Of course, hearing something and believing something were two very different things. As the semester went on, Kibum and Jinki continued to spend time together, but the shadow of fear and worry seemed glued to the latter. He was still the supportive boyfriend he’d always been, cheering Kibum on with pretty much everything – performing at The Stars Align, studying for his classes, practicing simulations, and so on, but there were moments that he didn’t feel good enough for the other man. Moments that he tried to pull away or distance himself.

                “Do you want to hang out this weekend before work?” Kibum asked easily, leaning against Jinki as he often did.

                Jinki gave a quick smile but waved a hand with a slight warding gesture. “Actually, I have to help my mom repair that new piece of tech dad found the other day. It’ll probably take most of the day and I don’t want you to get bored,” he explained, not looking at his boyfriend.

                Kibum snorted and wrapped his arms around Jinki’s. “I wouldn’t get bored.”

                “But what if you just end up watching and not doing anything?” he asked, looking down at the other man, confused as to why he would even consider that possibility.

                He shrugged and his expression turned thoughtful. “Then I’ll at least be spending time around you. But anyway! It’s tech stuff. As a captain, I should know about some of it too!” he added, tilting his head to the side as if that answered the question.

                Jinki couldn’t help but smile and tease gently, “You’re not a captain yet.”

                Undaunted, Kibum shot back, “But I will be!”

                “Okay,” he relented with a smile and a relieved sigh. “But don’t blame me if you get bored.”

                “I won’t.” Kibum’s smile was bright and Jinki couldn’t tell if he meant that for the blaming part or the bored part. Not that it mattered.

                Another time, they ran into a mild hiccup and Jinki felt bad about it, but what could he do. “I already promised my dad I’d help with the scrap run this weekend. He said I could come and it’s a great opportunity to look for parts,” he reasoned, looking down to avoid the disappointment he knew he’d see on Kibum’s face.

                Surprisingly, there wasn’t any. “Oh!” Kibum gasped and clapped his hands together in excitement. “That’s alright. I know space is limited on those runs and I really don’t want to go outside anyway,” he added with a visible shudder. “But…” he trailed off, grinning with one finger raised between them. “You can video chat with me and I can help play spotter. Oh! We can also invite Ercite and Larad. They’ve been looking for parts too and might have luck spotting stuff as well.”

                “Oh,” Jinki chirped in thoughtful response. “I hadn’t considered that.”

                “See?” Kibum smiled, stepping close to wrinkle his nose at the other man. “I mean, if you really don’t want me around…” he added, looking away and shrugging with his hands floating on either side of him.

                Jinki quickly waved his hands in disagreement and caught Kibum’s so he could hold them in the space between them. “I do,” he answered with a firm nod, a tiny furrow between his brows. “I just… you always seem so busy now. And so good on your own,” he admitted, letting some of the worries free today.

                Kibum adjusted his grip so he could hold Jinki’s hands better. “I am,” he confirmed, quickly adding, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to spend time with you. Dummy,” he laughed, jostling Jinki’s hands just a little.

                In typical bashful fashion, Jinki blushed and looked down, a little smile pulling at his lips. He never tired of hearing that. “Me too,” he admitted, looking up and breaking free from Kibum’s hold so that he could pull the other man into his embrace, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him tight.

                And even when it came to other flimsy excuses like with his younger brother, Kibum was not to be deterred. “Daejung has been begging me to game with him recently so rain check?”

                Kibum raised a brow and scoffed. “I mean, I could but that little brat owes me a game too.”

                His response made Jinki laugh outright before he tried to smother his smile. “He did beat you pretty good at the racing game last time.”

                “Not that bad!” Kibum defended himself, swatting Jinki’s arm as he winced and flinched away, a smile still in place. “And besides. I wasn’t at my best that day,” he continued, crossing his arms and looking away, clearly miffed at the results of the previous game.

                Jinki immediately moved close to comfort him, sliding his arms around Kibum’s waist and hugging him from behind. He watched the smile magically appear on Kibum’s face and gave him a kiss on the cheek in response. “I’m sure. And I know Daejung would love to race against you again.” Pausing for a second, he blinked thoughtfully and added, “I do believe he actually got a new flight game recently. Not as good as your simulator, but a fair representation.”

                “Oh?” Kibum asked, a wicked smile alighting on his lips. “Perfect. I’ve been practicing that myself so… I should definitely be able to kick his ,” he reasoned enthusiastically.

