Key POV

-Message-

Contact: Jongyhyun’s girlfriend

Se kyung Noona, are you free tomorrow? Can I meet you at the cafe down the street; there is something I need to talk to you about personally.

Sender: Kibum.

Contact: Key

Oh ok. My filming ends at 10 pm, I can meet you at 11.30 pm there. Yup, I’m so sorry for today, I didn’t mean to spoil the mood during breakfast causing all your effort to go to waste. Mianhae.

Sender: Se Kyung.

Contact: Jongyhyun’s girlfriend

It’s ok. So I’ll wait for at the cafe tomorrow at 11.30 pm.

Sender: Kibum.

Sigh............. I can’t believe I’m really going to do it...........Sorry Jonghyun, just don’t hate me for this........no matter what I’m not letting her hurt you anymore.......

..........Se kyung noona............mianhae.........you forced me to do this...........

-Dance studio-

Minho POV

1....2...3....4.............turn................2....2...3....4 ...........turn.....................

..............faster....................faster........... Minho............

Catch up with the beat

Ok, right.........now tossed Taemin in the air, hold him firmly

Hands on his waist, turn him around, concentrate and follow the beat...........

Yah!!!...........what are you doing........Minho......

You are getting it wrong again.........

..........sigh..........

This is it. Let’s call it a day.

Your should go back and rest, we’ll practice again tomorrow at 7 pm sharp

The screeching voice of the dance instructor disappeared from the room as I slammed my worn out body on the dance floor, closing my eyes in despair. I totally hated the feeling of screwing up the dance routine, letting my emotions affect my job. There is only 2 more days left to the performance and we were not even half way prepared.

Damn it..........Get a grip on yourself, Minho.........where is your professionalism......Don’t let Taemin affect your work.............what happened to your self control?...........harsh words clouded my head as I reprimanded myself silently. Sigh.....what’s happening to me?.........

“Minho Hyung........what’s wrong with you? Didn’t we practice everything yesterday.........why are you still lagging behind?” he snapped annoyingly. “Let practice everything again until we get it all right, there is not much time left already” he pouted, pulling my arm trying to get me off the ground.

“Forget it Taemin, I’m not in the mood to carry on.” I replied, flinching his hands away. “Please go home, I want some time alone” I said as I turned and cuddled myself into a fetal position, trying to distance myself from him. I just want a minute away from you, Taemin so that I can find my confidence and willpower back to face you.

“Just go...” I cried helplessly, feeling his hot gaze burning on my back. Taemin-ah, can’t you see I am trying so hard to avoid you. Can‘t you feel the pain I’m having now because I can’t tell you my feelings.

 “Please Taemin, leave me alone for tonight.” I pleaded softly, trying to mask the tears that were swelling in eyes. Why of all people did I fall for you, Taemin? How can I gather my courage to confess to you when you are a guy and my dongsaeng..........there is too many barriers keeping us apart, isn’t it. How can I tell you how much I love you when I know that our love could never be accepted in our society? I’m not afraid to admit my love for you but I don’t want it to become your burden.  I want to protect and shelter you from all the criticisms and obstacles out there. Taemin, please tell me what I should do?...........

“Hyung, can you stop acting like a kid. You know the importance of the performance in our career so get up and start practicing now. “ he yelled, dragging me onto my feet with all his might. “Come on, Minho hyung.....stop idling around”

But instead of obey his orders, I reached out my hand to pulled him towards me; sending his slender body crashing into my embrace. “Shhh.......stop nagging.......Taemin.” I ghosted into his ear, resting my head in the cape of his neck as I sniff in the mellow fragrance radiating from him. “I’m going to take a nap so don’t disturb me”

“…but…hyung…..” he shrieked, struggling to break free from my embrace. “…we don’t.....”

“Sigh…Taemin, I’m really tired.”really tired of bottling everything, really tired of holding you knowing that you are not mine. I really tired of losing control in front of you. I really find myself disgusting to have these thoughts about you, will you despise me if you ever find out……

 “Please….don‘t force me anymore……” I muffled in a quivering voice as I tightened my grip on his waist entrapping him in my arms. The words whirled in my head were killing me emotionally; I can’t bear the thoughts of him hating me. “Don’t……force….”

As though he felt the agony in my voice, he stopped struggling; allowing me to hold him closely. An awkward silence engulfed us as we drift off into our own world. “Minho Hyung….did something bad happened?” Taemin questioned cautiously breaking the serenity between us. “You can always tell me, I’ll always be there for you like you would for me” he said while giving a gentle, encouraging squeeze on my hand.

“…..Everyone has their own secret, Taemin, things that they are afraid to face and tell others. Life is not as simple as you think; there’s always consequences to an action” And the worst thing is that you can’t regret everything you do or say once it is done because time can never be rewind.

“Hyung…..I know it takes a lot of courage to speak up……..you know at the lowest point in my life when I was bullied and teased in school. I thought I could keep quiet and endure all the suffering just like how a real man would but I was wrong, day and day the tortures went on and I was starting to lose my mind; I started to dread studying and developed fears of the corridors in school that I would be cornered and pick on.

