“You can’t love me” Was the first and foremost thing he could say. They were still in the park, seated  in one of the round wooden benches under a tree. In the distance, he could hear screeching cicadas. Up close to him, he could hear the sound of her breath. Hyerim had stopped crying.

“I can’t or you don’t?” She asked him in return. He had assumed this question would come upon him, whether his rejection was because he didn’t feel the same way, but in the spur of the moment, which he’d certainly regret, Sung Gyu couldn’t reply.

“You do” Hyerim scoffed, put her leg over the other and turned away. “You do… you feel the same way but you’re just still hanging onto the ‘you can’t love’ bull…” She turned to glance at him. “For the record, Sung Gyu, that’s not how it felt like to me”

He heaved a heavy sigh and leaned forward, his head hung low as his elbows rested on his knees. “It's far more complicated than that”

Hyerim took a sharp breath. “Elaborate to me, then”

He closed his eyes, lowering his head even further. “Hyerim, more than anyone else, you would know what my life had become” he told her. “The next few months for me would be trials and court hearings and long hours at work and press calls and police stations. It’s going to be on the tip of the blade and I simply wouldn’t have space to accomodate you anywhere in it, you know this better than anyone else”

There was quietness for a second. He felt her stoop closer to him. “You don’t have to” She said, and when he glanced over at her, there was a small, sad smile playing on her lips. “When I told you the truth, that was not for you to accept me...you already have, I’m already a part of you. We’ve been together for a while as friends, as colleagues. It’s only going to slightly change shape, Sung Gyu, it will only become stronger, and now you can rely on me without any worries or concerns...that’s what I want”

“You don’t understand” Sung Gyu told her in response. Everything she said made it sound so simple, sound so easy, but he didn’t think a relationship could change shape simply by giving it a different label and doing things that they didn’t do before. It took so much more than that; the time, the space, the emotional commitment that both need to be prepared to make. Sung Gyu just wasn’t ready for that. After the failure of his previous relationship, the one he’d thought would last the longest, he didn’t think he would ever be ready.

“What do I not understand?” Hyerim pushed on, her voice gentle, concerned.

“All of it” He sighed and turned to her. “Hyerim, what about you? What about your life? What about all the things that you expect and deserve but I can't possibly give you?”

She made a nervous little laughter. “There isn’t any” She shook her head as she told him. “I don’t...I don’t expect anything in return”

“No, you still don’t get it” He said, shook his head and climbed up on his feet. She followed after him.

“No I still don’t” She told him in return. There was no malice in her voice, no pain; just question and concern. “I’m only telling you that I like you...I like you a lot, and I-,”

He spun around and faced her. “What about a relationship? Marriage? Children? Family? The way my life is going right now, Hyerim, I can give you none of that”

Hyerim stared at him, her doe eyes widened in complete disbelief. “Why do you have to think so far?” she took a few steps towards him across the gravelly path they were on. “Honestly I haven’t even thought of any of them, I didn’t think I should...all I knew is that I really like you”

Sung Gyu nodded and nodded. He took a step away from her and buried his hands in his pocket. “Maybe you should then”

“But that’s all just too far away” Hyerim reasoned out to him. “Besides-,”

“The point is, Hyerim” He went on, interrupting her before she could say any further. “I’m a divorcee, I’m under investigation for not one but two crimes that I had allegedly committed, I have a messy job that is on the line, I have a messy family who don’t give a about me. I’m not someone you should be associated with, Hyerim, let along be in a relationship with”

She was quiet for a moment, yet there was something about the way she gazed at him as she stepped towards him; her eyes set only and only upon him. The broken, terrified Hyerim was there no more. it was the Hyerim he had always known and was accustomed in her place, yet her thoughts didn’t seem to have changed one bit. “Those are exactly the reasons why you need me, Sung Gyu. I don’t care where you’re coming from. In fact, you were all of this the whole time, were you not? And yet, I still fell in love with you. I fell in love with you for you”

He was desperate at that point, for she wasn’t backing down. He was almost tearful for she just didn’t seem to understand. But she continued. 

“And...and I’m not asking for you to expend all your time on me or give all the space in your mind for me, I’m just-I’m just not like that…'' She let out a heavy sigh and took another step towards him. “You don’t need to do anything special or extravagant to make me feel loved, Sung Gyu. When I’m with you, I always do. I just want to be there for you, for you to depend on, to find courage in, nothing more. This way I can only be closer to you without that whole barrier of….friendship or whatever. It’s all I’m asking from you….”

Sung Gyu remained quiet, he was quiet for the longest time as her voice echoed in his mind. A part of him wanted to, desperately wanted to grab hold onto her and accept her heart, a part of him still believed in second chances. But another larger part of him knew how wrong and unjust it would be for her. He would be robbing her away from so many things. A happier life, a happier love, a more fulfilling relationship. Instead of dates, she would have to come to court hearings, instead of finding comfort in a loved one, she’d probably have to comfort him. She’d already lost so much just having associated him as a much smaller part in her life, and he couldn’t take away even more. He couldn’t do that to her.

“I don’t know, Hyerim...I don’t know” He muttered, took a sharp breath and closed his eyes when his head started to pound. It was yet again too much to take. it was as if one storm had passed through, only making way to another. He wanted to push everything away for a while. He wanted to let loose and unwind.

“Ah, I need a drink” He told her in the end.

The two of them walked the distance across the children’s park through the back entrance of the complex in utter silence. Sung Gyu was deep in his thoughts, his mind a complete mess, too many worries eating up into his brain. He walked ahead of her, his hands buried in his pockets, but still paused every time when he realised she’d fallen behind so she could catch up with him. At some point, they were walking side by side along the busy sidewalk, their thoughts somehow louder than their words. He felt unreasonably protective over her for that moment. Perhaps it was as a result of what she’d just told him, her confession making him feel responsible, committed in a way he hadn’t expected. He moved to the right to take her place to the side of the road, and happened to move her gently every time she’d come in the way of another nightly walker. Hyerim looked at him in this strange way whenever that happened; a look of disbelief, perhaps, or a look that seemed to tell him that she’d told him so. 

What Sung Gyu did want her to know was that he indeed did like her. A lot. He didn’t think there were words to explain just how much she meant to him. And that was exactly the reason why he pushed her away. He loved her, so he thought she deserved better. He didn’t deserve her; a woman so beautiful, so resilient, so exquisite. She could be unreasonably erratic sometimes, spontaneous, impulsive, so she needed someone who could hold her back when that happened, keep her in place and protect her. She needed someone whom she could be happy with, whom she could walk in the park hand in hand, stargaze and talk sweet nothings deep into the night, watch the sunset and sunrise together, kiss in the rain. She needed someone whom she could settle down with, have children with, start a family with and have a future together. But none of this could be him.

The two of them arrived at the same food cart that they did that night, seated at the same table and ordered the same number of bottles, sans food. None of them had an appetite to eat, which they both agreed. A snack to drink with would do, she said. They waited until their bottles arrived, which did without taking too long. Sung Gyu opened the first one, poured a glass full for her and another one for himself.

