I take a few weary steps into Seohyun’s room and look for a spot to rest. It’s the first time I’m back since our awkward first kiss; most of our study sessions tended to take place in her kitchen or my living room. I’m sleepy, but anxious. It’s an odd feeling.

Her house is empty, which is surprising since it’s a Saturday. So we’re left on our own. Normally, my mind might wander and entertain some hopeful thoughts about the two of us being alone. However, today I’m only here for answers.

Then again, I don’t even know what the question is, because it rarely ever sounded right in my head.

‘Would you go out with me?’

That was the latest rendition of it: horribly cliché, flawed, and incomplete. It was straight to the point, and it didn’t fully express what I wanted to say to her, my feelings and my thoughts. Instead, it sounded more like I wanted to take her to a dinner and a movie. What a total snore fest.

“Yoona, do you want anything to drink?” asks Seohyun.

I turn to her, letting go of my worries. I see her propping herself against the door frame. She looks tired, and I wonder whether if she too had a sleepless night. Thankfully, I had Tiffany to talk to. She had a lot to tell me, and I had a lot to tell her. Did Seohyun have a confidant to talk to as well?

“Sure,” I reply.

Seohyun heads out of the room, and I take a spot on her bed. It’s comfortable, almost a little too comfortable. I eye her desk and examine the stacks of binders and textbooks. There’s a small laptop as well, but it’s closed shut. I can’t help but think back on the essay that Joseph had talked about at the party. Should I snoop around? Go through her things, and try to see what she really wrote about me? I shake the very thought out of my head, and hold my cheeks to get a grip of reality.

I’m tempted to sleep, but Seohyun wakes me up when she comes back into the room with a Keroro mug filled with water. She hands it to me, and I take a gulp before handing it back to her. She puts it on her desk. I stretch my arms to keep myself loose and alert, but a sigh quickly follows.

“Are you up for watching a movie?”

“What movie?”

Seohyun picks up a DVD case and flashes it to me. On the cover, there’s a tortured looking young man standing alone on a street. It looks like a horror movie of some sort. “Have you seen this?”

“I’ve never even heard of it.”

“Perfect. I haven’t seen it either.” She heads over to the television set, and pops the DVD into the player beneath it.

There’s a brief hum as it spins away. “I’m going to get some snacks for us, okay?”

“Sure.”

As she leaves, I can’t help but fall back on the bed and close my eyes. Her bed is comfortable, really comfortable. It’s one of those fancy custom mattresses that came with a hefty price-tag. I feel my breathing slow. My world briefly goes black, but only for what seems like a brief moment.

A glaring light fills my periphery, before my eyes adjust to my surroundings. It’s the sun that blinds me, but the world itself starts to take shape as I look away from the bright sphere in the blue sky. It’s serene, nature is all around me, and I’m on a paved road before a breathtaking forest of varying shades of green, red, and gold. Looking in the distance, I see a single figure in a simple white dress standing alone. Her back is turned to me. I know it’s Seohyun. It has to be. I run towards her, and get there faster than normal. She doesn’t seem to notice my steps, and continues to stand there with her back turned to me.

“Seohyun?”

Her long light brown locks are wavy, her skin is like porcelain, and she exudes beauty.

“Seohyun?” I ask again.

The figure doesn’t turn. It’s like she doesn’t hear me. That’s when I start to suspect that it isn’t Seohyun in front of me at all. I grab the figure by the shoulder, and try to turn her towards me. But no matter how hard I pull, the figure doesn’t budge. I run around to try to see her face, but she moves with me to avoid my gaze, her flowing locks acting as a mask to hide her identity.

I’m fed up with trying to see who it is. Instead I ask, “Who are you?”

The girl doesn’t reply. Instead, she starts to run down the path, towards the woods. I hesitate to follow. Something tells me this is a bad idea, but I want to know who she is. Is it worth running into the unknown to find out?

I don’t overthink it. I go with my gut. I sprint after her.

The farther we run, the more the path winds and the vast beauty of the luscious treeline disappears. It’s beautiful still, but there’s a difference between staring at a forest from afar, and actually being in the thick of it. All I can see around me are trees, and as I take a look back, I realize that I can’t even see the entrance.

