My mouth is dry. I am having a hard time breathing as I look at Taemin lying in the hospital bed, Key by his side, holding his hand gently. I try to smile, sitting by his covered legs up by his hip.

"Hey," I say quietly, resting my hand on his thigh.

Taemin opens his eyes, finding me, he smiles.

"Hey."

His voice is dull and tired. His skin is grayish with a yellow tint. His eyes are sunken in and bloodshot. His breathing is shallow and awkward. What in the world is he doing to himself? 

"How are you feeling?"

"Not bad," he answers, his cracked lips that are so light that i almost didn't notice them on his face.

"You gave us all quite a shock back there, boy." I attempt to chuckle slightly but it comes out like a weird cough.

"Sorry," he sighs, blinking. "I am all better now." He nods.

"It's okay. You can come to work with us tomorrow they said. If you want. I doubt the manager will mind you taking a day off." I shrug. "We have to go back tonight for a couple hours. One song is not coming out right on the recording so we have to re-do it. We can do a voiceover with your part when you come to practice."

"Tonight? Why can't i be there?"

"You're sick, silly," Key says, squeezing his hand. 

"Can't you do it tomorrow?" Taemin asks, his voice cracking.

I nod. "If you want." I smile. "We can go over Lucifer tonight a few times. We all know that i need to practice that one."

"You are getting very good at that one, though."

Key nods, agreeing with Taemin.

"Whatever." I pat his thigh again. 

"You guys?"

We all look over to the door, Onew standing there.

"We have to go. But we will be back around nine." Onew is frowning, his mouth a perfect upside down U.

I stand up and glance down at Taemin. "I'll see you later." Bending down, I kiss his forehead that is sticky with leftover sweat. "Be good."

"You, too." Taemin closes his eyes. Key and Onew say their goodbyes and walk out. I stay for a moment, watching him in silence. Why did i not protect him? I was there and I did nothing to help him or keep him safe for anything that could harm him. He is the youngest and I was not there to catch him.

My stomach knots up, causing me inner pain. I cannot believe any of this.

On the ride back to the studio, no one talks, making the entire hour too awkward to focus on anything but the problem at hand: Taemin. Minho is watching me as I tap my fingers against the glass of the car. I cannot read his expression, but it does not look happy. Does he blame me for what has happened? I did not know that he was sick when I took him out this morning. He wasn't sick though! This is pissing me off...

"Did the doctor tell you anything?" I finally ask Onew and Minho, the only two that spoke to a doctor.

Onew gives me the same look Minho has been giving me.

"Like you don't know," Onew snaps.

I blink, looking to Key for support who says, "Woah, don't put the blame on him."

"He should've known," Onew says like I am not even there.

"Known what?" I speak up, not wanting to be talked about.

"He threw up his food when you were watching him. You were there!"

Key pushes Onew back in his seat before he can get to me.

"What are you talking about?" I scratch my head, confused.

"Taemin threw up," Minho says calmly. "He threw up what you gave him. And he has not been eating either."

"But it's not his fault!" Key puts in. "Jonghyun and me and you and you Onew are all to blame since we did not notice. So blame yourself, too!"

"Don't speak to me that way," Onew growls, his hands balling up into fists. 

"Onew hyung, you know that I am just being honest. All of us did nothing. All of us." Key gets out of the car followed by Minho. Onew just glances at me before hopping out, but he stays in the doorway.

"He's right. I'm sorry. I just...I just don't know what to do in this kind of situation. He's starving himself and we didn't know. I find this sickening." He holds out his hand that I take for assistance getting out of the van. 

"It's okay," I say, going into the studio. We are all placed after about two seconds in seats, I behind the glass while the others watch me. 

"Practice with Please, Don't Go," I hear from a man with headphones over his ears, playing with keys in front of him.

I nod, waiting for the music, but I cannot help the painful feeling in my stomach when I see the empty chair next to Minho... Taemin's chair. He is not here. He never misses a practice. Never. Water burns at my eyes and i miss my entrance.

The music stops. I watch as Key, Onew, and Minho talk back and forth, their faces confused. They mouth things to me but I don't read their lips. The song starts again, this time I am on time and can only get through a few seconds before my eyes are too full and a tear leaves one. I wipe it away fast so no one sees and get up.

"I can't... I don't want to sing right now." I leave the room and head down a brightly lit hall to the dressing room. I duck inside and sit down on the sofa with the plush pillows. I hug a black one to my chest and rest my head back, closing my eyes. This is my fault. I did not notice. I was not there for him. I should have went to the bathroom with him, maybe he would not have thrown up. Why is he anorexic? He is so thin all ready. There has to be more then we see, because it does not make sense the way it is.