“As you know, Dawbn inherit most of their knowledge from their parents. Mine happened to spend a lot of time around Terrans. Given that, around a certain age, general patterns are pretty predictable. Jinki’s been my friend for a while so I tend to know how he’ll respond to any given situation. Kibum’s a little more challenging, him being who he is, but he’s still a young Terran after all.”

-Dawbn Ercite

 

                In retrospect, there were probably many other ways Kibum could have handled the forum issue. The pressure of being followed, even unobtrusively, coupled with the fear of being discovered at his work made it easy to lash out. He was well aware that Jinki himself never would have set up the forum, but he was the all too easy target of Kibum’s ill contained emotions. The burst of anger burned hot and fast, fizzling to a dying ember almost as soon as he had walked away. But the fuse he lit with it was not so easy to put out.

                It started with his evening class. He went because he was supposed to and he wasn’t going to avoid Jinki just because he’d gotten mad at him earlier. But Jinki wasn’t waiting for him outside the class like he usually was. Ercite was. “That’s new,” he murmured to himself, nodding at the Dawbn uncertainly before heading inside.

                They nodded back and tapped their communicator, obviously sending a message to someone. Likely Jinki. And then left, leaving him otherwise alone. But all through class, he kept feeling like he was being watched, more than had been the norm these past few days. Every time he looked around, it seemed as if someone else was looking away. Oh, not the whole class, obviously, but enough to make him feel on pins and needles. He wondered if it had anything to do with the forum page, but since the student whose account he’d ‘borrowed’ had already changed his password, it wasn’t like he could check it again. The page was invite only and he certainly wouldn’t be invited at this point.

                Kibum left the class feeling like he’d learned nothing and far more tired from being ‘on’ the whole time. But he still had work to get to and it was at least a distraction he could focus on to try and push away the continuous sensation of being watched and followed. It took him longer to arrive due to taking several detours, just to be on the safe side, but he didn’t think he’d been observed heading into work.

                Passeri and Jackson could tell something was off almost immediately though. “What happened?” the Terran man asked, leaning close to poke Kibum in the cheek while they were getting ready in the dressing rooms.

                Kibum flinched and smacked the offending digit away. “Nothing.”

                “Uh huh,” Passeri crooned, her tone saying all that needed to be said. When Kibum just gave her a look and Jackson laughed in accompaniment, she narrowed her eyes and added, “School drama?”

                Kibum said nothing, which was answer enough for Jackson. “Oh?” he wondered, slinging an arm over the younger man’s shoulder and giving him a shake. “Did you get into a fight? Dating squabble?” He gasped theatrically and joked, “Did someone catch you cheating on a test?”

                With a grimace, Kibum shrugged the arm off and steadfastly sat in front of the mirror to start applying his makeup. He was aware of Passeri and Jackson exchanging glances, their expressions losing what merriment they had to genuine curiosity and concern. He glanced down at his hands lightly clasped on the top of the table and watched one thumb slide against the top of the other slowly. “It’s Jinki,” he murmured, uncomfortable with the heavy sensation in the pit of his stomach.

                “Oh…” both his companions murmured quietly. “Did something happen to him?” Passeri asked, coming closer to put a hand on his shoulder.

                It was so gentle and warm, he almost wanted to brush it off. He didn’t but he did nod. “I yelled at him today,” he admitted, no longer feeling particularly vindicated about the confrontation. “I think I hurt him,” he mumbled, ducking his head as the words slipped past his lips.

                “Ouch,” Jackson hissed, the sound of a chair rising up whispering in the space after the word.

                “Well, you can be quite a force sometimes, chicklet,” Passeri murmured brushing at the back of his hair with her fingers in a soothing manner, the talons scratching ever so lightly. She didn’t speak then, leaving an opening for him to add on if he wanted to. But he didn’t so she continued, “Perhaps he just needs a little time to collect himself. Things might look better on the morrow,” she promised, propping her chin on his head as she sometimes did.

                “Maybe,” Kibum sighed, looking up to see the bottom of her chin before he looked at them both in the mirror ahead. For some reason, he doubted it, but there was no time for that tonight. They had a show to do.

