At some point, Kibum came to the realization that change had slowly taken place within him. He couldn’t pinpoint when or how it had happened exactly, but he started to wake up more often feeling like he wasn’t burdened with the weight of nightmarish memories that haunted him in his sleep. Little by little, his heart felt lighter and the smile that crept upon his lips, though faint and cautious, was genuine. Maybe it was just because life in Jinki’s house had started to feel… normal. He wasn’t the person he’d been when the academic year started, but he did resemble that figure again, at least a little bit.

                Though utterly embarrassing at first, divulging his stories with Jinki had started to calm the torrent of his thoughts. And as overwhelming as they could be, living with and being around the rest of Jinki’s family stopped stinging quite so much when he couldn’t help but lament what he no longer had. He wasn’t what he would consider ‘fixed’ exactly, but life stopped seeming so treacherous at a point, and he knew Jinki had a large part to do with that. He was not blind to just how much the other man put into making him feel comfortable and safe. From his silent stalwart presence to all the ways he ran interference when they were around other people, especially at home.

                Living with Jinki’s family was life in a way Kibum had never experienced and it was both amazing and frightening at the same time. He vaguely remembered a time when it was just him and his parents, but in Jinki’s family, there was never any silence or privacy outside of one’s given room. Sound and attention and questions intruded at every possible interval and made it impossible to predict what might happen next when there were five bodies vying for attention, not including the parents.

                Jinki’s siblings had innumerable questions most of the time, but when they were about Kibum, they kept them mostly in check or asked out of earshot, though he could see them, unspoken words bubbling beneath the surface. At the increasing number of practices Kibum could convince himself to attend, Jinki kept the focus centered on himself and training. Well, when Kibum didn’t have a relapse anyway. But even then, Jinki’s priority was him. Never would Kibum have thought Jinki would simply abandon another priority for… or was it because of? – him.

                School was an easier arena because he had his dedicated fan club. Even though he hadn’t been working for the past several weeks, Psitassi had been very busy with maintaining his group. He was going to have to thank her for that at some point. It was there that he was actually able to start acting like his old self again, putting on some of the masks he usually wore around the student body at large. They helped him ‘pretend’ like things were back to normal. And they allowed him the minimal confidence to start using words like the poetical tools they’d always been to him before. Friendly banter and gentle barbs began to grace his tongue once more, and it extended from school to Jinki’s home life as well.

                He still needed Jinki to play moderator if things hit a little too close to home, or risk shutting down when he didn’t know how to respond to a particularly direct question – usually from Siwoo no less. And though Daejung liked to play the fool, he wasn’t half as silly as he pretended, even if his head was mostly stuck on games lately.

                Interestingly enough, the cautious sense of normalcy was double edged for Kibum. Before, all he could focus on was not falling apart, not feeling worthless, and protecting himself as best he could while still trying to move forward. Now that he was finding his footing again, the rest of the world was beginning to intrude once more. And it was starting to make Kibum feel conflicted. For weeks, his only thoughts about Jinki had been of necessity: he was safe to be around, he was safe to think about in terms of studying Terran biology, and he was the one that could chase Kibum’s nightmares off and offer solace from his bouts of madness.

                Now… Kibum was starting to notice both older and new thoughts again. Jinki had always been gentle with him, but the little touches and constant bouts of intermittent contact sometimes made his skin tingle and his stomach flutter. It was occasionally hard not to stare at the way he focused when he was trying to teach Kibum something new. Harder still to pry his eyes away from him when Jinki was helping with practices. Though to be fair, that one was twofold. Of course he didn’t mind watching Jinki when he was supposed to be studying, but he found himself experiencing a renewed appreciation for the sport of grav jumping as well. He’d never participated in it before but he had to admit that it did look… interesting to say the least.

                “I could teach you if you wanted?” Hajoon suggested, a far too mischievous gleam in her eyes after one of her practices.

                “Galaxies no,” Jinki scoffed immediately at the idea. “You’d kill him without meaning to,” he explained, giving his sister a once over as he stood semi-protectively in front of Kibum.

                It was adorable. “Really?” Kibum laughed in mild disbelief.

                “See? He doesn’t mind,” she reasoned, an equally mischievous grin matching the glint in her eyes.

                Jinki saw it and looked at Kibum. “If anyone’s gonna teach him, it’ll be me,” he promised firmly, giving his sister a dry look when she cackled – yes, it was a cackle – and roughed his hair up in a playful manner. “Don’t trust anything she tells you,” he whispered behind his hand while he leaned closer to Kibum, utterly unaffected by her gesture. “Her definition of playing nice is not kicking you out of the playing field intentionally.”

