I stared at the clock in the classroom with anguish as it ticked away at snail’s pace. Our instructor continued to lecture the class as enthusiastically as he could about second order derivatives, but my mind was too busy drifting off into more important thoughts. Last night, my friendship with Seohyun had been tested.

Her mother, who had driven me home, looked baffled seeing us in tears as we exited the mall together. She knew how close we were and our silence was a signal that something major had happened.

My own mother nearly had a heart attack when she saw my grief-stricken face as I came home. She probably thought that the worst had happened, but that actually was not so far from the truth. I dashed into my room before she could interrogate me. There was no way my mother could know all the details, mainly my love for Seohyun, but I gave her a vague but honest answer when she banged on my door to see what was wrong. “Me and Seohyun had a fight,” I remembered saying, still in a rather shaky state.

In order to be at peace, I spent the night locked in the solitude of my room in contemplation and reflection. It was like a form of therapy for me to just sit there and think about life. I effectively cleansed my mind and body of all the bad feelings that had built up that evening. For the first time in years, I found myself writing in my diary, just trying to get my thoughts on paper.

Initially, depression was the first stage of my tiring night. Seohyun’s perspective of our close friendship was heart-breaking. She wanted me to acknowledge the fact that we would not be as close as we are now as time passed, and to just accept the final year of our strong bond. Savour and let it bloom until it slowly withered away.

Hearing all her thoughts, I learned how delusional I really was. Things were bleak and Seohyun, as much as it pained me, knew this. Winning her heart would be an uphill battle that involved more than just beating out the competition. I would need to mend our friendship, change her values, and show her what love really is. All of which would be hard to do, especially since I lacked experienced in the ways of the heart. It felt weird to think like this, I had never been a pursuer. Boys always asked me out, not the other way around. At least I knew where she stood. It might not have been what I wanted to hear, but maybe it was what I really needed. 

Thinking on all the lectures Seohyun had given me about how complacency was my greatest weakness, yesterday night I arrived at a small epiphany. The bright-eyed girl believed that I needed to find something worth working for, my own personal dream, my own version of Harvard.

Unfortunately, my problem was the exact opposite of what Seohyun had perceived. I wasn’t being complacent because I didn’t know what I wanted; rather it was because what I wanted was within my reach all this time. It was her. She was my Harvard.

After all these years I was just happy to be by her side without a care in the world. Now that there was a real threat of her leaving, I was more determined than ever to win her heart.

Yesterday was a reality check. From now on I would be ready to face the worst. In spite of everything that had encouraged me today, I was gambling on a lot of variables that were out of my control. Would she be willing to repair our friendship and change her ideals? Would she accept or at least understand my love?

Despite the risk of losing it all, the reward of having Seohyun’s love, even for a short while, was worth it to me. After all, the consequences would be even worse if I remained reluctant to take action. I would lose her without a fight. That thought was unacceptable.

It was then that a gentle voice broke me from my dreamy self-reflection.

“Yoona-shi?”I turned to see Nichkhun hovering just above me as I straightened up in my seat.

Brushing my hair from my face with my slender fingers, I realized that I had been in a rather lazy hunched posture. Looking into his big and deep brown eyes, I asked, “Hey Khun, what’s up?”

He smiled as he pointed to all the desks around me. “I just wanted to wake your sleepyhead up. Class is over.”

Only a few students remained in the classroom, as the teacher had let us out a little early. I had completely zoned out. “Thanks for the head’s up.” I got up to pack my bag and needed to find Seohyun as soon as possible. It was important that I let her hear what I had to say about the whole situation. Luckily the final bell sounded as I stood up from my seat, which meant everyone would be running about in the hallways.

Nichkhun eyed me while I packed up and asked, “Is it alright if we talk for a second?” Thinking on my original plans of finding Seohyun, I hesitated for a brief moment. He noticed this and cleverly added, “It’ll be quick.”

We exited the classroom, walking in sync side-by-side. I waited for him to speak as we travelled, but soon realized that he was trying to find a more private place to chat. Students were staring at the two of us from all sides. Was it that weird for us to be together? I could hear them gossiping about me and Nichkhun. Did they know what was about to happen? What Nichkhun was going to say?

“Let’s talk over there,” he added, as he pointed to one of the school’s more secluded stairwells that would provide us with more privacy. These backhall corridors were rarely traveled and lead to the old science labs which were pretty dead late in the day.

He opened the wooden door with the glass windows, encouraging me inside. Unfortunately for the well-mannered guy, I saw a person of interest come into my field of vision before taking another step further. This talk would have to wait. “Nichkhun, I’m really sorry, but I have to go.”

The boy was shocked as I waved goodbye and started to walk away. “But wait,” he pleaded in desperation. Unfortunately, I had a case of selective hearing.

I made a bee-line towards my target that was quite a ways away. “Jinwoon!” I yelled, while running from across the hall.

