Seven weeks. Jinki had never been so relieved for a date to arrive. He could finally leave the hospital and go personally check on Kibum. If his parents would let him… By their excessive hovering, he wasn’t entirely sure. “I can walk now,” he promised them with a tight laugh, taking slow steps as he moved from the hospital room. He almost would have preferred Hajoon or Doyun but they were both busy with practice and school. He’d taken enough of their time already.

                “We know,” his father nodded reassuringly, moving close to let one hand hover behind him. “Just take your time.”

                “Here. Get his bag, honey,” his mother encouraged, darting around the room as she checked to make sure nothing had been left behind.

                “Right.”

                As soon he stepped away, Jinki stuttered stepped just a bit and paused, frowning as he struggled to remain silent from the uncomfortable pain that jolted through him. The doctors weren’t happy with the way he hadn’t fully synched with the new nerve system yet but hadn’t forbid him his freedom. If his parents knew how much he felt the lapse in synching, they’d probably try and keep him here, but he couldn’t stay any longer. He had to get out. It wasn’t a prison but it felt like it. And he wasn’t going to be able to relax until he got to check on Kibum himself.

                “Come on, hon,” his mother urged as she came up and took his arm in hers, helping guide him along.

                “Coming,” he mumbled, biting his bottom lip as tingling pain danced along the bottoms of his feet. Nope. Not as seamless as it should have been at all.

                His father came up on his other side a second later, flanking him as they babbled encouragement, talking excitedly about home and the room they’d gotten ready for him. Hajoon had taken his room shortly after he left, but then Doyun took it over when she left and now it was Siwoo’s so they’d taken Daejung’s old room and turned it into a guest space. That would be his room now. Notably, they did not mention Kibum at all.

                They didn’t say it loud or often but Jinki was almost certain they thought Kibum had abandoned him. They’d heard enough from Hajoon and Doyun when he was visited by Jackson and Passeri and when Psitassi called to check on him. They followed the fan club forum often enough to keep track and see if anything came up too. All signs indicated Kibum was doing okay. That he was acting like things were back to normal or like there had never been much of an accident that personally affected him. They saw how he never talked about him and Jinki together anymore. How his name was never mentioned in crew posts or comments about the Shine. How he never called him his boyfriend. Especially how he never messaged or called or came by to visit.

                To anyone on the outside looking in, that’s exactly what it would appear like. But Jinki wasn’t fooled. He knew Kibum. Probably better than the other man knew himself. And he’d heard enough that wasn’t said from Passeri and Jackson to feel that something was very wrong. They didn’t admit it outright either, but he knew they were worried. And they should be. The whole thing reeked of the breakdown from when Kibum had admitted to losing his mother. He’d had no control then and it had nearly ruined him. Now, as the Captain of the Shine, the one who was supposed to be in total control…

                The only reason Jinki hadn’t tried to leave the hospital sooner was because he might have done more damage to his recovering body, thus forcing him to stay there longer. Already, they were pushing it considering the extensive replacements he’d been given. But he held his tongue and tried not to show his worry as his parents guided him to the checkout station. He let them do the talking, going through the necessary procedures and documentation and only answering when he needed to directly.

                Finally, they gave the all-clear and shuffled him to the front door. His father had brought their car and he hurried off to get it so he could swing back around and pick them up. Jinki didn’t say anything as they waited, his mother practically vibrating with happiness and excitement by his side. Only when she tried to help him into the car did he pause and look at her.

                “Before we go… home,” he hesitated, knowing they’d like the answer but feeling it wrong at the same time. His mother smiled at the comment, making it harder to continue. “I need to go by Kibum’s.”

                “Shouldn’t you come home first and get settled in?” his father asked from the front seat, a slight frown on his face.

                “Dad,” Jinki grumbled with an equally dissatisfied frown.

                “Your father’s right,” his mother added, one hand squeezing his arm gently.

                “Mom,” he sighed, turning his frustrated attention to her.

                “Come on. We can talk about it in the car, okay?” she tried to compromise, giving his arm a little nudge.

                “No.” Jinki braced himself firmly against the top of the car. His nerves hadn’t synched properly yet and he was still learning how to use everything to their full ability but he was already much stronger than she would ever be. “If you don’t promise we go see him now, I will call a cab.”