He set it down and stared at the transparent liquid in the glass for the longest time, trying to put his thoughts together, trying to figure out what he should say. He asked the first and foremost thing that came to his mind; what Woohyun had told him earlier that day.

“I heard that you won’t be going to work from today” He told her quietly, picked up his glass and set it down again. 

“Who told you?” She wanted to know.

“I asked Woohyun” Sung Gyu sincerely replied and raised his head. “I called him”

Hyerim sighed, her lips pressed into a thin line. “What did he tell you?”

“Just that” He shrugged. “That you’re not coming to work for a while” Sung Gyu probably already knew what that meant, but he wanted to ask her, hear about it in her own words. He stretched a hand out across the table and met her eyes. “Hyerim, what did they do to you?”

She was firm and confident as she’d always been even as she lifted her head and smiled. “They suspended me”

He had probably already known, but it bothered him just as much. “For how long?”

“A few months?” She shrugged. He couldn’t help but be annoyed at how non committal she seemed to be about it. She’d nearly lost her job because of him, she'd gone through all that trouble because of him. How could she still not care and still like him after all of that?

Sung Gyu picked up his glass again, stared at it for a second and put it down again. “How do you feel about it?” He asked her.

She merely shrugged.

“Are you happy about it?”

Much to Sung Gyu’s amazement, Hyerim laughed in response. “Me? I feel incredibly satisfied!”

It was clear why his heart skipped a little at that moment. It wasn’t only the sound of her laughter or the way her eyes formed crescent moons. There was so much more. But it made him equally irate.

“You’re really strange, do you know that, Jung Hyerim?” He informed her, and she glanced up at him, her smile morphing into a look of surprise. Sung Gyu leaned forwards, his arms folded on the table before him. “You just lost your job because of someone who had done absolutely nothing for you but give you hell, and you’re really happy about it?”

“I am” She nodded.

“And you’re proud of yourself” He raised his brows.

“I am” She nodded again, and added, somehow more gleefully. “And I know that my dad would be too”

He did not like it at all that she brought her dad along into it. He felt guilty, incredibly so. He didn’t even know how to apologise for that. He bit his lower lip, gazing at the plastic of the table, the green and white irregular patterns, the contrast of her slim, pale hands against it. She too was quiet, but she’d drowned her glass at that moment. He watched her as she set it down again. 

“I’m sorry” Sung Gyu told her then, breaking the silence between them. He looked up and met her eyes. “Hyerim, I’m sorry for...what happened in the morning...I’m sorry that this happened to you...that you lost your job because of me and-,”

“I didn’t lose it, geeze, I’m just suspended for a while”

“-And for making you feel...the way you feel about me” He continued,  ignoring her just for a second, and let out a heavy sigh. That was his truest sentiment at that moment. He didn’t know how, he didn’t know why. But he felt guilty and responsible for the way that Hyerim felt towards a person like himself. She didn’t have to feel the need to care for him or protect him. If Sung Gyu hadn’t been the way he was, if he hadn’t even met her, she would be with a better, happier person now.

There was a moment of silence, but by the way Hyerim’s face changed, and by the way that she simply stared at him, Sung Gyu could tell that she wasn’t very happy with what he just said.

“Did you just…” She started, her eyes widened in disbelief. “Did you just apologise? For making me fall in love with you?”

He took a sharp breath. Every time she said that, he felt like he was about to combust. “Yes”

Her lips formed a wide smile of surprise, of complete disbelief, followed by her laughter. Sung Gyu could only watch her, his heart pounding, even as she reached out to the opened bottle of Soju and poured herself a glass.

“Why do you even like me, Hyerim?” He pushed on to ask her.

Hyerim nearly choked. “Why I like you? Are you really asking me this?”

“Yes”

She appeared to him as if she hadn’t heard anything more ridiculous. She put her glass aside and leaned forward towards him. “Sung Gyu, have you ever seen yourself? Have you ever been with yourself? Then you wouldn’t even ask me this”

He tilted his head. He didn’t think she made a lot of sense. “What do you mean?”

“If nobody had told you this enough-,” She started, giving him the strangest smile. “Sung Gyu you’re handsome, you’re charming, you’re so attractive; it's how you look, the way you speak, the things you do, the things you say...anyone who’d spend long enough with you like I had, they will certainly fall in love with you”

Sung Gyu only frowned in response. “Sounds ridiculous to me” He told her. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel...a way about what she’d just told him. In fact, Sung Gyu felt giddy, his cheeks warmed up and he felt really embarrassed, for nobody except for his mother had told him to his face anything good about him. But still it just didn’t sit right with him.

“You’ve not been told enough, that’s what it is” Hyerim gave him the gentlest smile.

“But that shouldn’t be a reason for you to…” He swallowed, he couldn’t get the words out of himself. “...to like me, Hyerim. You can’t like someone just because they’re attractive...you should find someone that you are compatible with and could be committed to you. And that’s not me”

Hyerim sighed heavily, her lips pulled into a straight line. “So you’re saying that I should stop liking you, just like that”

It hurt him, quite, when she put it like that. He reached out for the bottle of Soju and poured himself a full glass. His eyes were set on its rim where the liquid barely spilled, as he replied. “I think we should stay away from each other”

There was a beat of silence. Sung Gyu didn’t  dare look her in the eyes. 

“What-what does that mean?” Hyerim stammered after a while. Her voice didn’t sound firm and confident anymore. There was a flicker of panic in her words, concern in her tone.

“Meaning, we should not associate with each other...because-,” He gestured at her in emphasis. “You can see for yourself what happened…”

“But I did it because I wanted to,” Hyerim replied defensively. “And I did the right thing, I made the right call-,”

“Hyerim, listen to me” Sung Gyu pushed on and leaned against the table towards her. He was determined now, determined to knock sense into her mind. “You make impulsive decisions. You don’t put yourself first, you put first whomever you care deeply about, you would put me first, and I don’t want that. If you are doing that then the person you are with should be able to keep you grounded, stop you before you did something that you shouldn’t but certainly I had failed in doing that. So that person is not me”

“But-but how could you even say that?” Hyerim exclaimed in response. “Even you would do what I did if you were in my position; in fact, I saw that you were about to, weren’t you? You already had, Sung Gyu. You were the one who put your entire career in jeopardy for the woman you loved, anyone would do that for the people they love”

It was a point that he couldn’t exactly argue against. Perhaps she was right, in that sense. When Sung Gyu realised that she was about to turn herself in, he had tried to take a stand, he had tried to step in. He had gained a strength that he didn’t have earlier in that moment, for Sung Gyu would do anything, anything to keep her from harm's way. Eight years ago, he had done that for Song Yeri because he wanted to belong to her. Sung Gyu and hyerim, perhaps, were similar in that sense, but-,

“That's exactly why we shouldn’t be with each other”  Sung Gyu pointed out to her. “We would keep doing that Hyerim, you would. Besides, the way my life is going, there will not be a moment where I can make you happy or we could be happy with each other-,”

“The past few days” Hyerim started in a thick voice. “The past few days...were the happiest I’ve ever been”

Sung Gyu felt something heavy settle in his heart. He couldn’t help but blame himself for this, for creating a whole happy world for her to lose herself in, for giving the impression that she will be happy with him, for finding comfort in her, for making her feel like she would be happy with him. 