I really wanted to give up, to run away but that was when I met her. She changed my life; she told me that only when I faced my greatest fear, I would be set free. If I keep on running away I will continue to be trap in the sea of grief that occupies my heart. The fear we have lies within ourselves therefore to conquer it, we have to first acknowledge its presence by having the courage to say it out and admit it”

“Minho hyung……..do you understand what I mean……” he asked sincerely. “…you can share your worries and grief with me; my shoulder is always available for you to lean on.”

The tears that were b in my eyes streamed down as soft whimpers escape from my lips. His words shook my heart, giving me the courage to pour out all my sorrows. “Taemin-ah, I fall in love......sob............ with a guy, a friend that probably only treats me as a brother......... sob............ I feel like a freak, I want to hide all my feelings from him but I really can’t, I can’t..........sob............... Everyday, when I see him I have a strong desire to tell him how much I love him, to hold him in my arms, to kiss him on his lips………..sob.…….I mean I’m not afraid to admit I’m gay but I’m afraid of his rejection; I’m scared of losing him. I can’t imagine living a life without him.”

“Please tell me what to do, Taemin………what can I do?” I pleaded hopelessly. “Would you……would you love and accept a guy like me?”

“………………………”

My heart was pumping like crazy, waiting for his reply. Millions of what if and would he....... were bombarding my mind.

What if he rejects me?

What if he hates me?

What if he ignores me?

Would he accepts me?

Would he loves me?

Would he...........?

“…huh?…….hyung…….you’re not confessing to me, are you?” he asked cautiously as he shrugged further away from my chest. “You’re joking rite…….rite.”

The tint of fear and uneasiness lingering in his voice dashed all my hopes, I can imagine the dilemma he is having now trying to deny me. But I can’t make myself admit it’s a joke because it’s not……..my heart is bleeding just thinking about it.

“Hyung………………..”

“…………..Hyung………………”

“……………………………..Hyung”

Mianhae………….Taemin-ah…….I’m sorry for loving you……just let me hold you once more tonight. Please forgive me for acting like a fool that could only pretend to be sleeping………..I can’t pretend that I don’t love you nor I could act as though I don’t care because I do. Saranghae my love…….

-Next day-afternoon-

Taemin POV

“Sigh……it’s impossible…impossible that he is in love with me…….” OMG…..sigh…….just the thought of it is giving me goosebump...........yucks………why me again, damn it. I hated it when everyone treats me like a girl. Taemin-ah…..you’re prettier than the girls.….I heard similar phrase again and again and I’m totally sick of it. I mean I’m a normal boy that likes girls ok….girls. I don’t have special preference at all………sigh…………

“………..sigh……….” I still have to practice salsa with him after school, won’t it be awkward…….. I know he didn’t admit that he liked me but it’s obvious, isn’t it? What am I going to do? “………Sigh………..”

“Yah!!!!..........LEE TAEMIN…….stop sighing, can you. ……I’m trying to eat peacefully here.” she yelled annoyingly. “Stop it now …. you are giving me a headache”

“Sigh……Chin goo….Mianhae….sorry for disturbing you but I can’t help it….” Argh…..it’s really driving me nuts. I clutched my hair gloomily, trying to shake off the stressful thoughts piling in my mind.

“Yah!!....don’t tell you’re being bully again” she questioned, staring directly at me, waiting for my answer.

“Anniyo…” I quickly rebutted. I totally hated her despising glare, it made me felt useless.”…it’s just…….it’s just that……I think I just got a confession from a guy and I don’t know what to do…….I mean I do care about him but I don’t think I like him in the same way. I’m a guy too……I don’t…..”

“Stop… Taemin…I’m not interested in your rattling.…..are you trying to convince me or yourself that you can’t love him because both of you are guys? I don’t know if you really like him or not but I can clearly see that you’re bounding yourself to social norms of the society.

Love is silent understanding between two individuals that encompasses the acceptance of one’s imperfections. It’s a special bond that is built upon the mutual sharing of trust, commitment and intimacy that can never be entirely explained with your brains.

Therefore, there is no restriction to who you can love, Taemin. It’s ok to love anyone because love will give you the courage to reveal yourself entirely to him knowing that he will embrace you with open arms. Hence, sometimes you just have to close your eyes and use your heart to feel and you might find the answer to your question.” she explained seriously.

“Argh!!!!!, do you get it or not…..pabo…..just open your heart and feel……and you will find love.....”

“but...... Are you sure” I questioned hesitantly. Open my heart and feel……..could it be so easy?

“It’s up to you whether you want to believe or not, I going back to class already. Bye…..” she replied before she stood up and leave the empty classroom we both found solitude in. 

“Yah!!.....WAIT……” I screeched, grabbing onto her hand. “Can you…..Can you accompany to my dance practice later……I don’t think I can face him alone today..Please…….” I pleaded sincerely.

“No...Taemin, have you forgotten that we’re not even friends, why should I help you?” she chuckled wryly, pushing my hand away. “Solve your own problem…..yourself”.

Vagel_91:

                   Sorry for not updating for so long. I know this chapter is full of angst but I guess I really need it to build the story later on so please bear with me, I try to make the story better as I go along. Please comment and subscribe. Thanks alot.