Sung Gyu had a meeting with the Minister of the Legislature scheduled every other morning, and he dreaded nothing more.  Sitting in the same room as Minister Baek was remotely similar to sitting in the principal’s office, he imagined; but worse. Minister Baek was not just the head of the Ministry, she was the person in the position that put Sung Gyu the second in charge, which meant that he was expected to be every bit as capable as Minister Baek herself. But every single meeting with her left him drained completely out of life. She really had that effect on nearly everyone that worked with her. He had long understood why her secretary always looked like she had seen things that she should never have.

The meeting proceedings went as usual; there were the discussions with the panel and fellow ministerial staff, different issues in the legal area of the state were brought upon the table, orders to make committees to tackle different issues were made, certain committees were formed, issues that were resolved were looked into again, and there were discussions on other ministerial activities as well. Sung Gyu worked diligently as he always would; despite his own personal issues, he was able to compartmentalise well and  take up the responsibility of chairing the vice-ministership to his heart; he did his best. But Minister Baek was not someone who would take ‘The best’ as sufficient. She required perfection. And these days, with the problems that Sung Gyu was personally facing as the vice minister had especially put her on the edge; she would see nothing but his flaws, even the smallest, subtlest ones (Like how he hadn’t noticed that they haven’t  put the relevant punctuation marks in a report he’d approved and forwarded to her approval) That morning, after the meeting adjourned and as everyone else returned to their offices and cubicles, Sung Gyu was asked to stay behind as she wanted to talk. Sometimes they did have personal minister - vice-minister discussions as well, specially related to things like presidential committee formations and all that lot. But that morning, judging by her expression, Sung Gyu could tell that it wasn’t going to be the case.

Just as he imagined, as soon as they were the only two people sitting in the round table, Minister Baek beckoned her deranged secretary who brought alone a Tablet computer. It had an article open, and Sung Gyu’s heart stopped for a moment. Minister Baek stared at him with her brows raised, and he had nothing to say in his defence. In the Tablet computer was an article from the Seoul Report, the online Magazine, and the author of the article was none other than Yoo Minyoung herself. That was not what troubled Minister Baek. It was the title of the article, and Sung Gyu could clearly see why.

“The young Minister Kim Sung Gyu charms his way out of an interview with his ‘Emergency Response’” Minister Baek read out for him. “Sung Gyu, what kind of Bogus is this? And inside the ministry itself? Did you think this is a playground?”

As regrettable as it was, Sung Gyu couldn’t help himself at that time. He kept thinking about how Minister Baek was like a disappointed principal reprimanding a misbehaving child; the child being him. He hadn’t seen the article before. He knew that something would come out of the incident. The reporter was right there, smack dab in the middle of what happened. Of course she would have taken the story with her and poured out an extended version of the tale across her papers. It was, in fact, a lot better than he imagined. It could have been worse.

“Are you going to explain what happened that day?” The Minister continued. He played for time, reading through the article from top to bottom. There wasn’t a lot going on in that article. The first three quarters of it was on him, the answers he’d given to all the questions that were asked. At some point, then, she'd gone on to describe how their interview was disrupted by an NIS team led by a female officer ‘That didn’t appear herself much’ and how Sung Gyu had attended the emergency, leaving the interview without even an endnote.  ‘Baffling, humiliating’ Yoo Minyoung had further described their peculiar encounter. ‘As the youngest minister of the Legislature, he truly had so much to learn’ the article said in the end. All things considered, it was like a laughing stock for him. He cleared his throat and passed the tablet back to the much irate Minister. 

“Is that all true?” She wanted to know.

“No, not all of it, Minister Baek” He sincerely replied.

“So some of it is true?”

Sung Gyu hung his head in shame. The moment he had started giving that interview, he had known it didn’t feel right. But unfortunately for him, he would always realise things like that once the situation had escalated. 

“I’m sorry, Minister Baek, it won’t happen again” He apologised with a deep bow. There was nothing else that he could do at that moment, the damage was already  done. The only consolation was that it could have been worse than a badly written click bait article on a not-well-known internet magazine. Given the circumstances, it could have been much, much worse.

“Instruct your people to take it down” Minister Baek shot back. “And make sure that you don’t do that sort of impulsive interviews again”

“I will” Sung Gyu agreed with a bow.

“And what even happened there? Who is this NIS officer?” She went on, and when Sung Gyu looked up to answer her and perhaps protect the side of the only friend he had, he realised that the question was not directed at him, but at the secretary, vaguely like how the principal would ask about the incident not from the victim but a completely irrelevant party.

“The NIS officer that’s involved in the investigation, Madam” The secretary replied.

“The one about the recordings?”

“Yes Madam”

“Hm” Minister Baek glanced at him.

Sung Gyu looked back and forth at the two women in concern, scanning their faces through the exchange. 

While the facts about the case were not known among the rest of his fellow officials, it was inevitable that the Minister herself would come to learn about it. In fact, she’d known even way before he himself did and was the first one to talk to him about it, their probable way forward during the investigation. While she was indeed supportive through it in the beginning, he couldn’t say that she was too happy to have a possible criminal in the team, especially since she was a woman herself. “I’m letting you stay because you’re capable” She’d told him, and nothing had scared him more. 

“Find information about her; her post, division, everything…”

“Yes Madam” The secretary replied with a bow. Minister Baek turned back to him, her brows raised, legs crossed, an impassive expression on her face; for a moment, he felt cornered, accused. 

“We can’t let something like this happen again…” She went on, this time not to the Secretary, he could tell, as her eyes were set on him. And there was this way that she looked at him, her lips pulled to a side, brows raised that constantly reminded him of the way that his father used to look at him too; the disappointment, the disapproval.

Something uncomfortable settled in his stomach. He hadn’t thought it would take this turn, and worse of all, because of his own badly calculated, impulsive decision, Hyerim-the only support he had had throughout his bad times- would be affected too. Things couldn’t possibly get any worse than the people whom he cared about getting pulled into the storm as well.

“Vice Minister Kim” Minister Baek called her once the secretary had left. She had leaned closer towards him and the mere proximity was making him feel even more intimidated by her presence. “This NIS officer, do you know her?”

Sung Gyu was not expecting to have that conversation with Minister Baek for the life of him. “She was the investigator in charge of the-of the...” He couldn’t get the word past his throat, “Umm...she used to be the one responsible for it” He said.