The girl in the white dress stops, allowing me to catch up to her. I take a few deep breaths to gather some energy after a long run.

“Hey, what’s the big idea? Where the heck are we going?”

She walks off the path and onto the forest floor.

“Hello?”

She doesn’t answer. She keeps walking through the brush, putting a distance between the two of us.

I’m scared. Scared that I’m following a stranger into what could be certain danger. At the same time, I feel this growing curiosity within me, as to where this woman was taking me – and where we would end up. The more I look at her, the more I wonder whether she’s Seohyun or someone else. I take a brief look at the sky, and notice its orange hue. The sun is starting to set, and night would fall very soon.

“It’s getting dark soon. We should head back!”

My plea falls on deaf ears. It’s hopeless. She doesn’t answer.

I take a step off the beaten path, and hear branches crack under my feet. I follow her blindly, to god knows where. Again, she eventually slows down, allowing me to catch up to her. The sun sets and the world around us turns to night. The moon is full, and there’s some faint light that seeps in through the branches and thickets of the trees that surround us. But there’s an unnatural glow coming from the woman in the white dress, and I know that no matter how dark it gets, I can see her.

Finally, we arrive at a clearing in the forest and I gaze out at an open field.

The mysterious figure points towards a building at the other end of the clearing that’s already captured my attention. I can see it perfectly, even from a far. It’s a chapel, a beautiful one that has ivory walls, a bell tower, and a gold cross at the very top.

“Is that where you want me to go?”

She doesn’t answer. She walks into the clearing. I follow.

As we walk, the hairs on my neck start to rise. I start to get the sense that we’re being watched from the woods all around us. I hear the rustling of trees, and the sound of human voices, speaking inaudible words carried by the wind. That’s when I see a black figure emerge from the woods to my left, then another, and another.

I can see them, black beasts on all fours with yellow eyes that glow in the moonlight. They’re big, bigger than they should be, and their snarls let me know what exactly they are: a wolf pack.

I watch as they arch their bodies, preparing for a sprint. My heart starts to race, and I look back at the figure in white in front of me. She’s walking straight, as if completely unaware of the monsters to our left. More snarls sound in the air, and then a howl is unleashed into the dark of night. All I can see is their yellow eyes, as they start their sprint. The yellow orbs are filled with vicious intent.

I grab the girl by the arm, and instead of trying to pull her towards me, I pull her with me. We make a sprint towards the church; the only refuge in sight. I can hear them closing in on us, and though I’m tired from the journey through the forest, I can’t help but run with all my might.

We arrive at the door, and I try my hardest to pull the door open. It budges ever so slightly under my strength, but I feel a strong resistance. The door’s locked. I put my back into it, but no matter what I do, the door won’t open. I turn back to see the girl in the white dress. Her back’s to me, but like her – we’re both facing the pack of wolves that encircle us. Their low snarls, their murderous eyes are haunting.

Call it stupidity, but I go in front of the girl in the white dress. “Get back!” I yell. They move closer.

In my mind, I know that this is a dream, it has to be. At any moment, my mind, or Seohyun, will wake me up to reality. But the threat seems so real. That’s when the first wolf lunges from the corner of my eye, and I know that I’ve been caught. But the girl in the white dress simply kicks the animal away with surreal speed and strength. More snarls, and another lunge, this time towards the mysterious figure. I follow suit, and step in its way, protecting her. I close my eyes, in fear of the pain that is sure to follow. However, the wolf doesn’t bite me, or even claw into me. I hear a wince and when I open my eyes, I see the canine sprawled on all fours.

I feel a body press against me, and I realize that the woman in the white dress is protecting me, as much as I’m here to protect her. The wolves come in closer, all of them prepared to lunge. My fear is gone, and only my instincts to live kick-in. They leap towards us, and I feel the world shake. We’re either going to live or die that much is certain.

“Yoona?”

The world shakes, before I feel my body fly forward, and the dream disappears. I’m awake, eyes wide open, body upright and alert. Seohyun’s the first thing I see. Her face is full of surprise.

“Is everything okay?”