                His father laughed once as if it was a joke, but then fell silent when Jinki was unmoved. He sniffed and finally grumbled, “He didn’t come to see you once while you were in the hospital. I don’t see what you owe him.”

                “You promise or I get a cab,” Jinki reiterated, fingers tightening enough to dent the top of the car.

                His mother noticed with a small gasp and leaned forward. “Honey,” she called to her husband, gesturing for him to agree with a mute nod of her own. “It’s okay, son,” she soothed, standing back up and placing her hand on top of his. “It’s just one trip, right? It shouldn’t take that long,” she added, leaning forward to look at her husband again.

                After a long moment of silence, Mr. Lee eventually grumbled, “Fine. I promise. Now please get in the car.”

                Undeniably relieved, Jinki let out a breathy laugh and a tiny smile as he looked at his mother. He really hadn’t wanted to call a cab. He would have if necessary, but right now, he didn’t feel up to much of a challenge at all. That didn’t mean he wasn’t watching his father’s path carefully when he did get in the car to ride along. True to his word though, he went straight to Kibum’s- their apartment complex.

                “Wait for me here,” he instructed, awkwardly getting out of the car and shuffling towards the entrance.

                “Wait!” his mother called, scrambling to get out and follow along. “Go park the car,” she called to her husband before turning and rushing to support Jinki again. “Careful.”

                Once again, Jinki had to smother his smile. But it bloomed across his face anyway when Sunny popped up to greet him on the screen. “Jinki!” she beamed, ageless face as lovely as he recalled from the last time he’d seen her a couple months ago. “Welcome back!”

                “Hey Sunny. It’s good to see you,” he smiled, the expression hurting his cheeks. He hadn’t smiled so hard in a while.

                “And you’ve brought your mother. Hello Mrs. Lee!” the AI waved enthusiastically, earning a slightly confused greeting in response.

                “Hello again,” she smiled, still not entirely sure how to interact with the all too human-like program.

                “Is Kibum in?” Jinki asked, turning to look down the hallway towards the elevator that would take him to the fourth floor.

                Immediately, Sunny’s demeanor shifted and she bit her bottom lip like a living Terran would. “He is,” she admitted hesitantly, looking down.

                Frowning at the shift, Jinki pointed towards the elevator. “I’m going to go see him then.”

                “Actually!” Sunny started to say, lifting her head up and reaching out as if to stop him. “He asked… told me not to let you up if you happened to come by.”

                Alarm spiked and Jinki shuffled closer to her. “He told you not to?”

                She nodded unhappily. “Told you,” his father muttered upon arriving just early enough to catch the tail end of the exchange.

                “But I live here,” he said, ignoring his father and keeping his attention focused on the AI.

                “You did,” she agreed, still grimacing.

                “But my name’s on the registry.”

                “It was,” she confirmed with a cringe.

                “What? When did it change?” he gasped in shock and surprise.

                She looked down and touched her index fingers together unhappily. “Three days ago.”

                “Kibum?” She nodded slowly. “Can I call him?” She shook her head, still frowning dejectedly.

                “Come on, son. We should just go,” his father huffed, clearly annoyed.

                “Dad!”

                “Hi, Mr. Lee,” Sunny greeted, her usual exuberance much deflated but her programming still shining through.

                “Isn’t this the same as blocking you?” his mother wondered hesitantly, not quite as to the point as his father.

                “Mom…” Jinki exhaled in frustration. She wasn’t wrong but he was sure it wasn’t for the reason they imagined. “Is he alive?” he asked instead, focusing on the AI.

                “Yes,” she answered immediately with an emphatic nod.

                “Is he in danger?”

                She wrinkled her nose and admitted, “Not enough to notify emergency services.”

                Jinki really didn’t want it to get that far. Emergency protocols dictated the automated assistance notify emergency services if and whenever a tenant’s vitals dipped below or went above certain parameters for an extended period of time. “When was the last time he had a guest?”

                “Five days ago,” she answered without hesitation. “But it was Doyun and she didn’t get to go inside.”

                “Star shards,” he cursed, his worry mounting by the moment.

