Title (2/5)

The title isn't very eye-catching. I would easily be able to skip this story if I ever passed by it.

Appearance (3/5)

In my opinion, I think that you could've put a picture of BoA, Bong Cha, Leeteuk and Cho Hee. My reasons? To start off, BoA seems to be the main character in the story. The boys don't really have a big role compared to Boa. Second of all, Bong Cha is the person who's murdered – she's the beginning of the mystery. Leeteuk is also the problem of the mystery, and Cho Hee is someone everyone suspects. The brothers don't really have anything to do with the story except for Kangin, who's the murderer.

However, I do like the moister. It's simple and gives off a mystery feeling.

Description/Foreword (8/15)

I'll start with the description first. In my opinion, I like the description. It really gives a good description of the story. There are a couple of grammar errors, but I can still understand the story's summary. When I first read the description, I thought, "It's just a new girl. What's the big deal about it?" I didn't understand why the students would suspect the new girl. However, as I read the story, I slowly began to realize why the students suspected the new girl.

Some parts of your forewords were useless. Other parts of the foreword grabbed my attention. In the beginning, when you give the short text of the students having a conversation, it caught my attention. However, the character chart you had in your foreword was not important. In addition to that, the character description is misleading. I thought that Bong Cha and Cho Hee would be the main characters, but it turned out that BoA was more like the lead character.

Plot (17/25)

This is, I guess, my first time reading a mystery fanfic. When I read this, I started to think, "Oh, it's just a typical mystery fanfic that takes place at a school." However, sometimes there were unexpected twists that I didn't see was coming.

Characters (8/15)

Some of the characters were unnecessary in the story. For an example, Luna. I thought that the story would be fine without Luna making an appearance. In addition to that, you didn't need to add which characters were in which year in Chapter 1. However, I do like Cho Hee's character. She's the perfect antagonist!

Writing (Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation) (13/20)

You mostly had grammar errors and spelling errors. If you back to your chapters and revise it, then you could've gotten more points here. In addition, you should describe the scenery instead of using short sentences and pictures. It shows that you are a weak writer or a lazy writer.

Chapter 10:

Incorrect:

Cho Hee looked at Leeteuk. He looks depressed. I want to know why. Thought Cho Hee. CHo Hee took a seat next to Leeteuk.

"Annyeong, my name is Cho Hee," said Cho Hee, smiling at Leteuk.

Leeteuk looked at her then went back to his work.

Correct:

Cho Hee looked at Leeteuk. He looks depressed. I want to know why, thought Cho Hee. Cho Hee took a seat next to Leeteuk.

"Annyeong. My name is Cho Hee," said Cho Hee, smiling at Leeteuk.

Leeteuk looked at her, then went back to his work.

Chapter 18

Incorrect:

"Hello? What...really...this is serious. Thank you," said Mr. Lee, hanging up the phone, "So the blood stains on the bat is from Victoria...and Bong Cha..."

"WHAT?!" yelled the Kims.

"I DIDN'T DO IT!!!" yelled Henry.

"Now wait," said Mr. Lee, I don't think any of you will do it. BoA, I know Victoria was your best friend. And Bong Cha is all of you sister. But do any of you know who might have killed them?"

Correct:

"Hello? What... Really... This is serious. Thank you," said Mr. Lee, hanging up the phone. "So the blood stains on the bat is from Victoria...and Bong Cha..."

"WHAT?!" yelled the Kims.

"I DIDN'T DO IT!!!" yelled Henry.

"Now wait," said Mr. Lee, "I don't think any of you have done it. BoA, I know Victoria was your best friend. In addition to that, Bong Cha is all of your sister. However, do any of you know who might have killed them?"

Flow (4/5)

I think the flow was too fast, but it was okay. I thought the mystery was solved too fast without enough evidence.

Overall Enjoyment (7/10)

For someone who doesn't like reading mystery, you sure changed my mind! I actually enjoyed reading this story, and I'm not a mystery fan.

Total: 62/100 (62%) 

Better than I thought :)