My eyes slowly open, an aroma triggering a response. I focus on the light around me and hear voices in the distance. There’s moisture on my cheek and I use my fingers to wipe it off. It’s warm to the touch and slightly sticky. I must have drooled in my sleep; how lady like.

There are warm breaths on the nape of my neck; the sound is comforting. Under the soft blanket, Seohyun’s left arm is resting around my waist. I can see her hand dangling free as she snoozes. I reach for it and hold it gently. I feel her warmth, the softness of her skin, and my heart races. I might be temporarily trapped in Seohyun’s embrace, but this is the best cage I could hope for.

In the corner of my eye, a person steps into view. I look up to see that it’s Min Kyung. She towers over me from behind the couch, casting a shadow over us.  She keeps her voice low, well aware that Seohyun is sleeping. “Having fun being Seohyun’s teddy bear?”

I nod in reply, letting go of Seohyun’s hands under the sheets.

Sooyoung strolls from behind Min Kyung, looking fresh out of bed with a pair of earphones on. Her normally long straight hair is a mess, and she bobs her head to the music that must be playing in her ears. She looks down at the two of us. “Oh, I was wondering where Seohyun went last night.”

Min Kyung puts a finger to her lips. “Shhhhh, she’s sleeping.”

Sooyoung removes an ear bud, leaning forward. “I’m sorry?” she asks, her voice now even louder.

“She’s sleeping, quiet down.”

Sooyoung stares at the two of us and smirks defiantly, showing a devilish dimple. “Oh? Is that so?”

Sooyoung reaches down to the sofa and pulls the pillow out from under our sleeping heads. “Seohyun, wake up! Seohyun! Rise and shine!” she says.

I remember summer camps with Sooyoung and how she used to wake me up the same way. I know what’s next but I can’t stop it.

Sooyoung raises the pillow up above her head. I brace for the impact. She smacks both our bums with the pillow, creating loud thuds in the air.

Seohyun lets go of me to defend her lower body from Sooyoung. She releases some rather unladylike groans as a look of agitation crosses  her face.

I sit up and try to snatch the pillow from Sooyoung. She’s quick, and raises it high above her head. Min Kyung looks embarrassed to witness all of this. I turn to stare at Seohyun. She’s awake and upset, eyes squinting to the morning light.  “Did you really need to hit us?”

Sooyoung’s face has that familiar look of playfulness. “You wouldn’t want to waste your vacation sleeping in, would you, Seohyun?

Seohyun lazily turns towards the television set in a daze. “What time is it?”

“It’s 10 in the morning,” Min Kyung answers.

A little late in the morning, but it is a vacation.

Seohyun, however, appears less upset upon hearing the time. “I should’ve woken up earlier.” She puts her hands on her cheeks, massaging them.

I give Sooyoung a playful punch in the gut to pay her back for the rude awakening. She cries in pain, pretending to be knocked back.

“Ow!”

I’m slightly agitated but I know that Sooyoung is only violent to people she feels close to. “You’re really something, Sooyoung. You know that?”

“You’re welcome, Yoona,” she says with a smile. “My parents made breakfast. Let’s eat!” Her face lights up as it always does when she talks about food.

Min Kyung grins, seeing the look on Sooyoung’s face. “Geez Sooyoung? Aren’t you a little too excited?”

Sooyoung nods her head. “I can’t think straight without food in my tummy, okay?” she says as she pets her stomach lovingly.

Min Kyung lets out a chuckle as she excuses herself to get ready for breakfast. Seohyun grabs her phone from the coffee table and walks off to call her parents. I get up to use the bathroom but Sooyoung stops me.

“Yoona, can you check on your college friends? I don’t want them to miss breakfast.”

“Don’t you want to wake them like you woke Seohyun up?”

“I don’t know them well enough to do that.”

I give her a sharp look and she reacts with a pout and puppy dog eyes. I cave. “Fine.” Sooyoung gives me a pretty smile before she heads to the kitchen to help her parents set the table. I get off the couch and head to Jessica and Tiffany’s room. I remember what I had walked in on last night and decide to be cautious. Who knows what lies beyond the door?

I start with a gentle knock and wait. Nothing. I knock a little louder and I hear steps coming towards the door. It opens with a slight creak, revealing Tiffany in her pyjamas with her pink-cased phone in hand and black-rimmed glasses over her eyes. Her face is free of make-up, but she’s always been beautiful without it.

“Had a good night?”