“Used to be?” Minister Baek pushed on.

“She was changed after the incident” He sincerely replied.

“I see…” A moment of silence during which she watched him closely, and “Do you have...any other relationship with this officer, Vice-Minister Kim?”

For a second, his heart stopped. He didn’t know what he felt at that time; but his mind immediately went back to that night they spent together, getting lost and found in the swarming streets, marveling at the hundred and eighty degree turns of life, for once being themselves. What was their relationship anyway? How did he feel? How did she feel? Sung Gyu hadn’t thought much about it often, not before that night they had together. But now, he probably did. 

Minister Baek needn’t know any of that. “No Minister Baek” He replied.

She raised her brows, lowered her head. “Are you sure?” 

She was an attentive woman, one that nothing goes past without being noticed, that he had to maintain a face absolutely straight.

“I’m sure”

She continued to watch him for a moment despite his confident response; it was a while before she moved away. “Hm” She shook her head in disapproval. “This is the thing about having you young people in these high positions”

It was not the first time that he was hearing this from her and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. He was thirty six, turning thirty seven the next spring; and yet Minister Baek always treated him like he was a rebellious teenager. He’d always been watched closely and scrutinised and called out for even the slightest thing he did, and frankly, it was beginning to get exhausting. Yet, it wasn’t like he could say anything in return. 

“You have potential, Vice-Minister Kim. Very good potential” Minister Baek went on. “But what you lack, I think is experience. When working in a position like this, you need to be cunning and meticulous. You need to know your game…” She gave him a slight smile, as far as her tight lips could go and rested her hands on her knees.  “I hope everything that’s happened would be a learning experience for you…” She continued. “But there cannot be a next time. The next time it does happen, there will be disciplinary actions...for now, cooperate in the investigations. Let us see how it goes”

Sung Gyu returned to his office, feeling strange and light headed. Everything that Minister Baek had told him was echoing in his mind, increasing his worries a ten fold. Although she’d been really strict with him, Sung Gyu had to give it to her, Minister Baek had been extremely supportive of him as well. When the truth about the recording came out, the first thing that came to his mind was being fired from his position, taking disciplinary actions, her sending him away. But Minister Baek had been patient and understanding through the ordeal and told him that he was still innocent until proven guilty, and since they had nothing more than a recording, nothing more than his voice in it, there was no need for any disciplinary actions.  She then promised to keep it from the rest of the ministry, just a secret between him and her while the formal investigations continued. ‘Just stay low’ she told him back then, ‘Do your part, focus on your job and lets hope for the best’

And that was exactly what he hadn’t done. With giving the interview itself, Sung Gyu hadn’t done his part, prompting Hyerim to crash the ministry for his sake, he hadn’t done his part. Minister Baek had all the reasons to be disappointed. Just like he did with almost all the people in his life, he’d disappointed her yet again.

As soon as he returned to his office, his secretary too approached him with the same news article. As it happened, it had gotten late to reach her, and he wouldn't blame her either because working with him, with the scandal wrapped around him, dragging her along, things had been hectic for her as well. He fell into his chair heavily, his head ringing, and instructed her to somehow take down the article. He was informed then of the rest of the schedule for the day; meetings and meetings, his appointment with the vice minister in foreign affairs, a panel discussion with the judges association, all the kind of work that he did not want to be doing in the mindset that he was in. As his next meeting was about thirty minutes away, he pulled out the reports that were to be reviewed, set his phone down on his desk and stared at it for the longest time. Sung Gyu couldn’t focus, there was just too much going on in his mind. And one of them, strangely for him as well, was Hyerim. What was Minister Baek going to do with Hyerim? What did she need her information for? He despised to even imagine what the consequences could be. Disciplinary actions; a suspension in a worst case scenario, all because of him.

Sung Gyu couldn’t stop himself then. His thoughts were unrelenting. He couldn’t let that happen to her because of him. He had to stop them.

So he picked up his phone and dialled her number. It took a few minutes, and he waited impatiently, rapping his fingers on the desk.

“Kim,” She called as soon as she picked up. Her voice sounded a little breathless, like she was walking. And he pictured her in his mind, her hurried but small strides along the NIS’s narrow corridors. 

“Did anything happen?” He launched at her.

“Anything?” A beat of silence. “You mean with the case? Well-,”

“No I-,” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. For some reason, conversations outside of their work were getting difficult for him. “Did your chief talk to you or something?”

“Chief?” She reiterated. “No, actually I’m not at the station-,”

“Remember the Seoul Report? The magazine? The interview?” He went straight to his concern. 

“Yeah?” Her tone had a hint of recognition.

“They’ve put up a rather ridiculous article...and it implies something about…” He cleared his throat. “You and me”

Hyerim didn’t take a second to snort in response. “Why am I not surprised?”

Sung Gyu immediately took offence in her reaction. “Did you just...laugh at that? At me?”

“Why she even imagined anything about you and me is beyond my imagination” She simply replied.

“The feeling is mutual'' Sung Gyu smiled, but in his heart, he didn’t think it was. “Anyway, I’d taken it down. But the problem is, Minister Baek saw it, she’s livid. She asked her secretary to look into you so I don’t suppose it's going to be a nice surprise”

“I love surprises” She hurriedly replied. 

“Not this one”

There was silence. Sung Gyu took a sharp breath. It appeared that she was in the middle of something and he was disturbing her, so he told her what he’d intended to tell her from the beginning of the call. “Anyway, Jung. Don’t stupid and badly planned out like that again, that was a close call but the next time wouldn’t be easy”

“Why, I don’t think it was a big deal,” She said.

“It is” He sighed. “Just don’t do things like that...” He picked at his table with his free hand, the tips of his fingers grazing the mahogany. “not again”

“It was no trouble, and I don’t think-,”

“I don’t want you getting into trouble because of me” He continued sincerely, the tips of his fingers dug into the wood even harder. “It just...doesn’t sit right with me”

There was silence, and “Judge Kim...are you perhaps...worried about me?”

Was he? Was he worried about her? Under regular circumstances, he wouldn’t have really cared. He’d just think it was her job, that she’d done what she should and let it be. But just this once, Sung Gyu didn’t want to be that person. Things were changing, he was about to be a convicted criminal, he was about to lose his job, lose his family; for the better or the worse, all she had was her. 

