Formal investigations began as soon as he very next day; and he was informed of this when his secretary was contacted by the prosecutor in charge of the investigation while he was away. Despite the possible criminal charges, he was still very well loved by a large part of the general public, the ones that found him attractive, the ones who’d hadn’t seen fault in him, so he often got invited to occasions outside of his work as well. That morning, he had an opening of a law firm to attend to. He hadn’t known the partners of the firm before, although they did mention that they were in law school together. The firm was in the top most floor of a high class commercial building, overlooking the entire city which appeared to him a large meticulously built building blocks. A town of plastic structures, stacked and put together to create a world altogether. From where he stood, one would feel like they were standing on the top of the world although he was in the rock bottom of his life.

Sung Gyu didn’t stay long at the opening as he had other engagements to attend to. He chatted with the partners for a while, who had endless questions about his new appointment. How was his work, did he find it stressful, how was it like working with Minister Baek, the chief minister of the legislature? Was he going to run for the election again? To all of it, he answered as briefly as politely as he could, smiling cordially although, deep inside he didn’t despise anything more. The past few days he’d spent regretting every single choice he’d made in life; starting from moving to Seoul, entering law school, scoring high in the Bars, his appointment as a judge, meeting and believing Ryu Wonho, doing anything to survive in Yeri’s tight social circle including putting his own career into jeopardy. There were choices that he could have made differently, there were points where he could have turned his life around. What had he done instead? He had done the wrong thing while knowing very clearly that they were wrong.

Sung Gyu had only returned to his car when his secretary informed him; he’d been contacted by a prosecutor, namely Lee Howon, who’d informed her of their meeting later in the day. It hit him like a blunt rubber bullet, hard on his skin and bouncing away. He had thought that things couldn’t get any worse than they were. But they certainly had. It was as if all the stars were aligning to bring him nothing but misfortune. Sung Gyu knew Lee Howon. Sung Gyu knew him very well. 

Lee Howon was Dong Woo’s closest friend; his very best friend. If Sung Gyu was his long time friend, Howon was Dong Woo’s partner in crime. He hadn’t acquainted Howon much in his life, a few times in the passing, perhaps, and shared a few drinks. But Dong Woo and Howon used to be together almost all the time. Sung Gyu and Dong Woo met back in college and went their journey together up until the Bar exams while Dong Woo had known Howon his entire life. The Bar exam  was their biggest hurdle; in their profession and their lives. Sung Gyu passed, Dong Woo didn’t. Howon had already chosen his own path in the legal profession at that time. When Dong Woo fell to his rock bottom at that point, it was Sung Gyu who stayed by his side supporting him, helping  him get back on his feet and take a different path in the legal field altogether. Dong Woo and Howon had pretty much drifted ways by then. But he never knew, for Dong Woo and Howon were pretty much a mystery as Dong Woo was not the type of friend to let on on what he felt. What Sung Gyu did know, however, was that Howon never attended Dong Woo’s wedding or his father’s funeral. And now, Dong Woo, his lawyer and best friend would have to face off his long lost best friend in the court, all because of him.

That afternoon, he had made plans to meet with Dong Woo. He could have made a different decision on selecting his legal representative. Had he known that it would be Howon, the prosecutor of the case, he would never have done that to Dong Woo as well. But had he done so, he’d have broken Dong Woo’s heart in return. Dong Woo had a complex when it came down to continuing his career in the legal profession; he had his self doubts and insecurities which largely raised when he was unable to make it through the Bars, and that was the reason why that, with most things related to law in Sung Gyu’s life, it was Dong Woo or someone in Dong Woo’s firm that he reached out to. Had he not chosen Dong Woo to represent him in the biggest legal battle of his life, Sung Gyu would break his heart. Dong Woo would wonder if Sung Gyu hadn’t trusted him enough to defend him, therefore, although Sung Gyu had million worries in choosing him for this task, he had to pick him. He had no other way. 

Dong Woo, as always was there in the place they’d planned to meet way ahead of time. He didn’t want to meet him at the firm itself as it was a rather sensitive matter, and Dong Woo understood him. He was his usual bubbly self, greeting him warmly and they spent the first few minutes of their appointment catching up on each other's lives. Sung Gyu was still deeply anxious even in his rather bright and comfortable presence. How would he take it? The thought kept bugging him. How would he feel about Sung Gyu after knowing why he’d met him? Would he still want to talk brightly and happily like he used to.

“So Hyung” Dong Woo started, finally moving on to the purpose of their meeting. “What was it that you wanted to talk about?”

