After not getting any sleep for the past two days (or weeks, if she considered the sleepless nights she and the other members had endured while preparing for their concert), Eunji wanted more than anything to go back home and collapse into her bed. But instead she was standing in front of Bomi and Chorong’s house, holding a bag of dakbal from their favorite restaurant.

Eunji had driven the other members back home from the hospital before coming here, but rather than going back to her own home, she had somehow ended up at Bomi’s home. It was already six in the evening, so Bomi would have surely woken up by now. The fact that Bomi hadn’t called or texted her the whole day slightly worried Eunji.

Eunji knocked on the door a few times, and when there was no response, she punched in the code and let herself in. Chorong and Bomi hadn’t changed the pin to their house after the others had moved out, so all of the members were free to enter their home as they pleased. Not that they did it often―the members made sure to respect their privacy.

“Bbom-ah?” she called out. “It’s me, Eunji.” 

Letting the door shut behind her, Eunji slipped off her shoes and ventured into the house that had been her home up until last year. “Bbom-ah?” she said again, her concern growing. “Are you in here?”

When no reply came, Eunji set the take-out bag of dakbal on the counter, and began to check each room, fearing what she might find. In the end, she didn’t find Bomi. She didn’t know whether that was a good or bad thing, but she preferred to think more on the positive side. She slipped out her phone and tried calling Bomi, but it went straight to voicemail. She suppressed the rising fear in her chest and thought of where Bomi could possibly be. 

Maybe she got hungry…, she thought, but she discarded that guess when she noticed the dirty dishes in the kitchen sink. It brought her some relief knowing that Bomi had eaten the food Eunji had cooked her, but the dirty dishes stared back at her like they meant something. Chorong had always been adamant on keeping the house clean, so all the members had gotten used to cleaning up after themselves. Was Bomi in such a rush to get to where she was going that she didn’t have time to wash a single plate and chopsticks?

As Eunji picked up the plate to wash it, she pondered some more. Perhaps Bomi went back to see Chorong. Eunji frowned as she scrubbed away the food on the plate. If she had gone back to see Chorong, she would have told the members, but Eunji supposed that it was still possible that she had gone without telling them. The only other plausible option that Eunji could think of was that she had gone on a walk by the Han River, which she usually did whenever she was down.  

For a second, Eunji contemplated going there to see if she could find Bomi, but then she decided not to. She and the other members knew that whenever Bomi went on those walks, she wanted to be alone. It worried them whenever she’d announce that she was heading toward the Han River, and it would always prompt them to ask if she was okay. Of course, Bomi being Bomi, would always smile sadly and say “yes” before leaving. They never stopped her from leaving, since they knew that it was her way of releasing stress and clearing her head on her own. 

Biting her lip worriedly, Eunji placed the wet plate and chopsticks into the drying rack, then walked over to the living room and sat down on the sofa. Wherever she was, Eunji was sure that she was safe and not making rash decisions, despite her grief.

So Eunji sat cross-legged on the sofa and kept an eye on the door, waiting for Bomi to return, until eventually her tired eyes could not take it anymore and her fatigue dragged her off into a deep sleep. 

“Eunji-ah!” Bomi exclaimed when Eunji and Chorong entered the dorm. “Where have you been?” 

Eunji blinked. She had just been discharged from the hospital after collapsing on the set of Trot Lovers due to fatigue. It had taken hours for the doctors to complete running their tests, but Chorong had stayed by her side the entire time. The older woman hadn’t complained a single bit, even when the hours ran late into the night. She had only listened carefully to what the doctor said about Eunji’s condition. Eunji looked at Chorong in confusion, who only gave her a wry smile, then back at Bomi. “You didn’t know?”

It was Bomi’s turn to look confused. “What do you mean?”

“I was in the hospital.” 

“What?” Bomi jumped up from where she sat on the sofa, and rushed toward Eunji. “Are you okay? What happened?”

“I fainted on set because of my fatigue,” Eunji explained as simply as she could. “But I’m okay now. I just needed to rest.” 