“The past few days...says nothing about how the rest of it would be, Hyerim” Sung Gyu replied, now feeling desperate. “You will find someone better, more charming, more...everything….and if we don’t see each other again-,”

“It's bleeding,” Hyerim said all of a sudden, and he watched her as she reached out and took his hand. There were a few angry scars on his knuckles from the time he’d punched a wall in rage that morning. It might have hurt, but he hadn’t felt it as there were more crucial issues that kept him on the edge during the day.

Disdained, Sung Gyu attempted to retrieve his hand from her, his fist tightening, but her grip hardened upon him, and he flinched when her thumb gently touched the wound. It was only then that he felt a semblance of pain. Hyerim let out a heavy sigh.

“You are always too harsh on yourself, Sung Gyu. You’re not giving yourself a break, and that worries me so much...all the time...”

“Hyerim…” He tried again, but she held his hand in both of hers, him engulfed in that gentle warmth. Yerim met his eyes.

“But…” she continued, her voice thick with emotion, and slowly retrieved her hands from him, leaving his palm laid on the table on its own, abandoned, still wounded and bleeding. “I can’t force you, can I? I can’t make you do something you don’t want to….so I’ll accept it. And I’ll wait until you come around…”

That was a response he hadn’t expected from her; and although it was what he wanted, her words left his heart broken, just like it seemed to have hers. He was rendered speechless, his hand still lying upon the table between them. Even then, all he could do was gaze at her as his heart ripped apart.

She sobbed once, looking skywards, her eyes filling up yet again. Hyerim hardly ever cried like this, his heart constricted, so much that Sung Gyu had to fight the urge to reach across the table and hold her in his arms. But he also knew that he made the right call. Hyerim would get over him one day. She’d find someone better, and he would only be a fragment of a memory from her past in the back of her mind, beginning to fade away. That was just better than her suffering and regretting at a later time. This is what he should have done for Yeri as well. Yeri was a brilliant woman, and she deserved so much better than him, so much better than the pain and suffering he’d given her. His parents were right about his issues in commitment. Kim Sung Gyu just wasn’t made to love or to be loved.

Hyerim took a sharp breath, wiped her tears delicately with her fingertips and Sung Gyu quietly handed a tissue out for her. She sobbed harder and harder, let out a little cry. He felt like his heart had burst open, it hurt equally as much. But she would be over it, she would get better. 

He didn’t say a word when she climbed up on her feet and walked out of the store for a moment. He just watched her, concerned, gazing at the shadow of her as she moved about. Sung Gyu didn’t think one could love like this, love this much that their walls broke down, their composure dissolved and became a different person altogether. Sung Gyu didn’t think one would become all of that for him. Perhaps, Yeri had been so too, every time she’d come to him, crying and broken, seeking comfort in his embrace. Perhaps it was only him who hadn’t the sheer ability to give that warmth in return.

Hyerim came back to the table a few minutes later, and when she did, she was in a better shape. Her nose was still runny, her eyes were still red. And he could say that things weren’t all that good when she poured herself three glasses at once and drowned them all one after the other. Sung Gyu’s throat was thick with guilt that he couldn’t even form a word in response.

“Right, sorry” She said after she pulled herself together then, and in his quietness, she reached out and poured a glass for him.

“I was meaning to ask you, how did things go at work? I heard that you were dragged into the Jung Hyunsu scandal?” When Hyerim looked back at him, he could see the Hyerim that he’d always known, but underneath that mask, he could still see that she was still barely holding on. Throwing it under the rug and acting like it never happened, that was a very Hyerim thing to do.

And he had to play along. Not trigger her any further but continue being his usual self.

“Yes...he-he’d been appointed on inside connections, and some grassroot organizations demand that they investigate my appointment too” He explained to her tiredly and drank his glass of Soju in one go.

“So are you going ahead with it?” She raised her brows.

“Yes, I decided to let them do it” He glanced at her with a tight lipped smile. “There were no special connections involved in mine, so there’s nothing to worry about”

Hyerim nodded. “But wouldn’t it affect the acquittal case?”

“It does” He sighed. “It probably will. But I’m going to hold office until the end of the case, see how it pans out…” He hesitated for a moment, looked up at her and realised that she was watching him in a strange way, a knowing look in her face. The call, he realised. The hoo-ha that she probably heard on the other end. He bit his lips, had another half a glass of his drink and cleared his throat. 

“Well I...I was planning to resign actually, as soon as the news broke out-,”

“I knew it,” She sighed. That’s what the strange look she’d given him was all about.

“But” He started and sat back, shaking his head. “Minister Baek rejected my resignation letter, the whole committee of officials did. They want me to continue in office and I thought maybe...I could-” He cleared his throat. “-I could fight back judge Ryu’s claims”

“You can…” Hyerim nodded. “You can...and I heard good things about prosecutor Lee as well. He sounds like a tough guy, wouldn’t be waived by anything that Ryu would do”

“He is” Sung Gyu nodded, replying mechanically. Their whole conversation just felt forced, unreal, so unlike themselves. The awkwardness was too much that he felt like he was talking to a different person altogether. No longer did he feel that comfort, that familiarity to open up without restrictions. And naturally, Sung Gyu blamed himself. If he hadn’t been...him, this wouldn’t have happened.

“I got to speak to him today...after you-,” She cleared and looked away. Sung Gyu knew what she meant.

“Anyway, I handed him the analysis I did on the documents that I found in your flat, but it won't be admissible at court as they were not evidence collected at the formal investigation, but he would be doing a forensic analysis himself, as the documents weren’t forged. They were authentic with the court’s water mark and all. The documents would be admissible”

He nodded again with somewhat a heavy heart.

“I met him too,” Sung Gyu put in his two cents. “We had a very positive discussion and…”

For the next few minutes, they talked about the case, about work, about their findings, about their thoughts on what would come next. As they did, they drank. Sung Gyu ordered some more bottles of Soju as he strongly felt that he needed his mind numbed down. It wasn’t right that he seemed to end his day every day of the week getting drunk, but he also needed this. He needed it tonight. The rest of his future could wait, it could unfold from morning next day. Right now, he wanted to be a free man, drinking with a woman of whom he’d just broken the frail heart.

Deeper into the night, however, both succumbed into their drunkenness, and their dynamics certainly changed. Slowly, Hyerim returned to herself again and Sung Gyu found himself getting comfortable in her presence as well. She spoke too much, laughed too hard, made beer bombs and spilled one across the plastic table, staining her shirt. They held their laughter when one of the store ladies came and grumbled as she cleaned the mess they made. Once she left, they laughed so much that his throat hurt and he started coughing. They spoke about the much funnier parts of work; she laughed about how her chief had suspended her and was pissed off at the fact that she wasn’t even surprised. “Are you proud?” He’d yelled across the floor when she’d left the station, just shrugging him off. It wasn’t the fact that she was suspended that he found laughable, because he was still overtaken with regret. It was the way that she imitated her boss that had him in stitches. His mind was numb, buzzing, his world turning in odd directions. Under regular circumstances, he wouldn’t have laughed at this. But tonight, he just did. When he told her about how Minister Baek had sworn at the TV and called Ryu a ‘ing Bastard’ (as she should, according to Hyerim) in front of him and his secretary, she completely lost her self. She laughed so much that her eyes disappeared, throwing her head back, her hair a mess. He watched her all the while, at that time. His heart missed a few beats. She reminded him of sunshine.

