Hanni dragged herself along the corridor, praying to every being there was that Danielle wasn’t in their room. She needed to be alone, to hug Jerry and cry more because it would smell like Minji.

But of course, the universe had to be against her.

“Oh, hey, Hanni!” Danielle beamed. She had all the reasons for, after all. “How was the beach?”

“Very nice.” Hanni put on her best fake smile. “It was better on your birthday, but still enjoyable.”

“I’m glad! Did you have fun with Minji?” Now it was a smirk.

Hanni swallowed the lump in . “I always do.”

“Of course you do. Anyway, I was practicing ‘Bad’! Haerin went to a practicing room to learn the bass line, and I was practicing the vocals. Wanna do it with me? We can already divide the parts!”

Right. How could Hanni forget? They decided to learn their parts until Monday, so they could then practice together until the concert.

“Sure. Let’s do it. The sooner the better.”

Hanni dropped her things and warmed up her voice a bit. Maybe focusing on something else was indeed the best. What had happened a couple of hours ago hadn’t fully registered on Hanni’s mind, anyway.

“Okay, I’ll go through the whole song, then!” Danielle said, playing it on her phone.

Hanni pulled a chair and sat, eyes on Danielle. The second the song started playing, it only took Hanni to listen to the first line of the lyrics for her eyes to sting.

‘Bad’ was the song that made Hanni think of Minji the most. It was the song Minji was constantly quoting, in the most unexpected situations, always catching Hanni off guard, sending her heart on a rampage.

Wait… so… she meant it. Minji always meant it. It was not just because she loved the song. All this time, every instance she used lines of that song, she… she was telling Hanni. She was always confessing to her. Hanni was the one that made her laugh. Hanni was the one who gave her love. The days couldn’t be bad because she was with Hanni.

Minji actually… actually liked Hanni.

And now she had to listen to that song. And she would have to listen to it countless more times, and sing it, learn it, practice it. Constantly reminding Hanni of Minji and of what just happened.

What kind of hell loop was that?

“Hanni?” Danielle faced her when the song ended, a slight frown. “Are you crying?”

Hanni rushed to touch her face, wiping the tear away. She forced a chuckle. “I got emotional. I love this song, and you sang it so beautifully. It really suits you. And I’m just happy we’re gonna perform it. I’m… super excited to perform with you.”

“Awn, Hanni!” Danielle’s worry melted away. “That’s so sweet! I’m super excited too! I think I’ll be super nervous, but! It will be so amazing! Okay, your turn now! I’ll play the song from the start.”

Hanni didn’t have time to mentally prepare herself. Swallowing the tears and doing her best to focus on her singing, she managed to do… well enough for a first try.

And at least they got the parts done. Some for Hanni, some for Danielle, some for them to sing together.

“I’ll learn my parts tomorrow!” Danielle said, standing up, phone in hand. “And now I’m gonna head downstairs for dinner, I’m starving! You coming?”

And risking seeing Minji? Because of course Haerin would go. “I’m really not hungry, and I’m tired. I’ll chill for a bit.”

“Do you want me to bring you something?”

Hanni smiled, this time genuine. “Sure. Thanks, Dani.”

Danielle kissed the top of Hanni’s head and headed outside. The second the door closed, Hanni took her hands to her face and let the tears she had been suppressing loose.

She didn’t even know what she was feeling. She didn’t know what to think. How to grasp the situation. In all honesty, what was she supposed to do? Text Minji? Say, ask what? No, absolutely not.

Using the remaining strength she could gather in her legs, she laid down. Taking Jerry to her chest, she breathed in deep and there it was - Minji’s perfume. As predicted, it only made Hanni cry harder.

Why was she even crying? What for? She didn’t give Minji an answer. Minji didn’t even let her!

An answer… what would Hanni answer?

Her head hurt. Her chest hurt from all the hard sobs pressing on her lungs.

Danielle should be coming back soon and Hanni did not want her to see her like that. She would ask, and Hanni didn’t want to talk about it. Oh, Minji confessed to me. It even sounded weird, like that didn’t happen. Did she misunderstand, after all? Was Hanni dreaming? Did she want that to be a dream instead? Just so she didn’t have to face it? And think about her feelings?