“Eunji-ah…” Bomi murmured. Eunji knew what she was thinking about. Because of Eunji’s particularly busy schedule, she rarely saw Bomi anymore, even though they were roommates. The most they’d see each other was late at night, when Eunji would get back from her drama shooting, or early in the morning, when Eunji would be getting ready for another day of filming. Even then, those encounters only lasted a few minutes. Considering how they were part of the same group and they lived together, it was ironic that Eunji missed Bomi so much; she knew Bomi returned the sentiment as well. Several times, Bomi had expressed how worried so was about Eunji, whose health seemed to be deteriorating by the day. And now, suddenly having her worst suspicions confirmed and finding out that Eunji had been hospitalized must have felt like a punch to Bomi’s stomach. 

“I’m fine, Bbom-ah,” Eunji reassured with a lame smile. “Really.” 

Bomi didn’t look convinced, and Eunji felt terribly guilty for the pain that she must have been causing her. Bomi was the type to care for others before herself; she treated her members like they were her own family. Whenever one of them was hurting, Bomi was hurting with them. That was one of the many qualities of Bomi that Eunji loved. It was also why Eunji had tried to hide how much she was struggling with her stressful schedules. But Bomi had seen through it, as she always did. 

“Chorong-unnie was with you?” Bomi asked.

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell us, Unnie?” Bomi asked Chorong. She wasn’t accusing Chorong of keeping something from them―it was a genuine question.

Still, Chorong looked a bit guilty when she replied, “It was late at night, and I didn’t want to wake you guys up.”

“We would have woken up,” Bomi said immediately. The quickness in her reply touched Eunji.

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys.” 

Bomi’s expression softened. “Don’t apologize. I’m glad you were there for Eunji.”

Eunji looked around the dorm curiously. “Where are the others?”

“They went to get lunch.”

“You didn’t go with them?” 

“I stayed back to wait for you to come back,” Bomi said simply, as if it was no big deal. To Eunji, however, it was so much more than “no big deal”. Glancing back and forth between Chorong and Bomi, Eunji felt so much gratitude that she had friends like them in her life.

“They did say that they’d bring home food for us,” added Bomi. “They said they’d bring dakbal and tteokbokki back for us.”

At the mention of her favorite foods, Chorong’s eyes lit up. 

“They were worried too, since two of our members seemed to disappear without a trace. We texted you two, but you didn’t reply.”

“I’m sorry, we didn’t mean to worry you guys. Both of our phones were dead,” Chorong said.

“It’s okay, Unnie. I’m just glad you two are alright. I’ll let the others know that you’re back.” While she was reaching for her phone, Bomi said, “In the meantime, I’m ordering you two to go to bed and sleep until you look less like zombies. If you wake up and you still look dead tired, I’m sending you both back to bed.” 

“I’m your Unnie, Bbom-ah. You can’t order me around,” Chorong said, but she still began to walk toward her room. 

“Yeah? Well I just did.”

Chorong stuck her tongue out at Bomi before going into her room. 

Smiling, Eunji also headed toward her room. On the way, she touched Bomi’s shoulder and said, “Thank you, Bbom-ah.” 

Bomi turned with a “hm?”, but Eunji had already gone into her room.

In her room that she shared with Bomi, Eunji plugged her phone into its charger, then sat tiredly on her bed. Over the course of the past few months, her bed had been her sanctuary, for it was the only place where she could really lie down and relax. After a long night on a hospital bed that could in no way compare to her bed, Eunji felt like she was in heaven as she snuggled up in her covers. She hadn’t bothered to change out of her clothes―that required energy that she didn’t have.

When her phone had charged enough to turn back on, Eunji immediately checked her messages. Bomi had said that the members had tried contacting them, and sure enough, Eunji had eleven missed calls and twenty-four text messages from her members.

 One particular message from Hayoung made her laugh: “Unnie, where are you? I know your filming should have ended by now. If you don’t come back soon, I’m going to take that one Pooh doll that you love so much. Reply within five minutes or I’ll take your silence as permission to take Pooh.”

As she scrolled through each message asking where she was, her grin widened until she was smiling broadly down at her phone, her heart full of love for her members who cared for her so much.

When the dream faded away and reality came back to her, Eunji tugged her blanket over her shoulder and to her side, trying to ignore the quiet voices coming from the TV. It hadn’t really been a dream; it was more like a memory―one that Eunji cherished and liked to think back to because of the love she felt from her members. It was only natural that she didn’t want to wake up from such a sweet dream.