Later in the night, somewhere past ten, it had to be, the two of them took a taxi back home. They’ve walked too far away from the complex and they were too drunk to walk the way back again. For a moment he forgot that he was a person who probably had his face pasted all over the internet and newspapers. In fact, he’d forgotten most things that had happened that night. On their way back home, unconsciously to him, Hyerim held his hand. She rubbed the back of his thumb, that little mole he had there, tenderly ran a finger along his wound, leaned her head against his shoulder and smiled at him, her eyes shining, like he was her whole world. For that moment, he must have thought so too. He did, because that's exactly what she appeared to him. This beautiful, exquisite remarkable woman, this strong, compelling human being that had, over the brief span of time they’ve been together, had robbed his heart. If they had met under different circumstances, as different people, started off upon a different footing, perhaps, things would have been much, much different. He wouldn’t have hesitated once to be the one to take her hand. He would love to, and he would be prepared to give his whole heart to her. But their fates had indeed been cruel, cruel to be wounded up together this way, cruel to make them fall in love this way, when his whole world had fallen apart.

The ride in the taxi was far too brief. Sung Gyu paid for the driver, and even then he didn’t realise that she still held his hand. He was far too drunk at that time perhaps, or the part of him who’d wanted this, wanted her, had come to the surface, having defeated the more rational side of himself. He allowed himself to revel in that comfort of having her, the feeling of his hand in hers, her fingers drawing unknown patterns on his skin. Their dynamics had changed so much by the time they entered the lift. He was aware of her presence above everything else, in a way he hadn’t been before. He gazed at her, traced the shape of her and stored it somewhere deep in his heart. Even in his drunken mind, Sung Gyu saw the subtlest little details of her, that little depression of her cheeks and under her eyes when she smiled, the way her hair kept falling, never staying in place, framing the impeccable shape of her face. She was beautiful, very much so; and it wasn’t just her eyes, her smile, the dainty little waves of her hair for him. It was her entire being, the way she carried herself, the way she just...was. It was impossible not to fall in love with her. Perhaps, Sung Gyu had fallen in love with her, again and again, day after day ever since he got to know her better, yet he had never known.

It was only when they’d come to their floor that Sung Gyu slowly retrieved his hand from her. Maybe it was the sudden realisation which hit him that he wasn’t supposed to let loose like this, yet Hyerim didn’t seem to have noticed. Her hand kept brushing his as they traversed the corridor, and he actually let her, for he wanted to feel it too. When they came to their respective doors, both of them were at a standstill. One look at Jung Hyerim, Sung Gyu realised, he did not want to part ways with her. Everything he’d said and done that day were all lies and pretense, everything he’d done to protect her from being with him was nothing but deceit. The truth was, Sung Gyu wanted her too. He needed her; he needed her comfort, her presence, her boundless positivity and contentment. He wanted to watch the sunrise and sunset with her, stargaze with her, kiss her in the rain and spend his entire life with her, he wanted to-

“Sung Gyu?” She called him all of a sudden. Her voice was quiet, a mere whisper, but it had knocked on several doors in his heart.

He remained quiet, even as she took a few bold steps towards her. As she did, he dared not to move, stay still and hold his place. For that one moment, he wanted this, he wanted her, he wanted to be lost in this surreal moment and pretend to be somebody else in his stead. 

She moved closer and closer, looked up at him and laid a hand on his chest. That simplest touch, he thought, he felt upon his heart. Her other hand took his own, threaded their fingers together. Sung Gyu lowered his head as he held her gaze; there was something strong within her eyes, and he was drowning in them.

“Sung Gyu…” She called again, and her eyes riveted to look down at her hand that laid on his heart. “One last time, just one last time...let me try again” She whispered, her thumb rubbed his skin over his shirt. “Just one last time, let me tell you that I love you….” She raised her head again and met his eyes. “Just one last time, let me kiss you again…”

He didn’t say a word in response. In fact, at that very moment, he wasn’t certain who moved in first. His eyes were open, watching every movement; the gentle fluter of her eyes as they closed, the captivating shape of her lips. Sung Gyu might have been the one to move in first, as his hand laid gently upon the curve of her neck. Her hand grasped the fistful of his shirt, and Sung Gyu held his breath. Then he kissed her. He closed the hairthread of a gap and kissed her, warmly, tenderly, lovingly, upon her lips.

Their surrounding then blurred into oblivion as soon as their lips met, until all he could see, touch and feel was her. Her touch was gentle, captivating, her scent of lavender was intoxicating, filling his mind. He kissed her, and he made up for all the times he couldn’t love her more. It was the kind of a kiss which pulled the strings of their hearts together, mended them until they were strong as new. He felt her propelling him backwards, and he felt himself press against the cold mahogany of his door. She was mindless at that time, desperate, and he let her. She demanded, her tongue sweeping past his lower lip, and he granted, delightfully so, and let her have the upper hand. Hyeri was so small that she had to stand on the tips of her toes, elevating herself against him. Sung Gyu ran his own arm around her waist, another under her arm and lifted her off her feet. She gasped when their places shifted, when he had her pressed against the door instead. It gave her better leverage, to move even closer, to raise even higher. Her feet were off the ground as he held her close, and he kissed her in the way that he poured out all his love for her, the love he couldn’t say in words for all this time. He made her feel his love for her in all the right ways he knew.

It felt like ages had passed when they finally parted from each other. Their drunkenness had completely dissipated by then; he could tell by the way her eyes filled with moisture, he could tell by the way his heart burst with pain. It was all he wanted; to hold her, to kiss her, to love her like this for the rest of his life, and it was all that he didn’t deserve.

“Don’t…” He found himself whispering to her, realising that he’d granted her last wish for her as briefly-lasted  lovers. It was the least he could do. “Hyerim please don’t….don’t love a man like me”

She breathed hard, her hand raised and cupped the side of his face. He’d set her upon the ground by then, yet they were close enough for him to see stars and the tears in her eyes. “A man like you…?” Hyerim whispered as if he hadn’t made any sense. “You always make yourself sound like a monster who had done a heinous crime..Sung Gyu, but you would never know what I see in you…”

He closed his eyes and leaned into the warmth of her hand upon him as she rubbed his cheek. 

“You...you’re the most extraordinary man that I’ve ever met, and I...I feel the happiest when I am with you, I am the best version of myself when I’m with you. I feel real, I feel alive and I...I want to feel like this forever…”

“Hyerim….” He muttered quietly, closing his eyes. He had pressed his forehead against hers, his arms still around her waist. She continued to rub his cheek as tears stained her own.