A waitress appeared with their respective drinks; iced americanos for both of them, and Sung Gyu had a large gulp of his own in hopes it would ease the tension. Afterwards, he leaned forward on the table between them, his arms laid across and hands fidgeting with each other. He took a deep breath and met Dong Woo’s eyes. “Dong Woo, I’m being investigated for inside fraud at the court from eight years ago”

Dong Woo’s reaction, as expected, was quietness. He set his glass down and stared at Sung Gyu for a long time. He thought Dong Woo would pick himself up and leave then, or tell that he was disappointed in him. But none of that happened. Instead, he said; “Hyung, you didn’t do it”

Dong Woo didn’t even know what he’d done. He had no idea. But he didn’t even budge. What he’d done for Dong Woo to trust him to that extent was beyond him; and that, somehow, made his eyes warm.

“Dong Woo, I did do it. I helped a judgement to be manipulated, I let a offender walk free”

Dong Woo, for some reason, was still refusing to believe him. “I wouldn’t take it until I hear the full story” he told him in return. “And then, I’m going to help you, Hyung. I am going to do everything I can”

Sung Gyu pursed his lips and nodded in return. At this point, Sung Gyu had gone through so much that he didn’t care whatever would happen to him. What did worry him however was the people that he cared about getting hurt by his wrong doings in the process and losing the people that he loved. Dong Woo was a friend too precious for him that he couldn’t bear to take a risk to lose. But by then he had proved to him that perhaps,  Sung Gyu wouldn’t lose him at all.

So he did tell Dong Woo everything that had happened so far in the case. He tried to be as impartial as possible, especially since Yeri was someone that they both still cared about and he didn’t want to put her at fault. Dong Woo listened to everything closely, attentively. At the end of it all, he still stood firm with his claim. Sung Gyu didn’t do it.

“But I did” Sung Gyu tried to reason out to him. “I might not have passed the judgement or tamper with evidence and witness statements. But I did play a part, and-,”

“Hyung…” Dong Woo started in a quiet, soothing tone. “In this, we have to look at it in a different way. You’re being too harsh on yourself right now. You need to be resilient with the truth and convincing about it. Before you could convince the judges, you need to be able to convince yourself. You didn’t pass the judgement. Somebody else did. What you did do was wrong, but what you’re being accused of is not what you have done”

The next few minutes, they spent what their next moves would be. Sung Gyu couldn’t have Hyerim supporting him on his side as it could affect her badly; he was the culprit, he was the defendant. Hyerim’s job was not finding evidence that would prove his innocence. Her job was to find evidence to prove whoever who was the criminal was as guilty, no matter whether it was him or not. So it was Dong Woo who had to find evidence that could defend him from the accusation. For that, they needed to know what their opponent would be doing as well; in this case, the prosecution.

“Do you know who the prosecutor would be?” Dong Woo asked him the next question that he dreaded the most. He nodded, stared at his hands which he fidgeted so much that his thumbs have turned red. Sung Gyu couldn’t meet his eyes. “Lee Howon”

On Dong Woo’s side, yet again, silence.  Sung Gyu closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew how Dong woo felt about Howon although he’d never let on. He was desperate to get back together with him, pick up from where they stopped. Dong Woo had never told him any of this explicitly; that was just how he was. He’d mention Howon in the passing. ‘This is the restaurant Howon and I come to all the time. Howon loved this drink. Howon and I went there last summer’. Sung Gyu knew just how precious their friendship was for him, and how badly the loss of it affected him although he’s always been smiles and laughs about it. Now, being the one to bring them together again in the worst possible way, Sung Gyu felt like the devil’s advocate. The worst friend in the world.

“Look, Dong Woo-yah” He started in the end, his eyes closed tight as he made up his mind. “I-I didn’t know who the prosecution would be when I called you...I’m really sorry. But I don’t think it’s right for me to...do this to you”

“Do what?” Dong Woo asked, and Sung Gyu dared to lift his head.

 “To have you go against him in the court” He said, putting it in the nicest way that he could.

A moment of silence, and “Hyung” He called him. Sung Gyu looked up. Dong Woo reached out and patted him on his arm. “You’ve always been too hard on yourself. You always think too much, worry too much, do things to please people….and I really hope you’d stop for once and do something for yourself” 

Sung Gyu blinked in response. “What do you mean?”