                “I don’t know…” Jinki hesitated with a playful tone.

                “Traitor,” Kibum grumbled, smacking Jinki’s arms lightly. “But regardless. I’m coming too!” he stated simply, pointing a finger at Jinki’s nose as he looked at him out of the corner of his eye.

                Jinki smiled and nodded. “I’m glad. If you’re coming, maybe we can invite the others too. If they’re not working anyway.”

                Apparently open to the suggestion, Kibum nodded, a sly smile making its way to his face. “I wouldn’t mind kicking Henry’s too.”

                “Kibum,” Jinki chided with a bemused laugh.

                “If he’s not too busy with his girlfriend anyway,” Kibum added, rolling his eyes and completely ignoring Jinki’s mild warning.

                “That’s right,” Jinki confirmed, nodding to himself. “I guess we’ll just have to see. Though maybe we should try inviting Psitassi and Crawven…” he trailed off, waiting to see what response he would get. Kibum gave him a raised brow look with unmistakable side-eye. “Or not.”

                Kibum nodded. “Psitassi maybe. Though she’s been really busy lately too though,” he added, tapping his chin with his finger, a frown pulling his facial features down. “But Crawven… Nah uh.”

                His response made Jinki laugh and agreed with a quiet hum, rocking them back and forth in happy contentment. It was hard to not feel wanted when Kibum constantly made reasons to stay close, even when Jinki himself was trying to pull back. For whatever reason. Invariably though, there were times when it worked or when Kibum’s schedule didn’t allow for them to meet up.

                Sitting in the library, their usual on campus study location, and discussing the weekend plans, Jinki grimaced. “Eh. There’s a presentation coming up next week that I have to get ready for. I haven’t done as much as I need to and I don’t want you to feel ignored,” he explained with a sigh.

                Kibum scrunched his face up at the announcement too but then shrugged as he leaned on the table, looking at Jinki closely. “I know. And I can be a bit of a distraction sometimes,” he admitted with a playful wink.

                 Jinki opened his mouth to deny that but stopped himself short and allowed a guilty smile to play on his lips. “Maybe just a little,” he agreed in a quiet voice.

                All of a sudden, Kibum gasped in dramatic fashion and leaned back, one hand splayed on his chest. “You agreed with me?” he lamented, pulling an all too believable pout.

                Immediately flustered, Jinki reached out his hand to catch the one that was still on the table. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way,” he rushed to explain, concern welling up quickly.

                “I know, babe,” Kibum responded, dropping the act without hesitation and laying his hand atop Jinki’s. “I was just messing with you,” he assured his boyfriend, making sure he met Jinki’s eyes squarely.

                Jinki exhaled once in quiet relief and cringed, slightly embarrassed by his overreaction. “Sorry,” he apologized, dropping his gaze in abashment.

                “Hey,” Kibum called, leaning forward and down so he could look up into Jinki’s face again.

                It felt like he was doing that a lot lately. Jinki was going to have to stop looking down so much if even he was beginning to notice such a pattern.

                “I know I can be a distraction. And this is obviously important to you or else you wouldn’t be saying anything,” he explained, patting Jinki’s hand comfortingly.

                “Yeah…” Jinki admitted reluctantly. “What will you do then? On the weekend, I mean.”

                Kibum shrugged and laughed once as he straightened up, though he kept his hands on Jinki’s. “Eh. I’ll either go pester Passeri and Jackson or maybe I can get Psitassi to tell me a bit about what she’s been up to lately,” he grinned mischievously. “Passeri taught her well,” he added with a snort, shaking his head at the comment.

                “Ah. Good luck,” he chuckled in response, knowing that could prove to be challenging.

                “I know, right?” Kibum snorted, one hand rising up to gesture in the air between them. “Eh. We’ll get it sorted, either way,” he promised, patting Jinki’s hand before smiling bashfully when his boyfriend raised it to his lips to kiss it gently.

                “I hope so,” he murmured, holding Kibum’s gaze evenly.

                “We will,” was the firm response.

                Even with such a firm affirmation though, it was still difficult for Jinki to completely release himself from the worry of pushing Kibum away, even for a valid reason. It did help immensely when he sat down to focus on his presentation, but it still felt odd that Kibum wasn’t there and that he hadn’t tried to convince Jinki to let him come. He voiced his concerns to his friends when they met in the evening on the same weekend, Kibum’s absence obvious but expected as he had to work.

