Secrets
Mystery of love [Hitatus]
Key POV
Walking down the quiet empty walkway with the chilly breeze blowing on my face, I felt my lips shattering in the cold. My body was trembling under my thin denim jacket I wore believing that it won’t be that cold outside on an august night but I was wrong, it was freezing. Literally freezing, it was a coldness that was shaking me to my bones which I really don’t understand why because I was usually not afraid of the cold.
Coming to think of it, everything that happened in the past few hours was insane, just as crazy as the coldness I feeling right now. Everything whirling in my mind is still blurry; I still can’t gasped the fact that Jonghyun confessed that he likes me. Was it really not a hallucination of subconscious mind? Are we really finally together, Jonghyun and I?
Shaking away these nerve-wreaking thoughts, I clinged myself closer to Jonghyun, leaning my body into his chest, trying to block myself from the wind but deep down inside I knew I was just trying to feel the presence of his warmth because the emptiness in pit of stomach is devouring me. I need something to prove to me that this is not a dream; the Jonghyun that is with me is real.
As though, he felt the uneasiness that was resenting in me, Jonghyun gently grabbed my hand clinging on his arm and placed it on his own, interlacing our fingers tightly before stuffing them into the pocket of his jacket.
Despite the discomfort I felt as the fabric rubbed against my delicate skin, I didn’t pull away because I liked the way our fingers fitted perfectly into each other like the missing pieces of the jigsaw puzzle and the warmness of his touch that was making the tranquil stream in my heart ripple incessantly again.
Without uttering a single word, he turned and gave me a heart-warming smile; a bright smile that would put the sun in shame because of its dazzling glory; a smile blazing with adoration and sincerity that melted the bleak draughtiness engulfing me.
After some endless mind battles, reality hit me head on and I started to accept the fact that my unrequited love had finally came true and that Jonghyun and I could finally live happily ever after just like all those happy ending in the fairytales but the rational part of me knew that this was not the end but a new beginning. Many questions that I have never considered started floating up my mind.
Should we keep our relationship a secret?
Yeah, I don’t expect everyone to accept us. Two guys together is still a taboo. My parents will kill me if they ever find out or worst they will disown me, the disgrace of the family.......Sighed...........this sound depressing already............Damn it……………..
Aish.......we should at least tell Onew hyung, Minho and Taemin, shouldn’t we? They are our friends and band mates. We are as close as real brothers so they should have the right to know, is it?
But if I let them know Jongkey is real, would they believe me? Would they understand us?
Gosh, they would probably think I’m nuts, Jonghyun turned gay for me......hahaha....... that’s impossible, NO........... It’s crazy, weird, outrageous...... ok, I find it hard to believe myself too....Sighed............forget it, don’t dwell on it, Kim kibum. You’re just being paranoid.
And what is going to happen to Se kyung noona? Should I help her to get closer to Onew hyung? She is not bad a noona only that she fell for the wrong person; a blockhead like him that is bound to hurt her.
OMG, I better not let Onew hyung hear this; he would probably go on a hunger strike protesting his rights and all the chickens stored in our fridge would go to waste. I guessed not many actually know that he could be damn stubborn when his dignity is at stake.
Sighed.............. Now we are stuck in a whirlwind.........this is harder than I’ve thought.............can I tell Jonghyun I’ve regretted it now? This is really not going to work. Will he kill me?
Intuitively, I rolled my eyes in his direction, peeking at him from the corners of my eyelashes. All I saw was a euphoric Jonghyun skipping with every step he took. Aish, he’s even humming his favourite tune; “Nothing better than you” under his breath. This is seriously bad, he is really elated........how could I bear to tell him?
........No way, I can tell him................. He would be hurt.............he will be fuming………...he will doubtlessly strangle me, pack me in a suitcase and dumped it down Han River..................... Eotteoke!!..................what should I do?
“Key..............WOW!!!! We are finally home. Yeah!!!!Home sweet home.”
Jonghyun’s high chirpy voice rang in my ears, snapping me out of my trance. The cheerfulness in him was a total contrast to the obscurity shadowing over me. Not giving me any time to react, he inserted the key into the keyhole, turned the door knot and yanked me into our dorm.
Surprised his sudden surge of strength grasping onto my hand, I lost my foot and tumbled onto him, pushing him against the wall, entrapping his well-toned body between my arms. “Argh……..” he groaned shrilly, winding his arms around my waist to balance himself as his back crashed forcefully against the hard solid wall.
“Mianhae…….” I apologised immediately as my gaze interlocked with his pained grimace. His eyebrows were knitted together as huskily gasps echoed from his pouted lips. I gulped my saliva uneasily as my eyes were glued onto his luscious lips that were inches away from mine, seeing it break apart and seal back with every breath he took. The closeness between us was making my heart thumped like a bullet train; threatening to burst out of my ribcage and I could slowly feel the heat creeping up cheeks.
