After having said the final farewell to his grandfather DooJoon lets his mother know he needs to check up on Alex. He needs to think about something else. It had been coming for a while so he wasn’t shocked. But he is glad he got to say proper farewell. He got to do that thanks to Alex.

He shows the card he was given at the counter and a nurse tells him to come with her. He meets the doctor as he is on his way into a patient room.

“Oh hi again” He smiles “I need to talk with Alex before you can come in”

DooJoon nods and takes a seat

The doctor opens the door and walks in. Alex is sitting on a chair her hands handcuffed to the arms of it. She quickly shoots a look at him looking impatient and restless. He smiles reassuring “Didn’t the nurse offer you something relaxing?”

“This is me on relaxers” Alex mumbles. Her feet jump nervously

 “Alex” The doctor takes a seat across from her “I have been talking with the doctor who treated you in Japan” Alex looks at him indifferently

“He has been talking with specialist on things like what happened to you. He believes the accident was so traumatic that you suppressed the old you to make room for a new life. The theory is that you weren’t happy with your life”

Alex nods “Okay” she moves her head uneasily about tapping the chair with her fingers

“The headaches you have been having is most likely the two personalities fighting each other”

“What am I suppose to do about it?” Alex mumbles clenching her jaw

“I’m not sure you can do anything. You know what triggers the headaches?”

“No” She shakes her head and yanks the cuffs “It just comes and goes”

“And it doesn’t get worse or better”

Alex shakes her head “It changes. Today was the worst so far”

“Hmm I see”

She frowns and looks down “Will… Could I go back to who I was?” she asks in a low voice.

“I don’t know. It’s possible. Maybe if you experience something as traumatic as the crash” The Doctor sighs

“And getting shot wasn’t traumatic enough” Alex huffs “can’t I just remember the past and join the two?”

“I don’t know. If the two personalities are too different there is a chance they won’t match and you’ll develop schizophrenia”

“Oh great” Alex pulls her wrist “So basically you are telling me that nothing can be done about my headaches and traumatic events might turn me back and I might go insane?”

“I wouldn’t put it like that” the doctor says and looks at her “I understand it is a lot to take in”

“You can say that again” Alex pulls her wrist harder. She ignores the pain it brings “Should just have killed myself back then” She mumbles

“Don’t say something like that” the doctor frowns.

“How is my future gonna be?” She says irritated “Do I have a future?”

The doctor gathers his hands in front of him “I wasn’t sure if I was gonna tell you this now. I think you should get some time to think what you have just been told over but I’m not sure you’ll be visiting a hospital again in the near future” he looks at her with a questioning look.

She shakes her head.

He sighs “Right. Well I haven’t heard of anyone going through what you are but… There has been a lot of talk amongst doctors specializing in trauma and the chance that you can keep your life like it is now is small”

“What?” Alex frowns

“A person can’t live with 2 distinct personalities. It’s unheard off. Schizophrenia would be the only way”

“So if I don’t lose one personality I will go ing crazy” Alex leans back and sighs. She leans forward again “But you said nothing can be done be my headaches and my headaches was because of the two”

“Yes” The doctor pulls a card from his pocket “I’d like you to seek this guy out. He already knows your history and he might be the only one who can… give you some peace”

“Some peace?” Alex frowns

“He can’t do much about your situation but he can observe. He says that the two personalities most likely occupies a half of your brain each. He will be able to see how active your old personality is”

Alex pulls her cuffs wanting to hold on to her head. It’s too much.

“Will I know what is happening? Will I see the change?” She looks distraught

He shakes his head “It’ll probably happen…”

“In the blink of an eye” Alex looks down frowning    

“What the hell am I suppose to do?” She sneers looking more and more pissed

“I don’t know” The doctor looks at her sympathetic.

She tries pulling her wrist again. The muscles in her arms tighten and blood starts appearing on her wrists.

“Alex calm down” The doctor frowns

“Don’t tell me to calm the down!” She yells “I’m ed! My life is ed!” She janks the left cuff to the point where the cuff snaps in two and she stands up picking up the chair and throwing it to the ground where it shatters. Her right hand is still cuffed to the arm of the chair which is now only jus a piece of plastic.

She takes a deep breath and looks ahead clenching her jaw. Her eyes turning calm and cold staring at nothing “Great” she looks to the doctor “Can I kill one part of me?”