                “I really don’t know what you’re worried about. I know you talked to Kibum, right?” Henry asked as they lounged around the table at the Varium themed restaurant they liked to visit from time to time. It had a Terran owner but she was married to a Varium and she collected memorabilia featuring various famous Varium from entertainment, news, and sports. The food was pretty good too: specially concocted from the food processors or hand prepared upon request.

                Jinki paused for a moment before he murmured, “Yeah.”

                “I’m confused,” Larad admitted after a momentary hesitation. He gestured at Jinki and then at the spot Kibum would normally be. “Did I miss the part where you two had a fight and that’s why I don’t know what the problem is?” he asked, glancing down at the shorter Terran and then looking over at Ercite as if they might have the answers.

                “No,” Jinki answered quickly, waving both hands at everyone around the table. “Kibum and I are fine. I think,” he added, almost as an afterthought.

                “Ugh…” Henry groaned, smacking his face with his palm.

                Ercite knocked on the table to make sure they had Jinki’s attention. “You’re talking. You’ve had a relationship like this before. And everything seems acceptable. What exactly is the issue here?” they wondered, trying to narrow it down so that they and everyone else could understand.

                Jinki floundered for a second and then gestured vaguely in front of him. “That,” he stated with a firm voice. “All of that.”

                Larad chuckled at the explanation while Henry sighed and shook his head. Ercite held their chin in their hand and mused quietly before speaking. “So you’re saying that things are too good and you’re worried something bad will happen because that’s how it’s always been?”

                For a second, Jinki raised his hand and opened his mouth like he was going to counter their statement, but then he deflated with a nod. “Pretty much. Yeah.”

                “I keep telling him he shouldn’t worry so much,” Henry grumbled, shaking his hand in Jinki’s direction in frustration. “He always does this to himself. You do,” he added when Jinki opened his mouth to object.

                “Why do Terrans make things so complicated?” Larad wondered, tilting his head to the side and tapping his cheek.

                “Ugh…” Jinki groaned, sliding his hands on the table so he could lay his forehead down instead. “This is the longest relationship I’ve had and it’s… Almighty Key,” he explained with a heavy exhale, going limp so that he looked like a drunken fool on his chair.

                “Ah,” Ercite hummed in understanding, looking over at Henry for a moment.

                “What?” he asked when he realized the Dawbn was looking at him.

                “Oh nothing,” they waved off with a dismissive gesture.

                “Seriously. What?” he asked again, looking around the table in confusion.

                “Well, you happen to be dating Lorielle at the moment,” Larad offered, with a glance down at Ercite.

                “And she’s been doing a lot of gossiping in the fan club lately,” Ercite added, looking back up at the Varium.

                “And he’s been all keyed up since right around when you two got together,” he went on, pointing at Jinki and looking at Henry with a pensive expression on his too sharp face.

                “So we thought you might have mentioned something that could potentially set him off,” Ercite murmured, one hand gesturing at Jinki specifically as if to prove a point.

                Apparently oblivious to the conversation, he shifted his head to rest his chin on the table and whined, “He didn’t even try to come bother me when I was preparing for the presentation tomorrow. What if this time it means- Ow!” he yelped when Larad smacked him on the back, the sound loud but the pain only briefly sharp. “What was that for?” he demanded, sitting up with an affronted look on his face.

                “Stop,” the Varium commanded with a stern look and a finger in Jinki’s face.

                “Stop what?” he grumbled, stuffing his hands in his lap and pouting.

                “Inviting trouble.”

                “I’m not trying to,” Jinki sighed, smacking his head with both fists lightly.

                Ercite quirked their mouth to the side and then looked at Henry again. “What did you say to him?”

                “What?” he exclaimed in surprise, leaning back from Larad and Ercite’s attention. “I was just trying to give him some helpful advice so this wouldn’t happen again!”

                “Clearly,” Larad snorted dryly.

                “Hey. At the time, it was looking like there could have been some serious responses,” Henry defended himself, gesturing vaguely towards the air again. “I mean, I don’t know for sure, because I’m not officially in the fan club exactly, but Lorielle is and she was telling me,” he started to say, babbling as his tongue got away from him, “that Kibum hadn’t been picking up more opportunities and had been declining opportunities to go out because of Jinki.”

                “What?!” Jinki gasped, clearly homing in on the statement and despairing in the same instance.

                “No, no, no, no, no, no,” Henry quickly responded, frantically waving his hands at Jinki. “That was then. Obviously you guys have been doing fine. Kibum’s happy, isn’t he?” he asked, reaching out to place a hand on his friend’s shoulder comfortingly.