Bashfully, I extended my hands, pushing myself further away from him, trying to break free from the awkward position we were in but sensing my intention to pull away, Jonghyun smirked flirtatiously as he tightened his grip encircling my waist causing my body to crash onto his chest with my chin resting onto the cape of his neck.
“Key..............” He tilted his head slightly and starting blowing warm air into my ears, arousing the tiny hairs on the back of my neck which caused my body to quiver in anticipation.
“Umn.......... Jonghyun, what the hell are you trying to do?..........Please......Stop......Stop it right now......” I stuttered nervously, tugging onto the edge of his jacket as I tried to swallow the moans that were on the verge to escape my lips.
“Not until you tell me what is distracting you? You have been extremely quiet the whole walk home”
“You noticed???” My eyes widened in bewilderment as I questioned hesitantly. It came as a shock to me that he felt the difference in my mood because he was never an observant or sensitive person when it comes to detecting one’s feelings even though he can be very sentimental easily at times.
“Yeah..........How could I freaking not notice when your hand I grasped was soaking in cold sweat and the black aura that swathe over you was blinding you like a mist covering the clear blue sky.” he replied, my hair gently with his fingers as his other hand trailed freely up and down my back.
“I am waiting for your answer, Key............I hope you’re not planning to tell me you have regretted being with me or something like that because I’ll definitely.................
Tie you at the side of the bed
Strip off your defence............
Take you in my arms..............
And torment you passionately.............................
Making you
Scream............... till your voice turn hoarse
Blush...................... till your face turn pink
Cry................. till your tears flow dry
Wrestle................. till your body turn sore
Toss...................till your hurts........”
“Aish, KIM JONGHYUN, I’m warning you......stop polluting my mind with your idiotic......... anniyo... ........disgusting comments” I shrieked, covering my ears tightly with my hands to block his low seductive voice from intriguing my mind as I jerking away from his embrace.
“I.....you’ll.......no.........I’ll kill you if you dare to touch me........anniyo.........I mean...torture me.” I stuttered, glaring sternly at him as I waited impatiently for his reply.
“So...............” he chuckled grimly, folding his arms across his chest. “So you did regret promising to be with me, didn’t you key?”
“Huh???.............No, I didn’t say so..........”
“But you didn’t deny it.........so it means you just admitted it”
“No, I didn’t”
“Yes, you did”
“No”
“Yes”
“No”
“Yes”
“Yah!!! Kim Jonghyun. I just said No and that’s final...........so stop making up some stupid assumptions. I don’t want to argue with you”
“Oh yeah. You’re lying Key. Do you know you’re a really bad liar because you always throw a tantrum when your lies are exposed?” he commented assertively, reaching out to cup my chin, forcing me gaze into his big hazel eyes gleaming in the dimly-illuminated room.
“Sighed...........Key, I’m not here to pick a fight with you okay..............I just want to share your burden; share the thoughts bothering you but you won’t tell me anything and it make me disappointed knowing that I’m not a person that you can confide to. I’m not a person that you can trust..........”
“I.......I...........” I’m sorry.
“Mianhae...............Jonghyun.........” I apologised, diverting my gaze away from him. Nibbling on my lower lips, I conceal the sobs erupting up my throat. Blinking my eyelids, I try to force back the tears welling in the edge of my eyes. “You’re right...............I’m sorry........... It’s not that I don’t trust you, it just I don’t know how to explain to you that I’m not ready yet. Can we keep everything a secret; I don’t want anyone to know we are together.”
I’m still not prepared for the consequences of being with you, Jonghyun. I’m sorry, give me some more time.
Jonghyun POV
“I’m not ready yet. Can we keep everything a secret; I don’t want anyone to know we are together.”
Ouch that hurts..........the words are cutting my heart into pieces.............. So this is how the past girlfriends felt every time I suggested keeping our relationships underground......Gosh, this must be my retribution..............
Smile Jonghyun..............Smile..............
“Araso............let’s keep a secret” I answered dejectedly, trying to force a smile on my lips but it was really hard because my facial muscles were paralysed by the bitterness blazing in me.
“Komawo..........” he replied, pulling me to a hug as he nuzzled his head against my shoulder.
“Yea...........” I answered, hugging him back. This was the only thing I want to do now, to hold him tight and throw all the wretchedness I felt at the back of my mind. Closing my eyes, I snuggled closer, taking in the faint cologne scent lingering on his skin.
“KIM KIBUM, KIM JONGHYUN............What are you doing.............Both of you better come clean with me, what secrets are you trying to hide...........”