“Maybe...Maybe I am, okay?” He snapped in the end, tiredly. “Maybe I am. So just don’t do that again, don’t get into trouble because of me...just don’t get into trouble at all”

Much to his surprise, Hyerim’s jolly laughter echoed on the other end. His heart lifted when he heard her laugh, like a cold rain upon a drought; cool and refreshing. He didn’t think a mere laughter could make him feel so many things.

“Alright Judge Kim, you have my word” Hyerim replied in the end. “Now, I’m afraid I have to dash...we might have a clue on the sender of the recording, so if anything turns up, I’ll ring you, okay?”

Even the very mention of the recording made his head spin.

“Okay, sure”

“Good bye then” Hyerim told him, but before she could put down the phone-

“Hyerim” He called. It was the first time that he’d called her her name, her actual name, and Sung Gyu was surprised himself. Perhaps she was too, that it took a second before she replied.

“Hm?”

“I just-,” He stammered, perplexed as to why he’d called her. What was he even thinking? He rubbed the back of his neck. “I just wanted to say...Thank you...and be safe…”

Thank you? Be safe? Sung Gyu could only groan at himself internally.  He concluded that he had officially lost his mind.  When a long moment of silence ensued on the other end, he realised that Hyerim as well, perhaps felt the same way. Maybe the thoughts of going to jail had really put him on the verge of insanity. Embarrassed beyond belief, Sung Gyu immediately cut off the line, tossed his phone aside and groaned into his arms. It was certainly going to be a long, difficult day.

Things at the Ministry hence continued the way things at the Ministry usually would. Sung Gyu spent an exhausting day buried in meetings and reports and and discussions, wearing a big unreal smile as words floated above his head half the time. By six o’clock in the evening, he wrapped up for the day, pressed his warm palms on his face for the longest time and tried to recollect himself. Work had made him forget things, a lot of things. And now he was walking back to his real life again. In real life, he was a possible criminal, the sender of the recording which ruined his life was still out there, unknown to the world, walking around happily as he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. In real life, the woman he’d been married to was about to have a child with another man, in real life he hadn’t spoken to his parents for a week after a big argument and had screened all her phone calls when his sister tried to reach him. In real life, he’d put the job of the only person he had as a comfort in jeopardy. Everything was a mess. 

Sung Gyu calculated his next move first, and discarded the idea of going to the police station. Hyerim sounded busy with her own things, and although she was not still leading it, he was sure she was still a large part of it. He hadn’t heard anything from Woohyun, and things were pretty quiet about the investigation itself which felt like the calm before the storm. It was more agitating to not know than to know anything. So Sung Gyu decided to just return home and sleep on it.

Upon returning to his flat, however, Sung Gyu realised that not everyone was on the same page as him.

“Noona?” He called, his voice an octave higher, taken by the surprise seeing the least expected guest lurking in the lobby of his apartment complex. She was livid, he could tell, judging by the size of her eyes, the way her lips formed a thin line. And she wasn’t alone. As soon as she saw him, much to his amazement, her eyes filled up. Her baby was in a baby career, and little Yooah was sitting awkwardly on the bench, confused by the turn of events. Jieun was so livid to the point that she was crying. 

“I called and I called and I texted you million times, Sung Gyu, how could you not have the heart to answer me just once, at least just once?” He voice was low, she spoke through her teeth, perhaps worried if she raised her voice a little higher, she’d explode.

“I was at work” Sung Gyu sighed. And he’d had a long day at that. An angry crying sister at his doorstep was the last thing he needed. “I was going to call you once I got home”

“No you weren’t” Jieun hit back. “You never do. Because you’re always too busy, always so wrapped around in your own ing life-,”

“Noona-,”

“That you can’t spare a single second-,”

“Noona” He tried again and let out a heavy sigh. Thankfully for him, the lobby was empty. But that was not what he worried about the most. He glanced over at Yooah, little Yooah who looked like she was having a very tough time, and his heart fell through the floor. She did not deserve this, any of it. She was too young to witness her mother break apart right in front of her eyes.

“The kids are watching” He reminded his sister and walked past her towards his niece. She didn’t look excited as she usually was when she’d visited him before. He could only assume that they must have waited here for a substantial amount of time.

“Hi Yooah-yah,” He greeted her gently as he crouched down in front of her. “Mommy’s a little upset, but she’d be alright”

Jieun sniffed loudly in the background, the sound echoed in the empty hall.

“Do you want to go up to Samchon’s place and see Momo?”

Yooah appeared confused, still, with a hand in , eyes opened wide and watching him. But she nodded in response. When he held a hand out for her, she took it without hesitation; and with his free hand he picked up the baby carrier with his baby nephew soundly asleep. For that moment, after many many days, he felt like a father again. Quietly, still holding onto the two children, Sung Gyu led his sister towards the lift.

The close proximity in that enclosed elevator seemed to make her feel much better. She took the baby carrier from him, and Sung Gyu picked up Yooah into his arms.

“Were you here for long?” He asked her.

“Just a couple of minutes,” Jieun quietly replied.

“What about Hyung? The babysitter? You shouldn’t have come on your own”

Jieun’s eyes were set on the numbers that went higher with every floor they passed. “He’s at work. Didn’t want to bring her along”

“I would...I would have come to see you if you wanted me to” He went on, and swallowed hard. He knew that both his noona and himself, deep down, knew the answer. So she remained quiet, he let the statement float in the heavy air for a moment until it diminished and lost its meaning, then they arrived at his floor. Sung Gyu set Yooah down on the ground, and she led the way; although she hadn’t been here often, she knew his apartment like the back of her little hand. Sung Gyu let her enter the passcode, which she most gleefully did. When they finally went inside, Momo came running to the door, her bell tinkling, stared at the new visitors and greeted with a loud Meow.

“You’ve gotten fatter, Miss Momo” Jieun informed her in return. “Does Gyu feed you well?”

Momo fell on the floor with a thud with her belly up as if she already understood. Sung Gyu undid his jacket, threw it on the backrest of a kitchen chair that he’d haphazardly left in the hallway. “Have you eaten? Would you like something to drink?”

