When It's All Gone
THE WARMTHHyosung wasn’t sure with everything. Her expression, her gestures, her reactions. Everything felt wrong. She wouldn’t hesitate to say she was already numb from the sudden wave of emotions. That day was one of her worst.
It wasn’t like she expected things to turn out like she wanted. No, she was very aware of the issue that had been lingering her group’s carrier. Disbandment had been a common word. A word she had been forced to hear wherever she went.
Their disbandment issue was very much predicted by a lot of people that Hyosung became to believe them, forgetting that she was the one who had control over this disbandment. She and the other three girls who had been with her from the bottom in 2009 until now.
Hyosung doubted the other three felt as miserable as her. She wasn’t even sure if they thought of her seriously. It had been quite long since they became more formal with each other. To be honest, she didn’t even remember when exactly they stopped talking like they were friends. Maybe JiEun and Hana always did that, it was her and Sunhwa who were the problems.
Both of them were close at first when they realized they were lonely and JiEun and Hana had somehow made their own bond. It was unavoidable. They were working as a group but at the end of the day, each of them had to survive and shine even more. Working as a group was always the hardest thing to do, Hyosung understood that. She had been in this situation before, when she was the youngest and always got shielded by her leader. But now, she was the leader. She was the one who expected to protect everyone in the group. Or so the theory was.
In fact, they all moved in their own pace and Hyosung had no authority to control them. She wanted to shine. However, she wanted her group to shine even more than ever. This group was everything to her. It was a hope she had always held. And she made sure to tell this to her fellow groupmates, telling them that the group is very important and everyone should make it work.
Well, that sounded like she pushed her idea too much on the others. Although, she didn’t want it to sound that way, Hyosung also knew it was the truth. The truth was, she was jealous of other groups who kept standing tall and strong even when ten years passed. She wanted to have a group like that. Her group. Something she could show off to other people. A pride she wanted to hold up high and would stand strong.
Besides, these are people who had shared so much history with her. They used to have a strong bond, when all they wanted to do was to see the light together and stay strong under the light.
Hyosung sighed. It was a long time ago, before everyone got tired of this group idea. They wanted something more, the light blinded them one by one. Or more like they got better chances when they weren’t as a group.
People said Hyosung was the one who destroyed the group. If not for her scandal, the group would now shine the brightest along with the other senior and trending groups. That stupid scandal. No one knew how much she hated herself for that night when she spoke out that damn word. Her groupmates never knew how she always felt like she owed them so much. The loss of the scandal was massive.
Although she wanted to believe her group would survive through the scandal and live up their glory again. Now? She wouldn’t say much aside of how she wanted to beg her groupmates to think of their history once again and try to stay under the same roof for those memories alone. To keep working together as friends in a group.
She knew she was being delusional. It was no way they would agree on her silly idea. This industry was nothing more than a business, like everything else in the world. There was no strong bond nonsense. And she knew it more than anyone else. Everything is business in this industry. The sugarcoated image, the gross and cutesy concepts she couldn’t stand of, the whole image of putting girls together in one group and expected them to be like sweet dogs who would always obey.
Hyosung thought her group and her could go pass the
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