“Nothing, Onew hyung...............” Key’s fretful voice shrieked, breaking the silence of the night.
Before I could comprehend the situation, a strong pair of hands ram over me, shoving me away causing me to lose my balance and fall hard on my . The sharp pain shot up my causing me to tear in agony as I rolled on the ground. Damn it, this is the second time already, honestly is he a sadist? My feeble body is totally abused by his mighty strength.........
“Yeah.......Hyung, it’s really nothing.” I called out as I slowly flickered open my eyelids and squint my eyes, trying to get use to the bright living room we are in. Onew hyung must have switch on the lights, minutes ago.
Sweeping the dust off my pants, I took Key’s hands that were extended out in front of me and I pulled myself up with his assistance. “Mianhae” he muffled softly into my ears as he leaned front to help me.
“Stop whispering over there and listen to me. How could nothing have happened? Stop lying to me........... Jonghyun, Se Kyung broke up with you, didn’t she?............You don’t need to hide that from me, I knew it already................and I’m sorry, it’s all my fault..............Mianhae, Jonghyun.” he confessed, crouching forward with his hands over his face as he started tearing up.
Hushed sobs and muffled stiffing resonated through the room, disrupting the calmness in the dead of the night. The curtains danced gracefully in the air as the chilly breeze blew in from the open glass window. His forlorn silhouette was trembling. Trembling piteously in the blowing wind causing my heart cowered in bitterness as pang of remorse wafted over me knowing that an innate part of me did blamed Onew hyung for causing my breakup with Se Kyung. But seeing him tearing made me felt apologetic knowing that I didn’t really spared a thought for him. He was also a victim in our twisted relationship.
Gazing at Key who was rooted to the ground baffled by Onew hyung’s sudden outburst. I let out a glum sigh and walk towards Onew hyung pulling him into a brotherly hug. “Hyung, it’s okay. I’m fine.” I reassured him, giving a gentle pat on his back. “Please, don’t cry, it makes me feel bad”
“Mianhae” he muffled, wiping his watery face vigorously on my inner cardigan. “I can’t stop my tears. Do you know I’m so worried about you when you didn’t answer any of my calls or messages? I was afraid that you will do something foolish. I was so worried that I can’t sleep. I tried finding for you but I just can’t contact you.”
Tears started flowing down my cheeks as my insides cringed uneasily because of the sincerity of his words; knowing that he was really concern about me from the bottom of his heart made me glad to have a friend and brother like him. “I’m sorry, hyung. I’m sorry for making you worried. It’s not your fault that Se kyung fall for you instead of me. We can’t control who we fall in love with right? This is the reality of love.”
“He’s right, Onew hyung. It was never your fault” Key commented as he dashed over, spreading his arms around us, joining in our group hug. He started crying too and we were hugging each other tightly, crying our hearts out.
We cried for a long time until our tears flowed down when Onew hyung finally broke away from the hug. “Mianhae, I made both of you cried too” he muffled sheepishly, lifting up his thumb to wipe away the tears that were still rolling down my face and Key’s cheek. “I’m such a failed hyung and leader”
“No way……….” Key and I yelled in unison, staring at him.
“You are the best hyung we had although we don’t really admit this outwardly. We know that you really care for us and always shield us from everything within your means” Key replied earnestly, grabbing onto Onew hyung’s hand that was lying on his cheeks. “You do know that we respect you as your leader and hyung even though sometimes we do joke around with you and ignore some of your decisions and requests, don’t you?”
Letting out a deep sigh for the myriad time tonight, I snorted. “Yeah, Onew hyung............... To me, you are my brother, a brother I never had in my life...............I know I always joked about just being colleagues and that I don’t consider all of you as my family but actually I do. You’re more than just my family member but I’m always afraid to admit it because we all clearly know that we will never last forever together. One day, we are probably need to go to separate ways; to pursue our own career just like what our sunbaes did which seems inevitable in the future. Being a family would only bring heartbreak and sorrows”
“Kim Jonghyun, are you crazy? Yah!!!! Why are you saying this now? He is crying all over again.” Key screamed, nudging deeply into my chest causing me to gasp in pain. “Onew Hyung............”
“What the heck, stop being so violent, key” I yelled back, rubbing the aching spot on my chest. “What did I say again? Can’t you see, I was just trying to.........”
I was about to continue babbling on but when my gaze fell onto the two tightly embracing physiques in front of me, an odd prickly sensation jounce in my chest. I felt my blood boiling in jealousy when I noticed Onew hyung was resting his head comfortably on the cape of Key’s neck with his broad arms s around Key’s back. My key’s back. Damn it. How could he? Key on the other hand was soothingly patting Onew hyung’s hair, trying to coo him to stop crying. What is this? This is ridiculous....
