When someone does something so horrible that it scars you and the people you love, how do you find the courage to face them? How do you find it in yourself to forgive them, when they have driven a stake so deep into your life that, even when removed, will leave microscopic splinters that cannot all be removed?

Eunji didn’t have the answers to these. She wish she did, but she didn’t. She was going to meet Kim Junwoo, the driver who had hit Chorong, with nothing but the promise that she and the others had made to Bomi to keep an open mind when talking to him.

“Are you sure you are all okay with this?” Bomi asked as she put the car into park. She looked nervous and kind of like she wanted to back out of the driveway that she had just pulled into and drive back home. 

“Well, we’re already here.” Hayoung gestured to the quaint house in front of them. “We might as well.”

“What Hayoungie means to say is we’re ready,” Namjoo translated, unbuckling her seatbelt.

Junwoo lived only about half an hour from their neighborhood, so getting there hadn’t been a problem. It had been Bomi’s idea for all of them to come. It was best for all of the members to meet Junwoo before any of the reporters got to him, Bomi had said. Eunji and the others couldn’t fight that logic, and so they had decided to see him after they had finished practicing for their SBS Gayo Daejun performance.

As they all climbed out of the car, Eunji’s eyes immediately fell on the black car that was parked next to Bomi’s car. Automatically, Eunji’s mind went to where she least wanted it to be, and she wondered if this was the car that Junwoo had been driving when he hit Chorong. Eunji couldn’t remember whether the car had been big or small or black or white; in the heat of the moment, the car’s details weren’t of utmost importance to her. Not when Chorong had been laying on the ground, unconscious and bleeding severely. Before her eyes could start roaming the front of the car for a dent, Eunji forced herself to turn away and start walking toward the front door. A dent that Chorong’s small body had left after being rammed into by the car―it wasn’t something that Eunji wanted to see.

“Does he know we’re here?” Naeun asked.

“He’s expecting us at nine, and it’s,” Bomi glanced down at her phone, “eight fifty-eight. He should be at the edge of his seat waiting for us right now.”

“And if he’s not?” 

“Well, I guess Hayoung’s going to have to break down the door,” Namjoo answered for Bomi with a hint of a playful smile.

Hayoung’s eyes shot up. “Why me?”

“Because you’re the biggest one here,” said Namjoo simply.

“Our fake maknae,” grinned Naeun.

“Alright, then.” Bomi raised her fist, and Eunji detected some hesitation in Bomi’s hand before she knocked on the door three times. So she was nervous too, then. “We’ll wait a few minutes before we send in our big baby.”

“And when exactly did this big baby agree to this?” Hayoung asked indignantly.

Bomi didn’t get the chance to answer, because the door clicked and slowly opened with a slight creak. 

Eunji had promised Bomi that she would keep an open mind when meeting Junwoo. She would keep her anger aside and try to understand his story. There would be no screaming, crying, fighting, or pointing any accusing fingers. 

But that didn’t stop Eunji’s heart from dropping to her stomach and the hot feeling of hatred from boiling in her gut the moment Kim Junwoo stepped into view.

She hadn’t been expecting him to be so young, but then again, she hadn’t really known what to expect. Prior to this, the only information she had about him was his name. Junwoo didn’t look too much older than them; he looked like he was in his early thirties. He was quite short, just barely taller than Hayoung, and had dark hair split down the middle. If Eunji had to pick one, she would say that his most noticeable feature was his large and wide nose that practically shrank his small lips.

“Hello,” Junwoo greeted with a bow. “My name is Kim Junwoo, though...I’m sure you already know that.”

He wasn’t wrong. 

All of the members took turns introducing themselves. They all seemed rigid, like any place was better than where they were right now, but that was understandable. Eunji was sure that she looked just as uncomfortable. After all, how could they act comfortably when they were meeting the man who had almost killed someone precious to them?

As Junwoo let them into his house, Eunji noticed his nervous steps and stiff posture. He led them into his living room, which was small and cozy and complete with a sofa, television, and pictures of who Eunji presumed to be his friends and family. Eunji had to admit, his home was beautiful. It wasn’t as grand as a huge mansion, and it wasn’t its construction or fancy decor that made it beautiful. It was the feeling of homeliness that made his home beautiful. Wherever Eunji turned, she was met with pictures of smiling, care-free people and objects that could only be family treasures. She wouldn’t be able to find any of these items in any store, regardless of how big the store was. 

