Onew POV

“Sigh, love that can’t be reciprocated is painful? Is it really true? How would I know?” I thought irritably as I riffled my hair in frustration. “Argh…..….being in love is so troublesome that why we should just focus on our job rather than getting into a relationship.”

I know I’m actually convincing myself to believe that even though deep down inside I do hope to experience the feeling of being in love. Everyone yearns to be love, don’t we? We search frantically through our life, hoping to meet the special someone that can company us through happiness and sorrow but is it really that easy to find a soulmate that understand and accept us?

Breakup and divorce is so common nowadays that I seriously want to question is being together merely just the beginning of one’s misery while separation is to break free from that suffering. Is there still a fairytale ending in real life? Why would one choose to love when it hurts? Why?

I was lost in my own thoughts when I felt a pair of slender arms encircling my waist, trapping me into a backhug. A faint flowery scent drifted into my nose, making my mind raced hastily to detect the intruder. It’s her. I just knew it.

“Se..ky…ung…” Her name slipped out of my lips instantaneously as I pushed her away, trying to distance the closeness between us. The warmth radiating from her body was making me uncomfortable.

“Shhh……………let me hold you for a minute, a minute will do” she pleaded, tightening her grip around me. My heart was thumping vigorously, I wanted to break free from her embrace but the wetness tainting my shirt held me back. Her hot tears seared my skin, melting away my defense. Sigh……….Why are you doing this?........

I halted in her arms allowing her to sob her heart out. Jolt of electricity race down my spine as I reminiscence the memories I had of her. She was neither my friend nor my lover; only an acquaintance I met in my life. We never knew each other except for all the times we brush pass each other in broadcast, TV shows and music programs. Honestly, I haven’t notice her until that day she confessed to me. Her words swept me off my feet, taking my breath away.  But what really shocked me was that she suddenly became Jonghyun’s girlfriend. Did she get into a relationship to forget my rejection? Did I really hurt her?

“Jinki…………..how can I stop loving you?” she questioned faintly in a low husky voice, breaking my chain of thoughts. “Why……………why does your shadow always appear in my mind when I’m with him? I want to forget but it hurts, it hurts knowing that I can’t be with you.” She sobbed feebly, burying her head deeply against my back, grasping my shirt in her palm. 

“..I…I…”  I want to reply her but the words were stuck down my throat; my insides were cringing in agony.  Mianhe………I didn’t know what I could do to ease her pain. I mean I don't ……no…..I can't even like her, can I? Will I even have the courage to love someone? Will I?

 “Why won’t you say something? Do you know that I really hate myself for loving a goofy good guy like you? You always seem like an ideal guy, filial son, loyal friend and caring hyung in front of everyone but it’s only a mirage isn’t it? Deep down inside,you are trying too hard to be prefect, shouldering all responsibilities imposed on you. You are struggling to live up to the hopes of everyone because you are afraid, afraid not to be love, afraid to be lonely therefore you will never take any risk to fight for what you really want if it would jeopardized your relationships with others.  Am I right?”

“……………………….” My body stiffened in her words that pierce through my heart. I can’t refute her because it’s true. I’ve always tried to live my life with dignity and strive to be a respected person that others can rely on even if I have to sacrifice…………….

“You’re just a coward that doesn’t even dare to love, isn’t it? You are just too scared to hurt others or get hurt in the process that you will never want to take the first step to enter a relationship. Just like that time in Hello baby, you’re afraid to approach Yoogeun because you are scared that you will hurt him. But do you know that when you distance yourself from him, he felt hurt too? Sometimes what a person need is not someone to protect or cherish him but just one that would love him and acknowledge his presence. When will you understand that and open your heart to love?..........me?

“Stop saying this…………….I don’t want to hear it anymore.............. “ I snapped annoyingly.  Why is she making me feel so vulnerable and helpless? I hate this uncontrollable feeling…………….

“You already have a boyfriend, Se kyung. I’m not the guy for you. You’re not my ideal type so stop having any hope in me ok, I will never be interested in you.” I commented sternly.  I knew I’ve to shatter all her futile expectations because the last thing I want to do is to get between her and Jonghyun, spoiling their relationship. 

“Do you get me” I repeated, as I turned her to face me, hoping that she would notice the determination flaming in me. 

“Eh………….I get it, I already know this from the start. You like noona, don’t you. Yah....no, I should say that you like girls that are strong willed and independent, one who can protect herself so that you don’t have worry about her. A girl that will guide you along as you are extremely dense when it comes to romance. One that can appreciate your lame jokes because you in them. I know that I will never be that girl because you won’t even give me the chance” she said, glancing straight into my eyes..

“Jinki……………I thought choosing a person that likes me will make me happy but I was wrong, nothing can be compared to being with the person you like, nothing is better than you. I don’t care if I’m loved; I just want to love you, can I? she asked earnestly with her tear-filled eyes glittering with hope.

To love is a blessing

To be loved is a gift

Time passed as we stand there staring silently at each other. I wanted to reject her but I just can’t make myself do it. Lord, why is my heart being shaken by her again? This is bad, isn’t it?

Jonghyun POV

“Jinki…………………….nothing is better than you…………………..I just want to love you…………..”