                Kibum blinked and looked between the two, trying to see if they were kidding. But… given what he’d seen of Hajoon so far, he wouldn’t put it past her. The unrepentant shrug wasn’t helping any either. “Noted,” he responded instead, giving Hajoon a quick once over himself before they went on their way. Though he was pleased by the prospect of Jinki teaching him how to play. And yet, it was one more thing that would simply have to wait until later if anything was going to come of it.

 

                Between not working, studying as much as humanly possible, navigating the nuances of morning and afternoon practices, and attempting to attend all regular classes otherwise, Kibum had his hands full. It was enough to simply take it one day at a time until he abruptly realized that time was growing short and exams were right around the corner. Come what may, he needed to be ready for them if at all possible.

                One week to the day before the start of their final exams, he woke up and felt like he was… more or less himself. At last. At least for a temporary time anyway. It was the first such occurrence since he’d fallen into the quagmire of his memories. But his head was clear for a wonder – free from the shadow of any nightmares; his heart was calmer and more settled than it had been in a while; and it felt like he could take a breath without feeling the need to hold it in preemptive worry. For the moment anyway.

                The room was dark so it was probably early morning still, yet he was wide awake and ready for the day. But Jinki was asleep on the floor and Kibum didn’t want to risk waking him up. Carefully turning onto his side, he looked over the edge of the bed and regarded Jinki’s sleeping features. His straight hair with that slight curl at the very tips sprawled across his face in a messy fashion, moving minutely with each breath that passed his lips. Kibum wanted to reach out and brush it away but he stayed still, tucking his hands under his chin instead.

                In all the times that Jinki had been taking care of him, he’d never once made a move to bring them closer. He was effectively the perfect gentleman and while that was a beautiful thing, it was also quite confusing for Kibum. Even before he’d started spilling his secrets to the other man, he knew he’d liked him. Of course those thoughts had been put on the back burner during the heart of his madness, but now that he was making progress, they’d returned. Jinki was good in a way that Kibum could never be, but that goodness and honesty and genuine sense of self called to him in a way few others had.

                Oh, he’d crushed on plenty of people in the past. Most recently it had been Jackson and Passeri. They were probably how he ended up working at The Stars Align in the first place, but it didn’t take long to notice they were hopelessly devoted to each other. And before that, there had been passing attractions in school, but none were trustworthy enough to try and get close to. In his world, attraction and actually liking someone did not often go hand in hand.

                It didn’t help that he couldn’t read Jinki either. He was an open book and almost without guile, but Kibum couldn’t tell if there was anything more beneath the surface than what Jinki showed him. For all his beautiful warmth and appearance, Jinki just seemed so out of reach for Kibum. The man literally treated him like a younger sibling. Well, technically like a mentee, but he had the same caring air he used to deal with his siblings so same difference really. It was impossible to tell if it was a one-sided thing or not.

                Hajoon and Doyun had both told him, on more than one occasion, they thought something might be there, but neither were particularly helpful otherwise. They weren’t even at liberty to give him any info on people Jinki had previously dated or gotten close to, though they assured him men weren’t a problem. And even though Kibum’s condition hadn’t been the best lately, it wasn’t like he’d been able to get anything useful out of Larad or Ercite either. Galaxies help him, but those two seemed dead set on frustrating him to death with their vague hints and long stares that gave absolutely no clear idea as to what they were thinking. Adding to that, Henry was simply a lost cause when it came to getting information, jealous friend that he was. Hah! Kibum knew it was mostly an act, but he was aware enough of the very real fear of losing someone you cared about, so he tried to cut him some slack. Some days anyway.

                Still though… the past couple weeks had gone by in a sort of fever dream feeling but he did think, sometimes, that there might have been something there. Maybe. In the way Jinki held his hand or his forehead or gently sang him to sleep with a low croon every now and then. His voice was delightful to listen to. That was the case in general but when singing, some lullaby that he’d professed to using on his siblings, it was warm and soft and soothing like a heated blanket that wrapped around Kibum while he held a bowl of warm soup cupped between his hands, sipping on it slowly.

                He wanted there to be more between them, but he… liked and respected him enough to be okay if there wasn’t. This was enough. Hopefully. If this was all Jinki was willing to give him, to be the anchor to his madness and the harbor of his peace as a friend and nothing more, it would have to be enough. But that didn’t stop him from looking down at the other man with wistful hope as he slept. “It doesn’t feel fair to ask more of you at this point,” he admitted, biting his bottom lip with a sigh. He’d literally mostly untangled the worst of the emotions he’d been carrying around for years already, kept him on course to graduate with decent grades (other than Terran biology but that was understandable – passing was acceptable at this point), and given him a place to belong. Not to mention his bed these past few weeks… It didn’t seem even remotely possible that more could be in the offing. And yet… it didn’t stop him from wanting. From hoping.