“We’re fine” Jieun returned with a sigh. “I just want to put Yoonho to bed,”

“Sure, go ahead…” He gave her a tight smile. It wasn’t her first time; she used to visit him often, especially when Yeri was around but not too often after Yoonho was born. Yooah was obsessed with Sung Gyu and Yeri and loved coming over for playdates. She’d had a rough start as a child as she had to move around a lot. So while she didn’t make quick friends with other children her age, she loved being in the company of like minded adults. Spending time with her then became a time of bonding and affirmation for Yeri and himself. Those were also the times where he’d wondered if they were ready to have one of their own. But then his sister and Yooah would go back home, it would be only Yeri and himself again, and things would change.

Sung Gyu made the bed for her as Jieun carried the baby in her arms. Yoonho was still very young; a soft and bubbly bundle of joy, he was. But he got tried very easily that he’d just sleep through the day and as Jieun had said, scream blue murder in the night. 

“I’ll take a while, I’ll come talk to you” Jieun told him as she laid down with the baby who had woken up by then. 

“I’ll make you some coffee”

She smiled. “That would be nice”

Yooah was laying on the floor in his living room with Momo who was happily napping while getting belly rubs. She was quieter than usual, Yooah. He assumed that she hadn’t had a very good day. He sat down on the floor beside her.

“How are you doing?”

Yooah moved from her lying position and sat down with her legs crossed.

“Me?”

“Yeah?”

She shrugged. Sung Gyu nodded, stared at her small hands playing with the carpet and gave her an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry that Samchon couldn’t visit you a lot”

She formed her lips into a thin line, something that Jieun did all the time. “It’s okay...Samchon is busy”

“Samchon shouldn’t be too busy for our Yooah” Sung Gyu said with a pout.

Yooah smiled. Children were so pure, they forgave too easily. “It’s okay”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise”

Yooah put a hand in which he reached out and gently pried away. He noticed that she’d lost her front teeth.

“Promises are meant to be broken” She said with the air of someone who’d gotten their heart broken, earning a gasp from him. “Where did you learn something like that?”

“From dramas” She shrugged, sounding as if it was something he should have always known. He laughed and climbed up on his feet. “What dramas?”

“From the one where there is a…”

While little Yooah enthralled him with all the dramas she had seen (which she should not have, ideally) Sung Gyu carried her into the kitchen, set her up on a kitchen cabinet and cut up some fruit for her. He kept some water to boil to fix some coffee for Jieun and leaned against the counter top as he and Yooah enjoyed strawberries and apples that he’d stocked up his fridge with just the other day. Other than the dramas she watched, Yooah also told her about her school, her classmates, her teachers, the summer holidays, the park they’ve recently been to and about the birds that, as her father had told her, were coming from another country because it was cold on their own. He listened to all her little tales attentively, wiping when juice stained her chin, rubbing it off her dress when she got it all over herself. He loved all of these domestic moments that he very rarely got to engage in; they made him feel alive again. He could play the part of a father he never had the chance to be, be the father that his own had never been for him. He’d forget all his life qualms then, and he’d be lost in the worlds that Yooah would create for him. Then all would be fine.

They were halfway through their second apple and Yooah was telling him about a dream that she’d had when Jieun finally emerged from the doorway. She looked less exhausted, perhaps a lot better than she looked when he’d first seen her that evening. He tossed a piece of apple in his mouth as he glanced at her. 

“Are you alright?”

Jieun nodded.

“Coffee?”

A few minutes later, they found themselves having coffee while trying to put a decent meal for dinner together. Jieun was a brilliant cook; she took after his mother and sometimes made certain dishes exactly the way that his mother would, which she’d make to taste like home. He was glad that he’d stocked up on the groceries just the previous day; had she come to an empty fridge and empty pantries, Sung Gyu wouldn’t have heard the end of it. They chatted while they cooked, but mostly there was awkward silence. After their last conversation, Sung Gyu didn’t think he had much to talk about. He was still a bit sour about it that she’d set him up to meet his parents, and she was still mad about it that he’d gotten upset over it. They were surely not feeling mutual about their parents; it's been long since he’d understood this. For him, it just wasn’t fair for her to force him to meet them or interact with them when it was clear that their relationship wasn’t in good shape. When they talked, even briefly, that night, none of them touched the topic of their parents. She’d ask about his job, he’d just give a vague response knowing that she had very little interest, he’d ask about her husband to which too she’d vaguely reply. They spoke a lot about mundane things, still; like books and movies and politics. She complained about how she couldn’t go to see the new Avengers sequel and he told her that he hadn’t seen it as well. They made plans to watch it together one day which he knew wouldn’t happen and he agreed on it anyways. He asked her thoughts about a new defense agreement that their government had gone into. The only things, he realised, that they’d be on the same page about were movies and books and political ideologies. It was comfortable to talk about them. And the other thing they had in common was her children.

Once dinner was made, just a simple hearty stew and rice, they all sat together like in the old days, but only there was no Yeri speaking loudly and ordering about. It was him who set the table this time as well, like he always did; but that was on his own accord without Yeri ordering him to. He did still feel her absence to some extent, especially when they sat around and the table was in complete silence for the longest time. When Yeri was around, he would still be the quiet one, but at least Yeri and his sister would talk; their voices would fill the silence.

It was as if Jieun had felt the absence of her presence as well, that she looked around the table and heaved a big sigh. “Well, let's eat” She said and tried to smile. But that smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

Sung Gyu allowed her to have her meal in peace while Yoonho was still asleep and took Yooah’s responsibility to himself. She was a big girl now, she could do most things on her own. But he couldn’t let her have anything hot by herself, lest she spilled it and burned herself, so he fed the soup for her after blowing air to each mouthful, then he’d dab her chin, let her have her rice, let her have her Kimchi; meanwhile he would eat his own. This continued for a while in complete silence.

“Sung Gyu, does Yeri come over anymore?” Jieun’s voice filled the silence somewhere into their quiet dinner. Sung Gyu patiently wiped Yooah’s cheeks with a paper napkin. Talking about Yeri was still a sensitive matter for her, especially when he was at home like this and felt that emptiness of her leaving stronger than ever. But since recently, he was gaining that strength, somehow, to walk back to that time.

“Not anymore” He sincerely replied. It’s been a few days since her last visit. “In fact, we got divorced...legally”

There was silence, and Jieun’s face was impassive as she had a long drink of water.

