Key POV

“Key……………” His concerned voice rang in my ears as he tightened the grip on my shoulder. “Mianhae, I didn’t know what have gotten to me. I really didn’t mean to hit you, I was angered by……………………..”

“It’s ok . I’m not angry…………” I replied emotionlessly, stopping his explanation. “You don’t have to explain anymore, everything between the both of you is none of my business. I won’t interfere anymore…………………….”

Nothing matters anymore ,Jonghyun………….I’m tired………I’m really very tired already……..I’m not going to be an idiot anymore…………It’s over………over………I won’t let myself get hurt anymore……………………I’m not going to let you waver my feelings anymore…………….

“No……no……what’re you talking about, key” he questioned anxiously as he dashed in front of me and started squeezing my arms ardently, forcing me look up at him. “…….Damn it………….What do you mean? Are you giving up in me? Are you going to forsake me?”

Giving up in you………..forsaking you………………..Can I really do that?……………..I can’t help questioning myself………….

Can I really bear to leave him………to forget the feeling of loving him……………

No………….I know I can’t…………….but I’ll try……………..try very hard……….

Because I can’t carry on like this anymore……

I just can’t...

“Yeah, you don’t need me anymore, Jonghyun……………” I answered dejectedly, glancing up into his tear-streaked face.

You don’t need me………..don’t need me anymore………..you have her now………….to accompany you and care for you…......…….but…………... the most sardonic fact is that I need you badly………… I really want you, Jonghyun but I can’t make myself admit it…………..I can’t ………..and it’s killing me……………..

“Key, please. Don’t say that……….I need you.I really need you by my side…..please….” he cried forlornly, kneeling down to hug me in his arms. “Don’t leave me, don’t abandon me…please…..Se kyung is leaving me, I can’t lose you too.”

“……heh………great……hahahaha………”  I chuckled scornfully. You came running to me because she leaving you…..humph, you only remember me because she doesn't want you anymore. Because you need company, you need someone to console you……Damn it, how could you?........use me like this………………..

“What am I to you, Kim Jonghyun?..............What am I?” I spatted irately, struggling out of his embrace. “Am I just a life float that you will only remember when you’re struggling or a pet that should be waiting to patiently for your return when you want to……you bastard…….stop using me………stop playing with my feelings……….you idiot…..” I cried hysterically, using all my strength to push him away.

“Stop struggling and listen to me…..” he yelled, shaking me rigorously with his bare hands. “You’re my best friend, that ‘s what you’re. You know I care for you right…. so what makes you think I’m using you? I approach you because I know you really care for me, don’t you; key?”

“Yah!!! I care.....I care like crazy because I loved you. It breaks my heart seeing you hurt or crying.  And I totally hate to just be your best friend………do you understand………I hate the happiness you show when you tell me everything about her because I feel jealous and miserable………..but you never notice, you never knew…….how much pain and suffering you are bringing  me……..you heartless creature……..” I blurted impulsively.

Staring into his astonished face at a loss of words, a sudden realization strike me……..OMG……what did I just said….……I just confessed……….I’ve freaking crazily just confessed to Jonghyun………Damn it,  I shouldn’t have let my anger took over my conscience…….What am I going to do now……….admit that I’m joking……….will he believe me now?....................

“I…….I…..I’m…just..”  I stuttered but before I could finished my sentence, my words was engulfed in a pair of warm luscious lips and an indescribable sweet sensation dispersed in my palate making me moan out in pleasure, giving him the access to taste the immersing sweetness inside.

It was only when I felt his tongue dancing with mine that I grasp the fact that he was kissing me. Kissing me……..OMG…....…..what’s he doing………………My eyes widen in shock as I notice how close we were; his nose was touching my cheeks while his hands was encircling my waist so tightly that I could feel the hardness of his muscles crashing against my chest.

I want to push him away and question him why is he kissing me logically but my brain that has a mind of its own wouldn’t let me, all I could do was to wind my hands around his neck, pulling him closer to me so that he could deepen the kiss we are having.