And accept them?

Hanni put on her headphones and some lo-fi playlist, trying to focus on the music and the instrumentals instead. Something, anything at all just so she could get rid of the thoughts of Minji.

—

She didn’t remember falling asleep. But when she opened her eyes, it was morning, a blanket covered her, and she was alone in her room. It was just a bit past nine. Right, Sunday morning meant volunteering for Danielle, taking the kennel’s dogs for walks.

Hanni got out of bed and noticed something on the kitchen table. A bag and a little note - You were sleeping so peacefully that I couldn’t wake you up! Anyway, there’s the sandwich I brought you yesterday. Hope it’s still good! I’ll be out the whole day, text me if you need anything, or meet me at the usual practicing room, I’ll be there practicing the guitar! Enjoy your Sunday! Xoxo, Dani

A real smile crept on Hanni’s lips. Wasn’t Danielle the cutest?

Hanni went for a warm shower first and then breakfast. Yes, the sandwich was still amazing.

Now, what the hell was she going to do for the whole day? She had her parts to learn for ‘Bad’. But she didn’t want to listen to that song. She didn’t want to think of Minji again.

How was she feeling? Was she still sleeping? Did she get any sleep at all? Was she sad? Had she been crying?

Hanni sighed. Should she text her? She couldn’t help but be worried. But she didn’t. It could be even worse. Just like Hanni had to process it, Minji had too. Probably even more.

Did Hanni reject her?

She shook her head and got up. Maybe a walk was what she needed. Or hit the gym. But what if Minji showed up? Even though she normally didn’t go in the morning, and it was still early… she risked it. Changing, she headed downstairs to the gym.

It worked. For at least almost two hours there was nothing in her mind. Okay, that was a lie. She thought of Minji when she saw the punching bags in the back of the gym. She even went there, remembering when they went together and she almost drooled watching Minji punching them over and over again, her arms buffing even more than usual, and a drip of sweat rolling down her temple.

Hanni sighed, punching harder, an attempt to get rid of the memories.

After another shower, colder this time, she got something for lunch and went back to her room. At that point, she knew she was just running away from what she had to do. But she had a responsibility, and she wouldn’t fail her bandmates.

Finding an empty practice room, she locked herself inside and played something random on the keys to warm up. Something random that, somehow, sounded good. She kept going, as if playing a song she knew from memory. She stopped and rushed to note that melody down. Then went back to it, and this time, sang along to it. To those lyrics she started writing a few weeks ago.

The moment I first saw you
Oh, what a beautiful sight
How to even describe it?
It got me flustered, alright

And when you smile, I feel it
My heart goes crazy, just a little bit

Late afternoon, just the two of us
Golden hour light, the gleam in your eye
I stare, I’m aware, and I know there is something there
It’s too late now, I can’t deny, I wanna let myself try

Hanni smiled, but her eyes warmed up. That song was a million percent about Minji, and she had always known it. Reaching for her computer again, she typed more.

When we first hugged, I remember
The tears you shed, the words you trusted in me
My chest hurt and the night was cold
But I pulled you close, I was bold
You always have me, you’re all I can see

Because when you smile, I feel it
My heart goes crazy, just a little bit

Late afternoon, just the two of us
Golden hour light, the gleam in your eye
I stare, I’m aware, and I know there is something there
It’s too late now, I can’t deny, I wanna let myself try

Maybe I’m lying, maybe I’ve known all along
But I’m not brave enough, it’s so hard, it’s so tough
I’m not strong, I’m afraid it’ll go wrong
I don’t know what to do, suddenly you feel so far

But I’m aware, I know there is something there
Hope it’s not too late, I wanna tell you things the way they are

Okay. She… she completed them. Not the best ever, and for sure she would go back to them later, cringe, revise, and edit. But! She finished them!

All it took was something real. Her true feelings.

Saving the document and closing it, she moved on to her real objective - learning ‘Bad’. Oh, that would hurt. But she did her best to focus on the music itself and not the memories it brought.