“What I mean is…” Dong Woo let out a heavy sigh. “Howon and I were friends, but then we grew up and grew apart. Life has moved on since then...when we’re meeting again, we meet as professionals. And my job is to defend you; I care about nothing else”

“I’m sorry” Sung Gyu apologised to him anyway. In fact, he’d wanted to apologise to every single person who had tolerated and existed around him all this time. To his secretary, to his staff, to his minister, to anyone he worked with, to Dong Woo, to Yeru, and most importantly to Jung Hyerim. His life was a complete mess; it felt even worse to be the one dragging the others into it as well.

“Ah Hyung, stop apologising” Dong Woo returned with a laughter. “You did nothing wrong to anyone. You were just put into a very bad position; let's try to get you out of it, okay?”

They continued to talk about the proceedings of the case afterwards, and gave contacts of Nam Woohyun as well as he was the investigator in charge of the case. Dong Woo would meet him later in the day after Sung Gyu did after his meeting with Dong Woo. As it was still the start, they hadn’t a lot to talk about. He told him everything that he knew; then about the injustice that he felt. Sung Gyu who hadn’t had a single parking ticket, who hadn’t run a single red light, who hadn’t stolen not even a pencil from someone unasked was being investigated for inside fraud. for Dong Woo, in his exact words; ‘Nothing about it made sense’

But the reality was, that indeed did make sense, as Sung Gyu was every bit as responsible for what happened to him just as much as Ryu Wonho was. He brought it upon himself, now it was his task to get out of it.

“Right, hyung” Dong Woo grunted at the end of their meeting and climbed up on his feet. “I will start working on it today itself, and we will do as we discussed...for now, stay confident with your innocence. Let's do everything that we can”

Dong Woo really had a way with words, he was someone way ahead of himself in every sense; strong, wise, optimistic. He was perhaps the exact opposite of Sung Gyu himself, and that made him the exact person he needed in his life right then.

“Thank you, Dong Woo-yah” Sung Gyu told him as he held him in a long hug. “And again, I’m sorry”

“Don’t apologise Hyung” Dong Woo replied, moving away. “I will get back to you tonight with how things went...and call me if anything”

“Okay” He nodded in return.

“And Hyung?”

“Hm?”

There was a beat of silence as Dong Woo pulled on his jacket. “I’m sorry as well”

He raised his brows, perplexed. “What for?”

Dong Woo let out a sigh and gave him an apologetic smiled. “I didn’t tell you before...but there is someone who wanted to meet you”

By the tone of his voice and the fact that he apologised, Sung Gyu had a fair idea who he was referring to; and it was just the last thing he needed right now.

Since the last time he met her, Sung Gyu hadn’t thought he would meet Yeri again. Their last meeting hadn’t gone that bad nor all that well either. But whenever he thought about how he’d gotten in this mess because of her in the first place, Sung Gyu couldn’t help the agitation that he felt. It was his own fault, he knew this, he understood. But Sung Gyu also didn’t think, since all was said and done, they had any more to talk about and had any other reason to meet again. 

But as it appeared, not both of them felt the same.

Almost as soon as Dong Woo left the outdoor cafe, he could see Yeri approaching from a distance; and to where he sat he could already see how she was glowing. She’d certainly been happier since their divorce; brighter, prettier too perhaps, and Sung Gyu didn’t know what he felt about it. She approached him in short strides, and Sung Gyu tried to smile although it wasn’t coming to him naturally as his agitation would. She sat down in the place that Dong Woo was earlier; Sung Gyu was already impatient for their meeting to end.

“How have you been?” SHe asked him in a quiet voice. He’d thought she’d be able to tell judging by his unshaved face and messy hair, but still he replied. “Not very good”

“I see” She sighed and lowered her head. “Well, I’m sorry...that you had to go through this”

“It’s fine” He replied and had a long drink of his Americano. Then he glanced at her. “Shall I get something for you? What would you like?”

He was already moving to stand up and grab something for her, but Yeri reached out and caught his sleeve.

“No, um…” She wasn’t meeting his eyes as she shook her head. “I-I didn’t come to stay for long...I have somewhere to be”

He remained quiet as he glanced down at her. When she laid a hand on her stomach and gave him a shy, apologetic look, Sung Gyu already knew. Something shifted inside him; something strong. Sung Gyu fell back to his seat.

“I didn’t think we would meet each other again,” He told her.

“I didn’t think you’d think like that” She replied, albeit perhaps a little sadly. “I know that we didn’t end in the best terms...but that shouldn’t stop us from being friends, at least”

Sung Gyu, in all honesty, didn’t think he had the same sentiment about their relationship. “Anyway, what brings you here today?” He looked up at her as he changed the subject. Sung Gyu was never one for small conversations.