                “What’s going on?” his mother finally asked, coming close to grab his hand worriedly in hers.

                “Not now, mom,” he urged, motioning at her with his other hand distractedly before he looked at Sunny again. “Sunny. You know me. You know Kibum. What can I do in this situation?” he asked, placing both hands together like he was praying.

                “You? Nothing. Only Kibum and...” she trailed off as a thought apparently crossed her circuits, “his guardian- er- former guardian, can gain or allow access to the apartment.”

                Hope flared. “Can you give me his number?” he asked almost desperately.

                “No. I’m not allowed to give you his number. But you are both listed as his emergency contacts still. And that information is listed on one document file in the system. And Kibum has not revoked that permission. Do you need to modify your emergency contact information?” she asked with a sly smile on her face.

                “Yes!” Jinki answered immediately, clapping his hands and wincing when the touch and pain receptors sent a shockwave through his body.

                “This is a very strange AI,” his father commented, mystified by her responses and the situation.

                “Remarkable,” his mother murmured, still hovering at Jinki’s side with a new appreciation for the artificial receptionist.

                With a tiny smirk, Jinki responded, “Kibum may or may not have made some minor personality adjustments to her circuitry.”

                “Huh,” his parents chirped in acknowledgement at the same time.

                “Got it! Thank you, Sunny! I’ll be back,” he waved, already hobbling out of the complex, forcing his parents to follow him.

                “Wait up, son!”

 

                Seven weeks. That was what the calendar had said when he checked it this morning. Since he’d been rescued. And yet it felt an eternity. Like he’d been floating in space for months and drifting in life for years at this point. Numb. Even the pain was gone. He had nothing left. His nightmares were old friends and Jinki had finally given up on him.

                Sunny told him so. He’d come by two days back. She hadn’t let him in. As Kibum instructed. He laughed once, a bitter deathly sound. ‘Worthless,’ he whispered, staring at the curled-up body under the bed.

                Part of him hoped Jinki would try harder to see him. Maybe call or scream or break the doors open somehow. Something. He hadn’t even tried though. ‘Stupid.’

                He wasn’t worth the trouble anymore. He’d already known as much. Hadn’t been sure why people had kept coming by. Wasting their time on him. But that confirmed it.

                It wasn’t like he didn’t deserve it though. He had left Jinki first. ‘Failure. Idiot. Worthless.’

                The body under the bed with his back to him curled up harder, sharp spine prominent under the thin fabric of his shirt. He snorted again and looked down to blink at the open claw-like hands in his lap. Too long nails. Painfully bony fingers. Wrinkled skin. He thought he should be more upset but it wasn’t like it mattered anymore. It might be nice to just close his eyes and never wake up again. He wouldn’t be missed after all.

                Despite the thought, his eyes grew misty and he closed his hands into loose fists.

                He didn’t know what time it was. Or how long he sat there for. But surprise registered when he heard the door chime. It was locked. Why was it opening?

                The automatic lights came on when someone stepped inside. Kibum couldn’t see them, blinded by the illumination. They paused just past the threshold and sighed. Blurry vision cleared enough to see he was tall. Short dark hair. Evenly oval face and too strong a jawline. The face and hair were wrong. Nice overcoat. Not Jinki. Kibum’s attention faded and he dropped his gaze again.

                “Oh Kibum,” came the deep vaguely familiar voice.

                He looked up again and blinked in confusion. He knew that voice. The speaker didn’t even seem to see him though. He focused on the body under the bed. Quiet footsteps sounded in the silence. He sat down on the surface and leaned over, looking down. Kibum knew that profile. Knew him.

                “What are you doing?” he asked softly, glancing around the unkempt room once more with another heavy sigh. Again, his eyes passed over Kibum where he sat against the wall.

                The name came to him slowly, as if he had to dredge it up from the depths of his memory. ‘Eric.’

                Eric, his foster father and former guardian, gently slipped from the edge of the bed so he could sit on the floor. He reached under to place his hand on Kibum’s shoulder. “Kibum.”

                His touch was like fire and Kibum’s eyes shot open as he found himself staring at the blank dark wall under the bed. Pain and hunger. Exhaustion and never-ending fatigue. They all crashed into him at once and he sobbed, a rough broken sound ripped from his neglected throat.