“I don’t deserve better than this, Sung Gyu” She  told him in the end, her voice so tearful, breaking him even further. “I don’t deserve any better than this….I deserve you”

With this, she closed that second of a gap between them and kissed him again. It was of little passion compared to before. But more of comfort, of warmth, of promise. She was tender upon his lips, a quiet whisper, a gentlest touch. He revelled in her presence, wishing this would last forever. But Sung Gyu knew better of himself, garnering his composure again. He, albeit gently, pried himself off from her. The feel of her lips were still lingering upon him, the feel of her touch imprinted on his skin. Hyerim was beautiful even then. Mesmerizing. But he didn’t. He couldn’t.

“I’m...I’m sorry….Hyerim'' He told her, his heart shattering even as he did. Sung Gyu couldn’t meet her eyes at that time. So he kept them shut, drowning in darkness, pushing the memories of her away. “I’m sorry...but I think you should go…”

When he opened his eyes again, she was nodding. Her eyes were glistening, yet she had the strength to smile. “Okay...okay” She muttered, sobbed once, wiped her face on the  backs of her sleeve before she pressed a hand upon his arm and moved in. He felt a chaste kiss press upon his cheek, then the loss of that connection as she moved away. 

“Goodnight...Sung Gyu”

He didn’t reply.

“And I still love you”

He swallowed hard, closed his eyes and remained just where she’d left him, stranded and broken for the longest time. 

That night, after returning home, he turned the TV on which was buzzing with news about him, about judge Ryu and his statement, the protests, the investigations and Sung Gyu returned to his real life. In his real life, everything was pretty much the same, but after what he’d feared had happened, it didn’t feel the same anymore. He was no longer scared and anxious. He was no longer worried about an uncertain future, an unknown turn of events, the chain reactions. Instead, he was more accepting of his fate and more prepared to tackle what comes next. Somehow, he had a sense of trust towards Howon, he trusted his best friend, and on top of that, he was trusting himself. He had Hyerim’s words repeating in his mind, that things were going to get better, so he held onto that thread of hope. 

As the TV continued to blast loudly in the living room, he walked into the kitchen and refilled Momo’s food as she howled at him. Momo didn’t meow like an ordinary cat. She yelled, she screamed. Yeri often used to tell him that she was scolding at everyone around her, and they used to have this silly conversation where she always asked the cat ‘Why are you yelling at me?’ and Sung Gyu called back saying ‘Momo don’t yell at her’. Sung Gyu didn’t miss Yeri all that much; perhaps when the house felt emptier, when he couldn’t get himself together at home. But he certainly did miss being their silly family of three for a while. He now had those conversations only between Momo and himself. ‘Why are you yelling at me?’ He would ask Momo and she would scream in response. ‘Don’t yell at me Momo you’re living in my house rent free’ he would inform her, but still she’d continue to exclaim her demands. He’d fill her bowls, pat her back a few times. That night, after feeding her, Sung Gyu picked up an apple from the fridge, had a bite and walked into the living room again. In the dark, in the shine of the TV, he could see the mess that the police had made and left him with. He had no energy to attend to them now. Maybe he’d have the cleaning agency come over and throw away half the things that he didn’t need. But just not now.

He left the half eaten apple on the coffee table, rid himself off his clothes and ran a warm bath. Momo followed after him, trailing behind him and playing with the ties of his bathrobe which he’d merely left undone. She sat on top of the commode as he buried himself in the comfort of the warm water, gave her a look of disapproval and called her a ert again. He felt like a fool every time he conversed with a cat that couldn’t even understand him. But that was what his life had become. The flat will remain empty except for Momo and himself, perhaps, for the rest of his life, and he would only have her to talk to until it's time for her to go. She was quite old herself; five years perhaps? Six? He hadn’t been able to take her for her shots for a while that he couldn’t even remember. He didn’t even know how long cats would live for, but for now, she was all he had. 

Sung Gyu picked up his work phone, and tried to go through his work messages and mail before hit the fans the next day, but he just couldn’t focus. The feel of Hyerim’s lips were still lingering upon him, the feel of her touch, her warmth, her scent, all of her. It felt like a dream for a while, to be loved like that after so long in his life. The last time he’d been kissed like that felt months away, and after Yeri left him, he hadn’t been with another woman again. He’d thought he’d forgotten how all of these...dynamics went, how one kissed, how one made love. But with Hyerim taking Yeri’s place and becoming an unexpectedly significant presence in his life, all of these were coming back to him, and he felt many different things. He could, by all means, wish Hyerim would forget about him and move on in her life. But the truth of the matter was, after tonight, things would never be the same again. He would think about tonight every second that passed. A part of himself would pat on his back for doing the right thing while the other would regret what he did, day and night. He would earn for her touch again, she would appear in his daydreams and in his sleep. Every time he would see her across the corridor, Sung Gyu wouldn’t see Hyerim in the same light he’d seen her all this time. He would think about her touch again, think about her lips and eyes and all of her, the what ifs and could have beens, the things that he wished they could do together but never will. Overnight, with her mere words, she had brought out a different person from himself, changed their relationship altogether. And it was what kept him up and wondering the whole time.

Sung Gyu didn’t realise, however, that he’d drifted off in his bath, his head laying on the headrest, the TV still on in his living room and Momo stretched out on the carpet in the bathroom; not until he heard the sound of his doorbell ring in a distance. He allowed it to ring for a while, because it sounded like it was ringing in his head, like all the things that had happened during that day. It went on for a while, followed by the loud knock on his door. He was startled awake then, and realised that he’d been lying in the bath in an awkward position, his neck stiff and water gone cold, his skin wrinkled for having stayed long in the bath. With a groan, he reached for his phone to check the time. It was a little past 2 am. He’d been lying there for almost two hours. 

He climbed out of the bath, wrapped his bathrobe around him, and sleepily put on his slippers before he trudged to the front door. His first thought was that it was Hyerim again, and he felt giddy and somehow exposed to be greeting her in a measly bathrobe and nothing underneath. He looked through the peephole just in case, and then he did a double take. It was impossible at this time of the day. Never in his life would he have imagined. But there they were, his sister and his mother waiting outside his door, worried and appalled at 2 am in the dawn. 

He could swear that this had never happened in the entirety of his life.

“Mum? Noona?” He called as soon as he opened the door to let them in. His mother had been crying, he could tell, if the redness of her eyes and the wad of tissues in her hands didn’t speak volumes. She looked so unlike herself; her clothes weren’t her usual neat pants suit, her hair in a mess and she wore a pair of old sandals he’d never seen. His sister too didn’t look great herself. 

“Let's talk inside” She sighed as she let herself in. Sung Gyu shut the door behind him and followed them into his living room. The house was still in a complete mess, all of his things thrown about. The TV was on and some girl group songs were playing. He quickly turned the lights on and turned off the TV as both his sister and his mother stared at the mess, their eyes widened in disbelief.