She was quiet for a while, her eyes set on her hands. There was something unreadable about her expression which was equally uncertain and terrifying. It was the expression, as he could clearly remember, that she’d had when she told him that she wanted a divorce. It was the same expression that she’d had when they’d talked about having children before then. It was an expression that he found traumatic, heartbreaking. It's an expression that he hated to see. 

“I heard about it...actually, about what happened” Yeri vaguely replied. She appeared uncomfortable, if anything. But Sung Gyu was unsure what she was talking about.

“Heard about what?” He pushed on.

“About…” She hesitated and cleared . “What-what happened with the Belle Vie case. That you were….you know, the accusations and all that”

Nothing about the formal investigation had been released to the press yet, and he’d told Dong Woo about it only now. So far, the only people who knew about the latest developments were the investigators involved in it and the prosecution. Therefore, how Yeri must have heard anything about it was simply beyond him.

But then, she provided him the answers.

“Howon-Ssi told me'' She replied before he could even ask her. He stared at her as something uncomfortable settled in the pit of his stomach. It was as if he already knew what it meant but didn’t at the same time; a hunch, something quite foreboding. It was the way that the name rolled out of her lips, it's the way that her ears turned crimson, pupils dilated. Sung Gyu had known Yeri for so many years to understand exactly what that meant.

Yet, he also did not want to know.

“Yeri-,” He started, but she beat it to him.

“Sung Gyu, Howon-Ssi….he’s-well, he’s the person that I am engaged to…”

The words fell upon him like a heavy boulder, crushing him underneath. Just when he’d thought things couldn’t get any worse, just when he’d thought Dong Woo and Howon debacle was the last of it. Sung Gyu wasn’t sure how he was supposed to digest that piece of information, or if he even could, at all. What he felt at that moment...was numb for a while, then it shifted into something dark, something foreboding. He knew that he shouldn’t hurt her. But knowing it, he actually wanted to.

He hadn’t expected that impression to come from him; but Sung Gyu ended up breaking into angry, painful hysterics.

“Are you kidding me right now, Yeri?” He asked her, and when her eyes fell upon his own, and when he saw the sheer gravity within them, his heart fell through the floor. He became desperate. “Please tell me that it isn’t true”

“Sung Gyu, I didn’t know it will take this turn and I definitely-,”

He didn’t know what he felt the strongest at that time; if it was anger, if it was pain. Whatever he did feel, it was relentless like a storm.

“What? That your ex-husband would become a criminal?” Sung Gyu hit back then, and he saw how her eyes filled with moist. 

“You know that’s not what I meant,” She said. 

“You must be thinking that you dodged a bullet, don’t you, Yeri?” Sung Gyu went on, his voice lower; darker. He hadn’t felt this amount of pain and resentment ever in his life. Perhaps he was slowly succumbing to it, becoming a different person altogether.

“When did I even say anything like that, Sung Gyu?”

“Oh you didn’t” He laughed. “But you did find time to come here and tell me that you’re getting married to the man who’s about to send me to jail”

It didn’t feel solid and real until he’d said it out himself. This ugly, horrendous twist of fate. He was about to be sent to jail by the man who married the very woman who’d put him into this place. Yeri had no reason to act like the victim now, because it was him, above everyone else, who was being dragged and beaten the worse by everything that had happened.

“That is not the reason why I came here” She sternly responded. 

“Then what?” He leaned back on his chair and folded his arms on his chest. He attempted to act cool and poised before her, although inside, he was shaking. 

“Howon believes that you are innocent, so do I, so does my mother, so Mother and I are willing to testify for you”

The mother and the daughter who put him in this mess and forgot about it were about to testify for him. For Sung Gyu, in all honesty, nothing sounded more ridiculous. Although everyone believed that he had done no wrong, the very truth was that he had. It might not be the exact wrong he was being accused of, but being an accomplice itself put him in that place, and nothing could prove his innocence now; not even them coming and testifying, which would perhaps make things even worse. 

“And what good would it do?” He asked her. Yeri fell quiet as she stared at him, her eyes filled with moist. Sung Gyu heaved a heavy sigh and leaned forward on the table towards her. 