                “Come on then,” she urged, patting his cheeks lightly with both hands. “Let’s get you ready. It’s almost time to start,” the Moladhi reminded him, reaching out to pick at the tubes of makeup on the surface, offering suggestions quietly as she did so.

                Work went by all too quickly and Jackson and Passeri escorted him to the hover hub as usual. Sleep came quickly and so did the morning. He woke up later than he intended to and only because he had a voice message that was pinging on his direct line. Tiredly, he tapped on it and heard Jinki’s familiar voice. ‘I’m not sure if this message will reach you. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t forget your class. Since you didn’t answer, I guess you might be sleeping but… I hope you’ll be there.’

                The tone was both equal parts defeated and hopeful and Kibum didn’t even know what to do with that. Other than to end the message and scramble as fast as he could to try and make it to campus in time. The hover hubs weren’t likely gonna cut it so he paged Sunny. “Call me a cab, please!”

                “Understood, Mr. Kim,” she answered immediately. If he didn’t know better though, he could have sworn there was a curious note to her voice.

                Even with the help of the cab, he very nearly didn’t make it. He didn’t even have time to make his usual detour like he was coming from the dorms and had to beeline it straight from the main entrance. Panting hard, he stumbled into the hallway in front of his class, half-expecting to see Jinki there, but all he saw was Larad. The Varium noticed him with narrowed eyes and a very intentional look at his wristwatch.

                He breathed a slight sigh of relief before jogging closer. “Where’s Jinki?” he wondered, checking to make sure he at least had enough time to ask that. Larad didn’t answer and simply pointed at the entryway with one long finger and a stoic expression. “Fine,” he grumbled, stalking inside, though he didn’t miss the way the Varium also tapped his communicator like Ercite did the day before. Also like the day before… more furtive looks throughout class.

                And the pattern continued outside of class. As usual, he had time to kill between classes – a tactic he used so that he wouldn’t be tempted to go back home so as to save money on power – so he tried to meet up with his usual groups of ‘friends.’ Something was definitely off though. A third – mostly Terran and Varium – were more into giving him disapproving looks, another third – almost entirely Terran – literally ignored him, and the other third – as many Moladhi as Terrans – quickly turned into gossip hounds.

                It was from the last group that he eventually saw the videos that were fueling the shift. “One of the admins of the page keeps trying to take the videos down but they haven’t been having much luck making it permanent. We’ve even had to move pages a couple times already,” Psittasi preened, actively showing Kibum the videos she’d saved to her data profile. The Moladhi was a colorful first year with teal, gold, and red plumage. She was also a notorious gossip and had previously been one of his better sources of indirect information.

                Today, that remained true but in a very uncomfortable manner. Kibum grimaced upon watching the first video. Had he really been that angry? The comments she had managed to save and made no effort to hide under it were not exactly kind either. And he blanched at the second video. Jinki was crying. Or at least trying very hard not to. And Henry was there offering what comfort he could and the lingering comments there did not to assuage his discomfit.

                The heavy lead ball returned to the pit of Kibum’s stomach and he briefly felt lightheaded. He swayed for a second and Psitassi steadied him with a quick hand on his shoulder. “You okay, Kibum?” she wondered, peering down at him with dark gold eyes.

                “Yeah,” he forced a smile and waved her support off, pretending to rub at a headache. “I didn’t sleep as well as I’d hoped last night,” he explained, which was true enough. “I’m gonna go find a corner to take a nap in,” he added, forcing a paper-thin laugh.

                “Already?” the Moladhi blinked, tilting her head to the side speculatively.

                “I’ll see you around, Psitassi,” he waved, trying to flee as fast as he could without looking like he was running. To his relief, no one actively tried to chase after him, though the feeling of being watched never really abated. No wonder… So this was what it was like when the ‘fun’ friend wasn’t anymore. He had to admit he wasn’t as ready to for the shift in public perception as he imagined he might have been in a different situation. He was used to being noticed, but not in this way, and he didn’t like it.

