‘I give up!’ I turned my back on Jaejoong.

‘Why?’ Jaejoong frowned.

‘I really don’t want to sit for my CSAT,’ I groaned.

‘What are you saying!?’ Jaejoong cried, shaking me harshly in an attempt to wake me up to ‘reality’.

I know CSAT is the biggest day of every student’s life in Korea, but I’m different.

I don’t want to do further studies. I want to live life peacefully, perhaps taking up a part time job and expressing myself though art with the rest of my time. I’m satisfied with a simple life.

‘Yoochunnie! Just take the exams tomorrow and not let our efforts go to waste!’ Jaejoong’s look of desperation brought me to the edge so I simply nodded.

‘Okay, and promise me you don’t attempt suicide when the answers are revealed in the newspapers,’ Jaejoong held out pinkie finger, wanting me to do that childish pinkie ‘swear thing’ with him.

I did, because he was doing one of those pouts that always never fail to undo me.

‘ I promise, Jaejoong.’

Satisfied, he hugged me and left me to go to sleep.

Tomorrow was make it or break it.

I was most likely to fail, but when I thought about all the sleepless nights Jaejoong went though just preparing notes and test papers for me, I decided to give it my all tomorrow.

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‘You can do it, Yoochunnie!’ Jaejoong pushed me through the gates because my legs failed to work.

‘I can’t,’ I almost burst out crying due to all the overwhelming mixed emotions I was feeling.

‘You can! Don’t let me down!’

My heart ached at those words. I always failed him. What makes him think I could just suddenly do well just because he says so?

I almost said ‘I can’t’ again when Jaejoong’s lips met mine.

My eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

‘Why did y-y-you do th-that!?’ I spluttered when he ended the kiss a few seconds later.

‘For good luck, now go on in!’ Jaejoong smiled like as if he didn’t do anything wrong/weird.

My fear was now replaced by surprise.

I managed to wave weakly and headed into the examination hall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘This year’s questions were so much easier than my year’s,’ Jaejoong concluded when he was looking through the answers posted online.

‘Seriously? I would have died a worser death if I were born your twin brother then…’ I rolled my eyes.

‘Was it that hard?’ Jaejoong looked at me worriedly.

‘It was harder than anything I’ve even done,’ I groaned and began massaging my head dramatically.

Jaejoong looked like he was about to break down and walked out of the room.

I caught his arm and forced him to turn around to face me.

He was indeed crying.

‘Jaejoong, don’t ing cry because of me…’ I felt tears threatening to well up in my eyes.

‘W-why am I so lousy? Why can’t I teach you better? Why did I waste time sleeping instead of burning the midnight oil with yo-you?’ Jaejoong fell onto his knees and I panicked.

‘It’s not your fault! Jaejoong! It’s me, you did everything you possibly could, so please stop blaming yourself!’ I helped him onto his feet.

‘Please forgive me, for being such a failure, I couldn’t help you mu-much…’

‘JAEJOONG! STOP ING BLAMING YOURSELF!’ I screamed.

When I realised that he wasn't going to stop crying anytime soon, I immediately lost it.

I unconsciously raised my right hand to deliver a harsh slap across his face.

Then there was silence, except for the eerie echo of the slap continually ringing in my head.

Jaejoong, I beg you, please forgive me.

No one, not even my parents had ever used physical discipline on us. They would only verbally scold and ground us.

Now that I had just given Jaejoong a tight slap for something he didn’t deserve, I felt like skinning myself alive before his eyes.

His lip started to bleed and as I watched the blood begin to ooze out, my heart ached.

I reached out to wipe the trail of blood from his bottom lip but Jaejoong grabbed my hand to stop me.

His grip tightened and he stared right at me, eyes unreadable.

For the first time in my life, I feared Jaejoong.

‘Tell me to stop and I will. Because I’m seriously sick of having to always take care of you,’ Jaejoong spoke in a dangerously low tone, ‘I lost sleep because of you, I suffer for your happiness, you’re constantly in my mind, you’re affecting my mental health and I feel so drained. I’m so tired, Yoochun.’

My heart stopped.

He never once called me Yoochun.

I’m so ing screwed.

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