“So you two never tried to talk it out again” She stated after a while.

He didn't respond. It baffled him every time how his parents and Jieun thought that every relationship could be fixed with hearty conversations and discussions. Maybe they were convinced that relationships worked like politics; he wouldn’t really put in the effort to point out that love life and peace talks had nothing in common with each other.

“It was already over,” He told her. “There was nothing to talk about”

“Hm,” a moment of silence and, “What do her parents say?”

“I think they’re happy about the turn it took,” Sung Gyu replied, recalling their last encounter. They treated him to one last hearty meal, and her father seemed to have no regrets upon losing him, and her mother? He could tell that she’d never been happier. For them, they’ve just dodged a bullet. By then, however, she had already destroyed his life.

Jieun was contemplative for a moment, her lips pulled to a side. “They didn’t deserve you anyway” She said in the end. “You can do so much better”

It was a strange concept for him, hearing anything close to praise from his sister in terms of their relationship. Jieun was someone who would always take Yeri’s side no matter what. Even until the end of their relationship, Yeri was never wrong for her but he was. He was too unavailable, too emotional, too this, too that, couldn’t commit, couldn’t care enough. Hearing this from her now felt unreal.

Sung Gyu, therefore, said nothing in response.

“How is she now? Yeri”

“Samchon, I’m full” Yooah informed him, and for a second, still mildly distracted by Jieun’s question, Sung Gyu turned to glance at his niece. “Okay, let me help you clean up”

Yooah nodded and slipped out of her seat. Sung Gyu abandoned his own meal as he climbed up on his feet and followed her, carrying her dishes to the sink. Jieun believed in training kids to clean up after themselves since their young ages, which Yooah too diligently followed. For a moment, his sister was quiet as he helped her wash the dishes she’d used. Yooah had this little stool he’d kept for her, which was just under the table this whole time which he’d pulled out. She’d stand up on it and hold the dishes under the warm water. Then he’d soap them and wash them again, then she’d carefully lay them in the dishwasher. This continued on for a while.

“You should have had a baby with her, Sung Gyu” Jieun’s voice filled the quiet air all of a sudden, and it became gloomier, heavier. He paused, his head lowered as a surge of past memories returned to him; all the times that he’d had the very conversation in this kitchen, the shouting, the fighting, the crying. They all seemed so far away now.

He swallowed the thick knot in his throat and continued with his task, a little more vigorously than before. “Yeri is pregnant” He informed her, the words were bitter in his mouth.

There was a beat of silence. “It isn’t me” He added in the end.

“So she’s seeing another man?”

Sung Gyu removed the rubber gloves from his hands and wiped them on a kitchen towel. Yooah returned to her seat. “Would you like some Yogurt, Yooah? Some more fruit?”

Yooah had this adorable little gummy smile, which she did at that moment and asked in a sing-song voice; “Do you have Banana?”

Sung Gyu had forgotten the unreasonable love Yooah had for Bananas. He did fortunately have some as he’d bought them recently. “I do,” He replied in the same sing-song voice, fetched a good ripe Banana for her and returned to the dining table.

“She’s getting married again” He finally answered the question that was left hanging in the air the whole time. He didn't lift his head as he concentrated on peeling the Banana for Yooah.

“Did she tell you all this?” Jieun pushed on.

“We met a while back”

“And you’re okay with that?”

Sung Gyu shrugged. “Do I have a choice?”

Jieun fell quiet again. Sung Gyu finally returned to his meal, but the conversation they’ve just had had made him lose his appetite. He just mixed his rice into his bowl of stew that had now gone lukewarm. He feared Jieun’s silence at that moment. Silence after a conversation like this never brought any good.

And he’d been right about that.

“Then what about you, Sung Gyu?” She exclaimed, her voice going an octave higher. “What about your life? You wanted children, you wanted a family, and now its all just-,”

He knew that it would finally come down to this. Jieun was bringing it up not necessarily because she believed he wanted family or children. He hadn’t really explicitly mentioned any of that to her. He wasn’t the kind of a person who found comfort in talking about them to his sister or his parents; they weren’t the kind of conversations that they had. It was, if anything, about what she wanted, what their parents wanted. It would be a shame for their family if Sung Gyu walked away from a marriage without trying to keep it together. And that was what she was talking about. His desire for children or family never really mattered to them.

“Noona…” He interrupted her with a heavy sigh. “I’m fine, okay? I don’t want any of that”

“But how could you say that when you did, all this time?”

For Jieun it wasn’t him who wanted it all this time, it was her and his parents, thinking in the same lines as he’d thought Yeri had done. Maybe it was them who put that thought into his mind the first place; children would have kept their marriage from falling apart.

“When did I say that I did?” He replied tiredly. Yooah was sitting between them, diligently having the last of her Banana. He reached out and wiped the bits of it that had stuck to her cheek. “Do you want some more?”

Yooah shook her head. She was done with her Banana, so he took the peel from her and stood up with his own dishes to be cleaned. He tossed the peel into the bin and was about to clean his own dishes when Jieun’s voice floated in once more.

“I’m not blind, Sung Gyu” Jieun was telling him. “I’d seen you all this time; how you take care of Yooah, how you watch Yoonho...you didn’t have to word it out for me”

At that, he thought, something snapped in his heart. He loved Yooah and he loved Yoonho. they were things that were solid as stone and that he’d never questioned from himself. It was because of this love that he’d done whatever he’d done for them, and it was this love that had made him wonder how it would be like to have his own. But he didn’t necessarily think that it also meant that he wanted it; that he loved Yooah and Yoonho because he wanted to have children of his own.

Or that’s what he’d thought until that point, until Jieun had pointed it out to him, and it stung so hard that it left him paralysed, the pain coursing right through him. Maybe Jieun was right. Maybe he’d been doing all of that because they were the very things that he desired to do for a child of his own but never been able to. Maybe he did all of that to make up to what he’d lost.

He picked up the rubbed gloves, but his heart was so heavy that he dropped them again. He would do the rest of the dishes when his mind was more at peace. 

“I take care of them because they’re children, Noona; you’re reading too much into it” Sung Gyu told her in the end, turned around and leaned against the kitchen counter. “And do any of this matter now anyway? Yeri and I ended things. It's over. She’d moved on, I’d moved on. It doesn’t matter now”

“So you’re going to toss it away? Just like that?”

