn’t know Alex really” he scratches his neck.

YongGuk clears his throat “But she said you were…. Uhm crying when you found her. If you didn’t know her…”

“She told you that!” Seungho looks at him and sighs “God. Alex you little rat” He hides his eyes “Yes I cried” He sighs “I thought I had lost her and she looked so…” He looks down searching for the words “You have no idea how painful it is to look at…” He bites his lip scratching his head “When a friend looks at and you realize that they have no idea who you are” He mumbles “When they on top of that has lost all will to live…” He shakes his head and looks down “I hope you never experience anything like that”

“Why didn’t you visit her at the hospital?” YongGuk frowns

“I didn’t know she was in a coma. As far as I knew she was dead. It wasn’t until she woke up that I found out that she didn’t die” Seungho tilts his head.

“But you didn’t visit her then either” YongGuk frowns. Seungho looks up at Sang Hyun who looks down to the side and frowns

He sighs “I wasn’t welcome” he looks down “Alex and I wasn’t really on the best terms at that time and her friends blamed me for what happened”

“How can that be your fault?” YongGuk raises his voice frustrated on Seungho’s behalf.

“They think your fight had anything to do with it?” Sang Hyun joins in.

Seungho looks at him “It wasn’t a fight...! And how do you know about that?!”

Sang Hyun frowns “Well I heard you two arguing over the phone”

“You were eavesdropping?” Seungho glares at him. Sang Hyun looks down “No you were being loud. If it’s of any consulation I’m on your side about the subject”

YongGuk looks from one to another dying to ask what the subject was. Seungho sighs and looks down. Sang Hyun crosses his arms “She should have been more careful. See what it brought her that she didn’t listen to you. If she had listened to you she wouldn’t have died in the first place!”

“Don’t start” Seungho glares at him again “It doesn’t matter now?”

Sang Hyun huffs “Right like you aren’t still considering if it was your fault” Seungho glares at him again and Sang Hyun looks down at the laptop

Seungho huffs in a bitter smirk. They did have a fall-out. He isn’t quite sure if you could call it a fight since he was the only one seemingly angry.

He couldn’t accept her being so reckless and she didn’t give a crap what he thought. He basically told her that if she was going to get herself killed by not being careful he wasn’t gonna be a part of it. She completely calm and indifferent told him he could blow it out his and to go back to Korea and find a sweet wife. It had pissed him off and he hung up. Last conversation he ever had with her ended with him hanging up.

He decided to move on then. She was never meant for him and he was sure when he got some distance he would look back and know that it was best to part ways.

The next thing he knew he saw her on the news. He saw her crash, and he saw her lying motionless on the ground. He felt sad offcourse but at the same time his bitterness over the coldness she had shown him stopped him from crying.

Only thing that went through his head was that she had it coming. Offcourse that made him feel so bloody guilty afterwards.

He was sure she was dead. They said it on the news. They kept talking about that bloody chase several weeks after.

Then he got a call from Aki. A friend of hers he had met a few times. She was going back to her own country and wanted him to know that Alex was in a coma but that she had just woken up that very day.

He didn’t know what to say. He had come to terms with being done with her. He missed her laugh and her smile and the calming effect she had on him but he had accepted that she was gone.

Aki had called him almost everyday even though he didn’t ask her to during the next week. She told him Alex didn’t remember anything and that she had changed. He never really said anything back but Aki seemed to need him to know. She called him when Alex had taken off a couple of days earlier, telling him they couldn’t find her. She had been panicked. She was leaving later that day and she was afraid that Alex was gonna hurt herself. She said Alex had seemed like nothing mattered and she had made Seungho promise he would look for her.

He took off as soon as he hung up. ByungHee went with him. They took the car and drove. He wasn’t sure why he did it. He just felt he had to find her. He knew she wouldn’t remember him and the odds of him finding her anyway was slim.

He went to the pavilion. She brought him there a lot and told him that was her favourite spot because no one ever came there. They saw a motorcycle parked and the tears had started to form in his eyes. She was there.

They didn’t know what they were gonna do but once they stepped in and saw her they didn’t need to talk to agree that she needed help and they were gonna be the once to help her.

