Like a stack of dominoes when one collapse the others will soon follow, that’s how my friendship with Sansan looked like. Things piled up then before I realized I lost my best friend even some of my friends and I don’t have to blame others because it’s my fault. That’s what Dongwook hyung slapped in my face the day we celebrated our graduation.

We all went to Dongwook hyung’s family resto because it’s where we will have our graduation party. The place was filled with noise until we almost can’t hear each other without shouting I went towards a quieter place and looked at my friends to whom I spent less time these days. Dongwook hyung appeared out of nowhere.

“It’s great to see you here, it’s been a long time isn’t it?” I could hear a little sarcasm in there.

“Sorry hyung -” I was about to add ‘been busy’ but I can’t even look at his eyes, I’m guilty.

“I know you are busy and you’ve got a girlfriend but don’t forget you still have your old friends Seunghyun if you haven’t noticed they’ve put in great effort to connect with you but you pushed those efforts away.” He’s starting to rant and I can’t make him stop because I wanted to hear it too. He’s our great adviser to whom we ran to whenever we have difficulty in understanding life. I need his advice more than ever.

“Look at them closely Seunghyun, look at them not just with those foolish eyes of yours but with your heart. Can’t you see that they’re hurt; can’t you see that they’re still waiting for you to come? Its Bom’s favorite quote but let me say it t you again ‘regret never comes first’.”  Hyung heaved a deep sigh before he continued but without looking at me.

“Please make an effort to reconnect with them even just for the sake of Dara, you know how she loves you and among all of us it is her who was hurt the most.” When I heard Sansan’s name I can’t contain my jealousy especially when I looked at her talking to Jaejoong happily.

“She’s happy without me hyung, she’s changed look at her, she doesn’t need me anymore, Tiffany needs me more than anyone, she doesn’t have anyone but me.” I told him but deep inside me I screamed ‘I am avoiding her because I can’t bear to see her happy with Jaejoong’.

“Stupid! Changed? You think it was Dara? off! It was none other than but you.” That was the first time I heard him curse he might not be shouting but his voice is full of venom.

“It was you who left us Seunghyun, it was you who changed.”

Silence followed and I know that Dongwook hyung is controlling his anger because I could hear his deep breaths before he spoke to me again.

“You usually don’t notice what someone does for you until that someone stopped doing it, and then you would usually say later that ‘that someone’ changed.” A riddle from him again but for the first time I know what he wanted to say.

“Dara never stopped being your friend it was you who ignored her efforts. You never failed to receive a text from her, never failed to be invited to our get together even if some of our friends told her not to she would say ‘he’s still our friend!’, she even pulled a great effort including your ‘new friends and girlfriend’ to our circle even if she’s hurting a great deal. What more would you like to hear, do you want to hear how many buckets of tears she cried because you failed to show up in our regular get together, when you didn’t show up for her birthday, when you didn’t watch her performance? Dang! If you weren’t my friend I could strangle you to death this instant!”

I was shocked at what he said because right then and there I realized how foolish I was thinking that avoiding Sansan would make her happy. For thinking that making Tiffany as my girlfriend I could ease the pain I am feeling. I am a jerk! And it was I who hurt her! Damn!

Without realizing what’s happening my tears flowed freely and then Dongwook hyung patted my shoulder like he used to whenever he comforts us.

“Sorry for telling you those harsh words Seunghyun but I want you to wake up and do something before it’s too late.” He said squeezing my shoulders.

“Thanks hyung I owe you a lot!”

Like a stack of dominoes when one collapse the others will soon follow but when you managed to stop it halfway the others would remain standing. That’s what I wanted to do, save the friendship before the last domino collapsed. Maybe college is a good time to start since Sansan and I took the same course on the same school. Even if Jaejoong would be there I would do my best to recapture what was once a beautiful friendship Sansan and I had. Maybe it’s time to rectify the things that went wrong and maybe I could still save my heart.