“I don’t think that is possible” the doctor frowns

“You don’t think so but you don’t know?” Alex looks like she is thinking it over

“Alex I can tell be your files from the other hospital and the old bruises you have now that you aren’t going easy on yourself. You need to calm down and find some peace with this” the doctor says

“Peace?” Alex huffs and then starts laughing “How the hell am I suppose to find peace with this” She drops to her knees and looks at the floor.

“Your friend is outside. Do you want him to know?”

“My friend?” Alex frowns “Oh him. No don’t tell him anything”

“Fine that is your decision. Can I let him in at least? Or do you have more questions?”

“When can I leave?” Alex looks well in control again but a bit jitty.

“When the drugs wear off” He looks her nervous behavior “I’m getting you released now”

“Wait!” Alex looks at him “There is one more thing”

Outside the room DooJoon is looking at the floor tapping his foot. The doctor seemed calm. That has to be a good sign. He can’t get past the expression on Alex’s face. So scared. He has never seen anyone so scared.

The doctor comes out “I just have to get some paperwork and Alex can leave. You are welcome to come in now”

DooJoon nods and stands up walking in. He looks at Alex seeing the handcuffs hanging loosely from her wrists. Blood tickles down her hands. *What the hell happened in here?* He frowns and looks at her face. Her expression is motionless, cold and distant.

 “What was it?”

“Nothing they could do anything about” She sneers

DooJoon frowns. That didn’t sound like Alex at all. So cold and indifferent.

She forces her eyes closed and opens them having a softer face. She tilts her head back and looks at him forcing a smile “You okay?”

DooJoon nods “It was expected. He has peace now”

“Good” Alex looks downs “Everyone should get peace when they die” She slowly gets on her feet looking out the window and puts her beanie on

15 minutes pass before the doctor comes in and takes the cuffs of her “You want someone to look at your wrists?” The guy asks handing her a big envelope.

“No I’m good” Alex says as she hurries out the door. She almost runs until she is at her bike and only then she seems to relax taking a deep breath.

DooJoon walks over to her “What now?”

She smiles “I get you home” She puts on her helmet and gets on acting like the last few hours never happened. DooJoon frowns and looks at her. She hands him the helmet “Don’t say anything to Seungho please. I don’t like hospitals and nothing was wrong so he doesn’t need to know”

DooJoon looks at the helmet “Okay” He looks up “Okay” He repeats

Alex stops outside Beast’s dorm letting DooJoon get off. He looks at her for a bit and hears her sigh “What?” She snarls.

“Thank you for driving me today” He mumbles “I know I wasn’t that forthcoming”

“I don’t blame you” Alex says impatiently. She sighs “I’m out. Sorry for your loss” She takes off without waiting for a response. DooJoon looks after her with a frown on his face *What a strange person*

Alex drives to MBLAQ’s manager’s private home and she hurries over ringing the bell. A sharp pain shoots through her head from the clear sound. She curses and shakes her head.

A woman opens and Alex bows deeply “I’m sorry to disturb”

“It’s Alex” The woman walks back in. MBLAQ’s manager Byungki comes storming out looking her up and down “What’s up?” He says looking extra worried. Alex never drops by his place unless she doesn’t want MBLAQ to know what she is worrying about. Like when she heard the show about her she reluctantly agreed to let be aired in Japan was going to be aired in Korea.

Alex looks down “I need to talk with you”

He nods and guides her in sending a look to the woman “Could you bring us a drink?” The woman nods.

They go into the living-room and Alex removes her jacket and beanie running a hand through her hair. The manager grasps her wrist “What is this?”

Alex sighs “I’ll explain please sit and give me a sec”

He nods “You brought DooJoon to a hospital today right?”

Alex nods “That is actually related to why I am here”

“You finally talked with a doctor?”

“I had to” Alex rubs her neck “I got a very painful headache outside and spat blood. DooJoon called for a doctor and they dragged me in. I think the hospital was the trigger for my headache” She looks at him with a serious expression and lifts her hands “They had to cuff me to the chair” she mumbles looking ashamed of her own irrational fear. It takes so much to scare her but send her to a hospital and she loses it.

He nods “I see”

The woman comes in and places 3 cubs taking a seat next to Alex “You don’t look so good”

Alex smiles at her “I’m not feeling that well” She looks to the manager “There is nothing to be done about my headaches”

“No?” Byungki frowns

Alex shakes her head “Apparently my old personality is fighting the new and that is what gives me headaches”

“Your old personality? But how can that be?”