He sighed, tired of this conversation already. “This is my life now, noona, and I’m alright as how it is,”

He could see that Jieun had more to say to him, so he raised a hand and stopped her. “I’d like to move on from this conversation, noona” He told her. “It’s over”

Until then, until that point, he realised, he hadn’t thought of how very over he and Yeri were now. 

They didn’t talk about anything else afterwards. Jieun had her meal in silence as Sung gyu cleaned the kitchen counters. Then he shifted into the living room with Yooah who wanted to play with him. She carried around her kits and toys wherever she went as she hadn’t many people to play with. All her visits to Sung Gyu’s hadn’t been any different. Baby Yoonho woke up after a while, and it was time for his last meal for the day. So Sung Gyu sat on the floor and held him in his arms, the soft gentle weight perhaps lighter than the weight in his heart, while Jieun prepared his bottle for him. Yooah was behind him playing hairdresser as she always did, and for a moment, life was good.

Yooah claimed that she wanted to become a hairdresser when she grew up, so she had this kids’ set of hairdressing tools with a toy blow dryer, little brushes and combs and hair curlers along with dainty little clips and bands. Since Yoonho was still too young to be her playmate, her father or her uncle were often the victims. Even then as he sat cross legged on the floor with Yoon ho quietly seated in his lap, Yooah was telling him that he needed to condition his hair and all that jargon that he didn’t understand while she pulled and tugged at it with her little hands. His hair was quite lengthy now as he never got around to trim it, and unlike his sister’s it was a thicker, wavyer, giving enough room for Yooah to play with, and she loved nothing more. 

Yoonho was singing loudly in his gibberish that he sang along with him, holding his tiny hands as he grasped his thumbs.  Sung Gyu made him do a little dance too, and Yoonho reacted with a huge laughter, a joyful sound that echoed within the four walls of his empty apartment. 

“You need to take care of your hair better Samchon” Yooah was telling him meanwhile, and he could feel a few things attached to his hair, dangling on bunches of it and he was afraid to move too much lest it fell off in bunches.
 

“Samchon needs to take care of himself, not only his hair” Jieun answered in his stead as she approached them, Yoonho’s bottled juice in her hands. Yoonho reacted to her with his loud gurgles, bouncing up and down in his arms, and he quietly reached over to Jieun who handed the bottle over to him. It was almost routinal, he had done this far too many times. He’d drop a bit of his drink to the back of his hand to check the temperature, then set it aside, bring him to a more comfortable position and lightly hold the bottle for him while Yoonho devoured the drink by himself. He had gotten surprisingly good at it.

“Samchon needs to come more often so I can fix your hair better” Yooah continued to tell him. “You need to put, um...oil and uh…”

“Vitamins?” Sung Gyu supplied as he concentratedly fed the baby. A clip that was haphazardly put in his hair fell off; it was a lady bird. Yooah went around, picked it up and clipped it somewhere in his hair again.

“What are vitamins?” Yooah wanted to know. While Sung Gyu fed her baby, Jieun had located some of his unfolded laundry from god knows where and was folding them and neatly placing them into a pile. When Yeri was around, she was the one who did all that. She did not want to keep a housekeeper as she was a perfectionist and she needed things to be in her exact order. Even after she left, he hadn’t had the time and the mind set to hire one for himself, so most of the time, the things that she would do for him would be left undone until he realised that he was living on his own. He supposed the pile of clothes was one such time. He’d washed them and dried them but it had never occured to fold them away.

“Vitamins are the good things in the food you eat that help you grow,” Jieun explained to her as she folded one of his old shirts. “You need some of it for your hair too”

“Do they help your hair grow long?” She wanted to know.

“They do,” His noona replied. “And they help you get a good memory as well, make you better at your studies…”

They talked about hair and vitamins and all the things that little Yooah found interest in while Yoonho lied in his lap and finished his bottle. He was a joyful child, and Sung Gyu couldn’t possibly feel happier than he felt when he had him in his arms. He realised, with a pang, that it was probably the closest he would be to fatherhood, being a deranged uncle with a messed up life until his niece and nephew grew up and didn’t like him anymore.

Yoonho was done with his bottle and he was trying to clean the mess he’d made when he heard the beep of his front door. For a second, a briefest moment, he’d thought that it could be Yeri coming back to him so they could return to their old days. It took awhile for him to realise what was happening; by the time it did, Hyerim had already walked into the house, yelling on top of her lungs.

“Kim! I think you need to hear-!”

Sung Gyu widened his eyes, realising that Hyerim had come to him possibly carrying some more classified information which she was just about to announce to the entire house, which, as it happened, included his clueless, perplexed older sister. Much to his relief, however, she took not of the visitors in the house; him sitting on the floor with a baby in his arms while another child did god knows what to his hair, and Jieun seated on the foot of his sofa, folding his clothes. All eyes had turned to her.

“Oh!” She looked around and staggered on her feet, her cheeks turning red. “It’s...it’s Judge Kim’s...sister” Composing herself immediately, Hyerim greeted with a deep bow. “Forgive me, let me introduce myself; I’m Jung Hyerim, Sung Gyu Ssi’s-,”

“Neighbour” Sung Gyu quickly put in, giving her a look of warning. He glanced over at his sister who looked still quite perplexed. “And friend. We’re...um, good friends”

“That’s right!” Hyerim laughed which sounded anything but genuine, as expected from Jung Hyerim. Jieun looked completely unconvinced as she greeted in return. Shocked silence ensued afterwards, Yooah continued to decorate his already messy hair. It was only Yoonho’s joyful gurgles inside the house for a while as Hyerim stared at him, an uncomfortable smile on her lips. He understood her predicament. They had things to talk about. He turned to his sister.

“Noona, um, do you mind if I go out for a second?”

Jieun looked up, glanced at either of them and nodded quietly. He could almost see her mind working, analysing things, scrutinising body language, making assumptions. There could be many, many scenarios forming in her mind, but he was certain that none of them got even closer to what their relation actually was.

Sung Gyu slowly let Yoonho off his lap, who cheerfully crawled all over the carpet. Then he glanced over at Yooah. His head was already heavy with whatever she had put in there, but she got especially cranky if he disrupted her masterpiece. “Samchon will be back in a second, okay?”