—

Night had fallen when Hanni left the practice room. Her stomach rumbled. She hyperfocused in a way she hadn’t noticed how hungry she was, but at least she learned all her parts and practiced the singing as well. Leaving the building, a nice breeze welcomed her. Not too cold, the sun had set not long ago. So, instead of going back to her dorm, she let her legs take her on another walk, stopping at the convenience store first.

How she wished she could be with Minji. The thought of her came rushing the second she stepped inside and remembered their trips there. And the cream bread. Hanni grabbed one and smiled. Minji didn’t get to eat the remaining ones at the beach. They were still in Hanni’s bag.

Still getting one for herself, she left and resumed her walk, headphones on. Whatever song played, reminded her of Minji. But this time, she didn’t fight the thoughts. She had been running away from thinking about it, but for how much longer?

And what was she so afraid of?

Hanni managed to convince herself that Minji’s blunt flirt attempts were a joke, or that the way she got protective or jealous was something she would do with anyone else. She even convinced herself that Minji liked Haerin, and not her. Because, wasn’t it easier to assume it was all in her head and not have to deal with the consequences? Of her own feelings as well.

Calling them platonic.

But she had never felt like that. Especially not… with a girl.

She had never felt so nervous holding hands or hugging anyone. But at the same time, so at peace. Like that was exactly where she needed to be. With who she wanted to be.

Hanni always wanted to be with Minji. Do things with her, go on night walks, give private concerts, help with studies, play music with her, chill and cuddle in her room watching a movie. She wanted to sleep next to her again, and change roommates. She wanted to hold Minji’s hands, hug her, hear her worries and tell her she would always be there for her. Just like she wanted Minji to be there for Hanni, to protect her, to pat her head and call her tiny, and for everything and nothing, because deep down, Hanni loved it. It always made Minji smile and laugh, and that was all Hanni wanted to see.

And more than all of that... She wanted even more.

She should have let Minji kiss her.

Maybe Minji could have been by her side at that same moment if she had. And they would be holding hands, or Minji’s arm would be around her shoulders, their height difference so perfect for that. And maybe Hanni could stop in front of her and look up, and tell Minji she was beautiful. The most in the world. And then she would tiptoe and kiss her lips, and Minji would give her one of those small, shy smiles that Hanni found the most adorable thing ever.

A tear rolled down Hanni’s eyes. Her hands balled inside her pockets, and her feet slowly stopped.

Why was she so afraid?

It was not platonic. She knew it, she had always known it. Just like she wrote it in her song. But she needed to let that out of her chest. She looked around to see where she was.

And her heart sunk, or maybe her eyes were playing tricks on her. Because that was Kim Minji, right there, sitting on the playground’s swing on the other side of the road. More tears clouded Hanni’s eyes. Felt like an eternity since she last saw her.

Minji stared at the orange sky, her feet planted on the ground and slowly swinging her back and forth. There was something in her hand. Something she took to her lips for a few seconds before a cloud of smoke flew up from , dissipating into the air.

She smoked?!

That was not a cigarette she held. A vape? What exactly was Minji going through? How… hurt was she? Did Hanni cause that?

Hanni couldn’t stand it anymore. She spun on her heels and rushed away, reaching for her phone.

“Hey, Hanni!”

“Where are you?”

Yunjin remained silent for a couple of seconds. “Are you okay?”

“I need to talk. Like, for real.”

“Come to my room, I’m here with Zuha.”

“Thank you. And I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, just come.”

—

The door opened and Hanni threw herself at Yunjin.

“Hey, girl,” Yunjin soothed, hand on her hair. “What’s up?”

Hanni squeezed and pulled away, waving at Kazuha. “Hey. Sorry for coming here and taking your time.”

“You’re not.” Kazuha smiled from her bed.

“Come sit.” Yunjin guided her to her bed on the other side, sitting next to her. “What happened?”

“Do you guys want me to leave so you can talk?” Kazuha asked.

“No, absolutely not.” Hanni shook her head. “I just…”

Hanni fidgeted with the zipper of her jacket, moving her lips without a sound.

“You’re stressing me out, Hanni.” Yunjin reached for her arm.