When is comes to her friends blaming him he really has no clue why they all blamed him for the accident but that they blamed him made him think he was to blame. Aki had left the contry and none of the remaining would speak to him but the glares he had gotten when he brought Alex back to her place were aimt to kill. If ByungHee hadn’t been there he would probably have been beaten pretty badly. Alex’s friends were quite colorful and he wouldn’t be supreised if several of them had been in conflict with the law.

After the guy had snapped and punched him ByungHee had stepped in and pushed him back. Alex who was weak and in no state to help had stepped in as well told them to go themselves. That had made everyone stare at her. It sounded like something the old Alex would say but the next thing she said made it clear she wasn’t the same. She politely asked them it they wouldn’t just please leave. She never apologized for anything and she wasn’t that polite either most of the time.

Seungho frowns and rubs his eyes.

YongGuk looks at Seungho trying to guess what goes through his head

“Jui!” Sang Hyun exclaims “Isn’t that the female singer?”

Seungho looks at him and nods “That’s the name of a female singer yes I’m not sure that is how it’s spelled though” He sighs and then tries to focus on the present.

Sang Hyun chuckles “There is a track called Bang girl” He presses play and they all try and get past the depressing moment.

YongGuk chuckles “That doesn’t sound like a girl”

Seungho laughs slightly “Nah that has to be a guy”

“Doesn’t she have any music with girls?” Sang Hyun keeps looking.

“Ayaka Hirahara was a girl” Seungho smirks

“Doesn’t count that was making me tired… Kalafina sounds like something girls would be in” Sang Hyun clicks away

“Oh I know them” Seungho pushes Sang Hyun back and finds the track Red moon “I don’t think it’s your type of music though”

 They sit and listens “How can she have that many different things?” Sang Hyun frowns “What is this?”

“Classical contemporary” Seungho smirks.

“Heavy metal I might have guessed but this… Never” YongGuk grins. Seungho holds on to Alex’s hand over his shoulder “Alex is full of surprises”

“Find something else this is depressing” Sang Hyun frowns. Seungho shakes his head slightly and looks further down. “She has Lim Jeong Hee!” He laughs again and shakes his head.

“Para:noir… Pay money to my pain… Now that is a strange name…  Sadie… Screw”

“Screw? In English like in ‘screwing’?” YongGuk chuckles. Seungho sends him a look.

“What do they play?” Sang Hyun looks at the screen. Seungho turns on the track Brainstorm.

“More rock” Seungho scrolls the rest of the way down. “Spiv States, SPYair, Takayuki Ohmura… Let’s try that one” Seungho presses “Ey try the one called Warrior” YongGuk points. A heavy guitar starts playing

Can you heaaar me in my maaaaadness

A very classic American sounding heavy metal vocal starts singing. The track is very guitar heavy. YongGuk nods with the music. A killer guitarsolo makes them all look at the screen.

Seungho chuckles and reads on, still mentioning the names that catches his eye “Vidoll, Vistlip, Waive, 3B*labs, Yoshida brothers… I’m gonna try this” He presses a random track and waits. It turns out to be a shimasen duo playing very traditional Japanese music.

Sang Hyun scratches his neck “I didn’t know she liked that kind of music too!”

“So she had Dalmation and Lim Heing Hee” the three frowns “Depressing” Sang Hyun drops off the table to the ground “She is friends with MBLAQ and she doesn’t have any of our music. I’m so depressed” he whines overly dramatic. YongGuk and Seungho chuckles.

YongGuk moves and gets a pain up his spine. “” He curses and holds his up from the madras. Seungho looks at him “You okay?” he reaches out a hand to calm him but YongGuk moves back instinctly.

“No” YongGuk bites his lip. God he is fine as long as he has his space but just the thought of anyone touching him makes him shiver. Alex he can manage but only because she knows why he is reacting like that.

Seungho frowns and looks at the guy moving away. He seemed fine a second ago and could even laugh now he is looking scared again. Seungho looks at Sang Hyun who is looking down frowning.

The outburst from YongGuk had woken Alex up but she pretends to be sleeping only opening her eyes a tad looking at YongGuk who is shaking. She want’s to comfort him but she can’t be around all the time. He has to learn to deal with this.