                “I don’t know…” Jinki groaned, sliding to lay out on the table again, even more conflicted now.

                “Well that didn’t help, Mr. Expert on Jinki’s relationship,” Ercite commented, head tilting to the side with a perturbed look on their face.

                “Hey! Terran relationships are weird. I would know,” he grumbled, gently shaking Jinki as if that would rouse him from his stupor. “And I mean, you guys have been partners for forever. What advice would you give him?” he asked reactively, free hand waving between the two and Jinki.

                The pair huffed simultaneously and then Larad answered, “Not whatever you told him the first time around.”

Henry scoffed with a roll of his eyes. “That’s easy for you to say.”

                “Okay, okay,” Ercite interjected, waving their hands at both of them to get the two to quiet down. “Jinki!” they called, loud enough to surprise him.

                “Huh?” he mumbled, sitting up with a heavy sigh. He’d been listening in, of course, and he knew he was being dumb, but it was hard to get around it sometimes.

                “Has Kibum given you any reason to doubt he’s happy?”

                Jinki had to think about that one really hard. Had Kibum given him an actual reason or was everything literally in his head. After careful deliberation, he shook his head. “No.”

                “Are you happy with Kibum?”

                “Yes!” No thinking was necessary for that question.

                “Do you want to stay together with Kibum?”

                He hesitated slightly and answered, “If he’ll have me.”

                “No,” Ercite chided like a disappointed parent. “Do you want to stay together with him?”

                “Yes.” The answer came out so quiet. It was surprisingly hard to voice his own desire.

                “Then you better hold onto that boy, Jinki,” Ercite told him firmly, literally pointing their finger at him.

                “That’s what I told him,” Henry added, leaning back when Ercite raised a craggy brow in his direction.

                “And don’t listen to any advice he gives you while he’s still dating Lorielle,” they tacked on with an amused snort.

                “Hey!” he grumbled in immediate offense.

                “Jinki,” Larad called, reaching over to clap the Terran on the shoulder. For a second, Jinki thought he was about to be scolded or something. “Just remember. What the fan club thinks doesn’t matter. Galaxies, what we think doesn’t matter. Not really,” he went on, chuckling dryly with the second addition. “But we see that you’re happy when you’re with Kibum. He’s happy when he’s with you. And we want you both to be happy. End of story.”

                “But-” Jinki tried to say, almost like it was a reaction of some kind. He caught himself even as Larad interrupted.

                “No buts,” the Varium scolded, pointing his other finger at him.

                “Besides, we’re all gonna be a crew together, aren’t we?” Ercite asked, a big grin on their face as they looked directly at Jinki then.

                “I’m not!” Henry volunteered with a raised hand.

                “You’re considered an honorary crew member,” Larad corrected, waving a hand at him dismissively.

                “Ah. I can work with that,” he nodded in agreement. “As long as I’m not on the ship.”

                “Speaking of ships,” Ercite hummed. “We don’t have one yet, but we’re getting there. And if we want to make this work, we’ve gotta have our captain and first mate in good condition,” they winked quickly, looking around the group again.

                “I feel like this part needs Kibum,” Henry admitted as he looked at the spot where said person would normally be.

                All eyes turned to follow his gaze and then they agreed simultaneously, “Yeah,” with nodding heads. It struck Jinki that they couldn’t have done that better if they’d staged it and he started laughing.

                “What?” Larad wondered, clearly amused.

                It took Jinki a second to compose himself enough to answer, reluctant to give up the feeling because it felt so good to laugh. “Nothing,” he explained, beaming at the small group of people around him. “I’m just glad you’re my friends,” he exhaled happily, some of the weight of his worries lifting at last.

                “Of course!” Henry snorted, leaning over to sling his arm over Jinki’s shoulders and jostle him good-naturedly.

                “So are we,” Larad confirmed, gesturing between himself and Ercite.

                The Dawbn was right too. Far more straightforward than a typical Terran but they’d spent generations living amongst them and could often give good advice when necessary. Jinki’s heart was lighter in the morning when he woke up to find a picture message from Kibum, Passeri, and Jackson. They were all making silly faces, their makeup slightly worn and the lighting a bit poor. The caption under the picture read, ‘We hope you prepared for your presentation well. Also, go to bed early!’ A second message after that was a simple, Love you, Jinki! Sleep well and see you tomorrow!