                Thinking about the whole thing really did start to give him a headache though and his stomach gave a thin growl to remind him he hadn’t eaten anything of substance since right around lunch the day before. And with the cab ride this morning, he really didn’t have much on hand to get anything. He really enjoyed his job – it was one of the few places he felt absolutely free, oddly enough – but with his part-time status, it barely paid enough to cover the cost of his university fees, much less everything else… Feeling himself slipping, he sought out an empty corner and tucked himself into it, using the barrier at his back to force a false sense of security.

                “Take a breath,” he told himself softly, closing his eyes as he focused on drawing air in his nose and out his mouth in several long counts. After a few more, he opened his eyes, steady and in control again. “Okay,” he nodded, firming his shoulders and putting on one of his many masks. “It’s just another day,” he promised, clenching one fist before shaking it out and feigning being at ease.

                And that was true, but it was one that continued to chip away at him. His usual haunts were no longer sanctuaries and finding a place that had neither prying eyes nor curious gossips was far more challenging than it should have been. Around lunch time, he knew he needed food but wasn’t sure he wanted to brave the crowds there. Wasn’t even sure he’d be able to snag bits and pieces off his ‘friends’ plates this time around either, given the situation.

                Standing outside the dining hall and off to the side so that it looked like he was simply lounging and not deeply considering whether it would be worth the trouble, Kibum jumped when he heard, “Hey.” For just a second, he thought – hoped – it might have been Jinki but when he looked, it was Henry, one hand swinging loosely at his side and the other behind his back. His mood took an abrupt nosedive and he sighed, already putting on an air of disinterest.

                “Yeah?” he asked as if bored, sparing a glance at the second year approaching him.

                Henry snorted and shook his head. “You really are something.”

                Kibum shrugged, looking ahead, but then shifted his attention back to Henry. “Come to harangue me or gloat over the situation?” he scoffed, inspecting his fingers before dusting his hands off and shifting like he was going to leave.

                “As if,” Henry exhaled with a roll of his eyes. “I’m just here because Jinki asked me to come,” he added before Kibum could start to leave.

                The words made him pause and Kibum’s expression slipped as he turned wary, uncertain eyes on the other man. That had to be a lie. “Why?” he asked instead of blurting what he thought.

                “Well… he thought you might be hungry and since you didn’t come to the canteen today, here,” he offered, showing what was in the hand behind his back.

                 It was a freshly wrapped sandwich that looked just like the one he’d stolen from Jinki’s plate last week. Stars, had it only been that long ago? His stomach clenched at the sight and he wanted to take it, but there had to be a catch. There always was.

                “Take it,” Henry urged, completely unbothered by the handful of onlookers that were watching the exchange from afar. When Kibum continued to look at him warily, Henry rolled his eyes and actually tossed the sandwich towards him.

                “Hey!” Kibum yelped, catching it out of reflex before pulling it close, holding firm.

                “He said even if you’re mad at him, he still has to take care of his mentee,” Henry chuckled, a wry smile on his face. “I may not like you very much right now, but Jinki is a man of his word. And if he asks me to do something for him, who am I to say no?” he shrugged, giving Kibum a single wave before rubbing at short brown strands and heading back inside the canteen.

                Kibum watched him go for a long moment before he looked down at the sandwich in his hands. It was still warm and the seal hadn’t even been broken yet. He couldn’t quite help the hint of a smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth before he looked towards the canteen again. Seriously though, Jinki was just so unlike anyone he’d ever met. Kibum really had no idea what to do with him. But the food on the other hand…

                For once, he had a full belly when he went to his next class. His checker this time was Henry again and they exchanged quick nods in recognition. Henry tapped his communicator and Kibum went to class and the day resumed as it always did.

                He didn’t have work that evening, though he still went home late. A small smile crept over his lips when he checked the incoming message for his personal contact. Good night. 😊 He wondered just how long Jinki might have deliberated on adding the smiley face, imagining the other man adding it, then deleting it, then eventually adding it anyway after talking to himself.

                The next day, Kibum discovered that a new round of speculation had started from his and Henry’s encounter the afternoon before. No one had been close enough to hear what they said but Psitassi certainly wanted to find out. He had to give her something or else she would likely make something up on her own, so by lunch, their encounter became an uneasy truce… between rivals. Kibum rolled his eyes at the embellishment but played along by neither confirming nor denying it to anyone else that asked.