“What the hell is happening Sung Gyu, what has gone on in here?” Hyerim asked, her voice shaking, as she laid her hands on his mothers shoulders. She was so shocked that she couldn’t even speak.

Sung Gyu tiredly ran a hand through his hair and let out a sigh. “Just...just let me put some clothes on and come”

Even after he walked into his room, into his closet, he could hear his sister fussing around. Jieun was a big worrier, even the smallest thing could set her off in a matter of seconds, so he had a fair idea why they’d decided to come to his place at 2 am in the dawn after what they must have seen on the TV, going around in the news. But he was pretty sure they were not there to comfort him. Yell at him, if they may, tell him how disappointed his parents were, how embarrassing the things that he’d done would be for Jieun and her husband and that she couldn’t walk the streets or send her children to school without feeling that shame. And how could he do it? How did he dare shame his entire family like this? In the end, they’d tell him that he was no longer a part of their family and one more burden would be lifted off his back.

Sung Gyu pulled on his nightly clothing and with his hair still damp, he walked out of his room, only to find his sister fussing around the house again collecting the papers and books strewn about, her face darkened as his mother put things back on the shelves. 

“Noona, mum, just leave them be” He told them, albeit a little frustrated. His life was hard as it was right now, and the last thing he wanted was entertaining his distraught mother and sister in the middle of the dawn.

His sister wordlessly picked up a stack of papers, ignoring him, carrying them to his mother who again quietly placed them on his shelf. 

“Mum, please” He groaned, stepping over the clutter and walking towards them. “I’ll clean them-,”

The sound of something heavy falling upon the ground resonated through the quietness of the house. He looked up only to see that his sister had angrily thrown a book on the ground. When she faced him, she looked grim, her eyes widened, eyes rimmed red. “What happened in this house, Sung Gyu? What the hell is going on with you?” She exclaimed, rested a hand on her waist while the other swept the mess of her hair.

“Every time I walk into this house, it looks like a ing storm had rolled in. Is this really how you live-?”

“You must have seen the news today,” Sung Gyu interrupted her tiredly. He didn’t have a lot of time to spend entertaining them, arguing with her. He had a long day coming up, and he needed his sleep. 

jieun grabbed her head and sat down on a chair nearby. His mother stood up and approached him. She took his hands, both of them, in hers. Naturally she felt the scars and bruises on his knuckles, her concerned gaze fell on him.

 “What happened?” She asked him.

“Yes what the hell happened, Sung Gyu?” Jieun screamed in response. “How do you think we felt when that old man said that about you on national TV? How do you think we felt when he heard that they'd dragged you again into some idiot politicians mess? How do you think we felt?”

Sung Gyu was sleepy and tired and had simply too much going on that he didn’t want to answer to her, but it was even worse that he knew how exactly they felt about it, about all of it; just like he knew how they felt about his failed marriage and he’d been right.

“Embarrassed?” He suggested, raising his brows. “Ashamed?”

“Worried!” His sister exclaimed, rendering him speechless. “We were so worried sick because we, you parents, your sister did not know that what on earth is going on in your life and all of a sudden, we hear that you’re being investigated? On the TV?”

He let out a heavy sigh and sat down on the coffee table where his half eaten apple still remained, yellowing and cold. 

“We thought you were doing well, Sung Gyu, we thought you were happy” Jieun went on in an angry, tearful voice. “You had finally divorced that woman and you had found this nice and lovely girlfriend and...and mum and I were-,”

The fact that his family were convinced by his and Hyerim’s act had completely left his mind by then that being reminded of it only left a heavy weight in his heart. He shouldn’t have even let that happen; his rash actions had only given her the leeway and-,

“She is not my girlfriend” Sung Gyu admitted, interrupting her. He lifted his head and met her eyes. Jieun looked shocked, and if anything, heartbroken.

“What?” Jieun stammered, meeting his mother’s eyes.

“But Jieunnie said you met her?” His mother asked cautiously. “She said that you invited this girl in and she met the kids as well”

He pressed both his hands to his eyes. He was shaking. “I lied,” Sung Gyu replied. “Jung Hyerim...she...she isn’t my girlfriend” He swallowed the thick knot forming in his throat. “She’s...an NIS officer and she’d been working on the case that judge Ryu was talking about today”

There were tears spilling upon his mother’s cheeks, and he felt like for lying to her. “What case?” She wanted to know.

“What the hell has been going on?” Jieun repeated tiredly for the umpeteenth time.

He took a deep breath and took the difficult task of admitting the truth. “Mum, noona, I’m being investigated for inside fraud that happened in the court eight years ago”

There was shocked silence on their part. When he scanned their faces, he could see only tear filled eyes, the shock, the concern. A part of him felt terrible for keeping that from them, and another part was fearful for what would come next.

“There was a case…” He continued, not meeting their eyes, only watching his hands as they fidgeted with each other. “I-I helped Yeri’s mother as a favour by just looking into it, and the judgement was manipulated because of false evidence and witness statements; a girl who was harassed by an executive lost her job, the executive, the abuser was acquitted. Judge Ryu was the presiding judge of that case...and-and he was the one who did all of this. But he’d been planning everything in the way that I would be framed for it, for manipulating the evidence and the witness statements so he could run for his appointment at the supreme court”

He finally lifted his head and looked at either of them. His mother hung her head as she held Jieun’s hand, and Jieun was quietly staring at him.

“And this...this has been happening this whole time? And we never knew?” She asked in the end in a husky voice. Sung Gyu said nothing in response.

“Is that why Yeri left?”

He shook his head. “She left way before this”

“But she is a part of this”

Sung Gyu looked away. He was tired of thinking about it now; thinking about Yeri, her parents, prosecutor Lee, all of it. “I can’t blame her” He told them in a quiet voice. “It was me who did it for them”

“Why did you?”

He stayed silent.

“Why, didn’t you know that it was wrong? Or did you want to intentionally get into trouble for some stupid, nonesensical reason-,”

“Noona, why are you here anyway?” Sung Gyu hit back, now exhausted from her antics. “It happened, now I’m the one in trouble, what does it matter to you anyway? I did it, now I’ll deal with it, so please-,”

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter?” Jieun cried in response. “We’ve been trying to reach you for hours, calling and calling you on every number we knew. You wouldn’t answer your phone, you wouldn’t reply to our messages, and mum, poor mum traveled all the way from Jeonju in the middle of the night, dead scared that something must have happened to you. You’ve said nothing to the media, nobody knows anything about this. What the hell were we supposed to do?”

Sung Gyu knew that, at the end of this, all the blame would be on him. That’s how Jieun and his parents were. We’re hurt because of what you did, you should have been more careful because we’re worried, we find this concern a burden. He should be careful, he should be considerate for he ended up hurting them, not because he ended up hurting himself. Sung Gyu as a person, as a son, as a brother had never mattered to them. And frankly, he was tired of it. 

He took a sharp breath and turned to her. “Well I’m sorry that you had to go through all that trouble to reach me, noona but the last thing I need right now is hearing what all of you have to say. I’m smack dab in the middle of a crisis, I have been this whole time but you didn’t care all this while; as soon as it's all over the news, you climb on your high horses and come down here at 2 am to tell me how I’ve hurt you with all that happened!”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jieun returned. “Sung Gyu it was you who never told us anything, it was you who lied!”

