Namjoo didn’t know where she was going.

She had been walking aimlessly for about ten minutes with a bag of fried chicken from her favorite restaurant in her hands. After she had picked up her food, she had proceeded to let her legs carry her wherever they wanted to go. She didn’t want to go home to an empty house and wallow in her sadness, and she didn’t want to go to a place with a lot of people either. She didn’t want to be alone, but she also didn’t want to talk to anyone. How horribly ironic.

After a few more minutes of walking, she somehow found herself standing in front of her company building. She didn’t know why her legs had brought her here when this place had been the recent home of several unpleasant memories. It was here that she and Hayoung had argued, she discovered that Bomi had been lying to them, and she had left Bomi crying on the floor.

She sighed and looked up. Namjoo had always liked to relieve her stress at high places with a view that she could look at while she reflected. There was something about the cool breeze that would sweep through her hair and the panoramic picture before her that would ease her mind. Right now, the closest place that was like that was the roof of the company building. Maybe that was why her legs had carried her here.

To get to the rooftop, she had to climb up what seemed like a million steps, but she supposed that that would just make the cool breeze all the more welcome. She had never been to the roof of the company building, since she never really had a reason to. Other than it being just a flat surface with a view of the city below, Namjoo didn’t know what to expect of it.

But she definitely hadn’t been expecting to find Hayoung there, leaning over the railing, looking like she was ready to flip over.

Namjoo let the door close behind her as she stared in confusion at the taller girl, who had not seemed to notice Namjoo’s entrance.

Then Hayoung lifted her foot tentatively.

And suddenly a life without Hayoung flashed in Namjoo’s mind. In that split second, Namjoo imagined a bleak, laughter-less world that was so, so dark. 

Namjoo dropped her bag of chicken and sprang into action.

“Hayoung-ah, stop!” she screamed, sprinting toward the younger girl. The second she reached Hayoung, Namjoo grabbed her arm and wrenched her from the railing. 

Hayoung stumbled back and threw Namjoo a wide-eyed, surprised look. “Namjoo-unnie?”

“You were right, okay?” Namjoo cried, keeping a tight grip on Hayoung wrist, like she was scared that Hayoung would try to break free. “You were right. This isn’t the end of Apink. With the bond that we’ve built over the past nine years, it’s not possible to break up right now. I was wrong to think that we wouldn’t be able to heal from this, and I’m sorry that I ever thought that we wouldn’t be able to. I know things are tough right now, but we’ll get through this together, because we’re a family and that’s what families do. Do you hear me, Hayoung? We’re a family, and we’re going to get through this together. Everything’s going to be okay, so please...please don’t do this.”

“Unnie, what―”

“It’s hard enough that Chorong-unnie isn’t with us right now, but if you were to also leave us…to be without another one of our sisters…that would devastate us, Hayoung-ah. Think about the people who care about you. We love you so much. I love you so much, and I could not bear to live in a world without my younger sister. Things right now, but this isn’t the answer. This is never the answer!”

When Namjoo finished blurting out those words, she stared breathlessly at Hayoung, panting heavily like she had just run a marathon. She did not loosen her grip on Hayoung’s wrist.

Namjoo had expected Hayoung to react rebelliously, but the younger girl only reciprocated Namjoo’s desperate plea with a confused gaze. “Unnie, what are you talking about? What isn’t the answer?”

Namjoo’s grip faltered. “I...You weren’t just about to jump over the railing?”

“What? No, of course not!”

“Then why were you leaning over it so much?”

“Oh, well…,” Hayoung scratched the back of her neck awkwardly. “I saw a cute puppy, and I wanted to get a better look.”

Both relief and embarrassment washed through Namjoo as she fell to her knees, hanging her head between her legs. “Seriously…,” she muttered exasperatedly, shaking her head, as if she couldn’t believe what had just happened. “What were you doing up here anyway?”

“I needed a place to be alone. I should have known that you would come up here too, though. I know you like to clear your head at high places.”

“You’re not wrong,” Namjoo mumbled. She pinched the bridge of her nose and took deep breaths to try to calm her rapidly beating heart.

She felt Hayoung lean down beside her. When she lifted her head and looked at her, Hayoung was smiling with some laughter in her eyes. “Did you mean what you said?”

“I thought you were trying to kill yourself,” she uttered, “I was desperate.”

“So...yes?”

Namjoo glared at the maknae, who looked like she was enjoying herself. “If you’re asking if I meant it when I said that we’re a family and we’ll get through this together, then the answer is yes.”

“And the ‘I love you so much’ part?” 

“Also yes.” Then she looked to the ground and muttered under her breath, “Though right now I don’t have many loving feelings toward you.”

Hayoung shrugged. “Sounds fair.”

There was a moment of silence, then Hayoung said in a more serious tone, “I’m sorry, too.” 

Namjoo lifted her gaze.

“I said some pretty mean stuff back there,” Hayoung elaborated.

“You had reason to.”

“Maybe, but I had no reason to lash out on you like that. We’re all suffering, and I shouldn’t have taken out my pain on you. Bomi-unnie was right. We shouldn’t be fighting during a time like this.”

“Does that mean you forgive me?”

“Only if you’ll forgive me.” 

Namjoo leaned over and hugged the other woman. “I’m sorry, Hayoungie.”