I love the slight salty taste of his lips, the feeling of his hot breath against my cheek, the warmth of his hands scorching my skin and I really don’t want this to stop. I don’ want him to let go of me. I don’t want to know reason why he is kissing me because I’m afraid to know that this is just a mirage, a hallucination, a delusion of my subconscious mind or one of his cruel teasing. I want time to stop so that I don’t need to wake up from amazing dream forever.

“Key…………” he gasped as he broke away from my lips and gaze affectionately into my eyes. “Mianhae, I must be the biggest idiot on earth to be dumb enough not to notice your feelings for me. I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you all these years. Mianhae. Please forgive me.” he pleaded as he caressed my cheeks fondly.

 “…heh….you are really the dumbest person on earth, Kim Jonghyun. You know what……I don’t need your apology, you idiot…all I ever wanted is your love and if you can’t give me that………why are you still giving me hope?...Why did you kiss me…….why are you making it so difficult for me to let go?” I yelled uncontrollably, flinching his hand away as tears of anger blinded my eyes. Why are you breaking my heart again and again……why…….you bastard…….

“I….I…………..”

“ ….heh…it’s ok, Jonghyun…sigh…I’ve enough already, from today onwards, let’s not be friends anymore. I don’t want to be fretting over every little things in your life” I explained austerely as I turned and walk off. "It makes me feel stupid and sick.…”

“No…Kim kibum……I’m never going to let you go anymore, not when I think I have fallen for you. Please listen to me, I’m really not kidding. key, I think I like you. My heart was thumping like crazy when you confessed to me; I’ve never felt so happy in my life before.

 Although, I’m still confused about the strange feelings I’m having for you but there is one thing I’m very sure about; I know that I don’t ever want to lose you. The thoughts of you tearing and leaving me make my heart cringed in pain and it hurts more than the time when Se kyung said she’s breaking up with me.” he declared sincerely, pulling me into a backhug. “Please don’t go”

“I really need you, key” he whispered in my ears as he intertwined his fingers with mine, pulling me deeper into his embrace. “Can you feel my heart beating for you? Only you?”

Yes…I can feel his chest thumping against my back as my heart melts in his words……Endless bubbles of happiness erupted in me forcing a smile on face as tears continue to flow out, flooding my vision.

…………..I love you………….

Kim Jonghyun

Jonghyun POV

Can you feel my heart beating crazily for you,Key? Can you?........ Please answer me….your silence is scaring me………………..

Embracing your trembling body, feeling your warm tears dropping on my arms….I can’t think anymore because fear is filling up the emptiness of my heart……I can’t lose you, I really can’t……Please don’t stop loving me, my dear... ...I selfishly don’t want you to stop caring for me because you are the only one that can give me the sense of security and peace………

I know it’s late but I realized that I love you too, key.  Your emotions easily pull the strings of my soul affecting my feelings.You don’t understand the stinging pain that pierced my heart when I see the sadness engrave in your eyes nor the aching pain I felt when I slap you…..It’s so painful that I can’t even make myself explain it to you because I know it will surely break your heart…….....

“key, saranghae….”

“I love you…….”

“Please say something,key….” I said anxiously as I turned him to face me. “I hate your silence…..” It’s making me very nervous, worried, fretful and fearful………..

“But I like yours..” he commented as he lean down to silence me with a kiss. The softness of his lips was intoxicating and it took my breath away, making me drown in sweetness.

“Jonghyun, your nose is bleeding” he muffled into my ears. “Do you really like my kisses so much, I know I irresistible but I’m yours now so you have to quickly get use to it. I don’t intend to save you if bleed to death”

“Bleeding?..........” I replied blankly as I reached out to wipe my nose, causing the rich crimson fluid to stain my hands. OMG….I’m really bleeding………damn it………..

“Yah!!!! Kim Jonghyun. That’s disgusting…..stop wiping the blood with your hands……..it’s dirty…..” he screamed as he took a piece of tissue from his pocket and started cleaning up the mess I made. An inexpressible joy swelled in me causing my lips to curve into a grin.......I love the way he looks when he’s worried about me……..it’s mesmerizing….and I can’t take my eyes off him………..

