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HANA

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“MOM! MOM! MOOOMMM!!!” Hana shouted at the top of her lungs, giggling so hard.

She just got home after the game and she went inside the house to find her mom and tell her everything. She couldn’t contain her giddiness because of the way Yuri stared at her earlier. And it continued to still bother her even if she was not around anymore.

“Princess, what is happening?” Her mom came rushing towards her and checked her out. But she really can’t contain her happiness or whatever it is that she’s feeling right now, so she continues to do small jumps every other second.

“Yuri!”

“Yuri? What do you mean, Yuri! Did she hurt you?” It was Dahyun who answered next, looking like she was about to drive off and talk to the said girl.

Hana stopped her fidgeting then she kissed Dahyun’s cheeks. Her mama was watching her closely as she pulled her mom, Sana, towards her bedroom. “It’s nothing, mama! I am just excited to answer our assignments and I need mom’s help with something. I love you!”

Confusion was evident in Sana’s face but she let her youngest daughter pull her. Whatever it is that the girl wanted to share seems to make her a little happier than usual.

Hana launched herself face first on the bed as they reached her room. And then she wiggled like a worm sprayed with salt.

“Are you acting like this because you’re so happy or because there’s something wrong, sweetie?” Sana approached her daughter who’s still on her bed, laying down on her belly.

“Mom! Yuri! She— she… AAAAHHHHHH!” Hana rolled around her bed this time, and Sana couldn’t help but giggle at her daughter’s action.

“Do you want me to go back until you’ve calmed down?” Sana asked, and raised her brows when she saw her daughter giggling while staring at the ceiling with her arms hugging her pillow tightly.

Sana stood up on the bed and acted like she’s going to leave when Hana suddenly hugged her from behind. “Mom! Yuri confessed.” Then she plopped herself back on the bed and rolled around once more.

“What?” Sana was not really shocked by the statement, but she wanted to make sure that she heard it right.

“Mom! She confessed!”

“Oh, honey! That’s great! Do you like her?” Sana asked her daughter, and she saw how Hana’s face transformed from a happy one to a confused one.

“How can I tell if I like someone?” Hana seriously asked after she sat up straight and looked at her mom, her face eager to learn something new.

“Oh…” Sana giggled, “So you are not sure about what you feel about her? How about Yuri? Did she tell you exactly that she likes you?”

Hana frowned, and Sana instantly knew that Yuri did not say the “like” word.

“Okay, let’s talk about your feelings first, honey.” Sana said, as Hana looked like she’s drowning in her own thoughts. As a mother, she would try her best to enlighten her daughter so that she would not have a hard time.

“Can you tell me again how you and mama fell for each other? How did you know that Mama liked you back then? And how did you know you liked her?” Hana asked, her lips pouting. The initial emotion was now replaced with something else.

Uncertainty.

What if Yuri doesn’t like me the way I expect her to?

With a bright smile, Sana reached forward and took hold of Hana’s hands, feeling her smaller fingers squeeze around hers momentarily. Sana thought for a moment as she remembered the early days when she and Dahyun first bumped into each other. Her eyes lit up suddenly, though at the same time, she became sheepish.

Although the children know that Sana was the one who made the first move, it still makes her shy at times.

“Do you really want to know?”

Hana vigorously nodded her head, and her curiosity and uncertainty turned into giddy anticipation for the story to come.

“When your mama first met me, she didn’t much care about me. She actually thought that I’m just too clingy and annoying.” Sana giggled at the thought, “I, however, liked her very much already. I thought that she’s really cool and the thought of being loved by her made me excited the most. I knew that I liked her because her words sparked something in me, it made me want to feel how it is to be taken care of by her. I thought I was going insane because how could I like someone I just met? Not to mention someone who likes someone else?”

“When did Mama start to like you?” Hana interjected, causing Sana to laugh lightly at her eagerness to listen more. It was as if she’s hearing their story for the first time.

And maybe she is, because this is the first time that Hana seems to be understanding the emotions that she is conveying.

“Surprisingly, it took little time unlike others. She eventually warmed up to me, and we became inseparable.” Sana blushed, when she remembered how Dahyun confessed to her. “You see, I thought that she’s still in love with your Aunt Mina, but then she said that she doesn’t need me to snatch her away from someone else, because she’s already falling for me. And she doesn’t want me to let her hand go.”

Hana blushed so hard because what her mama said was somehow similar to what Yuri just said earlier.

“Yuri… she said that she always wants me to stay by her side.” Hana recalled loudly.

“Oh, that’s what she told you?” Sana asked for confirmation, and Hana nodded slowly.

“It’s a good thing then,” Sana said thoughtfully.

“What happened next, mom?”

“I told her the truth of my identity, I told her everything that I feel and not, I told her that I am willing to work things out with her. And she assured me that she would do the same. But of course, love would not always give you happy moments, it will also give you moments that would make your life crumble. It would make you question your feelings. And there would be moments when it would be the easiest to succumb to fears, but when you have so much love for a person, then you would not mind all of those things, and focus on the reasons why you liked her in the first place.” Sana recollected as she tucked a stray strand at the back of her daughter’s ears. She watched as her daughter’s eyes went from happy, to shocked, to thinking, to happy again as she took in her statements with wide eyes and a vivid imagination.

“I guess, what I’m saying is that… you don’t need someone to like you before you like them. It doesn’t matter who likes who first, as long as there would be open communication with the both of you. Your mama made sure that she would not lose me by telling me how she felt back then even without knowing what I felt about her. And I admire Yuri for taking that step. It must’ve been something born out of the surge of feelings. When did she tell you all this?”