But then she remembered where she was and that she certainly did not have a blanket when she had fallen asleep. Quickly, she sat up and looked around wildly. The TV suddenly paused, and she felt a hand touch her side. “Eunji-ah?”

Eunji blinked away her sleepiness and turned to face Bomi, who was sitting beside her. “Bbom-ah,” she only said, the sleepiness still not out of her system. Slowly, she noticed how dark it was, both outside and inside. The TV was the only source of light in the living room. “What time is it?” 

Bomi swiftly glanced at her phone. “Ten.” 

Eunji sat up straighter, rubbing at her eyes. “Already?”

“You were sleeping pretty soundly. I didn’t try to wake you, though. It seemed like you needed the rest.” 

When the cloudiness in her mind dissipated, she looked back at Bomi with a much clearer gaze. Bomi seemed cleaner and more well-rested than when she had last seen her. She was wearing her circle-framed glasses and her pajamas, and her hair was up in a loose bun. “Where did you go?”

For a split second, Bomi glanced away. “I took a walk by the Han River,” she answered.

“How long were you gone?”

“A few hours. When I came back, I found you asleep on the sofa.”

“Is the Han River the only place you went to?”

Bomi looked at Eunji with heavy eyes. Maybe it was the dim lighting from the TV, but she looked older. “Where else would I have gone?”

Eunji didn’t know. That’s why she was asking. But it was apparent that Bomi didn’t want to talk about it anymore, so Eunji let it go, though reluctantly. “Did you eat the dakbal I left on the counter?”

“No, I put it in the fridge so we could eat it together when you woke up.” 

“You didn’t have to do that.” Truthfully, Eunji hadn’t eaten with the others before dropping them off at home. She had just ordered dakbal for two to-go so she could eat with Bomi.

“Eating alone is no fun.” Bomi stood up and flicked on the lights. Eunji winced at the sudden brightness. “Thank you for bringing me home, by the way. And for the food. But I’ll admit that I was a bit confused when I woke up in my own bed and not in the hospital.” 

Eunji chuckled lightly. “I was surprised that you didn’t wake up at all during the whole process of taking you home.” 

“You know I’m dead to the world when I’m really tired.” 

“I was reminded of that when I accidentally hit your head on the doorframe of your room.”

Bomi froze in front of the refrigerator and touched her head. “You did not.”

“I did not.” Eunji stood to help Bomi warm up the chicken feet. “But it would have been funny.”

“Funny for you,” mumbled Bomi as she took out a bowl to put the dakbal in. 

“Yes, that’s what I meant.” 

“Maybe I should have eaten on my own,” Bomi muttered under her breath, placing the bowl into the microwave for a minute. 

“You wouldn’t have finished all of it anyway,” Eunji hummed.

“You underestimate how much I can eat.” 

While they ate, Eunji updated Bomi about CEO Choi’s decision to move Chorong to another, more protected room. Bomi took it rather emotionlessly, though Eunji suspected that she was just bottling up what she really wanted to say. She didn’t press any more than she had to; she respected Bomi’s privacy. Whatever she was keeping to herself, Eunji was sure that she had a good reason for doing so.

They also talked about little things, like how they should consider making a mukbang Youtube channel (featuring only tteokbokki and dakbal, of course) or how their next sponsorship should be with a dakbal business. Talking like that felt comfortable and...normal. Funny, how something that was supposed to be normal now felt rare and out of place for them. It was because of some cruel twist of fate, but it made Eunji want to treasure these kinds of moments all the more. 

As she on a delicate piece of bone, Eunji pondered about what moments in the past that she had taken for granted. Of her numerous memories, which ones would she want to relive just so she could appreciate them more than she had before? She glanced at Bomi, who was eyeing the bowl of dakbal for the next piece that would fall prey to her. This one, she decided, I won’t take this one for granted.

“Are you okay, Eunji-ah?” Bomi asked, drawing Eunji out of her thoughts. 

“Huh?”

“You were staring at the bowl for a long time.” She held up the piece that she had selected after a solid minute of examining the other pieces. “Did you want this one?” 

Eunji found the innocence behind the question somewhat endearing. “No, I was just thinking.”

“Good, because I’ve been eyeing this piece for a long time, and even if you had said yes, I wouldn’t have given it to you anyway.” With a playful smirk, Bomi drew back her hand and ate the chicken foot, one toe at a time―just like how Chorong had taught them during their debut days, when she had introduced them to the food. 