“Yeri, I am a criminal. I let a offender walk out free. Now I’m suffering the consequences of my own actions which, frankly, I had no choice but take if I needed to still remain married to you and be a good husband. I’d done that, and there’s nothing that either of us gained. Now your new husband is about to toss the husband that you left into jail for doing a crime as a favour for your mother and you...I don’t know how you feel about that, but for me, its pretty ing messed up, so I’d rather if you stay away from this and stay away from me now”

Sung Gyu had always known Yeri as a resilient woman. She would easily break down and there were many instances where she did, where he had stepped in and taken up the responsibility of comforting her. But he’d never seen anyone pick themselves up and pull themselves together in the manner that Song Yeri was able to. Even then, even as he’d certainly broken her heart, Yeri wasn’t one to budge.

“Sung Gyu, I’m not the villain here; nor is it Howon, nor is it you”

Her voice was cool and poised, shaking only in the odd moments, and Sung Gyu had no strength to respond. Neither did she leave him the space either.

“You would act on your impulses like you always did, you would be led by your emotions; because that’s just who you are, and that cannot be changed. But in this, we can’t let Ryu Wonho get away with what he did and what he is doing now. I understand it, so does Howon. He has no choice but to do his job right now. But we would do what we should to bring the right person to justice. Right now, it’s not only about you”

He groaned, cursing under his breath. His head was pounding, heart heavy, his world spinning around. Far too many things had happened to him all at once and there was only so much that he could bear on his own until it all crushed him underneath and the pressure ripped him apart once and for all. Myriad times he had wondered the possibility of giving up, let time take its course and accept his fate how it comes. Myriad times he’d considered even brutal alternatives where he’d take all this pressure and this burden along with him and disappear from the face of the earth. Perhaps, one of these solutions were more ideal than the other; perhaps both of these solutions were more ideal than continuing to fight the way that they were doing right now.

“It’s tough...isn’t it?” Yeri’s voice floated towards him, a little gentler at that moment. Sung Gyu, for a moment, felt like he was about to break into tears. But then he realised that it left her no right to ask him this, because being with her and marrying her had put him here in the first place. 

“And it must be easier for you, isn’t it?” He returned before he could stop himself. “Now that you’ve dropped the bad husband for the good one?”

He wasn’t mistaken when Yeri sobbed loudly, pressed a napkin against her lips. “You were never a bad husband, Sung Gyu”

“But I am now” He pointed out to her. “I’m a shame, I’m a criminal”

“You’re a good person” Yeri shook her head. “The reason why we didn’t work out had nothing to do with you”

Sung Gyu remained quiet, his head lowered and eyes set on his hands.

“I’m sorry for doing this to you...putting you in this place. You deserve so much better than this”

He fidgeted with his fingers harder and harder until the pained and turned red. Yet he didn’t say another word.

“And if there’s anything-,”

Sung Gyu thought long and hard about it; for a while, he could think of nothing else. The first time he realised that they could no longer be together, the first time he realised that Yeri had given up trying. When he’d seen her walk down the aisle, so beautiful, so happy, why he hadn’t felt the same excitement that he’d felt when he first fell in love with her; he’d thought so much about it, and when nothing gave him an answer, he blamed it on her.

So this once, he wanted to know.

“Then why didn’t we work out, Yeri?” he lifted his head and asked her. They never spoke about it; he realised. They only accepted that they were over, they tried to keep together something that had already fallen apart until there was nothing left to protect.

Yeri appeared baffled for a moment, staring up at her. She hadn’t expected this question just as much as he hadn’t to be coming from him. All of a sudden, they were both two boats sailing in an aimless journey in opposite directions, never meeting again.

Sung Gyu finally shook his head. “Whatever, never mind” He said, and climbed up on his feet. Suddenly, he just didn’t want to be near her anymore. Or anybody else. He just probably wasn’t thinking straight. He’d just had too much to think about.

“Yeri I’m going” he told her and reached for his jacket. “Go back safely...and-and don’t-,”

“Because you were unhappy”Yeri put in all of a sudden, making him halt on his tracks. He froze, his head lowered. He did not want to listen to her anymore, but he was still listening.

“Because you were unhappy, Sung Gyu, no matter what I tried,” She continued. “For some time I wondered if it was because of me...if I did something wrong. But then I realised...you were unhappy because you tried so hard to fit in, didn’t you? You married me for your parents, and you were always trying to impress my parents and prove your worth that you lost sight of yourself….you were unhappy, Sung Gyu. You would never have been happy if we stayed together…”

He bit his lip and glanced at her, just the slightest, over his shoulder. “Did you think I’d be happier then...after this?”