                He had three classes that day and while he didn’t see Jinki again, he did get a check-in from Ercite, Ercite, and Larad respectively. The Dawbn even brought him a snack from the canteen. From Jinki, obviously, but he managed to mumble a thanks when he took it from them.

                Work in the evening was better than the last shift. Neither Passeri nor Jackson asked about his slightly better mood, but he could see them exchanging smiles and quick snippets of conversation while throwing him reassuring looks. They gave him a sense of normalcy with their banter and escorted him home as usual. When he finally checked in with Sunny, he found he had another message waiting for him.

                Good night. 😊 It pulled another small smile from him before he went to sleep in his small apartment. He woke the next morning with enough time to arrive at the university and pretend like he had stayed in the dorms overnight. He was mildly disappointed that Jinki wasn’t waiting for him, but not entirely surprised. Henry checked on him for his first class and by the end of it, he figured it was probably about time to try something different.

                He had to avoid Psitassi, not surprisingly – the woman was a glutton for drama and gossip – but giving her the slip wasn’t too challenging. When he was in the clear, he sent a quick message. Lunch in the canteen today?

                Not even five seconds later, he got an answer: Sure.

                Kibum laughed. There was no way he’d checked the sender before responding. Unless he really was just that forgiving, which was possible, but not likely. Ah well. A few seconds later, he got another response: If you’re okay with that, I mean.

                That got an eye roll and another laugh. I’m the one that asked, didn’t I?

                There was a moment of no response during which he could imagine Jinki face palming. Then:

                Yeah.

                Right.

                Okay!

                All in quick succession, one after another. Kibum barked a laugh at that and shrugged. Nice to know he wasn’t the only one feeling out of sorts about the whole thing. Now he just had to kill time before lunch and avoid… Psitassi! Kibum turned and did an abrupt about face when he noticed the Moladhi heading his general direction with a couple of her friends in tow. His heart thumped harder when he noticed Crawven down the other side of the hall, but it looked like he hadn’t noticed Kibum either, or at least wasn’t paying him any mind.

                That was fine by him. He had no desire to run into him or any of that particular trio. Phantom pains from his encounter with Boro bothered him from time to time and Kieran had a sneering glare that could rival his own. So yeah. “No thank you,” he murmured, ducking into an offshoot hallway to find a place to lie low until lunch.

                When it did come time, Kibum found it difficult to actually force himself to follow through with it though. Standing on the second-floor platform looking down over the student body attending lunch, it felt like half the school was there. He knew that wasn’t the case but there were so many people… It was strange how that was never a problem at work but here, it was a whole different animal. And the smells of the dining hall made it hard to focus too, all the delicious scents making his stomach roil and grumble. But this was what he’d asked for…

                He always had liked to stir the pot, and if he could get free lunch out of it too… Kibum took a deep breath and started heading for the spiral escalator. “Here we go,” he murmured, putting on his usual façade. Contrary to the worst imaginings of his mind, all conversation did not stop when he reached the first floor. Nor did every eye turn to him at the same time. It was true that he drew attention and managed to start the occasional gossipy conversation, but those that noticed him were more speculative than accusatory in their glances – not stares.

                So maybe the canteen didn’t fall silent at Kibum’s presence. Jinki’s table did when he got close enough to be noticed and all four of them did turn to watch him as he approached. It was almost enough to make him want to run. Almost. But Jinki’s face was a mix of uncertain welcome and Ercite actually gave him a small wave from their vantage across from Larad and next to Henry. Reacting to them more than anything, he managed an awkward wave in response and paused at the edge of the table nearest Henry and Jinki.

                Henry and Larad looked at him with neutral, unreadable expressions. And Jinki, galaxies bless him, offered a pale smile and a quiet, “Hey.”

                “Hi,” he responded in kind, eyes darting around the table before settling on Jinki’s warm brown orbs. His back and neck prickled like he had a target on them and he had no doubt he’d drawn various eyes but for some reason, Jinki’s attention was a steadying force. “Can we… um… Can we start over?” he asked, flushing at the fact that he’d stumbled in his ask. He didn’t miss Larad’s quiet huff of amusement or Henry’s raised eyebrow in his periphery, but he kept his focus on Jinki.

