Author's Note: Hey guys! I'm sorry for the late update :( I got really held up with my classes. I'll be back with more updates soon!

“SBS Gayo Daejun is nearing,” CEO Choi said. “Have you made your decision yet?”

His question hung in the air, suspended by the tension in the cramped office. All of the members sat stiffly next to each other, trying to act as comfortable as possible. It had been over a week since Eunji had been in the same room as all of the members, and their uneasiness was obvious. Eunji felt like she was suffocating in the room. She hoped that their boss just took their unusual apprehension as a mere result of their concern for Chorong.

“I don’t think we’re ready to give our answer yet,” Naeun said after no one answered. “I’m sorry, but we’re not in a good position right now to make these kinds of big decisions.”

Their boss expressed neither disappointment nor surprise; he only nodded like he had been expecting that answer. “Of course. I’m sorry to hear that. If there is anything I can do to help, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Thank you,” said Naeun.

“Do keep in mind that SBS Gayo Daejun and the other year-end broadcasts are in only three weeks, and we need to make an official statement regarding Chorong’s accident before that. I don’t mean to rush you, but we are on a bit of a time crunch here.”

Eunji found his last statement a little contradictory, but she knew he was right. They had to give him a concrete answer soon, but how could they when they all needed some sort of healing both within themselves and with each other? Eunji resisted the urge to glance sideways at Bomi, who sat next to her, trying her best to pull up a facade of composure. But Eunji knew Bomi, and she knew that the older woman was nothing but shattered pieces inside.

“We’ll have an answer by the end of the week, if not sooner,” Naeun promised. Eunji wondered if she had just made an empty promise or if she had something planned.

The CEO went over a few other things before dismissing them. Even after exiting the cramped room into the spacious hall, Eunji still felt suffocated. The tension was so thick around them, and if she could physically see it, she was sure that it would be an impenetrably dense fog that made it impossible to see one foot ahead of her.

They were all heading out of the company building, so they were forced to walk in the same direction. They walked in silence, an unbearable distance separating each of them. Hayoung walked ahead, her long legs taking larger strides than usual. Namjoo walked behind her, seemingly in no hurry to pick up her pace. Eunji was next in the line, then Naeun. Bomi trailed behind all of them slowly.

When they reached the back entrance of the building, Eunji suddenly heard soft crying behind her. She and the other members in front of her turned. Bomi stood in front of them, leaning on one side on the wall, with her face in her hands and her whole body trembling. Her shoulders shook from her hiccups, and she slowly slid to the floor as her crying progressed into ugly sobbing. Something in Eunji’s chest cracked.

For a moment, all of the members just stood there, watching Bomi weep in a sad heap on the floor.

After a minute of no movement, Naeun broke from where she stood and went to Bomi. Quietly, she slid down next to her and gently wrapped her arms around her, soothingly rubbing her arm. Bomi looked up at Naeun, sniffled, then looked at the other members with her red eyes.

Eunji turned too, and saw the conflicted looks on Hayoung’s and Namjoo’s faces. They just stared for a moment longer. Namjoo’s lips parted slightly, like she wanted to say something, and her foot shifted, as if she was going to take a step forward.

But then she pressed her lips into a thin line, diverted her gaze, and retracted her foot. She didn’t look at Bomi or the others when she swiveled back around and pushed past Hayoung, exiting the building.

Hayoung left in a similar fashion shortly after, leaving only Eunji to stand frozen in front of Bomi and Naeun. Eunji was aware of Bomi watching her, but Eunji only looked at Naeun, who was gazing at her with hard eyes.

If you keep running away from your issues, they might start running the other way.

Naeun’s words from the other day rang in her mind.

They were still ringing her her mind when she forced herself to look away and turn around. Bomi’s sobbing and Naeun’s words were all she could hear when she pushed past the door and walked away, not looking back.

Then you’ll never be able to resolve them.

If things could have gone differently, how would she have wanted them to go? Maybe she would have stopped Namjoo and Hayoung from storming out of the building. Maybe she would have went to Bomi’s side like Naeun. Maybe she would have assured Bomi that the members just needed time and that they would not stay angry forever.

But Eunji had done none of that, and now she was doing the exact opposite of what Naeun had told her not to do.

She had been running nonstop on a treadmill for over forty minutes, and she could feel her energy emptying with each passing minute. But she didn’t stop. She didn’t want to. Bomi had lied to them. The utter truth of that hurt more than the strenuous exercise. Despite her ragged breathing and burning chest, Eunji forcefully pressed the button to increase the speed of the machine. 

I was trying to protect you!

The image of Bomi shouting and red-faced flashed before Eunji’s eyes, and Eunji blinked to try to get rid of it. But that didn’t help, because Bomi’s anguished cry replayed in her mind, her deep grief and desperation still fresh, like Eunji was still hearing it in real-time. She could see the pain in Bomi’s red-rimmed eyes, hear the shakiness in her voice, feel the tension that had been in the air…

Eunji cursed and slammed her finger against the button to increase the machine’s speed again. 