                “Shh,” Eric soothed, running his hand down Kibum’s arm with the lightest of touches. He didn’t say anything else yet. Just waited for Kibum to breathe and his body to stop shaking.

                When it became apparent Eric wasn’t going to leave anytime soon, he had to ask, “What are you doing here?” The words were barely more than a whisper.

                Eric sighed again as his hand stilled. “I heard you were having a hard time and acting foolish,” he responded, pulling away to break their light contact.

                It felt like he cut Kibum adrift with the loss and he flinched. “I am foolish,” he rasped, turning his face into the hard floor.

                “Right now? Yes,” Eric agreed without argument. Kibum didn’t respond as they appeared to be in agreement. His foster father sniffed once and then snorted. “Aren’t you going to go see him?”

                He didn’t even need to explain who he was talking about. Kibum knew immediately. But he didn’t answer. Didn’t move. Neither did Eric, waiting each other out. Kibum broke first though with the barest shake of his head.

                “Why not?” came the immediate answer. Eric was obviously watching him closely.

                Again, Kibum didn’t answer. He had to know already. There was no reason to explain.

                Eric on his teeth. “You know he came by the other day.” It took him a while, but Kibum finally managed a tiny nod. “You locked him out.” Again, there was a long delay followed by a short nod. “Coward.”

                His nod this time was much faster. He already thought so too and curled up harder under the bed. He listened as Eric fell silent for a little while. The Varium shifted slightly behind him, eventually getting to his feet. Footsteps traveled the length of the room and back.

                “Huh,” he finally sighed, footsteps pausing just behind Kibum again. “I never would have thought you’d have so much of your father in you.”

                Kibum froze and blinked once. His father? What did his father have to do with this? Why was he bringing that bastard up?

                The covers on the bed shifted as Eric sat down. “At least when he abandoned you and your mother, he had the decency to leave the planet. A clean break and no pretending. Just gone.”

                A tiny spark of something hot lit in Kibum’s belly, appearing amidst his pain. “This is different,” he spat, the words forced through closed teeth.

                “Is it?” Eric asked rhetorically.

                It was. Kibum’s breathing picked up a little bit, his pulse increasing. His father had made his mother sick and abandoned them. Kibum wasn’t abandoning Jinki. He was protecting him. Keeping him safe from himself so he wouldn’t get hurt anymore. But doubt had been planted, the seed already taking root.

                “Your mother was likely going to die, even if she could get treatment.” Kibum winced and blinked hard at the blunt statement. “Your father did that to her. And then left. How are you any different?”

                His guts twisted into a tight knot and Kibum found it hard to breathe. Fingers dug into his arms as he silently grimaced. Jinki wasn’t sick like his mother had been. He wasn’t going to waste away. He was going to be fine and live a long and healthy life. “Jinki isn’t going to die!” he growled in defiance of the comparison.

                “Exactly. So what are you doing here, Kibum?” his foster father asked, leaning down so that his voice could echo under the bed.

                He whimpered and bit his lip until he tasted metal on his tongue. “I’m trying to keep him safe,” he rasped with a shuddering breath.

                “Him. Or you?” he wondered with a soft sigh. “Because right now, it looks like you’re still running away.”

                Wide eyed and staring at the wall, Kibum whispered, “I can’t face him. It was my fault. Everything was my fault.”

                Eric scoffed. “Terran logic. In a tiny ship in the entirety of space, do you really believe you alone could control everything that might happen?”

Kibum didn’t answer and the Varium grumbled under his breath. Apparently, he’d disappointed his foster father too. He really was worthless.

                A knock on the top of the bed made him jump and he finally turned his head to look up. Eric was watching him and they locked eyes. His expression was unreadable. “Do you remember the last thing your mother wanted before she passed?”

                Kibum shook his head even as his throat closed and tears welled. He didn’t remember but something in him did.

                Eric smiled sadly. “She wanted you and your father to be there. Of course she was angry at him. And her own fate. But she wanted him by her side. Even after everything, she wanted him there.” He held Kibum’s gaze for a moment longer and then sat back up. “You have a choice, kiddo. Do you want to follow in your father’s footsteps?” Eric stood up and started walking towards the door. He paused at the entryway and turned back to look at him under the bed. “Or do you want to be someone else?” With a sad smile and no more words, he opened the door and stepped outside.