“Okay” Yooah pouted, a little upset.

“And I won’t touch the hair,” he reassured her.

“It’s really pretty” Yooah answered, which meant, in other words, she would be really upset if he did anything to it.

“Thank you for doing my hair” He smiled, patted on her head in encouragement and climbed up on his feet. When he approached Hyerim, however, he could see that she was really struggling; her face red, lips in a distinctly straight line, her eyes were moist. She was trying to hold in her laughter. He could also feel Jieun’s eyes on his back. She was quite attentive, had sharp senses; she would not let him off her radar would he stay in her hearing distance, and there was too much that he couldn’t risk.

“Come on” He muttered to Hyerim and ushered her towards his front door. Talking outside was an even worse idea as it would raise suspicion. But at that moment, his hands were tied. Sung Gyu led her out into the corridor and shut the door behind him. As soon as they were away from their vicinity, however, the first thing that Hyerim did was, instead of going to what’s important, she burst out in laughter. 

She laughed and laughed and wheezed so much, clapping gleefully like a seal. He expected that much. She was someone who waited for this kind of misfortune on people to laugh about. Yet, he didn’t feel angry, he didn’t feel annoyed. What he felt was….difficult to understand. There was something warm forming in his chest, a shift in emotions to something unrecognizable. He realised that he loved the sound of her laughter so much, that he found pleasure in watching her happiness like this, and perhaps he wished he could make her happy like this even more.

“I came for something important but…” Hyerim gasped and wiped the corners of her eyes with her fingertips. “I’m sorry...I-I can’t help myself”

And she laughed again.

“You’re just making fun of my uncle duties” Sung Gyu pointed out to her, hiding the bubbling laughter in his own voice. Her cackles were contagious. He was about to burst in any moment now, and he shouldn’t, they had important things to talk about. But Hyerim wasn’t about to stop as well.

“Your-your uncle duties are so cute” Hyerim wheezed again and looked up at him, halting herself for a moment. “You should see yourself right now” She told him with a straight face.

Sung Gyu shrugged. “I have a fair idea how it is like”

She was quiet for a moment, staring at him, and then she burst out laughing again. He was baffled by how much  she must be keeping inside to be able to laugh so much; to be this so happy, to find glee in something as ridiculous as a man with a lot of little ponytails and bows and ladybugs  on his head. 

“It’s so cute” She told him after she had recollected herself. He met her eyes then, and they were glowing. “You’re so cute” She added, to which he gave a shy smile. There was silence afterwards as Hyerim struggled to get back to herself again. She cleared , fanned herself with her hand and looked up at him. Sung Gyu folded his arms and leaned against the doorframe. “Well?”

A moment, and burst out laughing again. He snorted, rolled his eyes, and she shook her head apologetically. “Sorry...sorry” A paused and a sharp breath.

“Okay….I’m not going to laugh, I’m not going to laugh…”

In contrast to her self affirmation, however, as soon as she straightened up and looked at him, as soon as he raised his brows at her questioningly, Hyerim broke out laughing again. 

“Ugh, this is not going to work” He sighed, looking heavenwards. “If I took them off, Yooah’s going to cry”

“But it’s really hard to concentrate when you look like…” She gestured vaguely in his direction and snorted.

“Jung”

“Okay” She sighed and looked up at him. “Listen, I'll just….” She reached out to him then, moving close, so close towards him, and tugged off one of the little clips. “I’ll just take them off for now but put them back before you go in, or we’d never be able to talk”

“Alright” He sighed and lowered his head for her. She was already so small in height that she had to stand on her tippy toes to reach for the furthest. When she moved closer, the air smelled intoxicatingly of lavender and long summers; he could feel the warmth radiating from her. The proximity was making his head spin, for some reason, and the feel of her fingertips in her hair was not making things any better. A few painful minutes later, Hyerim had taken off all the pins and clips; his head felt lighter. He ran his hand through his hair and shook his head.

“Done," Hyerim said, letting out a heavy sigh and smiled. He was surprised to see just how much Yooah had put in his hair; he couldn’t help the laughter.

“I can see why you had to do this” Sung Gyu told her, shaking his head.

They could be much composed afterwards. She could, at least, while he was feeling all sorts of things as Hyerim hadn’t exactly moved from the close proximity she was in. He could all the little details of her to his distance; the little blemishes of her skin, the mess of her hair, the way the corners of her eyes smiled when her lips didn’t.

“What I wanted to tell you was, I think we were right” Hyerim told him, now having returned to her grave, professional, investigator stance. “Woohyun had met with the committee conducting the background checks on Ryu Wonho, and in their meeting he had claimed that the judge who manipulated the verdict was you”

All the contentment that he had for the past few minutes completely drained from him. “But that’s-that’s impossible. I was not chairing that case; I was not in the judge panel, how could he-,”

“He’d claimed that you manipulated the witnesses and evidence”

Sung Gyu blinked, his heart pounding fast. He hadn’t much memory of what happened eight years ago, but he could say with certainty that he did not, by any means, manipulate the witnesses. He hadn’t the ability to. He had met with the victim, he’d seen the witness only in the court when he’d gone to see the proceedings; even then, he played very little part in terms of the actual proceedings of the case. He looked into it, and played the part as a messenger between the presiding judge of the case and the Executive’s side through Yeri’s mother; it was Wonho who was directly involved in it.

“I...I did not, Hyerim, I swear...I-I can’t even-,”

“You can’t manipulate people, I know” Hyerim nodded in agreement. “And you wouldn’t. But there’s this one statement in the recording that you say which poses a problem, Kim”

He fisted his hand. “What is it?”

She met his eyes. “You say that there wasn’t enough evidence to prove it...and that its his words against hers”

Sung Gyu could remember that. He could remember it very well. He couldn’t recall why he’d said that, what he was even thinking. Had he known that he would be pulled into this mess eight years later, he would have never allowed himself to say it, but now it was his words against his own.

He pressed a hand on his forehead and leaned against the door. “The recording?” he asked her tiredly. “Is there any word about the recording?”