Eunji hated it the more she looked at it. She didn’t want to find Junwoo’s home beautiful. She didn’t want to see the human-ness of him. She didn’t want to be convinced that he was a good man who deserved forgiveness. She just wanted to see the monster that had almost killed Chorong.

She knew that this was a horrible way of thinking and that she would have to forgive him one day, but right now, this was easier. It was easier to be able to pin the blame on someone and find the villain in them so that all her anger and pain could somehow be justified. 

“Please, sit,” Junwoo gestured to the empty seats as he pulled a chair from the dining room and sat uneasily. 

Bomi took a seat next to Eunji on the sofa and said, “Thank you for agreeing to speak with us.” 

“It’s the least I could do,” Junwoo replied softly.

An awkward silence settled upon the room like a thick cloud that made it difficult to breathe. All of the members’ nervous habits were making an appearance―Bomi was biting her lower lip, Naeun was fiddling with her fingertips, Namjoo was balling her hands into fists, and Hayoung was picking at her lips. Eunji didn’t need a mirror to know that her posture was very stiff and very obviously uncomfortable. She probably looked the same as Junwoo, who was sitting with his legs rigidly together and hands stiffly gripping his knees. 

“I’d like to apologize,” Junwoo said slowly, as if he was carefully calculating his words. “From the bottom of my heart, I deeply apologize for the pain I have caused you and the others involved. It…,” he faltered slightly, “it was entirely my fault. I should not have been rushing. I should have seen that red light. I should have seen her.” 

“She has a name,” Hayoung snapped suddenly, making Junwoo stiffen noticeably. Eunji threw her a surprised, wide-eyed look, and a look of regret immediately overtook Hayoung’s expressions as she shrank back a bit.

“Hayoung-ah,” Bomi muttered lowly. 

“I’m sorry,” the maknae apologized. “I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.”

Junwoo shook his head. “It’s me who should be apologizing. I’m sorry.” His small eyes swept across all the members. Whenever he moved on to look at the next member, he seemed to wince, like he was being reminded of another person whose life he had utterly disrupted. “I should have seen Chorong. I understand any resentment you might feel toward me, and I take full responsibility for the accident.”

“How did you run that red light?” Eunji asked, trying her hardest to keep her voice steady. She already knew that he had been rushing to attend to his mother, but the story that she had heard had been filtered by Bomi. She wanted his version of the story. 

Junwoo’s eyes were deep oceans of guilt and sorrow as he explained, “About thirty minutes before the accident, I had received a call telling me that my mother had collapsed at work, so I was rushing to get home. My mother and I have been on our own since I could remember. I’ve never even met my father―he left my mother before I was born and left a huge debt for us. Since then, my mother has been working constantly to both pay off those debts and support me. Even with me also working to pay off the debts, my mother still has to work long hours. She has this job at a convenience store, and…Well, the work isn’t easy on her. I know that she hates working there, but whenever I ask her about it, she...she just smiles and says not to worry about her. She…,” Junwoo paused and glanced at a picture frame on the wall to the side.

Eunji caught his gaze and craned her neck to see what he had looked at. It was a picture of Junwoo and an old woman who looked a lot like him. His mom, Eunji assumed. She was a small, frail woman with a sweet, motherly smile. The photo appeared to be from Junwoo’s graduation. He was dressed in a black graduation gown and was smiling widely with his arms wrapped around his mother, who was dressed in what seemed to be the uniform of a convenience store employee. Looking at the picture opened up a pit of longing and nostalgia in Eunji’s stomach. She looked away before the emotions could grow any larger. 

“I’m sorry,” Junwoo said after he returned his attention to them. “I didn’t mean to get off track. It’s just that...my mother means the world to me. So when I heard that she had collapsed after overworking herself at work, I dropped everything to get to her. I was driving so fast that I could barely see the street signs or the cars that I was passing. I shouldn’t have let myself become blinded to my surroundings, but my fear for my mom’s health was pushing me to get to her as fast as I could. I don’t mean to be offering an excuse for what I have done, because there’s no excuse in the world that could pardon me for the accident. I just...I...I can only extend my sincerest apologies.”

“We understand,” Eunji said. Understand, not forgive. Eunji didn’t know when she and the other members would forgive Junwoo, but she knew that it wouldn’t be any time soon. The accident was still too raw and fresh in their minds. At least it was for Eunji.

“I accept all the consequences as well,” Junwoo continued. “I’ll pay for any expenses and agree to all interviews if need be. I’ll be as cooperative as possible to lessen your troubles.”

Namjoo nodded. “We appreciate that.”