“Well, if I told you the truth, would you even care?” he asked her in return. “If anything, i’m pretty sure that you all probably think that I did do it, and I’m frankly not even bothered to change your mind”

“Did I say that you did?”

“Even if you didn’t, I know what you think!”

“Enough! Both of you!” Came his mothers voice, all of a sudden, silencing them both. Hers was just a quiet cry, echoing, still, in the silence of the house. Momo, who’d been sleeping in the bathroom the entire time finally emerged from the dark, stretching her chubby arms. Sung Gyu watched her in silence, the sound of his own breath in his ears. Jieun was quiet too. Yet she stood up, her hands on her waist; she walked over to the french windows overlooking the vast city beyond and parted the curtain, allowing the shine of the city inside.

Sung Gyu’s mother climbed up on her feet and took the space beside him on the sofa. He remained quiet, still, looking away, even as she took his wounded hand.

“Does it hurt?” She asked him quietly, and he flinched when she touched; it had turned white and somewhat revolting after having been in water for too long.

“Did you get it treated?”

“I did,” He lied.

His mother gave him a sharp look before she climbed up on her feet and walked out of the living room. He knew where she was headed to. The last time she came over, Yeri wasn’t at home and he’d tried to cook for them. He ended up burning his hand, very badly so, on a stone pot and upon finding out that they didn’t keep a proper first aid kit at home (When he was still married to Yeri, she certainly did, but after she left and they lived separately, he never really bothered) his mother had specifically sent one for him which he’d kept in a kitchen cabinet. While their mother was away, the two siblings remained quiet, wrapped up in their own thoughts. That was only for a while, as Jieun found the energy to talk to him again. 

“Do you remember that one time when this man tried to touch me in the bus, and you beat him up?” She asked him, her voice quieter now as she reminisced a memory that he had no recollection of. She turned to him, approached him and sat down on the sofa, pushing a pile of papers aside. “You must have been around fifteen at that time, I think...I was in college back then. You hit this guy so badly that they wanted to sue you, and we ended up at the police station; he had a bleeding nose, you were really small and skinny back then, even your hand turned blue. Mum and dad had to come to the police to settle things...dad was so pissed, as usual”

He scoffed, Jieun glanced at him and smiled.

“They asked you why you did that; and do you remember what you told them?”

Sung Gyu merely shook his head, for he had not a semblance of a memory of that time.

“He asked for it”

Sung Gyu glanced at his sister, she glanced at him. He met her eyes, and he couldn’t hold it in. Sung Gyu snorted, Jieun laughed. He couldn’t, for the life of him, remember anything like that happen, but he could safely say that it was a possibility, because teenaged Sung Gyu lived his life like he was indispensable. He didn’t know when that had changed, but back then, that was a life.

“I know that you would never do something like that, Sung Gyu, you would never do” Jieun told him in the end. His mother returned from the kitchen, carrying the medicine along with her. She sat down besides him, took his hand and applied the ointment as he watched her.

“When you were younger, mum and I knew that you were going to end up in a legal position...we just knew” Jieun went on. “You had a way with words, you had a strong sense of justice; you knew what you were doing….you were talented in that way”

“You father believed so too” His mother put in as she concentrated on dressing his wound. “He’s...really proud of you. But he never says that in words. I know that the way he raised you was not right. He should have done better; he shouldn’t have expected you to be like himself”

“You’re more like mum,” Jieun said with a chuckle. “Right mum?”

“He sure is” His mother laughed as she finished wrapping his hand with bandages. He hadn’t been so pampered and loved by his mother and sister in years. When he was much younger, things were different. Although he and his sister fought a lot, she also used to call him her baby and she took him to wherever she went, bought food for him, played with him. Things certainly changed with age, and after they grew older, he was no longer their baby. In fact, they hardly even saw each other. They did come to see him once in a while, his mother would cook and he would join in, and they’d help him around the house when Yeri wasn’t around. When she was, the girls spent time together while he was mostly by himself. But he and Jieun fought and argued a lot, he said a lot of hurtful things to his parents, his sister. There had hardly ever been a time where their encounters ended on a positive note.

Perhaps until today. 

“Sung Gyu-yah…” His mother called him afterwards as he held his wounded hand in hers. She looked up, her met her eyes. She reached out and fixed his damp mop of hair, looking concerned. “Do you remember Youngmin? Your classmate from school?”

He did remember, only vaguely. The reason why he remembered him was that he’d met Youngmin a couple of times in Seoul as he worked here, he was there for his wedding as well, but afterwards, they couldn’t really keep in touch.

“What about him?” He prompted on. His mother pursed her lips and lowered her head. It was Jieun who spoke afterwards.

“Sung Gyu, Youngmin...he...we got to hear recently from his mother….and he had apparently killed himself”

Sung Gyu’s heart stopped for awhile. Youngmin was an SNU graduate, he had a good job, a high salary, he was an all around happy person; it just didn’t make any sense.

“Youngmin?” He reiterated, baffled by this new finding. “But why?”

“Something had happened at his workplace” His mother went on, still holding his hand. “It’s been really tough on him”

“He’d been framed for money laundering” Jieun filled in for him. “A large amount. It’s been done through his own account, all the evidence was pointed at him...he hadn’t done it, but he was framed. Got sent to prison; two days...and they’d found him…” She trailed off then, her eyes turned away. The similarity of their situations had his heart pounding. Sung Gyu wasn’t a very strong person himself, nor was he as happy and bright as Youngmin was. He’d survived this far, but the fact that Youngmin couldn’t? It really shook him to the core. 

“He was so young…” Sung Gyu’s mother went on in a quiet voice. “Still thirty six, with his whole life ahead of him…the law of this country is horrendous Sung Gyu. The good people are never safe, no matter how powerful they could be”

He had his head lowered, heart heavy as he watched his mother rubbing both his hand in hers. His mother was the emotional type, like she said, much like himself. His sister had little of it, but she was strong, she could pick herself up and move on like nothing had happened, unlike himself. Sung Gyu could remember a few occasions that his mother had been like this; hugging him, holding him, crying. She wasn’t perfect, she had her own little perks. She didn’t know when to say the right thing, when not to say the wrong. After all, she’d become a mother only after they were born, he couldn’t blame her for that. But she’d cared about him. She sure had, and perhaps it was only him who hadn’t thought of this all along.

“Mum was really upset after she heard about Youngmin” Jieun continued after a while. “She’d had...bad dreams about you, she’d had worries; so much of it. She told me several times to call you, to check up on you...the last time you saw her, she’d come here just to see you because she was worried so much after the divorce…”

Sung Gyu took a deep breath, his heart constricting. He turned to her, “I’m fine mum...I’m alright” He told her as reassuringly as he could.