                Staring in contentment, he inhaled and blinked in surprise when Jinki stirred, suddenly opening his eyes and blinking sleepily. It was the most endearing sight and Kibum had to fight to not look like he was staring when he absolutely was. “Morning,” he pretended to yawn in a falsely tired voice.

                Jinki’s sleepy smile was practically the sun. “Morning,” he responded, no feigning necessary. He rubbed at his eyes with his hands and stifled a yawn before looking up again, his gaze a little fuzzy from just waking up. “Did you sleep well?” he asked, rubbing at messy locks before letting his hand rest on his forehead.

                “I did,” Kibum responded, huddled near the edge of the bed, knees tucked up close to his chest under the covers. “You?” he asked, almost afraid to. Jinki never complained about sleeping on the floor but it seemed an uncomfortable place to be. He always felt a little bad about it. He’d offered to switch places on numerous occasions but that hadn’t worked. If he hadn’t been so embarrassed by the thought, he would have suggested they just share the bed. He had a pretty strong feeling Jinki would have shot that suggestion down too though.

                “Quite,” was the easy response. It was impossible to tell if it was a lie because it sounded like the absolute truth. Kibum knew from experience the floor could be just fine, but it didn’t assuage the guilt all the same. “Have you been up long?” he wondered, rubbing at his eyes again and flailing haphazardly for a time indicator somewhere.

                “Not really,” Kibum answered quickly, the response a truth this time. He really hadn’t been awake that long this morning.

                Jinki squinted at the clock on his personal screen and wrinkled his nose. Clearly, he wasn’t ready to wake up either, not that it stopped him from asking. “You ready to get up?” he wondered, already sitting up to start rolling his sleeping mat into a neat, folded pile for storage purposes.

                “No,” Kibum grumbled, burrowing under the blankets like he could hide from Jinki. He knew it wouldn’t work. Experience had taught him the other man would simply persist in pestering him until he did get up. But even if it wasn’t real, he wanted that moment this morning. And so Kibum waited, curled tight and huddled under the blanket. He listened to the sounds of Jinki’s routine. His usual laughing sigh at such a display. The noises of folding and putting up the sleeping mat and covers. Feet sliding softly over the carpeted surface.

                “Kibum,” he called, the tone playful and soft. Fingertips danced over the fabric, tapping away at the empty spaces over his body before playing a tattooed melody on his arms and hips and sides. “Ki-bum!” he hummed again, palms flattening on Kibum’s side, fingers splaying over his ribs and just above his hip bone.

                Kibum giggled at the sensation, the gently firm touch tickling him. “Jinki…” he groaned, flopping onto his other side under the covers. The call and sensation repeated itself once more so he flipped again, assuming a huddled position with his knees tucked under and his head pressed into his pillow, hands cradled close to his face.

                Ever so gentle hands traced up his sides and to his shoulders to peel away the covers over his head. “Kibummie,” came the call that sent a shiver up his spine before soft fingertips pet the back of his neck and hair.

                It was a tender gesture. Nothing romantically intimate about it. He’d seen Jinki make similar gestures towards his siblings when he was comforting or soothing them for something. It shouldn’t have affected him as much as it did. And though he craved the contact, he was never really ready for that moment. To him, it felt intimate and close and he had to fight the visible shiver that would give him away at the touch. “I’m awake,” he complained, rising up on the bed so he could sit back on his knees and pout at Jinki, squashing his feelings down as hard as he could.

                “There you are,” Jinki grinned, smoothing Kibum’s hair down with his hand before resting it on the edge of his shoulder. “Come on. Time to get ready. You’ve got class first thing,” he reminded the younger man before reaching up to ruffle Kibum’s hair and then stand up in the process. It was an act of self-preservation as he retreated quickly after Kibum’s outraged yelp.

                It didn’t matter that Jinki also had class soon after Kibum’s started. His was apparently the priority. And while he had time to finish getting ready, if he didn’t get his up soon, he wouldn’t have time for a shower before the other siblings started to rouse. “Fine,” he grumbled, throwing the covers off and trudging towards the second-floor bathing room.