“You will receive a lot of backlash from the public,” Bomi warned. “Are you prepared for that?”

Junwoo hesitated, and Eunji could tell that he was afraid of the hate he’d receive. Despite herself, she felt bad for the man. She, as well as the other members, knew just how difficult it was to endure harsh criticisms from what seemed like the entire country. 

“I don’t know how I could prepare myself for that,” he admitted. “But I’ll face it regardless.”

“How noble of you,” said Bomi. “There’s not much you can do to prepare yourself. Just brace yourself, I suppose.” 

“How much?” Junwoo asked with uneasy chuckle. His movements had become skittish, like his nervousness made it impossible for him to sit still. 

“As much as you can.”
    “As much as I can…,” he repeated to himself. 

“I’d avoid the internet, papers, or just going outside for a while,” Bomi advised. 

Junwoo scratched the back of his neck and pursed his lips. “Maybe I’ll just stay locked up in my house for a week or so to let things die out first.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Hayoung said. By the way Junwoo’s face fell at Hayoung’s reply, it was obvious that he had been joking about staying locked in his house. 

“Our team will keep in contact with you to keep you up to date. For now, just expect an official statement from our company regarding the accident. We plan to release one soon. Interviews won’t come until later, but still expect to be called and tracked down by endless reporters.” After a second’s pause, Bomi added, “We won’t be pressing any charges either.”

Both relief and shock flooded Junwoo’s expressions. His shoulders sagged a bit, no longer weighed down by the tenseness that had once plagued them. “You won’t?”

 Bomi smiled gently, and Eunji was reminded of how much she loved this caring side of the older member. “No, we won’t. Your cooperation has made it unnecessary for us to. Besides, it’ll spare us the trouble, since we want to resolve this as cleanly as possible.” 

Swiftly, Junwoo scrambled out of his chair and dropped into a low bow. “I...I can’t thank you enough. Thank you. Thank you so much.” When he lifted his head, glassy red eyes met the members’ gazes. His eyes flitted over to the picture of his mother on the wall, and a single tear rolled down his red cheek. “I don’t know how we could ever repay you for your kindness.”

Eunji couldn’t help but follow his gaze to the photo. Junwoo and his mother were struggling with finances, and Eunji would bet all her life savings that they often forewent meals and sleep to earn enough money. As she stared at the Junwoo’s smiling mother in the picture, Eunji felt that pit in her gut expand. Their situation was much too familiar. 

Perhaps that was why Eunji felt the need to ask, “How is your mother?”

Junwoo blinked. He obviously hadn’t been expecting Eunji to ask that, but, to be fair, she hadn’t been expecting to ask that either. “My mother is fine. The doctors just told her to take it easy for a few days and rest, so she stayed at home for about a week. But now she’s fully recovered and is even at work as we speak.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” She genuinely was.

When she finally shifted her attention from the picture, Eunji’s gaze lingered on Naeun, who had not spoken a single word since they entered Junwoo’s house. The younger woman had always been quiet around new people, but she had been oddly quiet. Maybe it was just Eunji, but Naeun looked paler than usual and her posture was abnormally stiff, like being in Junwoo’s home physically pained her. Eunji made a mental note to check up on her after they left. 

“I would really like to thank you for being so kind and understanding,” Junwoo said hastily. “I know it’s not easy to forgive someone who hurt someone you love, but―”

“We understand, not forgive,” Hayoung cut in with a steely voice. Next to her, Naeun flinched.

Bomi merely spared Hayoung a quick glance, but did not object to Hayoung’s interruption. It somewhat comforted Eunji to know that Bomi shared the same sentiment.

Namjoo comfortingly rubbed Hayoung’s hand. “Understanding and forgiving are separate in this situation,” she murmured.

Junwoo swallowed and nodded. The tenseness in his shoulders had returned like an unwelcome guest. “Of course. I’m sorry.”

Suddenly, Naeun stood up, her slender body as stiff as a statue. Her fists were gripped at her sides, and she looked as though she was about to throw up. 

“Naeun-ah?” Bomi began to rise from her seat as well. 

Naeun looked at Junwoo, and pure hatred flashed in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore.” Without even sparing a glance at the other members, she swiveled on her feet and stalked out of the room.

“Naeun-ah!” Bomi shouted, but the only response that followed was the slamming of the front door. 

Hayoung stood up swiftly, looking more alert than ever, and chased after Naeun without saying a word, leaving the others gaping in their wake and too stunned to react immediately.