Hyerim, much to his horror, nodded. “Judge Ryu had said that they recorded every mediation that took place in that room; so ideally the discussion could have been recorded too”

He pulled himself away from the door. It couldn’t be true. He had spent long hours in that mediation room; not only in mediation sessions but also in other discussions between the judges. It was the judge leading the mediation or the discussion who would record the session, as in, press the recording button in the recorder in the room, simply. And surely, if it was the kind of discussion that was done with Belle-vie's case, they surely would not have started the recorder. And if they had...it had to be one of the people that were in the room at that time-

-but it's been eight years; so he could recall nothing at all. 

“No we only record the Mediation sessions, Jung, there was no need to record anything else” Sung Gyu told her. But he could never be certain, because it could have been recorded, someone could have pressed that button; but he had no recollection, he remembered nothing.

“Judge Ryu believed that it was knowingly recorded,” Hyerim replied. “Do you remember if it was recorded or not?”

Sung Gyu dragged a hand down his face. He shouldn’t have trusted Ryu Wonho in the first place. He should have seen the snake right underneath that friendly smile. He should have known.

“Jung we don’t...we don’t record anything else that happens in the mediation room except for the mediation sessions for later references. It is the judge who’s leading the mediation who would do the recording; the machine just sits there in the middle of the room and the recordings could only be acquired by the particular judge and-,”

It was almost too clear by then, and Sung Gyu could see it in Hyerim’s eyes. He’d been right. He’d been right all along.

“So it’s-it’s Judge Ryu” He muttered as the truth dawned upon him like a hard slap.

Judge Ryu must have recorded the discussion on that day, knowingly so, and acquired it and kept it with him the whole time like they would do with anything that was recorded in that room. Judge Ryu kept it for future references. And when the time came and when he was about to get background checked for the Supreme court, he released it to the NIS to divert the investigation so the weight of his wrong doing would be carried on the rest of the judges present in that incident but him.

And he could pull the strings right. He had all the power to do so whereas…

“It’s judge Ryu” Hyerim confirmed it to him. “That’s why locating its origin was not so simple. He knew what to do. He had erased all its traces…”

He took a deep breath and ran both his hands through his hair. Sung Gyu had made up his mind to testify if it comes down to it. But if he were to testify in circumstances that he was not an acquaintance but the perpetrator itself, then not only would his career be ruined; he’d most definitely serve a jail sentence. He had no other choice but to prove his innocence at that moment, prove to a world full of unbelieving people that he, a young judge who was about to get his life robbed away from him, had not, by any means, manipulated a judgement.

“What happens now?” He asked her; even as he did, his voice shook.

“As of now, nothing is certain” She replied, and her calm tone did nothing to ease his worries.  “But they will start formal investigations soon; the prosecution will reach you, so better to be prepared. Contact your lawyer, and we will see how things pan out”

Even the thought of contacting his lawyer was making his skin crawl. His lawyer was Dong Woo, Dong Woo whom he had known forever and he could trust with his whole life. He was talented, he was capable; he would do everything in his capacity to protect him; but what about the image Dong Woo would have in his mind? What would he think of his long time best friend now? Would Dong Woo even want to be acquainted with him after this? How could he possibly call Dong Woo and tell him that he needed to be defended against criminal charges? Dongwoo was too kind to say anything to hurt him, but the image that he probably had of him in his mind would change forever.

Dong Woo would despise him, ostracise him just like his family would, just like Yeri’s family did, just like the whole world would, and then he-

“Listen, Kim” Hyerim called out to him, and he found himself looking at the only source of comfort that he had. “You’re innocent” She told him with so much trust and conviction in her voice. “You did nothing wrong. You did not sit as a judge in that case, you did not take part in making the judgement; it's all on Judge Ryu, okay? So we just need to prove that you didn’t manipulate the evidence or the witness, which we know that you didn’t. So we’re going to do that. You, me and Woohyun. We’re going to do that. Okay?”

Even as he listened to her, he felt like he was floating. 

“How...how can you trust me like this?” He asked her before he could even stop himself. How could Jung hyerim trust him so much despite not having known the Sung Gyu from eight years ago?

For that, all she gave him was a smile. “Because I know you” She told him, her eyes not moving once from his own. “The Kim Sung Gyu that I had known for five years is committed, hardworking, and trustworthy...whatever happened, happened. But that doesn’t change who you are”

Sung Gyu didn’t know what to say. He just stared at her blankly, his eyes holding her gaze in wonderment. He was a convicted criminal. He had supported in passing a wrong judgement and let a offender walk free. How could she still be trusting him like this?

“Now” She sighed heavily, and unfisted her hand where she’d been keeping all of Yooah’s little hair accessories. “Let's put this back where they should be”

She moved towards him and stood on her tiptoes again, reaching out to place the clips and redo the hair just as his niece had done for him. Sung Gyu naturally lowered his head for her and closed his eyes. He could feel her warmth, the feel of her touch upon him, the sound of her breath; he could breathe in her scent of lavender and perspiration, and she became a presence more solid, more real than anything else. He hadn’t realised until then how so alone he was in this debacle, lost in the cross roads, his path obscured and afraid. And he also hadn’t realised it until that moment that he had kept his head above water, held onto the thin threads of hope all this time only thanks to Jung Yerim, this small, incredibly resilient woman who kept him grounded and never left his side.

“Done!” Hyerim exclaimed cheerfully as she moved away and gave him a smile so bright that he felt undeserving of. “Just as prettily as she did”

Sung Gyu gave her a tight smile as his heart inflated. He felt things, he felt so many things. Glad, thankful and perhaps fear too, fear that she would leave his side, fear that he would break apart if he never had her...but gratitude beyond words. He owed her everything.

“Jung Hyerim….” He muttered.

“Hm?”

He’d thought about it long and hard before he asked her. “Would you like to come in?”

She tilted her head. “If you want me to”

“I want you to”

She nodded in return. He reached out to her and took her hand. It was only the feel of her warmth that made him feel alive again, and he needed that reassurance that he still was.

“If we go in like this, your noona would think that we’re dating” Hyerim told him with a laugh.

“It’s better for her to assume that than anything else” He replied grimly, But then when it occurred to him, he peered at her cautiously. “I’m sorry, I mean, if it's okay…”

He felt Hyerim’s slender fingers threading through his own. 

“To be mistaken that I’m dating Kim Sung Gyu?” She  smiled. “That is more than okay”