I don’t know how to answer, but I reach for her and hug her.

“I guess you had a nightmare.”

Even now, I’m not quite sure what it was. Seohyun hugs me back.

“Don’t take so long to get snacks next time!” I complain.

Seohyun lets go of me and points to the clock. I read the time, and I let out a frustrated sigh. “You let me sleep for two hours?”

“You were tired. You told me you didn’t sleep last night.”

“I didn’t.”

“So I let you sleep.”

Seohyun gets up from the bed and walks over to the television in her room. She turns it on, and grabs the tray of food from her work table. She places it by the foot of the bed. She sits on the floor, beside it, back leaned against the mattress, and grabs the remote nearby to press play. I get up from the bed, as comfortable as it is, and join her on the floor. She’s chewing on some salted popcorn that is probably cold by now, and flips through the DVD menu.

With so much time having passed already, I don’t want to waste any more time. There was one thing we needed to do today. “Aren’t we going to talk about last night? I think we should.”

Seohyun nods her head in response to my words.

I think back to the night before. Tiffany had spent hours on the phone with me, helping me digest the entire situation. As always, she played the devil’s advocate, and tried to help get me down to earth after experiencing a dangerous high brought on by Seohyun’s sudden confession.

‘Are you sure she means it’

‘What if she’s doing all of this so you don’t leave her.’

‘She has a lot to lose if you leave. You’re one of her few friends.’

But Tiffany had also toyed with the idea, the idea that I had prayed would be true.

‘Maybe she really does like you.’

“Seohyun, I want to know whether you really like me.” I blurt it out impulsively. It’s embarrassing now that I realize how desperate I sound.

She doesn’t hesitate. “I do.”

Doubt fills my head. Did I ask the right question? “Alright let me rephrase that question. Do you love me?”

“I do.”

I tilt my head, and let out an awkward laugh. Any best friend would answer yes to all those questions.

“Do you want us to be a couple? I mean,” I hesitate. “Do you want to go out with me? Do you like me, romantically?”

Seohyun doesn’t answer right away. In fact, she doesn’t seem to know how to respond. She takes another handful of popcorn. I have a feeling she’s eating to have an excuse not to answer. She finishes chewing, and takes a swig of water from a clear glass cup on the tray.

“Well?”

Seohyun has her thinking cap on, and it’s written all over her face. She finally looks back at me. Her eyes are inquisitive, but serene. “I want us to be together.”

That’s not a satisfactory answer. “Romantically?” I feel my heart pounding in my chest. It’s hammering for a very specific answer, and I know if I don’t get it, it’ll hurt me greatly.

Again, she doesn’t seem to know how to answer. The more time passes, the more doubts fill my head. She has the same look across her face that I always see from her when it comes to talking about us. That’s when she looks the most confused, and unsure of herself.

I think of a better way to ask the question. “Forget everything I just asked you, okay?”

Seohyun’s eyes remain fixed on mine, but she plays along. “Okay. Done.”

“What did you feel yesterday, when you kissed me?”

Her cheeks turn red. “I’m not sure. It was in the heat of the moment.”

“What did it feel like?”

“It was warm, and soft. It was nice.”

If Tiffany heard that coming from Seohyun, she might have fallen over in shock at how quickly she’s grown up, her maknae enjoying a kiss. Unfortunately, that’s not the answer I’m looking for.

“I mean, what did you feel in your heart?”

Seohyun struggles to get it out, but mutters, “I was nervous, but I don’t know. I just had to do it.”

‘Had to do it.’ That’s not what I want to hear.

She continues, “I was afraid of a lot of things, but when I kissed you it got even scarier.”

‘Even scarier.’ How on earth was I supposed to feel about that? “So it was a bad thing?”

“No,” she replies. “Weren’t you scared when you kissed me?”

It’s ironic that we’re in her bedroom having this discussion. She’s right, I was scared, and super nervous after I kissed her. “I was. But if it’s not bad, then it’s good?”

“There was more good than bad.”

How utilitarian of her.

She continues, “Your reaction, even after everything I’ve made you feel, was genuine. You didn’t push me away. You took care of me. I think the most important thing is that it happened. Let’s not think too much about it, okay? What we have now makes me happy.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sitting here and being together.”