Yeri looked up at him. Even when he turned away, he could feel her eyes remaining on him. “Maybe not right now. But when this is over….when your days get better, I wish you would be happier….I wish someone will make you happier...that someone just couldn’t be me”

Sung Gyu didn’t think he’d ever been happy. It was not one of the things he had listed in his book of things to be. He’d been intelligent, he’d been smart, he’d ben punctual, he’d try to be the good son, he’d tried to be the committed one, he’d try to be the person who never slandered his family, did everything perfectly by the book and made people proud, but he didn’t think he’d ever been happy. He had felt so, perhaps, to some extent when he’d first met Song Yeri, in the times he’d dated her and been with her; but that too changed when Yeri became less of a love interest and more of a responsibility. She soon became the one that he had to force himself to be committed to; there was a part of him which did feel committed to her. She was a wise, beautiful, talented woman. But there was a fine line between feeling committed and forced to feel committed. This fine line, somehow, changed everything that he felt. Being married to her became a burden for him; having to be on the good side of her parents, showing to his parents that they were happy. He didn’t realise it in the beginning that Yeri found it disdainful to stay married to him. When it became obvious enough, he was already too late.

Back in his car as his driver drove him back to the ministry, Sung Gyu found himself thinking so many things. When Yeri had told him that he would be happy once the dark days had passed, it had really stayed with him. He didn’t see this ever coming to an end; usually cases like this hardly ever did. They’d stretch and stretch for months and years, never ending with favourable possibilities. But since recently, he’d started thinking of what ifs as well. ‘What if this ever comes to an end?’, ‘What if he did not go to jail?’, ‘What if his parents didn’t hate him after this the way he thought they would?’ ‘What If his life actually wasn’t over at this point? What if he still had more to live for?’ As the car moved forth , he gazed out the shutter as the city rapidly passed by. He thought of his life, how things were moving forward so fast that he could hardly catch up. He would be exhausted at the end of this journey, he would have lost everything too. He should have given up everything by then, but there was one reason why he wouldn’t.

Sung Gyu hadn’t realised it earlier but when he thought back to it, he hadn’t always been unhappy. There were times when he was, times where he didn’t have to impress anyone or desperately try to stay on someone’s good side, but be happy; just genuinely happy. He’d been happy when he’d taken the wrong way home with her, he’d been happy when he’d gotten drunk with her on the rooftop. He’d been happy watching the sunset and the city drown in the dusk, he’d been happy just the other day, holding his nephew in his arms and watching his niece putting hair clips in her hair. In all the times he’d been happy, the reason had been Jung Hyerim. 

If there was one thing that he was afraid to lose at the end of this, it was her. He’d probably lose his job, his family, his home. He would most definitely lose his reputation, his dignity and the respect that people had for him, but that would be fine, he thought; because he could live without them. He thought he would lose Dong Woo too, but he’d proven that he wouldn’t and Sung Gyu somehow 

trusted him. He had nothing else that he was afraid of risking. Nothing else but her. If he were to lose Hyerim anywhere along the line, if anything he did or she did ended up hurting her, Sung Gyu realised, with a pang, that he would never forgive himself. He didn’t know since when he’d felt that way, or why he did. All he did know was that he would do anything to protect her, even if it meant that he would break her trust and pull her away from all of this if he had to.

They say that fate worked in strangest ways, and it could have been one of those moments. Hyerim was all over his mind, and in that exact moment, his phone shrilled in his pocket. He pulled it out to find that it was her.

And it had never happened before, but Sung Gyu's heart started pounding. More often than not, he’d thought of her smile, he’d thought of her sweet scent of lavender and gentleness of her touch, then his mind would be spinning. Even then he found it hard to breathe. He knew it was going to be something about work, but-,

“Kim” She called as soon as he picked up, and hearing her voice was cool and soothing for him, like a breath of fresh air. He took a deep breath and gazed out at the fast-passing city outside.

“Jung”  He replied.

“Where are you?” 

He naturally narrowed his eyes at the area he was passing by, but he couldn’t identify where exactly he was. “I am just on my way to the ministry from…” He recalled back to where he was travelling from and told her the name of the town he was in.

“Right” Hyerim replied. “If you have time, we need to meet. Soon”

Something uncomfortable settled in the pit of her stomach. Her voice was serious. That never meant anything good.

“Can’t you tell over the phone?” He asked her. She couldn’t definitely come to the ministry again because she was no longer officially leading the case and he couldn’t take a detour to the station now as he had to be present at work for a meeting soon.