Tiffany smiles – as she tends to do – and looks pretty despite her bed head. “It was fine.”

I peer behind her to see Jessica nestled under the sheets with an arm over her head. An awkward position to sleep in but it suits her.

I tell Tiffany about the breakfast waiting for the two of them. Before I leave, I quietly ask her about Jessica while no one is around.

“Have you two - I mean, are you two dating? Because if you are, you totally should have told me.”

After a pause, Tiffany shrugs. “It’s complicated.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Oh? How complicated can it get?”

Tiffany brushes my question aside with a sage-like demeanor. “Someday you’ll understand,” she says.

I chuckle. “I think I understand now. Just look at me and Seohyun.”

Tiffany lets out a mocking laugh. “You guys are still babies. Life gets more confusing as you get older.”

“You’re only a year older than me.”

“Well,” she says with a grin. “You’re still in high school. You’re still a baby!”

I giggle. “I guess babies can’t do this.” I mockingly pucker my lips and blow kisses into the air. Tiffany bares her teeth in a mocking smile and pushes me out from under the doorway. She closes the door on me, but I smile in victory.

After going through my morning routine in the bathroom, I take a seat at the dining table beside Seohyun, who has changed out of her pyjamas. The Chois are sitting at each end of the table and Min Kyung and Sooyoung are seated next to each other across from us. In front of me, there’s a clay bowl of piping hot stew and sides of fish cake, kimchi, sweet potato, and tofu. It’s a perfect breakfast for a cold winter morning. Sooyoung is already finished with her stew, but she nibbles away at the side dishes while she socializes. Jessica and Tiffany join us a little later; both of them immediately give thanks to the Chois for their hospitality.

Sooyoung’s parents inform us that they are heading out for another day of skiing after breakfast. Surprisingly, everyone else seems dejected at the prospect of spending another day on the slopes. After some discussion, all of us girls decide to spend our time in the city. Mrs. Choi offers to stay with us, but Tiffany and Jessica insist that they can watch over us.  A look of worry crosses her face but Mr. Choi intercedes.

“The kids aren’t kids anymore. They’ll be okay on their own.”

“Honey, we have a responsibility to their parents!”

“We do, but I trust them. You should too.”

After we’re all done eating, we help clear the dining room table, putting all the dishes into the sink. Seohyun fights with Mrs. Choi over the dishes, winning because of her persistence. I join her at the sink, rolling up my sleeves to help. Tiffany and the other girls keep us company.

The two of us work quickly, conversing with the girls when we can. Seohyun brings up the topic of Sooyoung’s snoring, a clever way to get back at her for the violent awakening. Sooyoung vehemently denies the accusations. “I don’t snore!”

Min Kyung reaffirms it by playing a recording on her phone.

We all laugh hearing it, except Sooyoung who looks stunned. I guess it’s always surprising to hear yourself making such noises.

Once all the dishes are done, we huddle around the kitchen and try to plan a fun afternoon. Nobody really has anything concrete until Jessica suggests an activity that catches everyone’s attention. “How about we go to the spa?”

On the surface, it’s the perfect antidote for a group of tired bodies.

Jessica pulls out her phone and describes the 50,000 square foot behemoth that acts as the second biggest tourist attraction in Jisan. There’s a movie theater, a PC bang, a noraebang, two restaurants, saunas, massage therapists, beauty salons, public baths, and more.

The admission fee isn’t exactly cheap, but nobody seems to object to what sounds like a perfect way to relax.

We all head our separate ways to dress for the weather and then pack Tiffany’s small gym bag with things that we might need.

The spa is only a few blocks away from the condo, but the winter cold is fresh in the air. We exhale smoky trails as we join the throngs of people who are also on holiday. Everyone seems upbeat, but Seohyun is unusually talkative.

She’s really been taking this time to get to know everyone a little better.

I admire how she’s changed in the past year, emerging from the shell of her past self. Growing up in a single parent family in Korea isn’t easy even if you are well-off. It certainly didn’t help that she had always placed lofty expectations of herself when it came to her academics, but maybe this maturity was a product of her success. Maybe reaching her dreams gave her the confidence to be more open than she used to be. Harvard is a reality. Her father would have been proud. Of course another equally likely truth could be that she just really likes Sooyoung and Min Kyung.

Either way, I’m happy to be a part of the conversation rather than being at the center of it. For the first time, I realize that I don’t need to look after Seohyun.