The tall and smug boy was holding a huge stack of papers and was dressed in his usual preppy clothes. He carried a beige canvas messenger bag on his shoulder, and wore thick-rimmed glasses that suited his intelligent nature. His thick hair moved as he turned in my direction, as he heard his name. He gave me a surprised look as I arrived in front of him.

“Hey Yoona, what's the rush?” he joked, giving me one of his famous eye-smiles. It reminded me of Tiffany.

Gathering my breath for a few moments, I cut to the chase. “Have you seen Seohyun today? I couldn’t find her anywhere at lunch.”

Last night, I had decided that I wanted to clear the air with Seohyun as soon as possible. To eliminate this gap that had silently formed between us over the last few months. Things needed to be out in the open and that included my feelings for her.

Jinwoon eyed me for a few moments, and looked conflicted. Fixing his glasses, he queried, “Don’t you know?”

Staring at him with his inquisitive face, I had a feeling that something was off.

“Know what?” I asked in response.

“She called in sick today.”

Jinwoon and I were well aware of Seohyun’s healthy lifestyle. She almost never got sick, and even when she did, she would still make her way to class, armed with a tube of antibacterial hand sanitizer and a box of tissues. I now felt really guilty for not making more of an effort to comfort her last night. This was the first time that she missed school in years. It was a big deal.

Showing my displeasure, I answered honestly. “She didn’t tell me.”

Jinwoon looked at me in disbelief. He knew how close the two of us were. He gave me some comforting words. “I’ll tell you how she’s doing,” he stated. “I was about to stop by her place and give her the homework that she missed today.”

I stared at the huge stack of papers in Jinwoon’s hands and pointed at it in disbelief. “That’s all of her work?!”

“She asks for course supplements,” he replied with a chuckle.

“Of course she does,” I replied, as I giggled in my head.

Jinwoon looked at his watch and furrowed his brow in worry. “I should get going, Seohyun’s probably really anxious to catch-up on all this stuff.” He waved farewell but there was no way I could let him leave. He held the ticket (or excuse) I needed to see my best friend. “Wait!”

He stopped dead in his tracks hearing my scream and shifted back to face me. “Yes?” he asked, looking slightly confused.

I reached forward to grab the stack of paper from his hands and watched as he recoiled away from me as if I was a thief.

“Let me take it to her,” I insisted, trying my best to take the work from his hands.

However Jinwoon did not seem ready to give up his personal duty to his good friend. “Sorry but Seohyun asked me to do it.” He pulled away from me to leave, but I snatched his sweater sleeve in desperation.

Dragging him violently back towards me, my sudden aggression caused the people nearby to stare. Jinwoon was a big guy, but he was weak when it came to girls.

“I need to see Seohyun,” I said with a commanding voice. “So I’ll be taking these from you.”

The Vice-President of the Debate Club could hear my serious tone and understood that it was important to me. Still, I could tell he was unwilling. Finally after some more silence and stares, he gave in. “Okay, okay, let go of me alright?”

Hearing him agree to my demands, I gave him a toothy smile, which was much less intimidating than my previous expression. He handed me the stack of papers after I released him from my grip, as promised. The boy also reached into his bag to pull out a white letter envelope. “Give this to Seohyun.”

I stared at the note, slightly confused. “What is this?”

His cheeks suddenly turned red with what I assumed to be shyness. “It’s just my get well message for her.”

Great, as if it wasn’t bad enough that I had to deal with Yonghwa, now I had arguably the nicest and smartest guy in school using me as his delivery girl for his love letters to the girl I desired. A price to pay to see Seohyun, I reasoned.

From there he gave me specific instructions about all the work Seohyun had. Needless to say, it was near impossible to memorize them all, so I took down detailed notes on a slip of paper. It really showed me just how crazy Seohyun’s schedule was. More than a third of those sheets were club related documents that she needed to read and fill-out carefully. After his lecture, he told me to call him to give him an update on how Seohyun was doing. Like he would have done for me. Of course I agreed.

Exchanging goodbyes, I turned and made my way down the halls as fast as I could. Seohyun’s house was a short walking distance away from school, which meant I could drop by before commuting my way home.

Seohyun probably didn’t want to see me today, but I needed to see her. Miss innocent would probably want her homework anyways.

***

It felt unnatural to be lying in bed watching Keroro on a weekday afternoon, but I needed a day off.

My mother always gave me the freedom to attend school as I pleased. She trusted my judgement. I never needed to give her a reason for why I wanted to stay home, and knew how much I loved school. She merely nodded when I told her that I would be skipping school today, leaving me some instructions for lunch as well as a number where I could reach her in case of any problems.

Nonetheless, she knew why I wanted to skip class. She had spent the night with me yesterday, comforting me after what had happened with Yoona. Our conversation still played over in my head after I told her the depressing details. “Sweetie, you shouldn’t be so harsh to Yoona, she's your best friend. You’ve known each other for so many years.”