“I’m sorry I made you imagine a world without me,” Hayoung replied as she returned the embrace. “It’s nice to know that you couldn’t bear to live without me.”

Namjoo laughed and hit Hayoung’s back lightly. “Oh, shut up.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I couldn’t bear to live without you either.”

“That is nice to know.” 

Namjoo pulled away and grinned at Hayoung. It felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. With Chorong in a coma, Namjoo had already felt lost and horribly empty inside, but after that argument with Hayoung...it had felt like her life had shattered into a million pieces. If being without Chorong felt like being without her older sister, being without Hayoung felt like being without her twin. Her partner in crime.

Hayoung leaned her back against the wall behind her, drawing her knees up to her chest. “What are we going to do now?”

Namjoo shifted over to sit beside the maknae. It was cold outside, but with Hayoung snuggled next to her, she felt warm. “About Bomi-unnie?”

Hayoung leaned her head on Namjoo’s shoulder. “We said some cruel things to her.”

“We did,” she agreed guiltily. “And now I feel horrible.”

“She had good intentions.”

“She did.”

“We messed up, didn’t we?”

 “Yeah.” Namjoo craned her neck upward and looked at the grey, cloudy sky. There wasn’t so much of a crack of blue in the dense clouds. “We did.”

“Why do I feel like I just yelled at my mom?”

Namjoo sighed. “Because Bomi-unnie is the most soft-hearted and caring person in probably the entire world. She was protecting us like a mother would, and we kicked her down for it.”

“We’re horrible daughters,” Hayoung mumbled.

“The absolute worst.”

“Do you think she’ll forgive us?”

“I think she’s wondering the same thing about us right now,” Namjoo replied. A chilly breeze swept through her hair, entangling it in a messy dance across her face. She ran a hand through her hair to try to tame it. “But it’s Bomi-unnie we’re talking about. Of course she’ll forgive us. No matter how upset she gets at us, she never lets it form a grudge. Isn’t that how it’s always been with all of us?”

Namjoo felt Hayoung nod her head against her shoulder. “We need to apologize first,” the maknae said. “Before she beats us to it.”

“Seriously,” agreed Namjoo. They couldn’t let Bomi believe that she had to be the one apologizing. Namjoo wouldn’t let Bomi continue to believe that every problem was hers alone to fix. 

That was what Bomi had been doing this whole time, wasn’t it? Blockading all troubles from even touching the other members. What Hayoung had said about Bomi trying to act like Chorong had made Namjoo realize that. After all the times that Namjoo had cried in Bomi’s arms while Bomi comforted her without shedding tears of her own, Namjoo couldn’t believe how she had missed it. She was pretty sure that Eunji could see it too. Naeun had been pretty quiet throughout the whole ordeal, but Namjoo knew that she was introspective and probably saw it long before any of them did. The fact that Namjoo had been the last to see Bomi’s suffering deeply ashamed her.

To the side, Namjoo heard the door open and close. When she turned, she saw Naeun leaning down to pick up the dropped bag of chicken. The raven-haired woman’s eyes flickered back and forth between Hayoung and Namjoo, who were still leaning on each other. There was a glimmer in her eyes that said both thank God and I knew it.

“Did everyone just think to come to the roof on their own or did I just not receive an invitation for the party up here?” Hayoung asked jokingly.

“I knew Namjoo-ah would be here,” Naeun replied, “but I didn’t know that you’d be here too, Hayoungie.” 

Namjoo found it somewhat sweet that both Hayoung and Naeun knew about her tendency to seek shelter from her stress at high places. It was like how they all knew about Bomi’s tendency to take a walk by the Han River whenever she was upset.

Naeun took a seat next to Hayoung, placing the bag of chicken in her lap. “I’m guessing you two have made up?”

“Back and better than ever,” beamed Hayoung.

“That didn’t take long.”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Namjoo uttered.

“Hey!” cried Hayoung and slapped Namjoo’s arm playfully. Namjoo laughed, and when she turned to look at Naeun, she was delighted to see the older woman grinning endearingly at them.

“Is the chicken still good?” Namjoo questioned, eyeing the bag in Naeun’s lap. “I dropped it pretty roughly.”

Hayoung leaned over to look inside the bag. “Dropped or not, it’s still chicken.”

Naeun sifted through the bag and peeked inside the box. “It looks fine. I was wondering why it was on the ground.”

“Namjoo-unnie thought I was going to jump off the roof,” Hayoung said matter-of-factly.

Naeun blinked. 

“She was just trying to get a better look at a puppy,” Namjoo explained.

Naeun blinked again. Then she sighed and pulled out the box of chicken from the bag, saying, “Sounds exactly like something Hayoungie would do.”

“That’s because it is something she did,” Namjoo said. 

Hayoung frowned. “I can’t really tell if you two are dissing me or not.”

Naeun and Namjoo only had to share a glance before they burst into laughter. Hayoung, despite being the point of their amusement, joined them. It was as though their sadness had been cast aside. It was still there, of course, but for the first time in a while, it was not their prevailing mood. Their sadness would come back later, but for now, all they cared about was enjoying each others’ company and merriment that was so rare to come by nowadays. 

And as they created a new memory that they would cherish forever, the clouds above them began to part, allowing slivers of the bright blue sky and luminous sunlight to break through and shine down upon them.