                The barrier whispered shut behind him, leaving Kibum alone with his thoughts and the warring sensations of pain, anger, and doubt that roiled inside him. He was not like his father. He wasn’t! He really was just trying to protect Jinki. Wasn’t he?

 

                Closeted in his room and full to the brim with uneasy tension, Jinki stared at the sent messages in his personal screen. It had been two days since he’d visited Kibum’s place. Two days since he’d called his former guardian and agreed to the Varium’s plan. Not that he wanted to. At all. It was nigh on torture waiting to see if it would do anything that they hoped it would. He knew Kibum was in a bad place. And Eric could have let him in. Not over the coms of course, but he could have come and granted Jinki permission.

                Jinki wished he had. He himself would feel better about it, but it wasn’t about him right now. He’d pulled Kibum from the brink before. Would gladly do it again. But this was different. He’d never completely shut Jinki out before. And breaking down his walls forcefully might not have the effect he wanted. If this didn’t work, it was still possible he could. He was banking on that. It was one of the only reasons he was uneasily sitting on his bed and staring at the unread messages. Had been for hours now actually.

                Well, he’d had to eat or his parents would have never left him alone. And done his daily morning exercises to get them off his back. But it was only a half lie when he said he was tired and wanted to go rest in the meantime. He was trying to. But the nerves in his gut wouldn’t let him relax as the messages remained stubbornly unchanged. Until they weren’t.

                His heart thumped hard and Jinki gasped when the first one registered as being opened. He clenched his hands so hard they hurt and he had to remind himself to relax or he might damage something unintentionally. But that didn’t stop him from watching as, one by one, the messages opened. And then there was silence and unbearable waiting again.

                He nearly fell off the bed when someone knocked. “Coming!” he yelped, scrambling awkwardly into a standing position so that he could shuffle towards the door. Disappointment was a crushing force when his mother was standing in the doorway. “Hi, mom,” he forced a weak smile to try and hide his feelings.

                “Hey, hon. It’s about lunchtime,” she reminded him, reaching out to brush his bangs out of his face. “Do you want to eat with us or should I bring you something?” she asked, pursing her lips with a hopeful smile tugging at the corners of her eyes.

                Jinki glanced back at his room. He wanted to stay but… waiting was only going to feel longer. He wasn’t exactly hungry, though he wouldn’t deny he needed the food. His new body took more energy and his internal organs were still mostly whole and his. “I’ll come to you,” he murmured, nodding once as he stepped out of the doorway.

                “Great,” his mother smiled, reaching down to grab his hand in hers and gently pull him along. “The doctor said you needed a few more nutrients to add into your diet and I’ve programmed the synthesizer to take care of it for you.”

                “Thanks, mom,” he replied, forcing another weak smile.

                Everyone was at lunch. He’d only just come home so his father had taken a couple days off. Doyun was taking leave from school too. As were Siwoo and Daejung. His mother would still go to work later that evening, but she promised she’d have a nap before she went. Jinki didn’t talk much. His sisters did though, carrying the conversation even as they watched him carefully using his new hands. He would break the utensils if he wasn’t paying attention. He wanted so badly to stop and check his personal page again. Not that it had changed. He would have received a notice if he had. But that didn’t stop the urge.

                “Do you have any plans for the weekend?” his mother asked, surprising him out of his thoughts.

                Jinki shook his head and quirked his mouth to the side. “Mostly just trying to figure this out,” he laughed once, gesturing with his free hand before motioning towards the rest of his body.

                “Right. Of course,” she agreed with a breathy laugh. “Take your time, son.”

                “Will you ever be able to practice low grav gymnastics again?” Siwoo murmured quietly, chewing on her bottom lip as she glanced up and down quickly.

                He shrugged and snorted. “Maybe. The doctors say I’m pretty unbreakable now,” he assured her reaching to flex a hand in front of her.