The warm memory brought a small grin to Eunji’s face.

“About what?”

Again, Eunji was caught off guard. “What?”

“What were you thinking about?” Bomi slowed her chewing and set the chicken foot down onto her plate. “Eunji-ah, are you sure you’re okay?”

“I guess I’m still tired even after napping for four hours.” She leaned back in her chair and scratched the back of her neck with her clean hand. Bomi only looked at her expectantly, like she was anticipating Eunji to say more. Eunji sighed and gave in, “I was thinking about how all of a sudden the things that were once normal are now...abnormal. Seeing Namjoo and Hayoung tease each other and even the simplest things like sitting down at this table and eating with you―it feels like they’re rare to come around, even when they’re not.” She frowned and shook her head, struggling to find the right words. “I’m sorry. I know it’s confusing and weird. I don’t really know how to explain it.”

“No, I understand.” Bomi reached across the table and covered Eunji’s hand with hers. “And it’s not weird. I’m pretty sure all of us can empathize.”

“It’s like I feel the need to cherish every little thing now,” Eunji said the next part in a quiet voice, “because it can all be taken away from me in a blink of an eye.”

Bomi’s hand went rigid over hers. “Don’t think like that.”

“I can’t help but think about it. Not with what’s happening right now.”

“Don’t think like that,” Bomi repeated tightly.

“I’m terrified, Bbom-ah.”

“You shouldn’t be. The accident was just that: an accident. The chances of something like that happening again are incredibly slim, if not nonexistent. If you live through each moment forcing yourself to cherish it because you’re scared of losing it, then you’re cherishing it for all the wrong reasons. Whenever you think back at that moment, all you’ll remember is how terrified you were of losing it. The memory will be tainted, and I’d bet that you’d enjoy the moment a lot more without that burdensome fear. You should cherish something because you truly want to, not because you have a fear of it being taken away from you.”

Eunji knew that Bomi was right and that her thoughts were a dangerous way of thinking, but they still plagued her. Ever since the accident, they had been following her around and stripping away her peace of mind, no matter how hard she tried to fight it. “It’s hard,” she breathed, hating how pathetic she felt. “I’m trying.”

Almost immediately, Bomi’s face softened and the rigidness of her hand disappeared. “I know it is and I know you are. It’s going to take some time before things get better, but I promise you that they will, and until they do, I will be right here for you to lean on.” 

Whether Bomi was talking about Chorong’s condition or Eunji’s internal struggles didn’t matter―hearing those words meant the world to Eunji. She chuckled a bit awkwardly, “Just until then? Where are you going to go after that?”

Bomi exaggeratedly rolled her eyes. “Nowhere, idiot. I’m not going anywhere, Chorong-unnie isn't going anywhere, the other members aren’t going anywhere...No one’s going anywhere unless we’re going together.”

“Sounds awfully like a suicide pact.” 

The corners of Bomi’s lips quirked up. “That’s one way to think about it. You get my point, though. Apink is a huge part of who we are, but we aren’t just Apink.” Suddenly, Bomi looked embarrassed, and Eunji found herself getting embarrassed as well. “We’re a family. We stick together.”

Eunji pretended to look disgusted. “I guess I’m stuck with you guys for the rest of my life, then.” 

“You’d rather it be the other way around?”

“No,” replied Eunji automatically. She glanced down at Bomi’s hand, which was still resting atop hers. “Definitely not.”

“Good,” Bomi said and picked her piece of dakbal back up. Her other hand remained on Eunji’s. “Because we’re a forever type of thing.” 

“That’s horribly cheesy and something you’d say if you were drunk.”

“Who says I didn’t sneak a few drinks in while you were sleeping?” 

“Your abilities to form sentences and find your mouth to eat your food say enough.”

Again, Bomi’s lips tugged upward slightly, but she didn’t laugh. Bomi’s laugh had always been contagious and one that would always cheer someone up just by the sound and sheer brightness of it. Realizing that it had been a while since she had last heard that laugh left a twinge of sadness in Eunji’s chest. 

“How are the others?” Bomi asked after a while of silence.

Eunji had been expecting this question, just not so late into their meal. “A lot better than last night. I can tell that they’re still shaken up and in a lot of pain inside―I mean, I think we all are―, but they’re slowly adapting to the situation.”