My mum was always a lot more emotionally intelligent than I was, and saw my lack of awareness for the feelings of others as a weakness. She was a parent that did not particularly care for grades. To her, it was more important for me to start dating and find love than for me to go off to Harvard. I constantly told her that I had my own goals and dreams and that love could wait. She always argued that I was missing out, and needed to find that special someone soon. I knew that she didn’t mean to scare me. She just wanted me to stop being so much of a robot like dad was, but I couldn’t help it. It was in my blood.

I told my mother that there was still hope as we talked late into the night. “I didn’t say everything.” Yet as those words came out, I remembered how hard Yoona had cried, “Although, I think she understands how I feel.” Pausing for a moment, I confessed, “It’s scary.”

Again my mom could see right through me. “Why is it scary sweetie? Don’t you believe in your own feelings?”

She struck a chord inside of me with that simple question. There was a truth to my feelings but I deep down I hated to think of it dissolving. I wanted our friendship to last and to even fight for it like Yoona did. However, personal experience told me that my friend’s path was the more painful option. She just didn’t know it yet.

My mother reassured me after our talk. “I know it’s hard for you Seohyun, but you’re a smart girl and you’ll figure it out.”

I wasn’t so sure.

“Just remember, Yoona cares for you. Don’t shun her love, embrace it.”

“I’ll try.”

I continued to think about our conversation until the sound of the Keroro theme song caught my attention. Staring at the screen, another episode had started playing. I quickly stared at the clock on the DVD player, which told me that Jinwoon would probably be arriving soon. I realized that I needed to get ready.

Washing my face, putting on some light makeup and combing my hair, I tried my best to make myself look presentable. I had been pretty lazy, sleeping in and just procrastinating for most of the afternoon. Hiding away for a few hours was enough for me. I needed to get back to work.

I heard the doorbell ring as I finished getting dressed in my room. Running down the steps and putting on a bright smile, I tried my best to look perfectly fine despite my rather sleepless night. I knew Jinwoon would be worried.

The doorbell rang twice more. “Hold on!” I shouted, surprised at Jinwoon’s impatient behaviour.

Unlocking all the complicated chains and knobs, I opened the door and could feel my heart stop for a brief moment.

Yoona greeted me with a wide smile. “Hey Seohyun!” she shouted cheerfully. “I brought your homework.” She flashed the stack of papers and waved them in the air to prove that she had a legitimate reason to come over. I knew that she must have bullied Jinwoon just for an opportunity to drop by and talk. My best friend had a playful look on her face. Did she even remember what had happened yesterday?

Grabbing my work from her hands, I honestly said, “I didn’t expect to see you today.” My comment did not seem to bother her one bit. She probably expected as much.

Still, seeing Yoona with her doe-eyed gaze and alligator smile made me feel a lot better. Those memories from yesterday seemed to be fading away, even though the wounds were still fresh. It was amazing just how powerful a smile could be. She was just cheerful and happy, the way I wanted her to be all the time. Yoona was right; maybe this was something worth preserving.

“Do you think it would be okay for us to have a talk?” she asked, giving me a jolt of her aegyo. She rarely showed it, which told me that she really wanted to chat.

“Sure,” I replied with a slight hint of hesitation.

Opening the door wide, I let her in and watched as she stepped inside with light and careful steps. Bending over to take off her shoes, my best friend placed her knapsack on the floor beside her and looked around with wide eyes. “It’s been so long since I last came here."

“Yeah it has been a while,” I replied, locking the door behind her. Seeing her like this, I felt a burning feeling inside my chest overpower me. Before I could even think on it, I impulsively rushed to Yoona and wrapped my arms around her waist, giving her a snug back hug.

Yoona slightly jumped up in surprise. “I’m sorry,” I said with genuine sincerity. As I always did, I rested my head on her shoulder. I could feel the warmth of her body. I had missed her, missed this. 

Regrettably, I could see Yoona starting to tear up. The girl was a great actress, but even she could not completely ignore what had happened yesterday. I held her closer, seeing her sad expression. Showing more affection, I realized now that my heart was now in complete control of my body. It was tired of my brain hurting someone that I cared about deeply. My noggin officially had the day off. 

Yoona smiled as the first tear rolled off her cheek. “I hate you."

"I know," I answered, holding her for a good while. Today, I woke up with the intention of avoiding Yoona for a day, but here I was, refusing to let go of her. I had never been more confused with my feelings. Seeing your best friend break down in front of you could do that to a person.

I felt Yoona's hands lightly touching my fingertips, signalling me to release my hold. “Are you going to let go of me? We should talk.”

Those words were always scary to hear, but I released her as she requested. I watched as she faced me, no longer putting up a strong façade. She wiped any trace of her tears away. The girl had a poised look across her pretty egg-shaped face.

Yoona was right. This was as good a time as any to have a heart-to-heart, while the thoughts and feelings were still fresh.

My guest was looking around. “Is your mom home?”

“No, it's just me,” I replied with reassurance. Yoona seemed pleased with the answer. “She won’t be back for a while. We have plenty of time to talk.”

Yoona cleared . “Good, I have some things I need to say.”

*