We get to the spa and I grab the door for the girls before I follow them in. The lobby is rather busy as people in jackets fill the room. The interior has plenty of couches and chairs, with a fireplace to boot. There are two restaurants at each end of the lobby and a café in the corner grinding fresh coffee beans. It’s a warm smell.

We head to the front desk that acts as the portal to the actual spa. There are several women behind the counter, attending to lines of guests that are separated by gender. We line up at the shortest one to the side and it doesn’t take long for us to make our way to the front. We all fork over the appropriate amount of money for admission.

The clerk interviews all of us, asking for our waist size, shoe size, and t-shirt size. After she collects all of this information, the clerk next to her heads to the back room and comes out with a stack of neatly wrapped bundles of garments. She hands each of us the appropriate package. I examine my bundle and notice that the towels aren’t big at all; a face-cloth and a tiny body towel.

The clerk informs us that we all need to store our valuables in the locker room and take our coats to the coat-check off to the side. We then need to take a shower in the public bath that’s past the locker room. She emphasizes that it’s protocol for all guests to shower and scrub clean before entering the actual spa. She then hands us each a corded necklace with a metal key dangling from it. Each key has a number engraved onto the handle to let us know which locker we’re assigned to.

“That’s nifty,” Sooyoung says as she wears the key around her neck. “I always lose these things.”

We excitedly head to the women’s locker room after checking in our coats.

We’re greeted by a row and columns of small lockers placed all over. Thankfully, our lockers are located in the same corner and Tiffany’s bag manages a tight squeeze.

There are other patrons around us and I can’t help but notice that there’s a lot of bare skin. Nobody here seems self-conscious, but I can feel it coming over me as I grab the button of my jeans. I reassure myself that my figure is pretty despite being slender, lulling myself to be more confident around friends and strangers.

Jessica and Tiffany are the first to change, clearly less self-conscious than the rest of our group. I try not to stare at them as I my jeans. I catch Seohyun in the corner of my eye and realize that she’s not changing.

“Is everything okay, Seohyun?”

She nods her head. “I think you should change and shower first.”

I know that this isn’t a slight against me, but rather Seohyun’s way of keeping us from moving too fast. If we were friends it wouldn’t matter what we saw, but this is different.

So I change, keeping an eye on Seohyun who talks with Sooyoung – another person who’s also taking her time to change. I guess they are self-conscious after all.

Being in the , I grab the small package and try my best to casually cover myself. I look around and spot Tiffany and Jessica, nowhere near as careful. The two of them are pretty by the entrance to the public women’s showers, and though I see them as older sisters, I can’t help but admire their beauty. We take a step into the steamy room and head our separate ways.

The process of showering is rather painless, the necessary soap and shampoo already slipped into our bundle of goods.

After scrubbing clean, we head to the next room to dry off and change into the pink shorts and t-shirts that they had given us. I slip the key around my neck.

We exit the place with our slippers on and the others join us after a short while.

“What do you guys want to do first?”  Tiffany asks.

“Massage.”

“Movie.”

“Sauna.”

Jessica, Sooyoung and Min Kyung answer simultaneously. They look at each other. Seohyun and I laugh in response.

“We’ve got plenty of time,” Seohyun says.

So we follow the arrows to the massage room, where they have a legion of masseuses and massage chairs behind a row of curtained off areas. There are guests waiting in sofas nearby for their turn. We each take a number from a clerk and wait at an empty sofa.

Sooyoung is sandwiched between Seohyun and I, and I can’t help but stare at the hard-boiled egg in her hand.

“Where the heck did you get that?”

“I asked the ahjumma over there for one. Did you guys want some?” She cracks it gently against her knee, peeling the cracked shells off into her palm.

I smile at her ridiculousness. “I’m alright. Thanks.”

Seohyun scoots towards us with excitement in her eyes. “Do you guys want to do some debate exercises while we wait?”

I laugh in my head at her nerdiness.

“Sure, why not?” Sooyoung replies, as she scarfs down her egg in one bite. “We should probably practice.”

“Alright, Yoona you be the affirmative side and Sooyoung you be the negative side. Let’s go with…school uniforms.”

“That’s so typical,” Sooyoung says. “Something else!”

“Plastic bags ban?”

I shrug. “What topics do they normally ask at competitions anyways?”

“Typical topics like these,” Seohyun replies. “You guys don’t like them?”

Sooyoung gets up from the couch. “Think of something more exciting. I have to get rid of these egg shells.” She leaves, but Min Kyung sneaks up from beside Seohyun. “What are you guys doing?”