Seungho looks at Sang Hyun “Would you get some water?”

Sang Hyun nods and gets up walking over to the kitchen.

“You know” Seungho looks at YongGuk “You already heard Alex’s story I bet so you know she was ready to die”

YongGuk nods.

Seungho looks after Sang Hyun “You have no idea how cold her eyes were at that time” He sighs “But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and you are a strong guy” He looks at YongGuk “You aren’t gonna let that take control of you. Not if any of us can do anything about it” He sends him a reassuring smile

YongGuk grits his teeth “It’s not that simple”

“It’s never simple” Seungho looks at Sang Hyun who comes back placing some water on the floor.

 “I’m not saying what happened to her isn’t terrible” YongGuk hides his eyes with a hand “If I had just gotten beaten up I could handle it but I… I..” He hammers his hand into the wall.

“You know Alex might have been a bit… Well you know but if there is one thing I will always have with me it is her words that it is only your heart and soul that matters. Remember that” Seungho feels Alex moving and knows she is awake but he doesn’t say anything.

YongGuk just focuses on his breathing and the words coming from Seungho. He grits his teeth and growls “I got bloody violated!”

Seungho and Sang Hyun stares at him. “They me!” YongGuk’s voice cracks and he hides his face in his arms holding on to his head. He feels water starting to appear in his eyes “They tied my arms and… They laughed at me!” He hits the wall again. “How am I supposed get past that?” his husky voice growls

Seungho clenches his jaw. No wonder Alex wouldn’t tell him. He looks at YongGuk “I’m sorry”

“Yeah well so am I” YongGuk wipes his eyes trying to man up. He is quite amazed that he is feeling more pissed than anything else.

Alex moves her hand from Seungho’s stomach and moves her head away from his back “He punched the guy who tried to strangle me” She smiles sweetly.

YongGuk looks at her “Only because you were so bloody stupid to piss him off” he wipes away another tear frowning and trying to not look so pathetic.

She grins. Seungho shakes his head “Alex you fool”

“What? I wanted him to realize that those dickheads didn’t take anything away from him” She reaches out a hand and grasps YongGuk’s with a smile “You still stood your ground when needed and that even though you were in pain and scared” YongGuk  first stares at her and then laughs bitterly “You really are to bloody fearless” He gives her hand a squise.

“I know” Seungho sighs “I’m gonna go prematurely old like this and I’m already bloody old” he shakes his head and fakes a sob hiding his eyes.

Sang Hyun chuckles looking at Seungho. YongGuk is looking at Alex. He smiles slightly and nods “Thanks though”

“Any time” She smiles sweetly

“Preferably not” Seungho adds in looking back at Alex. She scratches her neck “I can’t promise anything”

He just sighs and shakes his head. Sang Hyun then straightens up “Alex why don’t you have any of our music?” He pouts overly dramatic. She tilts her head and pouts slightly “What was the name of your group again?”

Seungho and Sang Hyun glares at her “You are kidding right?”

She shrugs “I got a bad memory”

“No you don’t I’m not falling for that again!” Sang Hyun points a finger at her.

She grins teasingly ”Yah relax” She gets up and walks over to her suitcase. “That laptop is I’m only using that because this place is such a dumb if I have anything of value it would get stolen”

“So you do have our music?” Sang Hyun walks over behind her.

“Yeah off course . We even talked about several of your albums on skype” She sends him a look. Seungho smirks “So if this is all the old stuff what do you actually listen to these days?”

She looks back and tilts her head from side to side “Well Dir en grey is always good, Pay money to my pain, Roach, Sadie, Outrage, Acid Black cherry, Spiv State has a huge star with me these days. Actually I listen to most of what is on that one” She nods at the laptop in Seungho’s lab. She smirks “Mir sends me a lot of kpop but I’m not much for the female groups. Just not my thing”

“You heard B.A.P.?” Sang Hyun asks taking a seat on the table again. YongGuk looks to Alex. She narrows her eyes and pouts slightly thinking it over “Uhm I think so Warrior right?”

YongGuk smiles “Yes”

“Is that your group?” She looks at YongGuk who nods smiling a gummy smile.

“I quite liked that song” She smirks.

YongGuk looks down grinning.