                “I guess it wouldn’t be fair to play grav jumping then either, would it?” Doyun wondered, looking very much like she wanted to poke his arm to make sure for herself. They’d been handling him with kid gloves lately and he was glad to see they were starting to come around at last.

                “Probably not,” he agreed, a genuine smile finally reaching his face. If he was able to figure this out, he’d probably be stronger than even full grown Moladhi and Varium. Now if only he could make sure he didn’t overdo it and break the spoon.

                Ding!

                Snap.

                The spoon broke like a twig as Jinki gasped and whipped his head around to stare towards the front door.

                “Are we expecting company?” his father asked, looking around the table before he stood up as if to check for himself.

                “I’ll get it!” Jinki practically yelled while he lurched from his seat and step-stumbled towards the hallway.

                “Jinki!” his siblings gasped in immediate worry.

                He ignored them, careening at the door until he slammed into it with both hands braced, staring at the barrier. Heart racing, breath fast in his lungs, he his lips and reached for the entry button.

                “I can’t just leave him locked in his room,” Jinki denied, glaring at Eric on the screen.

                “Of course you can’t. I’m not asking you to,” Kibum’s foster father replied with a shake of his head. “I’m just asking you to wait.”

                “Why?” he snapped back, angry and afraid.

                Eric’s smile was infuriating. “So I can talk to him.”

                “Why can’t I do it?” Jinki wondered, agitated.

                “He’s locked you out, Jinki. He’s obviously pushing you away. Do you honestly think that forcing your way back into his life is going to solve the problem?”

                “I did it before,” he grumbled, awkwardly crossing his arms over his chest. It still felt weird controlling them when upset.

                “You did,” Eric agreed with a simple nod, mouth quirking to the side thoughtfully.

                Jinki narrowed his eyes. “But?”

                “It was a different problem then. And you were present more.” Eric shrugged and shook his head. “You’ve been in the hospital for seven weeks now. Your words. Not mine,” he reminded when Jinki opened his mouth to object. “My foster son has had a lot of time to entrench himself in that damn apartment. I should have sold it the last time you two left the planet,” he laughed with a breathy snort as he looked way.

                Crestfallen, Jinki looked down. “Then what should I do?”

                “Just wait.” It was not what he wanted to hear but Eric continued. “If my plan doesn’t work, you can still try your way. But part of the problem is that you were his haven before. Right now, you’re not. And you trying to save him from himself… it would probably be like fighting a drowning man.”

                Jinki laughed bitterly. Kibum didn’t even know how to swim. But it wasn’t a bad description. He sniffed once and nodded slowly. “And how do you plan to keep him from drowning?”

                “You’ll see. Or I’ll call you as soon as it fails,” he explained with a sideways tilt of his head. “Just give me a day to get there and talk to him. The morning after next, you’ll have your answer. Deal?” he asked, one brow arching sharply as he stared at Jinki with intense brown eyes.

                His lips thinned into an uneasy frown before he sighed again. “The morning after next but no later.”

                Jinki’s fingers brushed the release and the doors whispered open. “Kibum,” he gasped, heart lurching into his throat as his guts twisted. ‘I’ll burn the apartment myself,’ he thought when he saw him.

                “Jinki,” his boyfriend whispered, one arm resting against the house to steady himself as he panted hard, looking like death warmed over. Deeply sunken eyes and gaunt cheeks hollowed out his sickly pale face. His clothes hung too loose on his bony frame. Messy, unkempt hair sat atop his head and painfully red eyes stared back at him. “I’m here,” he gasped, nearly choking on a sob. “I’m- I’m sorry,” he apologized in a voice that trembled like a leaf on a windy day. “I’m-” he started to say something else before his vision unfocused. His eyes rolled and he slow-motion collapsed in front of Jinki.

                “Kibum!” he yelled, lunging forward to catch the too light body in his arms. The impact hurt his knees but he barely registered it. “Kibum!” he cried again, holding very still as he tried to cradle his boyfriend close without hurting him by accident. Feeling helpless, he looked over his shoulder and called out, “Mom!”

 

(a/n: Whew! I was driven for this chapter. haha Don't get too used to back to back updates but I do hope you enjoyed! We'll start moving in a more positive direction in the next update. Had to break him out of his personal hell first. >.>)