“I… H-How did you know you liked each other?” Hanni blurted instead. “How do you… know if you like a girl like that, or is just platonic?”

Yunjin irked an eyebrow, and Kazuha looked away from her phone, somehow biting back a giggle.

“Oh.” Yunjin took a hand to her chest with a sigh. “God, Hanni, you scared me!”

Hanni frowned. “What?”

“You just know. You know it, Hanni. Don’t be scared, there’s nothing to be afraid of, I promise.”

Yunjin held her gaze with a gentle smile. Hanni’s lower lip trembled, her eyebrows twitching.

“I… I think I like Minji. Like… for real.”

“Oh, we know,” Kazuha mumbled.

“Zuha! Let the girl have her realization moment! But yes, we know, Hanni.” Yunjin nodded. “We all know. You’re probably the last one to know, actually.”

“But…! I never liked a girl like this!”

“And? So what if she’s the first? Just be completely honest with yourself, Hanni. No filters. How exactly do you feel about her?”

Hanni cried harder, hiding her face in her hands. “I just… I love her. Gosh, I love her so much.”

“Awn, Hanni.” Yunjin pulled her for another hug. “See? Let it all out. It’s okay, you’ll be okay! You just need to tell her. We are so, so sure she feels the same.”

“I know she does! But she doesn’t know I feel the same, and she probably thinks I don’t!”

“What?”

“She told me.”

“She told you?!” Yunjin pulled away, eyes huge. “What? When?”

“Yesterday. We went to the beach.” Hanni cleaned her eyes and took in a deeper breath to calm herself down. “We were having fun. It was so nice… but then, I jumped on her back, we fell, and she… she was on top of me and she went for a kiss.”

Yunjin gasped, hands to . “Oh my god, and did you?!”

“No.” Hanni dropped her head and balled her fists. “I pushed her away. , I was so stupid!”

“Hey, don’t say that. You weren’t. What happened next?”

“She said she was tired, that I was constantly giving her mixed signals, and that she had been through this drama before. Wait…” Hanni frowned, meeting Yunjin’s gaze. “Now that I think of it, what did she mean with that?”

Yunjin scrunched her nose. “Well… maybe she had a similar situation?”

“But she said she… oh, she said she had never had a boyfriend. Not… a girlfriend. But I don’t know! She didn’t tell me anything about that, how was I supposed to know?”

“You probably triggered something in her. A bad experience. But wait, what then?”

“Then she… said she likes me. And said she knows there’s something more there. And she’s right. But I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t answer. And then she left.” She paused. “She probably thinks I rejected her, doesn’t she?”

“Yep,” Kazuha said.

Yunjin sighed, shaking her head. “Go tell her. Just go tell her.”

“I’m scared! What if I ruined everything? What if she doesn’t even want to see me? She’s right, I… I spent all this time giving her mixed signals, probably saying and doing things I shouldn’t if I didn’t mean it, but I did mean it! Just like she always did! Of course she’s hurt and it’s because of me! And especially if I somehow triggered something! Again!” Hanni burst out crying again.

“Hanni Pham!” Yunjin cupped her cheeks, looking her dead in the eye. “Get your together! Okay, she might be hurt, but all you need to do is talk to her, be honest, tell her all of this, and that you love her! Communication, Hanni!”

In the middle of the tears, Hanni managed to chuckle. “You sound like me when Dani came crying because of Haerin. I told her the same.”

“And look at them now! And all it took was an honest conversation. Have you talked to her at all after that?”

“No. I wondered if I should send her a text but… I didn’t. And tomorrow we’re practicing. I’m terrified, Yunjin.”

“Everything will be fine. I can’t promise it won’t be awkward, but… just do your best in practice and then ask her to talk. This doesn’t need to be any harder than what it actually is.”

Hanni wanted to believe so.

---

A/N - EVERYONE CHEER FOR PHAM HANNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

The next chapter is quite short but there's a surpriseeeee :))))) look forward to it!!!

Feel like I haven't been thanking everyone for reading this far, I read all your comments and I appreciate them a lot!!! So, thank you so much!

Twitter - @itzloonatic
CuriousCat - curiouscat.me/itzloonatic