“It seems I have become quite a topic among doctors and the best guess is that I wanted to die so badly and the traumatic experience made me suppress the old life to make room for a new”

“Oh” Byungki looks down

“So it’s still there?” The woman asks. Alex nods “And apparently I either have to find a way to kill off the old Alex or the new or schizophrenia will be my best option”

“Now that can’t be true” Byungki frowns

“It is” Alex looks at him “Why would I lie?”

He sighs “I don’t know”

“I don’t want Seungho and the others to know” Alex then says looking at him directly “I can’t have them worry about that… you said I could always come to you”

“I know I’m glad you told me” He nods

Alex places the envelope she had received on the table “Whatever happens” She shoves it towards him “I’m leaving you in charge of what happens to me. I’m sorry to put this on you but I don’t know what else to do. In case I go crazy or end up in a coma or what ever the will happen these makes you the decision maker. I have already seen a lawyer and talked with the doctor I’ll have to see on regular basis. It only needs your signature” She takes a deep breath and clenches her jaw “Just promice me that if you ever have the chance between keeping me alive or letting me die. . .” She looks him in the eyes “You let me die”

Byungki looks at her. He first met her at the hospital when she was in a coma. He is no fool and he could tell Seungho had a connection with the driver from the crash. He did his own searching and learned everything there was to know about her. She came to Japan at the age of 20 after having been traveling all over Asia on her own for a couple of years.

She studied at a university and did fairly well. On the side she raced and she was the best but never really wanted any kind of publicity. She was fine in her own little world. She was known for being someone who always helped out when she could which often got her in big trouble. Very much like the Alex she became but unlike the Alex he knows now that Alex didn’t seem to be close with anyone and she just took the beatings coming her way, never really fending herself off.

She would come of coldhearted and distant to people she didn’t know and sometimes even towards her friends for no apparent reason. One person had told him it was like the peace that was the essence of her had shut down her heart when she was like that. No joy, no love, no hurt. She never seemed to care a lot about anything. She was a good friend and she could be happy and laugh with her friends but she was but she never let anyone really close. That way she wasn’t upset when someone let her down. She would shrug it off saying that is what it is. It made a lot of her friends like her claiming she was forgiving but a few was sure it was a proof of her just not really caring enough about them to let herself get hurt.  If she did she never showed it.

He takes the envelope and opens it pulling out the paperwork

He had no idea why Seungho had gotten attached to someone like that but he blamed it on the horrible attitude Seungho had been sporting. He was just about ready to get in touch with the management and discuss how to remove him from the group when he started shifting. It was bad when they came to Japan but it got worse when he met Alex. But then it started shifting again. It was clear there had been arguments between him and the others. The youngest hardly said a word to him. Only ByungHee would actually have conversations with the guy but even then they both looked a bit tense. They used to be so close.

The woman puts her arms around Alex to comfort her. Byungki looks over the papers and nods. He puts them away again “Alex…” He frowns “I promise I’ll look after you if anything happens. But are you sure you don’t want MBLAQ to know?” He eyes her out. Even now she looks so calm.

“They can’t know” Alex keeps her eyes on the table “I know it’ll hurt them but… It’s best this way” She nods “Seungho wouldn’t let me die. I do not want to be kept alive longer than I have to” She stands up “I gotta go. I’m sorry to have dropped by uninvited”

“Don’t be silly you know you can come anytime” The woman smiles at her. Alex nods “Thanks”

Byungki smiles at her “Take care okay”

Alex smiles back “I will. To my best abilities”

Byungki chuckles “Well that isn’t that good”

Alex laughs “yeah I know” She rubs her neck “Uhm” Her eyes on the floor “If I die will you tell MBLAQ that it had nothing to do with them?”

“Alex you aren’t gonna do anything stupid are you?” He frowns honestly worried she might try and kill herself.

She looks directly at him and smirks “All I do is stupid” She chuckles dryly and cruelly before huffing and takes her leave. Byungki frowns and looks at the envelope. He rubs his temple “I thought she had it hard enough already” he looks at the woman who nods.

“You think she’ll actually take her own life?” The woman says

He swallows “I think we can expect her to make more rushed decisions from now on”

“That’s not good” the woman starts getting blank eyes. He shakes his head “I’m gonna have to call Kei”

As promised two chapters today..