                By the time he was finished, one of Jinki’s siblings had taken the bottom floor washroom and Daejung was waiting for the second-floor room after him. He looked very much like a zombie as they passed each other, the younger boy not even offering a word of greeting as he stumbled into the bathing space. Kibum had become used to it after a couple days, though the first time had been quite surprising…

                They went through their usual rush of morning preparations and then headed for the university together. Henry typically greeted them at the gates, though sometimes it was Larad too – often with Ercite on his shoulder. Those two were practically inseparable. Today, it was everyone. Granted, the university in general seemed to have that view as more students than average appeared to be clustered around. The last week of the semester was always crunch time, no matter what year you were in. In his circle, they were more or less ready for their finals but Kibum still needed to brush up on Terran biology, so that was the topic they harangued him about at every opportunity.

                The subject still made him uncomfortable, his mind shying away from a lot of the easy stuff without him thinking about it, but it wasn’t like he didn’t know it. He’d studied it extensively when he was younger. It just hadn’t made sense. Still didn’t entirely, but at least this time it was easier to remember. More or less. It was terrible but it helped if he thought about the human body as Jinki’s, as he’d been instructed to. And Sunny’s for the female side of things. The rhetorical ‘What if…?’ always helped to frame things in a way that could stick. At least for a time.

                Of course, he didn’t say as much to Jinki and merely took in the encouragement and praise when he got something right that he should have, but yeah… Even with that mentality, a week was not much time to really cement the necessary information for his final exam. Kibum worried over it excessively, especially because Garum still wasn’t letting him come back to work yet. Something about education being more important in this scenario than anything else.

                Kibum felt betrayed, but also grateful. It gave him time to study but also time to be closer to Jinki, which was becoming a special hell unto itself. No matter how many subtle hints he dropped, Jinki never responded in anything more than a professional manner. Sometimes with a scarlet blush on his cheeks or blazing red ears, but his tone was as cool as he could manage, even if his voice did tremble from time to time.

                But then it was time for finals and there wasn’t much thought for anything else. All of their classes were challenging and they needed to focus accordingly. Kibum couldn’t recall being under such pressure before. He’d been stressed in previous exams, obviously, but none had had the potential for such an impact in the past. It terrified him. He was ready for his other lessons but when it came time for his Terran biology exam, the only saving grace he had at all was imagining Jinki in the questions. And even then… he was hardly sure of himself, twisted into knots and uncertainties.

                When the exams were over, he was almost certain he’d failed, that he was worthless, and that there was no chance he’d passed. He huddled in Jinki’s room, actively hiding from the outside world on the first day after that exam in fact, much to Henry’s amusement – though it didn’t hurt he had no idea the stakes that were riding on the results. He tried doing the same thing on the second day, but the rest of the group came over to crash Jinki’s room as they waited for results to start coming out, refreshing their personal pages every hour or so and cheering or making fun of marks that were higher or lower than they should have been.

                They did a similar thing on the third day as well, coming out to pester Daejung and tease the sisters about their grades when they started to get results back too. But when Kibum’s grade finally came out on the third day after an interminable amount of waiting, one would have thought a C+ was the best score in the universe.

                “I passed!” Kibum shouted, bouncing around Jinki’s room like a kid on his birthday. “I passed!” he yelled again for good measure, buzzing with a euphoric high as he looked at the overall mark from his semester. His class performance was mediocre, marred by his earlier attendance record and lack of homework, but his test was satisfactory, leading to his proud C+. For anyone else, it might well have been a disgrace, a grade to frown upon and be sad about, but for Kibum, it was above passing!

                That was all that mattered.

                “You did it!” Kibum would never forget the way that Jinki hugged him after he announced his results. Arms thrown enthusiastically around his waist, lifting him up high with a blinding smile and a delighted laugh that could banish the very heart of darkness.

                “I did!” Kibum beamed back, arms clinging desperately around Jinki’s shoulders and neck as he was spun around. He threw his head back to laugh, cheeks grinning so hard it hurt. It had felt so impossible just a few weeks ago and now… Looking down, he couldn’t deny it was almost entirely thanks to the man still holding him up. His touch was like lightning where they pressed together, even through the fabric of their clothes. Kibum’s wrists rested lightly against Jinki’s neck, the connection faint but electric. And the way Jinki looked at him… Breath caught in Kibum’s throat and it took everything in him not to lower his head to kiss him.

                For a moment, he actually forgot anyone else was there too. At least until they decided to remind him. “Ooooohhh!” Henry teased creeping into view in Kibum’s periphery as he looked between them with a mischievous grin on his face.

                Larad cleared his throat and Ercite commented, “I almost feel like we shouldn’t be here.” They winked up at the Varium and then laughed in the Terrans’ direction.

