I took a deep inhale. The cold atmosphere of a year-end night filled my lungs, cooled every corner of my respiratory system. In a way, this could be considered a careless act by the person standing next to me right now on the rooftop of Pyeonghwa's main building. But I'd prefer to be here rather than in the hall downstairs, where the whole organizing team was celebrating the successful Fairytale Night.

Am I acting like a drama queen to be get all shy facing Taehyung? 

Or am I overthinking and too nosy to concern about the possible awkwardness among Hyojin, Seulgi and Jimin despite their smooth collaboration on the stage? 

Not to mention Hongsol's failed attempt to appear cool in front of Juyeon while she obviously wasn't.

I wasn't sure if they were uneasy but it looked as if I volunteered to take all of their uneasiness and now it was piling up on me, preventing me from enjoying the event which I was supposed to get immersed in at year-end.

Hyojin easily found me. Perhaps he was so used to my behaviours and tendencies. He just silently walked to my left, threw his arm around my shoulders and pulled me towards him for a brotherly sideways hug, which, honestly, startled me a little.

      “So you're here, little sneaky Wheeinie.” - He said, words rhymed in a funny way.  - “Could you please get down so that you won't catch a cold and enjoy a hot cocoa?”

     “I don't fancy hot cocoa, oppa yah.”

I replied him stubbornly. I had no reason to stay here for long. But I had no reason to get downstairs and act all awkward either.

Jung Wheein, you're acting all selfish.

     “Why are you being like this?”

     “I'm ok.”

Jung Wheein, you're lying.

Hyojin responded to my stubbornness right away with a sarcastic snort and a commanding voice.

     “Then get down. You have plenty of time to overthink about your problem but not now. People are waiting for you.”

I hummed in response but my legs didn't move a bit. And that made Hyojin sigh even louder.

     “Right.”  - He said, dragging the word in an attempt to keep sounding sarcastic - “It's my responsibility to come here finding you but it's your choice to get down.”

Pausing for a second, he added.

     “... Or get out from the mess in  your head, eh?”

Hyojin turned to look at me. His lips pursed but not to express any negativity. Instead, he was holding back a laugh as I could see the corners of his lips twitching. I rolled my eyes. 

Right, laughing at me being pathetic.

     “Oppa come on. . .”

     “Come on what?” - He poked me jokingly - “It's not that I tell you to get cheered up because the world is full of happy stuff. I just ask you if you could make a choice for yourself. To get down, or get stuck.”

     “Watch your words, oppa.” - I snarled. - “You have things to bother other than my stuff.”

     “Do I?”

I glanced at him, feeling the urge to spit out my opinion about what I thought to be going on among them three - him, Seulgi and Jimin. But as the first words were about to escape my mouth, I pushed it back inside with a shrug. 

     “Forget it.”

     “Tsk tsk, Jung Wheein.” - Hyojin clicked his tongue and retreated his arms, putting his hands into the front pocket of his oversized grey hoodie. - “How could you get relieved if you still refrain from voicing out like that?”

Rhetorical question. 

But it made sense. I'd been afraid of being wrong, of hurting someone if I spoke my mind. Staying silent, keeping the thought with me, bearing the discomfort it caused had always been my ultimate choice. 

That somehow resulted in the unnecessary tension in me upon seeing Taehyung today. 

For I was too scared of saying hurtful things to him.

     “I'm just afraid. . . No, I'm worried. . .”  - I heard myself mumble - “If this makes any sense. . . Or if it hurts you. . .”

Hyojin turned to face me. He must have turned his listening mode on, as the sign of mischief in his smile disappeared and he leaned his left shoulder against the cold marble balcony, looking as if he had set aside the desire for a steamy hot cocoa.

     “How about saying all out and get hurt just once?”

My eyes blinked. A snowflake had just dropped on my bang, right in front of my vision. 

It was snowing.

     “Say it, Wheein ah.” - Hyojin encouraged me with an affirmation. - “I won't go anywhere.”

It's just so him. The Kim Hyojin who had been supporting me ever since we met at Pyeonghwa. The Kim Hyojin who would never get tired of listening to my ranting. The Kim Hyojin who, along with the Mamamoo, was my second family that I could entrust. 

But even so, would the first time we openly talked about our personal relationship break our unwritten law not to trespass the private life zone? Because it was my observation and assumption after all.