Key, I promise I’m never going to make you cry anymore ……..no matter how hard the future is going to be…..or how much obstacles we need to overcome………If you are by my side, I know we’ll be  strong enough to face them altogether…. ..........…………..

-The cafe-

Se Kyung POV

Gazing at the Jonghyun’s physique dashing out the cafe, an unspeakable relief washed over me, knowing that I could break down now without caring about anything else anymore.

My floodgates gushed opened, pouring out my sorrows as I covered my face, allowing my weight to sink into the chair. The tears that I was controlling started streaming down again smearing all the makeup painted on my face.  I know I probably looked terrible and awful but who cares anyway? Who cares?

Who will know the pain I facing now? Everyone thinks that I’m the luckiest and happiest person around to be born beautiful and y, to be successful, to have a boyfriend that many people dreamt to get but I’m not happy, I’m not lucky at all ………because……I can’t even have the guy that I really longed for………and……..I’m tired of wearing a fake smile on my face to conceal all misery I’m having…………….  

Heh……..I guess there’s still fairness in the race for love; one that is pretty, charming or clever may not have a great advantage over others because I’m the best example………..I always thought that I would get anyone that I’ve wanted but that’s not true….........

I’ve lost in the game of love. In the end, not only did I get hurt………. I hurt everyone too; the one I loved, the one who loved me and all the others around us too…….I can’t denied the fact that I’m really the heartless, selfish, insensitive freako key mentioned.....…..I’m really a bad woman…… …………the root of all evil…………………..

But all I ever wanted is just to be loved, why is it wrong? Why?........I just want to be with him, the one I loved, why can’t I? why?..............

I guess I don’t need to know the answer to that question anymore because I’ve made up my mind that it’s time to move on…………to let time heal my wounds…………I want to free myself from all the physical and emotional burden that is holding me back because it’s fruitless to be fighting for battle with no success……knowing that he would not even look at me ……..

I know it’s selfish but I still want him to know my pain and suffering because it would mean nothing if I’m endure it silently………………

-Note-

 Jinki,

                     I broke up with Jonghyun. I’ve apologized and ask for his forgiveness. Now, it’s your turn. Please forgive me if my love became your burden, I really can’t help it. I’m sorry, my love. Goodbye.

Se kyung

Onew POV

Staring at the written note and MP4 in my hands, I totally don’t know what to say or do……What do you really want from me, Se kyung? You know I can’t give you what you want, don’t you…so please don’t expect anything from me because you’re going to just hurt yourself…………

I thought silently to myself as I plugged in the earphones, hoping that it would give me a clue of her real motive…….but an audio message I expected was replaced by steady melodious playing on a piano as a solemn voice rang in my ears………….

Yo, listen up, this is my tragic story, just the breaking of my heart. Check it.

I still can’t erase you

I keep thinking about you

I want to see you so badly

I can’t sleep at all at night

The sound of rain that thumps the window of my heart

That spot you left

I missed you so much

I can’t sleep at all at night 

All night I only think about you

Why did I turn on this love show?

The distance between you and I has gotten bigger

I was the servant of this love

I can’t do anything, again

So everyday I regret it, I’m sorry

I pray, I want you to be back

I can’t, I can’t touch you

I can’t be patient because it’s a day that doesn’t exist

The tears in my eyes flow down

Again, will I be able to forget you?

Until when will I be like this?

Tears sting my eyes as I comprehend the lyrics that was clouding my mind………I can imagine struggle she’s having but I can’t do anything to lessen her agony………I’m sorry, Se Kyung…… ….I can only say thank you for loving me………

Vagel_91:

                  First, I have to acknowlege the lyrics I typed is from the U kiss song 0330 because it's not mine. It's a nice song, please check it out if you have the time.

UKISS- 0330 (Loenent) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1zOhQQpw6U

 Yup, this is another angst chapter but I intend to make the next one lighter (I hope I can) and I will continue about 2min. So please comment and subscribe, it never fails to motivate me. Thanks.