My doubts are far from alleviated, at least the doubts Tiffany ingrained into my mind, but I can see her point. Seohyun flips on the movie, and pushes the tray of food forward so that there’s space for her to scoot over to my side. She rests her head on my shoulder, as she likes to do when we watch movies.

So, are we dating? Are we a couple? These questions run through my mind. It seems like Seohyun’s taking a different approach. Is she trying to live in the moment? I can’t hate her for doing that. She’s been through a lot, and it’s a turnaround from how she was months ago – when we were fighting at the mall. She’s changed, or at least living a new philosophy.

The movie itself has a slow start, but it’s one of those psychological thrillers. The main character seems to be a clairvoyant of some sort, and he can see the future through his dreams.

“You’re wearing my bracelet,” Seohyun interrupts.

She’s pointing to my left wrist, where the angel wings she gave me are resting. “I figured if I was going to talk to you today, I would need some luck.”

“It’s a good luck charm?”

I sheepishly grin. “It couldn’t hurt. Talking to you is a lot like riding a rollercoaster.”

“What kind of rollercoaster?”

“One of those shaky wooden rollercoasters. You always think you’re going to fly-off.”

“I’ll work on that.”

“Who said it was a bad thing? I love wooden rollercoasters.”

I let out a playful giggle, and she smiles. The mood seems to lighten, and it helps me pay more attention to the movie.

As it continues, the male lead leans how to use his dreams for the greater good. He’s able to warn people of dangerous situations, and even saves the life of his childhood crush. Unfortunately, there were repercussions for his actions. He accidentally helped somebody that he wasn’t supposed to, and that person’s existence had changed the outcome of a situation that affected his life. As he continues to try to interfere, he crosses paths with a mysterious man who stalks him. On the run, he eventually finds solace with his childhood crush. They’re hiding out in her room at night, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what was coming next. I gulp nervously, as the two of them start confessing their hidden feelings for each other. A gentle caress of the cheek, and soon they’re intimately locking lips, as hands are grabbing and caressing skin and flesh.

Hollywood.

I can’t help but glance over at Seohyun to see her reaction. It only takes me a second to register that she’s looking back at me too, to see my reaction. The kissing scene ends, but our attention is no longer on the film itself. I think back on our first kiss months ago. It was awful, a nightmare. Things were different now, right? There was only one way to find out. I lean in close, and she doesn’t move away.

I gently tilt her chin towards me with my left hand, and kiss her tenderly. Her lips are as I remember them, soft, warm, and welcoming. I pull away with my heart racing. I half expect her to get up and run away, like last time, but she stays. I slowly go in for another kiss, and this time she reciprocates it. Her kisses are delicate, but I like it that way. Instead of touching her chin, I move my left hand so that I can cradle her neck with my long fingers. I go in for another soft kiss, my heart racing. The breaks in between our kisses get shorter and shorter the longer we go on. I feel on edge as my senses heighten from the pleasurable contact on my sensitive lips. She puts her hand on my waist, and it shoots a current through my nerves, causing me to squirm in a good way. But as things get more heated, I feel her forcefully push me away with her arms.

I know what she’s thinking, and she voices it immediately. “Let’s slow down, okay?”

I don’t know what had gotten over me. Well I do, but I don’t want to admit what it was. I feel embarrassed, and guilty that she had to push me away. However, it’s a much better outcome than the last time we were here alone. “I’m sorry. I took it too far. I promise I’ll slow it down.” Seohyun nods her head, as she takes her spot back on my shoulder.

As the movie continues, I realize what she had said.

“Let’s slow down,” I randomly blurt out. Seohyun looks at me like I’m a weirdo. “Let’s slow down,” I repeat, “It means that you expect us to continue.”

Seohyun nods her head. “That’s sound logic.”

“So we’re a couple?”

Seohyun doesn’t reply. She turns her attention back to the movie.

“Wait, so are we dating?”

Again, she doesn’t answer. She simply grins.

“Why do you always avoid my questions?”

“Some questions don’t need to be answered.”