                “Sorry!” Jinki apologized quickly, though he was slow to let Kibum down, lowering him with care and making sure he was steady before turning his attention to the group at large. “Congratulations, Kibum,” he grinned, letting one hand reach out to rest against Kibum’s lower back, his eyes smiling as hard as his mouth. “You did it.”

                “Um, we did it!” Henry promptly reminded him, swinging close enough to rest his arm on Kibum’s shoulder.

                “This coming from the Terran who got a similar score as Kibum did last year,” Ercite snorted, needling gently as they often did.

                “Hey! I couldn’t give him my luck but I gave him energy, okay!” he defended himself, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a pair of heart fingers to float in front of Kibum. “See?”

                Kibum looked at the heart then slow blinked to look at Henry, one brow raised as he snorted. “I guess I should be grateful when someone gives all they have to offer,” he teased, the corners of his mouth raised up to lessen any sting.

                Henry’s jaw dropped open and he clasped his heart with both hands, feigning severe pain. “You heartless fiend,” he complained, turning a sad look on Jinki. “He’s so mean to me…” he wailed, trudging over to bodily thump into the other man, pretending to cry.

                “There, there,” Jinki soothed, chuckling at the display while he comforted Henry with his other hand. “What Kibum means to say is thank you for your help. Isn’t that right, Kibum?” he asked, turning a side-eyed look on the first-year student.

                It was rare that such a serious expression was turned upon him and Kibum sighed, rolling his eyes gently. “Fine, fine,” he gestured, reaching out to pat Henry on the shoulder in consolation. “Thank you for your… energy,” he hesitated, stumbling over the word with a laugh. Henry looked over his shoulder to make a face at him before he went back to clinging to Jinki. “And your help,” Kibum finally added, taking a breath as he looked around the room. Larad nodded, Ercite gave a thumbs up, and Jinki wore a wondrously warm smile. “Thank you. All of you,” he added, offering a small bow to the group at large.

                Almost like everything had been an act up until that point, Henry suddenly lurched off Jinki’s shoulder and stuck his finger in his ear, waggling it like he was trying to clear it of something. “What was that, Kibum? I don’t think I heard you,” he grinned, leaning close and cupping his ear.

                Jinki winced and gave a pained smile as he shook his head, almost like he was silently pleading for Kibum not to do whatever he was thinking about doing. Kibum ignored the look and leaned close. “Henry,” he said in a very normal tone, watching the other man nod along in satisfaction. “THANK YOU!” he shouted a second later, not as loud as he could but certainly loud enough to startle Henry into falling backward with a frantic cry.

                Jinki and Larad reached to catch him before Henry was bounding back up anyway, pelting after Kibum in the confined space. “Kibum!” he yelled in response, chasing his target until he caught hold, surprised for a second like the dog that caught the car. Kibum froze, a statue of momentary panic and uncertainty. Henry paused, seeming to sense that. But then neither had a chance to respond as Larad enveloped both of them in his arms, prompting an unplanned tussle. For a brief moment, anxiety crept over Kibum as stronger arms and hands playfully restrained him, but then Jinki was there, worming his way between the worst of it and Kibum, protective and determined at the same time.

                “I’m here,” he whispered, flinching when hands and bodies pressed awkwardly close. Panic receded just enough and Kibum laughed once, clinging to Jinki like the lifeline he was.

                In the end, neither Kibum nor Jinki won the dog pile, but there were worse places to be stuck with Jinki on top of him, actively protecting him from the worst of it. Honestly, he didn’t know whether to curse or thank Henry for the predicament. Not that Henry had gotten off that easy anyway. He had managed to get himself wedged right in the middle with Larad above him, long limbs bracing himself to keep most of his weight off the trio. And on top of him was a very satisfied Ercite. They patted Larad on the shoulder and then raised their hands in the air. “I win!”

                It was all very silly and that was the last comment that undid them as they collapsed and fell apart into a loose pile of tired giggles. Kibum couldn’t actually remember a ‘fight’ he didn’t mind losing before. This had to be a first. And honestly, it wasn’t half as bad as he thought it would be, especially because he was still partially in the circle of Jinki’s protective embrace. All in all, it was a great way to cap his semester.

                Having proven himself and fulfilled his promise and his end of the bargain, Provost Kamari confirmed that Kibum’s academic probation would be lifted. Upon further examination, it was also confirmed that Kibum would be granted permission to obtain residence on campus for the duration of his second year at the university, provided he maintained his grades and kept a mostly perfect attendance record. After the past couple months, that seemed almost easy in comparison.

                Given how everything had managed to work out in the end, there was only one thing left to do now.

                Celebrate!