“No…” She sighed, and in a lower voice she added. “Classified information”

“Right” He thought it out for a bit. “Okay, tell me where you are”

“If you give me a minute or two, I can drop by at the bus stop”

“Which one?”

In the end, they made a quick plan to meet up at a bus stop where the line that connected the area of his ministry and the station halted. Sung Gyu had his car parked just a few feet away from the stop, and when Hyerim dropped a message saying that she’d arrived, which was not too long after they'd arrived there themselves, the driver snail-drove towards the said bus stop. Sung Gyu could see her small figure standing under the shade, her face grim, expressionless. He slid to the other side of the seat and made room for her. Hyerim climbed in, the air inside was soon filled with her familiar scent of lavender. They car hit the road again.

“What is it?” He asked her. Hyerim cautiously looked at him, then at the front seat at his driver before looking back at him. Sung Gyu understood, and he nodded. He could trust his staff with his life; only because he’d treated them the way they should be and therefore he’d won their trust. His staff, perhaps, knew most things about his life, yet there had never been a time that anything that the world shouldn’t know had slipped past their lips.

“Okay” Hyerim sighed and pulled out her phone. She had opened her gallery, where there were pictures of people that he didn’t recognise. He opened one of a woman probably in her late twenties and held it towards him. “Do you recognise this person?”

He had never seen her for the life of him. “I have never seen her”

Hyerim was looking closely at him, scrutinizing his expressions, and he allowed her to. “You’re certain?”

He nodded. She nodded back and swiped to another image. It was yet another woman he had never seen. Then another, and another. He could have seen these faces before, but time had probably changed them. Yet, he didn’t explicitly remember them.

In the end, she put her phone away and met his eyes. “They are the witnesses of the Belle-Vie case, employees and former employees of the company, some of whom had worked under that executive”

He felt a flicker of recognition. Indeed, he had only seen them in the court testifying Mostly from the back, or just a flash of a face. There was no way that he would remember them.

“We need to locate them before Ryu Wonho does,” Hyerim continued. “And he certainly would find them. He would manipulate them into keeping the same statements that they had the first time, and perhaps testify against you”

He had caught up with Ryu Wonho’s game by then. So had Hyerim. His plan was to frame Sung Gyu, a politician well known for having come to a high position at a very young age, diverting the attention from himself as he ran for his position in the supreme court. And of course it would play out well if he succeeded. It would play out so well, because all eyes and accusations would turn towards him. His position in the legislation had been questioned so many times; its authenticity and even the possibility of nepotism, all of which he didn't react to before. But this once, it would play badly on his side. 

“Have you contacted your lawyer yet?” She asked him.

“I have”

“Well then, he’d have to contact these witnesses first and try to convince them...I hope he’d do a good job at that?”

Sung Gyu did trust Dong Woo to do whatever he could. But the gentle and polite Dong Woo would approach this in the lawful, correct way. He would tell them the consequences of a wrong testimony and point out the importance of serving the justice whereas Ryu Wonho’s side would convince them with a heap of money and threats; they would definitely hold more power against him. 

“Judge Ryu would bribe them, threaten them” Sung gyu told her his concerns. “But my lawyer or myself, we could never do that”

“Don’t threaten them but bribe them if you had to”

Sung Gyu glanced over at her. “That’s just wrong”

Upon this, much to his surprise, Hyerim responded with a bright smile. “This is why I’m absolutely certain that you never did it, you’re just too nice”

He frowned.

“Anyway” Hyerim continued and slipped her hand into her jacket pocket. “I’ve got the contact details of the witnesses here, you can pass it to your lawyer...and do give him my number as well, I will help him out”

He looked down at the haphazardly written addresses and telephone numbers, his eyes narrowed thoughtfully. He could tell by the way that they’ve been written how she had acquired them.

“How did you get these?” He asked her.

“How?” She smiled. “Nothing that you need to know”

Sung Gyu couldn’t help the heavy sigh that escaped his lips. It was what he feared the most, the length that Hyerim would go to get her things done. He knew that her crashing the ministry with a full swat team was just a start. Knowing her, she would do more, she would do worse, and in the process she would end up doing something impulsive, out of the line and hurt herself. She was all he had right now; not only as a partner but as a strength, a comfort. He wouldn’t want to see her fall because of him. It was a strange emotion, but his impulse to protect her had returned, now in full force; it had only made him angrier.

“Hyerim, I told you not to do anything impulsive again, didn’t I?”

He had called her her name again, and this, somehow earned a mystified expression from her.