     “Do you. . .” - I gulped, trying to jump over the barrier of hesitation, to make my words audible to Hyojin. - “. . .have feelings for Seulgi? Because if you do, she might be waiting for you.”

     “Thanks.” - Hyojin's smile was still visible as he replied me on the spot  - “Thanks for letting me know. But we will both wait.”

     “What do you mean?”, I questioned immediately, feeling my heart finally resume beating as his reaction was not hostile.

     “It's too early for us.” - He shrugged. - “She has her new career, I have so much in Pyeonghwa to take care of. We could be just supporter to each other now.”

     “And what about Jimin? I mean, you befriend with both. . .”

     “So what? Who doesn't allow?”

     “I honestly find it weird.”

     “It's because you are assuming there should be something more than friends between us while we haven't been there yet.” - Hyojin patiently explained. If it hadn't been him, I would have been roasted for being too nosy. - “Just let it be. And actually, I'd be more comfortable being friend with Seulgi first.”

     “Really?”

     “Well” - Hyojin rolled his eyes and inched closer, lowering his voice. - “She still hasn't accepted my Instgram request just yet. Still cautious with me after all that time?”

Then he laughed. I didn't understand his sense of humor at all. But he was laughing hard and shook his head slightly. Yet seeing me putting a poker face in response to his joke, Hyojin straightened his posture and once again, tapped on my shoulders continuously. 

     “Anyway, it's all her choice, right? And Wheein ah, I bet you feel relieved to decide to tell me so, eh?”

I hesitated but then I nodded. Briefly. Right at that moment, I heard the sound of firework launching and the sky behind Hyojin sparkled. It's New Year now.

     “Good job, Wheein ah.” - He said merrily in between the firework sound - “Happy New Year for a braver you!”

○●○

The party at Pyeonghwa lasted until 2 in the morning. Everyone all got tipsy when it was over. Except for Taehyung and Juyeon who didn't even drink a droplet of alcohol. In contrast, Hongsol and Seulgi were both drunk as hell.

Seulgi insisted on spending the night at Pyeonghwa, and Sunye fulfilled her wish by arranging a sleeping place in her night guard room. Meanwhile, Hongsol had to go back to her dormitory for she would be boarding the train to her hometown tomorrow. Yes, you guess it. It's time for some coupling up stuff.

When the party was halfway through and she started to get drunk, Hongsol rejected the option of getting home with Juyeon's accompanion regardless how much we tried to talk her in a safe solution. Yet as the party was over, she passed out and our job just became simpler than ever.

     “Drive safely, ok?”

I told Juyeon as he closed the back seat door where a drunk Hongsol was snoring. Juyeon nodded and said goodbye to others before getting on his Mazda. As the engine started and Juyeon drove the car further, I heard someone speaking next to me all of the sudden, startling me.

     “I wonder if Juyeonie would drive all the way to Ilsan...”

     “You freaked me out!” - I frowned - “Taehyung-ssi.”

     “Oops, sorry” - He stuck out his tongue mischievously and continued - “But do you think so?”

     “Think what?”

     “That Juyeon would take Hongsol to Ilsan tonight?” - He grinned, hands fiddling his jacket zipper - “We have 3 days off for this holiday anyway.”

     “It could be a difficult choice to make for him, right?” - I followed up with a comment, not realizing there were only two of us left in the parking lot. - “But who knows, we tried our best anyway.”

     “Ew Wheein-ssi, since when you got that thought. Impressive!”

Taehyung gave me a thumb up as we started to walk, me towards the main entrance and him towards his car. And when our way finally parted, he suddenly stopped.

     “Wheein-ssi, I think you have a difficult choice to make as well.”

     “Me?I didn't know that.” 

     “Yes, there is a choice to make.”

     “Then what's it?”

     “Want me to take you home now?”

I froze. 

How many times had I been struck with Taehyung's signature surprise?

Countless, I guess. 

But I still got startled like the first time. Perhaps plus a little frustration this time. 

     “Choice, make your choice Jung Wheein!” I urged myself. 

      “I'm. . .” 

Oh finally it's here. My words.

     “I'm confused, to be frank.”

     “Huh?”

     “If I let you drive me home. . .” - I stared at the ground, feeling my cheeks heated as I finally confessed my concern to him. - “. . .does it mean I lead you on?”