                Jinki smiled harder and rubbed sleep from his eyes enough to type back, Love you too. Did you have a good night at work?

                He didn’t expect to get an immediate response and he didn’t. Kibum didn’t have class until a bit later and Jinki was up earlier than usual so that he could finish doing some last-minute prep for his presentation in his interspecies diplomacy class. Kibum wasn’t the only one that would need to have de-escalation skills on a ship…

                Before he left the house, he got a bite from the kitchen. His mom and siblings waved him off, Daejung still half asleep at the table as he chewed by rote. He’d obviously been up too late gaming again. Jinki would probably have to scold him later, or at least try to convince him to go to bed earlier if he could, but his thoughts were focused on the day. As intended, he got to class early to prepare and set his mind to the task for that morning.

                Imagine his surprise when he got up to give his presentation and noticed… Kibum sitting in the back of the lecture hall. Near the door obviously, and looking like he didn’t get nearly enough sleep, but smiling brightly when he saw Jinki looking at him. He gave a quick wave and then pointed at the screen as if to remind him he had a presentation to give.

                Embarrassed, Jinki laughed once and bowed towards the rest of the class as he frantically tried to collect his thoughts. Kibum’s presence threw him off but in a good way. He knew he was ready for his presentation but at that point, it didn’t even matter to him if he did particularly well or not. When the class was finished, he rushed up the stairs to get to Kibum before he could duck out.

                “You surprised me, love. What are you doing here?” he asked, squeezing him tight with a big hug and then rocking him side to side.

                Kibum chuckled and hugged him back first. “I can’t just watch my boyfriend give a presentation?” he asked, poking Jinki in the side playfully.

                He jerked in response and yelped before laughing. “Of course you can, but you worked last night. I know you didn’t get your usual amount of sleep.”

                “I’ll be fine,” Kibum promised, laughing in embarrassment as he almost immediately had to stifle a yawn. “Besides. You wouldn’t let me stick around when you were preparing so I figured this was the least I could do,” he explained, leaning close as they wandered out of the room side by side.

                “Thank you,” Jinki sighed with real gratitude, turning his head just enough to kiss the side of Kibum’s.

                “You’re welcome,” Kibum answered, reaching across to pat Jinki’s abdomen lightly.

                Jinki’s conversation with his friends last night came back to him and his arm tightened around Kibum just a bit. “Have you had breakfast yet?”

                Kibum shook his head with a small sound in the back of his throat. “I’m not really hungry either. Still waking up I think,” he added with a laugh.

                “Probably. But you should still eat something. Come on. I’ll get you mela bread,” he grinned, completely unrepentant when Kibum glared at him from the corner of his eye.

                “You’re terrible! I’m so gonna get fat if you keep feeding me that,” he laughed, not entirely upset with the idea of eating it again.

                “I’ll still love you, even if you get fat,” he responded sincerely. “Not that I think that’s possible but still.”

                “Promise?” Kibum asked, giving him a curious sidelong look.

                “Promise,” Jinki nodded once without hesitation.

                “Pinky swear.” Kibum held up his pinky expectantly. With a grin, Jinki did just that, his pinky finger slightly awkward since he had to use his left hand. “Now come on!” Kibum urged, sliding free from under Jinki’s arm but holding onto his hand so he could drag him along. “You owe me a mela bread!”

                Jinki allowed himself to be pulled along happily. “Yes, sir!” he agreed, watching Kibum’s exuberant face before he turned to watch where he was going. Then his gaze drifted to their joined hands and his smiled widened as Ercite’s comment ran through his head: ‘You better hold onto that boy, Jinki.’ His hand tightened slightly and he picked up speed to catch up to Kibum. That at least was advice he could get behind.

 

(a/n: Wow! That was a pretty major rewrite. Took me longer to take care of than I intended to but I'm much happier with the direction it's moving in right now. Also, the power of friendship! XD Seriously though. I have to say this because Ercite is very much genderless - they have no markers for one and Dawbn just don't typically identify as one gender or another, but I swear, in my head, they always sound like an older woman who has no more f**ks to give. lol But yeah. So I've set myself up at a point to launch them into a sort of time skip period so we can get to graduation / finding a ship somehow - and enough parts to power it. We've got a few more chapters coming but we are starting to wind up for the finish for this one. I can say right now there will be a continuation but that will be something to look forward to in the future. Either way, thanks for reading and I hope you've enjoyed it so far!)