“She, uhm… she told me that in front of everyone after they won the game and I congratulated her.”

“Ahh. I see, she was probably so elated by the moment, and she felt the need to tell her how she feels or her heart would burst.” Sana replied.

“Mom!” Hana protested, her face turned red again because of her mom’s teasing.

“What? It’s probably the truth!” Sana defended. “But let me ask you one thing… Why were you so happy earlier?”

“I don’t know, mom. I just— maybe I was just happy that Yuri would not want to lose me just as much as I don’t want to lose her.”

“Do you think you would feel the same if Maia or Jia would tell you the same thing?” Sana inquired.

“I would, of course, not want to lose both of them, Mom, but the way Yuri said it earlier, it made me feel something else.” Hana frowned. “And I don’t know what to do about it. I didn’t even get to say what I wanted to say to her earlier because we were interrupted and she also needed to go home.”

“What would you want to say if you were not interrupted?” Sana tilted her head, and studied her daughter’s action.

“I— I would probably tell her that… that… I too would want her to always stay by my side.” Hana looked down.

“And you’re sure that it’s not the same as how you felt with your other friends?”

“Mom, I felt this anger inside me when Yuri was with someone else. I want to… I want to pull their hair, or mine because of the frustration.” Hana admitted.

“Ohhh, baby.” Sana moved to hug her youngest as she tried to comfort her. “It must’ve felt awful. Is Yuri flirting with them?”

“No… she’s pushing them away, but she’s Yuri, so they keep coming back.” Hana pouted, but also relieved because she was able to share her feelings with her mom. Something that she’s really thankful for.

Sana giggled at her daughter’s confession and kissed the top of her head. “I would like to tell you that you have feelings for Yuri, but I would not be so bold as to precede how you feel, honey. That is something that only you can answer. Maybe you can start by comparing what it feels when she does something versus when others do it.”

Hana looked more confused than ever, and Sana noticed it.

“What is it, honey?”

“Now, I’m not too sure. Because there are also instances when other people outside my group of friends would say something to me and it would make my heart flutter.”

“As much as Yuri’s statement did?”

“No, but… what if it just flutters more because it is Yuri, and because I know her the best?” Hana shoved her face on the pillow due to the new frustration that she feels.

“Princess, it’s okay. You don’t need to rush things.” Sana her daughter’s hair. “I suggest that you take your time assessing your feelings, and also enjoying every single moment that you have with each other. Not everyone has the chance to be with their childhood friends until the end.”

Hana seemed to be in deep thought because of what her mom said, and decided that it would be exactly what she would do the next time that she would be with Yuri.

“Would it not be selfish to ask her to help me figure out my feelings? What if I ended up not liking her? Or what if she doesn’t like me and I just assume things?”

Sana smiled, a sad, knowing smile, one that she knew would confuse her daughter. But even if she doesn’t have the heart to answer her directly, she still needs to warn her.

“Hana, sweetheart, there’s no guarantee in this world. And everything may well just be your imagination. But I just want you to know that not knowing would be far harder to accept than knowing and getting hurt. I won’t lie to you and tell you that everything’s going to be alright if it turns out that one of you doesn’t like the other one the way you wanted to be liked, but believe me when I say that it would always be better to tell what you want to say rather than wait until that person is already with someone else, and you won’t have any right to tell her anymore.”

Hana pondered at the thought, and she then decided.

She would tell her how she feels, and how she wanted to know more about this feeling.

She wanted to explore this feeling with her, hand in hand.

“I don’t want to be hurt, mom.” Hana admitted.

“Liking and loving someone would always mean that at one point, you’ll get hurt. The irony of it was that, you’ll learn how much one person means to you by the amount of pain that you’ll feel. But I want you to know that me and your mama would always be there to guide you, and if the person that you will decide to be with would be giving you the love that you deserve, then a little pain would be worth it, right?” Sana explained.

She explained it the best way she can even if she was afraid for her daughter too. She was afraid that her precious princess would get hurt, she’s afraid to let her go, but she would need to do it sooner or later. Her heart was hurting just by the thought of seeing Hana cry because of a broken heart, but there are things that they cannot evade.

There are things that Hana needs to learn on her own, to feel on her own, and to experience on her own.

She just promised herself to make sure that her daughter would not be alone, no matter what.

“Do you understand, honey?”

“I do, mom. I think I understand you. Thank you, mom.” Hana hugged her mom and kissed her cheeks. “For everything, really. I just realized how cool you are as a mom. You never made me feel afraid of telling you what I feel.”

“I am trying to be cool with everything because I know what it feels to have a first crush. And I’d prefer that you tell us about it, so that we could guide you, rather than keeping it all to yourself. I am trying to be cool, but it doesn’t mean that I would be okay with all of the PDA and one thing is for sure, since Yuri already kinda confessed to you, she will not be allowed in your room anymore.” Sana told her daughter firmly. She’s afraid that Dahyun would impose that rule.

“Fair enough, mom. And I don’t think I want her in my room with just the two of us now anyway.” Hana replied. “Even oppa stopped asking Mirai to go to his room alone or if it’s needed, then the room would be open.”

Sana couldn’t help but smile at her daughter’s response.

She wanted to tap her back for doing a great job at raising her children. And she can’t wait to share it with her wife.

“I would also be telling your mama about this.”

At that, her daug