“Thinking of debate topics.”

“Oh,” she says rather dejected. “Could I help?”

Seohyun gives Min Kyung a friendly smile. “Sure, any topics that you have on your mind?”

“How about Kanye and Kim naming their kid North West, I mean seriously…”

Seohyun politely grins, though I know she has absolutely no idea what Min Kyung is talking about from her blank stare. “Any other ideas?”

“Miley Cyrus and her VMAs performance?”

Seohyun nods awkwardly. “Those are interesting, but how about something political?”

Min Kyung starts laughing out loud in amusement. “Seohyun, I’m kidding around.”

Sooyoung returns, this time with more hard-boiled eggs.

“Are you serious?” I ask.

She swallows whatever is in before addressing me. “I brought some to share. Eggs are brain food. Omega 3’s and all that stuff.”

She offers everyone an egg, including Jessica and Tiffany who are chatting to the side. “Media censorship in Korea,” Min Kyung suggests. “You know, like the double standards in K-pop media bans. Stuff like that.”

Seohyun accepts the topic and invites Min Kyung to act as a judge with her. Sooyoung and I take turns practicing our improvisation skills, countering each other’s arguments, until we’re interrupted by a spa clerk who tells us it’s our turn.

We are all directed to the massage rooms that we’ve been assigned to. I head to mine and find an open curtain with a burly woman in it. She’s got a wide smile. “Oh! What a pretty young lady.”

I bow politely, smiling in appreciation. “Thank you.”

I lie face down on the special massage chair, and she works her magic, asking me all sorts of questions and I try my best to answer them. She asks about a boyfriend and I tell her that I don’t have one. She assumes I’m single, as most would, and tells me to hurry up and find a good man.

It’s the typical talk, but it always irks me a bit to hear it nowadays; a stark reminder that my relationship with Seohyun won’t be that easily accepted by the people around us. I think back on the note from my locker and ponder the ramifications.

What if everyone knew? How would our friends, our peers or our parents react?

I let out a sigh and try my best to relax. It’s surprisingly easy while getting a massage. When it’s over, I thank her for her hard work and exit to see the rest of the girls already waiting. We decide to head to the sauna room where there are dozens of igloo-shaped huts with digital thermometers waiting for us.

Sooyoung and Min Kyung decide to check the movie times for the spa’s theater since it’s nearby. Jessica and Tiffany run off to find their own sauna, leaving Seohyun and I alone.

We go from hut to hut looking up at the digital thermometers that hang over each tiny entrance. We try a chamber that reads 75 degrees and both find it a little too hot and crowded. 60 degrees seems about right.

Leaving our sandals outside, we grab small wooden blocks and get fresh towels from the attendant. The hut is empty, surprisingly, and we decide to settle down in the corner facing the door. The place is quaint, not quite cramped but not spacious either. It smells amazing: burning wood with a hint of spice.

We both take deep breaths and settle in, enjoying the heat.

“Yoona, I’m sorry about earlier,” Seohyun says. “I just didn’t think we should change in front of each other.”

“It’s fine. I understand. I didn’t think it was the best idea either.”

“You know, this is the first time we’ve been alone in weeks.”

“I know.”

Seohyun rests her head on my shoulder “You’ve been studying hard. I’m glad.”

I nod silently. Of course I’ve been studying hard. If I get into Harvard, then some of my worries about our future can be alleviated. Seohyun and I can be together.

“Don’t stress out too much, okay?” she says.

I rest my head on hers, putting my arm around her waist. My heart races happily like it did this morning, feeling a certain satisfaction with being close to Seohyun in such an intimate way. It’s interrupted by a sense of doubt. In my mind I wonder whether she feels the same thing.

“Seohyun?”

“Hm?”

“You make me really happy, you know that?”

“You make me happy too.”

I lean in closer but we hear the latch to the sauna open and voices coming from the other side. Seohyun is quick to get out of my arms when she realizes what’s happening.

An ahjumma peers in. “Minji-ah?” she asks. Looking around, she realizes that it’s just us. “Oh sorry, I thought someone else was in here.” She turns to head back out the tiny door. Once the door closes, I feel my insecurities grow again.

Why did she leap out of my arms the second the door swung open? Was she ashamed to be seen with me? Was she that afraid of the social stigma?

“I know this is sort of sudden. Just now, were you really that bothered?”

“Wouldn’t you be?”