Bomi had adamantly talked about their strong bond as a family, and yet she was the one to break their trust and hide something vital from them. Even worse, she had consistently lied to them for weeks. CEO Choi had called her the day after the accident, so she had known about the driver this whole time, and not once did she attempt to tell the other members.

Hayoung was right: they didn’t need protecting. They were all old enough to take care of themselves, and they would have all been capable of behaving themselves in front of the driver, regardless of how distressed or tired they were. 

They didn’t need protecting, but, still… They never really thought that they needed Chorong to protect them, but she always did it anyway. Suddenly all the memories of Chorong wordlessly fixing their clothes, mics, and hair, giving them advice, gently scolding them whenever they had done something wrong, and praising them for small things flooded Eunji’s thoughts. They had never asked Chorong to look after them, yet she did it regardless, not just because she was their leader, but also because she was their friend and she truly cared for them. 

What Bomi was doing was no different from what Chorong had been doing all these years. 

And they had scorned Bomi for it.

Eunji was so incredibly and miserably confused. None of her thoughts matched up. They all conflicted with each other, like they were battling for dominance in Eunji’s mind, and she couldn’t single out just one to be her main emotion. She wished she could just pick one emotion to tell her how she should be feeling and acting, but things were never that easy. It was a raging war in her mind, and she hated every second of it.

She was livid at Bomi for what she had done. She had gone behind their backs and kept a huge secret from them…How could Eunji and the others not be livid? Bomi had known―she should have known―that the others would find out eventually, and when they did, they wouldn’t be ecstatic about it, to say the least. Bomi had known that her actions would have dire consequences that would affect the entire group. Thinking about it like that, Bomi had dug her own grave, hadn’t she?

But she had done it for the good of the members.

Eunji hated what Bomi had done, but she could never hate Bomi. Everything she had done, she had done with the members in her mind. It had always been that way for the past nine years for Bomi. Chorong, too. And from the way the group dynamic was, Eunji was sure that it was the same for all of them.

No matter what, things would be okay. They had to be. This would not break them―nothing would ever break them. Apink was a family, and families bickered sometimes, but they would always stay together and love each other. 

This wasn’t just any ordinary fight, though…was it? 

When will this stop? Eunji couldn’t count how many times she wondered that every day. The pain, the worry, the grief―when would it all stop?

She knew that it all depended on Chorong. Things could get better, but only to a certain extent. As long as Chorong was in a coma, things would never return to being okay. The pain, worry, and grief would not fully fade away until Chorong was by their sides again, laughing and talking like nothing had ever happened. In this time of suffering, Chorong would be their saving grace.

Was it an unhealthy way of thinking, thinking that their problems would only be fixed by Chorong? She was unintentionally relying on Chorong, she realized. Though she hadn’t meant to, she had been depending on their leader to fix everything. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she and the other members had always relied on their leader to solve their problems, and in doing so, they had probably unknowingly placed unnecessary stress on the small woman’s shoulders. Chorong already had enough work to deal with as it was. Eunji wondered if Chorong ever resented her position or, worse, her members for the pressure weighing her down.

Gritting her teeth, she increased the treadmill speed yet again. At this point, she was sprinting at a pace faster than any she had ever reached before, and she had been doing so for longer than she had ever run during any of her workouts. She certainly felt it, too. Every breath was labored, and her sweat-laden body felt like it was on fire. Her vision was blurry, and she could barely make out what the treadmill screen in front of her read. Those were definitely warning signs telling her to stop, but she didn’t want to. 

Faster. She had to go faster, and maybe the physical pain of the exercise would overcome her emotional pain. If she stopped, all of her troubles that had been chasing her would catch up to her and make sure she’d never be able to run again. Eunji pushed herself even more, forcing her legs to move despite their screaming opposition. She didn’t care about the blots distorting her line of vision. She didn’t care about her inability to breathe. She didn’t care about the tears streaming down her face. 

She only cared about Chorong and Bomi and Naeun and Namjoo and Hayoung. 

She hated this, but what she hated the most right now was that they weren’t all together. More than anything, she just wanted to be with them―her family.

But the recent turn of events made that impossible, and Eunji didn’t know how to fix it. 

So Eunji just kept running and running and running…

...until her body failed her and her legs gave in underneath her, sending her crashing to the floor. 

The world was spinning as she lay on the floor, panting heavily. She was dully aware of the whirring treadmill that was still moving at a blinding speed and the commotion of people calling for help. Her whole body hurt, and it was as though all of her senses were overridden by the immense pain.  Someone was trying to speak to her, but she couldn’t hear or see their face, even though they were leaning over her. 

There was a sharp pain somewhere in her body, but she couldn’t exactly pinpoint where it was coming from, nor did she particularly care at the moment. She only rolled her head to the side, trying to summon images of her other members to make it feel as though they were with her, as her vision faded to black and into a bleak, empty nothingness.