“I wish you never grew up...both of you” She told him with a painful smile. “It was much simpler when you were young. But now I don’t even know what’s happening. I can’t get through to you, I can hardly see you…”

“Mum…”

“She’d taken the but by herself in the evening today” Jieun continued quietly. “Then we tried to reach you so many times, we called your office; nothing. We tried to call Yeri who said she couldn’t reach you as well, and I tried to convince mum that we’d visit you tomorrow, but she woke up in the middle of the night crying and wanting to see you…”

“I’m sorry” Sung Gyu replied, swallowing thickly. “I...I accidentally left my phone behind, and I-”

“It’s okay” His mother told him, shaking her head. He glanced down at her, she reached out and took his face in her hand. “Sung Gyu….just talk to me once in awhile. It’s okay if you can’t see me, but talk to me so I know that you’re doing alright”

“And Sung Gyu…” Jieun called him as well, and he turned to her. “We trust you. Me, mum, dad...we know that you’d never do anything like that. But in this field, it's always the good people who are at the disadvantage. You can’t be someone with power and a good person all at once...things like this would happen….it's not fair, it's not right. But sometimes they do, and it's not your fault...we all understand that”

“But dad would probably kill me” He told her in all honesty. His mother and sister had always been softer for him, but his father never even thought of him as his own child.

“Dad...is just as worried as mum and I are. He’d been talking to me too, telling me to check up on you-,”

Sung Gyu raised his brows. “He did?”

Jieun let out a heavy sigh. “He might act like a monster, sometimes. But you’re still his son, Sung Gyu. You’re still his child…”

Sung Gyu could say nothing in response after that as guilt settled heavily in his heart. The truth was, he just never knew anything, never knew any of this. Just like he’d been wrong about Yeri, he could have been wrong about his family too.

Silence fell among them afterwards, which continued on for the longest time. He didn’t feel how tired and sleepy he was until a heavy yawn came to him, which he’d released loudly, without shame, making his mother laugh with a playful slap on his arm. He too laughed in embarrassment, so did Jieun who let out a large yawn as well. Then Momo woke up from her soundly nap among a bunch of stray papers on the floor. All three of them watched her as she yawned and stretched and rolled into a cinnamon bun again.

“You’re fat, Momo,” Jieun called.

“Because her dad feeds her well” Sung Gyu replied, but even as he did, he let out another yawn, his eyes teary and drooping. “I think we should go to sleep,” He told them.

“You must have had a long day,” Jieun said.

“I did,” He sighed. Silence, and he climbed up on his feet. “Um, the...the prosecutor’s team came on a search warrant today, that’s why it's a mess here, so both the rooms are pretty messy too but you can have the master bedroom, I’ll take the guest”

“Anywhere is fine'' His mother tiredly replied. She came to him then and held him in her warm embrace. “Have a good rest, Sung Gyu...you will be fine”

“I...I will be” He held her back, closed his eyes and leaned his face against her shoulder. “I promise”

Sung Gyu barely had a good sleep before he woke up the next morning to the sound of his phone ringing. For the whole morning then, he was mostly on his phone, talking to his staff, to Dong Woo, to everyone who’d been contacting him about the incidents yesterday, everyone whom he couldn’t get back to. He had a quick bath, dressed up, put on a matching tie in emphasis as he spoke on the phone all the while. He walked out into the kitchen and was surprised for a moment to see it occupied. It took a while for it to occur to him that his mother and sister had stayed over. They’d cooked a storm for breakfast for him; rice and soup and all that lot he’d hardly had for breakfast. His mother fussed around telling him that he just didn’t eat enough, Jieun asked him to do his hair better and walk out there carrying his head held high. They were all good advices that he wished he could keep up with, but the morning had turned up to be busier than he imagined, so much so that his secretary called and said that they had to start early so she’d come with two cars, one of them for her and himself so they could do the rest of the planning.

“How are things?'' Jieun asked him in his brief window off the phone. He stuffed his face as much as he could while Jieun carried the cat in her arms like a baby.

“Hectic” He gasped and nearly choked when his phone rang again. 

“Eat slowly, Sung Gyu” His mother said, sounding concerned, but that was simply not a something he could entertain at that moment. He spoke and listened in between sips of soup, only had a half of his rice, grabbed his things and went for the door as soon as his doorbell rang. It was his chief of staff, it had to be as he’d just told him he’d be up in a moment to usher him out, just in case. But when Sung Gyu did go to the door, opening it in a hurry, already speaking to him, he was surprised to find someone unexpected instead. 

Jung Hyerim was standing at his doorstep at 7 in the morning, looking as breathtaking as ever. His heart stopped, naturally, and all the memories from the previous day came surging back to him.

“Hi” She smiled.

“Uh-Hi” He awkwardly replied.

“Are you going out already?”

“Y-yeah” He nodded, swallowed thickly and looked out of the door, searching for the guards. “ My men should be here any moment”

“Do you have a minute to speak?”

He couldn’t breathe for a second as he glanced down at her worriedly. 

“It’s nothing weird” She said, pushing past him into the house, and even as he tried to warn her, she didn’t heed; not until she realised what she’d intruded into.

“Oh um...it’s Sung Gyu-Ssi’s noona...and mother…” Hyerim paused for a moment, glanced at him and he sighed. She immediately came to and bowed them in greeting. His mother looked at Hyerim, back at himself and her eyes filled up. He understood what that meant. She’d thought they were together, she’d thought they were happy, while the truth was something else entirely.

“Look Hye-I mean-officer Jung” He stammered and cleared his throat. “What...what did you want to talk about?”

She glanced at him, then at his mother and his sister. He heaved a sigh. “They know”

“Okay” She nodded, turned to him and met his eyes. “I’ve been trying to contact the victim Kim Doyeon for a while...she lives in Daegu, in a smaller village there. She finally got back to me last night”

Whenever she’d mention last night, even in a completely unrelated context, he felt like he was about to combust.

“Right” He nodded. “What did she say?”

“I didn’t say that I was related to this case or anything...just asked if I could meet her. She agreed”

“Meet her?” Sung Gyu echoed. “In Daegu?”

Hyerim nodded. “I will go down there tomorrow”

“You’re not working on the case anymore” He reminded her, albeit sternly.

“It’s not completely related to the case, is it? I’m just meeting her and-,”

Just at the exact moment, a knock sounded on his open door and his phone rang. It was his cue to leave. His chief of staff was by the entrance, firmly looking at him.

“Sir, we should leave,” He said.

He nodded at him and turned back to Hyerim. “Don’t do anything for now, I’ll talk to you later”

Hyerim only nodded in return. As he turned to leave, she called him again. He turned back to her, his heart heavy, and Hyerim gave him the warmest smile. “Good luck for today”

“Thank you..” He muttered in response, fighting his urge to hug her one last time before he turned to his mother and sister, eagerly waiting for him to greet them before he left.

“Keep your head high, Sung Gyu. He asked for it” Jieun cheered, recalling his infamous line, making him smile. His mother rounded the kitchen and approached him. She fixed his coat hurriedly, the knot of his tie and touched his face lightly. “Take care of yourself, hm?”

Sung Gyu nodded, reached down and kissed her on her cheek. “I will”