I linger on her words and I can see her side of it, but I’m stubborn. “It’s two girls being affectionate. It happens all the time.”

“I don’t think that the position we were in was very sisterly.”

“So what? Let them think what they want. Who cares?”

Seohyun’s face can’t hide her feelings. Not this time. She does care.

“Seohyun, what if people found out about us? What would you do?” I ask.

Seohyun doesn’t blink. “What do you mean? Did you tell the others?”

“I only told Tiffany. Jessica might know…”

“That’s fine, Yoona. They’re our friends.”

“But what if I told Sooyoung or Min Kyung? Would you care?”

Seohyun pauses. She’s always honest and quick with her words, but ever since I started blurring these lines between us, she’s been more careful.

“I would care,” she confesses. “I don’t think we’ve been together long enough to let them know.”

The physical distance between us is small, but I can tell now that emotionally there’s still a gap – albeit no longer the gaping chasm it was months ago.

“We haven’t even really gone on a date yet,” I add regretfully.

“Exactly,” Seohyun says. “That’s why people don’t need to know.”

“Are we a couple?”

Again Seohyun thinks it over. “Yes, but we’re not like that yet,” she emphasizes. “Let’s just take it slow, okay?”

Maybe it’s the temperature or the fact that sitting around ‘relaxing’ tends to make me overthink things. I’m feeling agitated. “Why should we take it slow? We’ve known each other since we were kids. We’re not strangers.”

This time Seohyun doesn’t hesitate. Her words are sharp and poignant. “That’s exactly why we should take it slow.”

I don’t have a response because it feels like we’re taking a step back and that’s not what I want. No couple likes to be at odds. I’m feeling conflicted because I want to make Seohyun happy, but what about my feelings?

I’m sure of myself when it comes to her, but I realize that her caution reflects her uncertainty. I know I’m walking on thin ice if I push further so I remain quiet.

Silence fills the air. Both of us seemingly lost in thought.

Seohyun is the first to break the tension. Her voice is sincere and calm. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I answer. “You’re just being honest.”

Seohyun puts her hand on my knee reassuringly. She gives a warm smile. “Let’s just let it be natural, okay?”

I give a weak grin. I feel rather selfish and naive for wanting things to be “perfect” right away.

The important thing is that Seohyun had shown an interest, been comfortable with the occasional kiss and admitted to feeling something.

It bugs me that I don’t know what that feeling is, but I guess that’s the scary part of loving someone.

You never know exactly how they feel.

“Are we different now?”

“Hm?”

“Good different I mean.”

“You mean different in a good way?”

“Yeah.”

Seohyun smiles. “Yes, we’re good different.” She laughs hearing herself say it. “Good different, really?”

“I’m not the most eloquent person, okay?”

“You’re pretty good with words…usually.”

Both of us are feeling rather warm, and it’s probably time for us to get out. Still, Seohyun decides to lean on my shoulder again. I smile. Maybe this is her apology.

“I could get used to this,” she says.

“You’ve been used to this for years.”

“No, this is different. Good different.” Seohyun giggles childishly.

“That’s cute what you said yesterday by the way,” I add. “Really cheesy though. Like super cheesy.”

“It was my first memory of you, okay?”

“I didn’t say cheesy was a bad thing. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside.”

“Why did you talk to me back then?” she asks.

I shrug. “I like bossing people around?”

Seohyun gives me an annoyed expression.

I smirk. “I’m kidding. It’s because you stood out. That’s why I came.”

Seohyun smiles and leans in towards me. As she does, I hear the sound of the latch. Seohyun seems oblivious.

A breeze rolls into the room and I see Sooyoung’s head peeping inside the chamber. She notices us just as Seohyun’s lips brush mine. Sooyoung stares at us with wide eyes.

I place my hands on her shoulders, pulling away. Seohyun looks behind her and realizes Sooyoung is watching. Her face turns bright red and I can feel my cheeks grow warm.

I can hear Min Kyung’s voice behind Sooyoung and I see her legs pop into view. “How’s the temperature feel?”

Sooyoung nods her head, her shocked face changing to a more natural expression. “I think it’s a little too hot in here for us. We should keep going.” She gives us a polite smile and shuts the sauna door.

The irony is rich. Jessica and Tiffany must have felt the same way when I walked in on them yesterday, and this must be karma for making kissy faces at Tiffany earlier.

I wipe a bead of sweat from my forehead and stare at Seohyun and laugh.

“I guess it’s time we came out.”