Unable to stop the anger that was erupting in me; I went forward and tow the couple forcefully apart. “Kim Kibum, don’t hug any guys in front of me ever again. I hated it even if it is our hyung”
“Argh..........Gosh, this is ridiculous, I was just consoling him. What are you acting all jealous about? Didn’t you just hug Onew hyung just now too and you never thought I would be angry right because we do this all the time, a brotherly hug, don’t we?”
“Yah!!!! I know I shouldn’t be jealous, I shouldn’t be angry but I am. I don’t like seeing my boyfriend in the arms of another freaking guy. Do you understand?”
“Aish, what are you talking about....” key squealed, lifting his hands to cover his bushing cheeks that were tainted crimson. He totally looked cute when he is embarrassed.
“Oh my god, You.......he................you’re...................together” Onew hyung stuttered in his sobbing voice , pointing back and fore with his quivering fingers, staring at the both of us with his extended swollen eyes, popping dangerously out of its socket. His mouth was opening and closing like a goldfish trying to gasp for air. It was totally hilarious but I wasn’t in the mood to laugh at all because Key flaming eyes were darting furiously at me, trying to burn a hole through my body.
Feeling droplets of sweat forming on the back of my neck, I coughed twice to clear the fear that was stuck in my throat before replied an almost inaudible “Yeah, we’re together”
“Chuka haeyo.........” Onew hyung chuckled after regaining his composure. He had a faint fatherly grin on his lips as he gaze at us with eyes full of understanding. “Promise me that you will always be happy. And Jonghyun don’t bully Key or not I will surely skin you alive”
“Yah!!!!! Why am I the only one that will bully him? Onew Hyung, you totally show favouritism, what if Key bullies me. Don’t you care about my safety too?” I pouted, with a bright smile on my lips. It felt really great to have a supportive hyung that cheer us on our relationship.
“Okay, Jonghyun if Key bullies you, you can report him. I will help you to call the police as it would probably be something really serious. An alien taking over his body or he had totally gone mad? Because, the key I know loved you too much to hurt you. He will never make you cry.”
Key who was kept quiet the whole time suddenly shrieked “Hyung, you knew......you knew..........”
“Yup, I always knew that you loved Jonghyun but I never thought he will accept you” he continued, finishing off Key’s sentence. “Do you still remember the first time; the three of us sneaked out of our dorm in the middle of the night to celebrate our success of getting the newcomer award. Jonghyun and I drank a lot of bottles of soju until the two of us knocked out and you took care of us throughout the night. Actually I was quite sober and I saw you kissing Jonghyun so that was the time I found out about your feelings.”
“WHAT........that was like freaking 2 years ago” I yelped in astonishment as I grasped the fact. “Why didn’t you let me know hyung?”
“Jonghyun, it is key’s secret and I respect him to keep mum about it. Even if I’ve let you know his feelings back then, what could you have done? Will you even accept him?“
“......................” I don’t know what would I’ve have done. Maybe, avoid key and try to run away from him.
“Onew hyung, komawo..........thanks for everything” Key replied, breaking the silence; saving me from the awkwardness in the atmosphere.
“It was all I could do for you, Key.” he answered genuinely. “Yup and I need to say this before I forget, please do restrain yourself from any inappropriate gestures in front of the younger ones so strictly no kissing or make out anywhere other than your own room. I don’t want you to corrupt their young minds. Although, what you do behind closed doors is none of my business but do keep your volume down and remember to lock the door, I won’t be happy to see things I’m not suppose to”
“Onew hyung.............that’s too much, why are you mentioning this?” I stuttered bashfully as I felt heat crept up my face, I know I was bushing pink just like key who was now in the loss of words.
“Jonghyun, stop acting innocent in front of me, you know what I mean. Now, it’s very late already. Both of you better wash up and go to sleep.” he commented, pushing us along towards the bathroom. “Before you go, Key can I have a word with you.”
“Yeah............” he replied quietly, turning over to face Onew hyung.
Getting the signal that they need a little talk alone, I answered “I will go and bath first..........” trying to make myself scarce. “You two carry on. Onew hyung, good night.”
Without glancing back at them, I went straight to the bathroom and shut the door behind me to stop the urge I had to eavesdrop their conversation.
What could Onew hyung want to speak to key about?
Why can’t he let me know too?
Vagel_91:
I'm sorry for not updating for so long, I had a major writer's block. I know this chapter is quite boring and not up to standard but I hope that you will still enjoy reading it.
Please, do comment and subscribe, it will motivate me to continue writing. Thanks alot.
I written other fanfics during this missing period of time, I hope that you can check it out and comment if you have the time. Sorry for shamelessly promoting the stories here.
2Min fanfic- You are my river of life
DBSK oneshot- Why did I fall in love with him?
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