“And you? Are you okay?” This was the second time Bomi had asked her this question.

“I’m as okay as I can be,” Eunji answered. 

“So, no.” 

Looking down at her hands, she nodded. Everytime she closed her eyes, she saw Chorong pushing Bomi out of the way of the car. She saw Chorong getting hit. She saw that pool of blood that had left a stain in her mind. So, no. She was not okay. She was far from it. 

Wordlessly, Bomi wiped her dirty hand on a napkin, then slid out of her chair and rounded the table. She gently wrapped her arms around Eunji and held her in a comforting hug. Bomi pressed her cheek against Eunji’s head and murmured, “I know you’re hurting. We’ll get through this together.”

Eunji tried saying something, but her voice choked, so she shut and leaned into Bomi’s embrace.

That’s when the tears finally came. After forcing her emotions down for far too long, the dam finally broke, and the torrent of tears came rushing out. She let her tears run freely down her cheeks, and Bomi let them soak her shirt. At the sound of Eunji’s crying, Bomi only pulled her closer and tightened her embrace, patting her back rhythmically while repeating, “It’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

Eunji never usually cried; Bomi was normally the crybaby of their group. But Eunji didn’t care about that as she abandoned her image and released the tears that had long been pent up. Her shoulders shook violently and her nose became clogged with sniffles, and throughout the whole time, Bomi never let her go.

“What are you doing tomorrow?”

Eunji looked up from her phone, which was to its front-facing camera. She had been examining her red eyes and swollen face with quite some disdain. She had had no right to call Bomi an ugly crier after their concert when this was what she looked like after crying. “I’m going to visit Chorong-unnie tomorrow morning, then I’m going to go to the gym. Other than that, I don’t really have many plans. Want to come with me?”

“I’ll come with you to visit Unnie, but not to the gym,” Bomi replied. “What time are you going?”

“Probably around eleven.” Eunji shrugged. “Whenever I wake up, really.” 

“You barely got any sleep the past few days, didn’t you?” When Eunji nodded, Bomi sighed, “Go home and rest.” 

Eunji wanted to protest, but it was true that she had barely gotten any rest. She was basically running on two hours of sleep (or six, if she counted the nap she had taken). 

“Whatever you’re about to say, don’t,” Bomi said sternly. “You and I both know you need to sleep.”

“I took a four-hour nap earlier.”

“Then tell me why you look like that nap drained you more than it reenergized you.” 

Eunji frowned and pulled up her phone’s camera again. Bomi was right; in addition to her puffy eyes and red nose, dark eye bags hollowed out her under-eyes. 

“Go home, Eunji-ah,” Bomi said again.

Eunji looked back at Bomi and the dark spot on her shirt that Eunji’s tears had left. She felt slightly guilty for that, but Bomi didn’t seem to mind or even notice. Bomi had claimed that she had slept for most of the day, but she too still looked incredibly tired and in need of a good night’s rest. 

“Will you be fine alone?” Eunji asked.

“I’m not a child.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Since Chorong was Bomi’s roommate and Bomi was accustomed to Chorong always being there, Eunji feared that sleeping in an empty house would be tough for her. “I could stay, if you want.”

Bomi smiled softly and turned down the offer. “I don’t want to deprive you of your bed. I’ll be fine on my own.”

Perhaps she was just overthinking, but Eunji swore she detected hesitancy in Bomi’s rejection. Whatever the case, Eunji didn’t want to impose, so she stood from where she sat on the sofa and grabbed her coat. “Thanks for letting me crash your home,” she said as she walked to the door.

“Technically, I didn’t let you. You just came.” 

“Well, what do you expect when you haven’t changed the code to your front door?”

Bomi grinned and opened the door. “Good night, Eunji-ah.”

Before walking out, Eunji paused in the doorway.

“You’re letting the cold air in,” said Bomi behind her.

Eunji turned around and took in Bomi’s tired eyes and the tear stains on her shirt once more. It was all she needed to do to make her press forward and hug Bomi. “I love you, Bbom-ah,” she said quickly, then let go and walked outside into the brisk night air, silently cursing herself for not bringing a thicker coat. She glanced over her shoulder at Bomi one last time, and she knew for certain that there was sadness in her eyes, like she didn’t want Eunji to leave. 

But Bomi only gave her a weak smile, then closed the door.