                The still weak but brilliant smile that lit up Jinki’s eyes washed over Kibum like a soothing balm. “Yeah,” was the single word answer, but it felt like something far more eloquent. Jinki mutely gestured at the floor where Kibum was standing and he stepped back to allow the seat to rise up and unfold.

                “Thanks,” he murmured, settling himself carefully on the edge of the chair, almost afraid to make himself comfortable. Obviously welcome, he still felt out of place and awkward. At least until Henry picked up the slack.

                “Anyway! As I was saying, we should totally go check out that new holovid, Pirate’s Crusade 3,” he encouraged, obviously backtracking a little bit by the smiles on Jinki and Larad’s faces.

                “But 2 was terrible,” Larad reminded him with a deadpan look.

                Henry waved his hand dismissively. “Yeah, but this one is supposed to fix that. Even Ercite said it looked pretty good,” he added, gesturing at the Dawbn meaningfully.

                While they carried the conversation, Jinki quietly pushed another freshly wrapped sandwich from his tray and towards Kibum. His shy smile was slightly embarrassed. “I didn’t know what else you liked,” he admitted with a shrug before nodding at the sandwich and then shifting most of his attention away to the rest of the group.

                He kept glancing back though so Kibum knew it was mostly for his sake. Feeling almost guilty about it, he reached out to pull the sandwich closer and then blinked in surprise when Larad reached over to place a bright red piece of fruit on Henry’s tray. “Here. You said you liked these.”

                Henry looked crestfallen. “Now you tell me,” he bemoaned with a glance at his tray, half picked over but with plenty of food remaining. “I’m so full,” he grumbled, accepting the fruit and surreptitiously pushing the tray under his other arm and closer to Kibum.

                His mouth literally watered at the sight of the mela. He hadn’t had fresh fruit in… weeks now. “I think we could probably catch a holovid but I might have to bring Hajoon. She’s been dying to see that since the first trailer came out,” Jinki explained, his genuine and easy grin returning. It faded just a touch when he glanced back at Kibum and nodded slightly towards the food, but it didn’t disappear entirely.

                “Feh. No problem,” Henry assured him with two waving hands. “She’s the cool sibling after all,” he teased, winking across the table.

                “Hey!” Jinki laughed in mildly offended outrage.

                Kibum was right in the middle of taking a bite of the mela when Ercite asked, “Would you like to come too, Kibum?” When he looked across the table at them, there was a gleam in their eye that looked like they meant to catch him at that moment and he didn’t know to react.

                Caught with the fruit in his mouth, it made the rest of the table laugh and embarrassed Kibum. He tried to put it away before Henry smacked him lightly on the shoulder and added, “Finish your bite first.”

                “Ercite,” Jinki chided with a look at the Dawbn who simply shrugged in response, completely unrepentant. Then Jinki shifted his attention back to Kibum, handing him a cloth napkin to wipe at the juice on his chin. He tried to stifle the laugh and succeeded in keeping it at a smile, but added, “You’re welcome to come too. If you want,” he encouraged, mouth twitching again when Kibum swallowed hurriedly.

                “I can’t this weekend,” he answered, shaking his head and looking down. He barely had enough money for food, much less holovids.

                “Next time then,” Jinki nodded, not pushing the issue before he gestured at the food one more time. Clearly he was worried Kibum hadn’t eaten enough.

                “Sure,” Kibum answered with a hesitant smile, hurrying to take another bite before someone said something else that might embarrass him. He didn’t miss the amused fist bump Larad and Ercite shared at their end of the table, or the distracted way that Henry also kept pushing bits of food in his direction while he talked to the rest of the group. Kibum nibbled on the mela and stuck the sandwich in his pocket for later while he picked at the remaining food on the tray.

                They hadn’t said it outright and he wasn’t entirely sure he believed it, but it felt like he was part of the group. At least a little bit. Hovering on the outskirts looking in, but… it seemed as if they’d made a spot for him to come in. If he wanted. If he dared. For the first time in days, the subconscious tension in his gut started to unwind and he sighed, a peaceful, calm exhale.