Tears sting my eyes as these malicious words escaped her lips breaking my heart into a million pieces. …………..So I’m just a substitute?...............for Onew Hyung?.................Se Kyung, how could you be so cruel? Why are you doing this to me? Endless questions whirled in my mind, numbing all my senses. I wanted to run away from them, to forget this heartbreaking sight but my legs were rooted to the ground, forcing me to listen to their conversation. Shots of pain stabbed my heart as I realized the truth. Would I be better off not knowing it? Would ignorance be a blessing? I guess it’s too late to know…………..

 “…Jonggie…….” A soothing voice sounded behind me as his warm hands reached out to shield my eyes from the gazing couple in front of me. Hearing the familiar name made all my bottled emotions explode out, flood of tears streamed down my face as I gasped for air. My body started trembling as I continue to weep. I frantically want to wipe the tears away with my fingers but his hand was in the way.

“@Le%&* Go%^” I wailed, pushing his hand away as muffled words drifted out of my lips.

“Sigh…………….What am I suppose to do with you. Let’s go before they see us?” he declared, grabbing my arm, dragging me into our room that was just around the corner. Once we enter the room, he spins me around causing me to crash into his chest. I instinctively encircled his waist to balance myself as I buried my teary face into his shirt. His embrace felt safe and cozy which never fails to calm me down.

“Jonggie ………………cry all you want…….I will be here for you”  he assured me tenderly, pulling me into a hug. I love the name he called out every time he consoles me, it made me felt special to him. When I rest my head on his chest, I could hear his rthymatic heartbeat pulsing in my ears as I sobbed. It feels so good being in his arms, knowing that he cares for me.

“…………..don’t be sad……… there is a lot of people that loved you, you know………….you will surely meet a girl one day that will cherish you for the rest of your life.” he comforted, caressing my hair with his fingers. Warm droplets trickle down my hair as I raised my head to look at him. Why is he tearing? …………….It’s making me nervous, I don’t like the thoughts of him sobbing…………………

“Yah…..Kim Kibum………..Are you pitying me? Why are you tearing? It’s my privilege to cry you know so don’t steal it from me.” I joked lamely as I wiped his tears away with my thumb, resting his cheeks in my palms. Everything didn’t seem as important anymore after I saw his gloomy face. All I want to do now was to cheer him up to see his joyful smile again.

I waited for his response but he just stood there dumbstruck, staring at me with his opened mouth. Did I overdo it? “Hey…….Key, are you ok?” I questioned warily, not knowing what is going through his mind. He usually has a wire loose episode once in a while that would scare the freak out of me so I’m hoping it won’t happen today. But before my prayers were heard, loud laughers echoed the room as Key slides onto the ground, slamming his hands on the floor.

“Hahahaha…………..Yah…haha......Hyung……..you’re crazy, is it? Your eyes are swollen like a pufferfish and your face looked like it just got ran over by a paddle of water and you still want to cry? Ehhahah……… ….Hahahah………You’re ...hilarious…………..Are you trying to hurt my eyes with your horrendous looks, if you’re I guess you have just succeed.” he sniggered uncontrollably, pointing at me.

“Yah!!!!……..for your info, you looked equally horrible……………you this ungrateful brat……….I’m so worried about you and all you did was to laugh at me” I scoffed, pouncing on him, entrapping him between my arms. “..........Say that you are sorry or else I will make you suffer………” I teased, signaling him what I intent to do with my gaze.

“Ok……ok……I mean... I’m sorry…. hyung…I’m really sorry for laughing at your handsome face. You looked like a cute drenched puppy with tears gleaming in your eyes. Honestly, I like it………..so please don’t torture me……………” he pouted playfully, raising his hands in surrendering position.

A broad smile crept across my face as his adorable features flashed in my mind, making me unable to resist the urge of teasing him. “No way, I’m going to tickle you until you beg me to stop” I announced, putting my hands in action.

“Yah….Jong…hyun, stop…aha…haha….stop, it’s itch..ahah…itc…” he yelled, rolling in laughter. “Stop it or else l’m going bite you……..” he shrieked, grabbing onto my shirt, pulling me down towards him before he flipped over and sit himself on my waist. 

“See, I warned you, Jonghyun……………. Now I going to take my revenge” he smirked proudly, as he bend down and buried his head in the cape of my neck. His hot lips my skin, leaving trails of amorous wet kisses down my neck, marking me his.

“Key………..what are you doing?” I moaned in dismay. His caresses are driving me crazy, making my body burnt in anticipation. I know I should stop him but I just can’t make myself do it. I was longing for his touch……………….

“...........Sigh....... all done……….” he exclaimed contently, getting off me. “……You’ll thank me for this……Jonggie……” he announced as he walked out of the room, leaving me behind to ponder over his words.

What did the hell just happened? I thought as I clenched my heart that was still throbbing wildly against my chest. I hate it when he could easily influence my emotions while I could never quite understand him. He is just like a book of secrets that I can’t unravel……………..Sigh……..When will I ever get to understand you, key?

 Vagel_91:

                     It has been months since I lasted updated, I'm so sorry for that. I have been drowning in a sea of homework and assignments that was killing me and on top of that I will totally too engrossed in writing my other fanfic that I neglected on this one. If you have the time please support my other fanfic, save me from the devil ok, thanks. Sorry for the shameless promotion.

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/19190/save-me-from-the-devil-angst-jongho-keytae-keyxonew-siwon-taemin

  Yup,  I focused abit on Onew because I also felt sad that he is always neglected in fanfics with Jongkey and 2min. So please comment and subscribe. Continue to support me, thanks alot.