“I-I...It was no trouble, really” Hyerim stammered in response.

“Of course you’d say that” He sighed. “The last time Minister Baek nearly got you suspended, you lost your position in the team, and now this? What more stupid plans do you have up your sleeve?”

“A lot more than you imagine” She laughed, but he frankly did not find it funny. He couldn’t trust her on this one, because when she said he had more plans, he knew she certainly did. Hyerim was a woman of her words. She did what she’d say she would and exactly in the same precision she’d say she would. She was a promise keeper, a law breaker. Letting her stay in this investigation would only mean she would put herself into even more trouble, and he would never forgive himself if he let that happen to her.

“I don’t think you should be working on this anymore” He told her.

Hyerim blinked, appearing perplexed. “Why not?”

“Because you do things like this” He reasoned out to her.

“I just had to sneak in and get the witness details, that wasn’t a big deal” She returned dismissively.

He stared at her for a few seconds and shook his head. “No, I don’t think this is a very good idea”

“But why not? You don’t trust me? Do you think I will bail on you?”

There was a certain firmness in her tone; anger, perhaps, annoyance. He couldn’t tell. But she had certainly caught the wrong end of the stick.

“No, that’s not it-,”

“Then?”

He groaned loudly and threw his head back. Sung Gyu had never been good at things like this; at admitting things, at being honest and sincere, as if expressing his emotions was something completely blocked out from him. He took a deep breath and turned to her. He met her eyes and saw the determination in them. She was not a quitter, this he knew. She was never going to give up or bail out on him, and that was exactly what he feared.

“Hyerim, if anything you do goes wrong and if anything happens to you, I wouldn’t-I wouldn’t-,”

“You wouldn’t what?”

He was quiet for a second, rendered speechless. He wouldn’t what? Why couldn’t he get his thought out in a coherent way when it had anything to do with Jung Hyerim?

“Ugh, I don’t know, Jung, what if something goes wrong and they toss you in the jail? Suspend you? If you lose your job? What then? Do you really think I could live with that, knowing that it happened because of me?”

“Oh, so that’s what it's about,” Hyerim raised her brows.

“What do you mean?”

They have come closer to the ministry by then, and it was her cue to get off, time for them to part. 

“It’s okay Kim, even if anything happens, I won’t blame you” She smiled and patted on his arms. It was only then that he understood what she’d meant; that he didn’t want to be the one taking the responsibility, that he didn’t want to be blamed, when in truth what he’d meant was-

Hyerim had already opened the door and had climbed out the car; but he called out to her. He stared down at his hand even then, unable to meet her eyes.

“I’m worried about you,” He said, finally having collected his strength to be sincere. He looked up at her, then. He saw the unreadable expression on her face. “I don’t know why, or how or...I-I can’t explain, but I’m worried about you”

There was quietness on her part as she gazed at him, her hands resting on the opened door, and slowly, a gentle smile formed on her lips. “I just want to keep you out of jail because I would miss you” She told him in the end. “Does that make sense to you?”

It wasn’t something that he should laugh about, but he actually did and shook his head. “For some weird reason, it does”

The rest of the day passed by quite rapidly with the usual things at work. It was pretty mundane, packed with meetings and discussions and more approvals of reports. During the presidential committee meeting that he was most unwillingly appointed to, Sung Gyu was so exhausted that he could hardly pay attention. He played with his pen, squirmed in his seat and nodded at things he didn’t catch the start and end of. He could almost feel Minister Baek’s scrutinizing gaze, but she said nothing of it. Not until the end of the meeting and after everyone else had filed out of the room. Sung Gyu too collected his documents where he’d hardly made any notes upon the meeting discussions and tucked them under his arm. Minister Baek still hadn’t left the vast hall, as usual, watching him from a distance, and frankly, he was feeling extremely uncomfortable, and her quietness did no good.

“Have a good day, Minister Baek” Sung Gyu greeted her with a deep bow on his way to the exit, but her voice calling his name suddenly stopped him.

“I heard about Judge Ryu’s statement” She told him; he’d already assumed that much, that he didn’t find it all that shocking. But that didn’t make him feel any better, all the same.

Sung Gyu nodded and lowered his head. She was quiet, and he assumed that she was just about to ask him to stop working for the ministry now, stop bringing in any more shame to the institution and resign at his own will. It never did really come. Instead, she said; “I’ve worked with Judge Ryu...as a prosecutor, years back”

Intrigued, he set down his things on the table. He hadn’t heard this before.

“You would think, by the way he charms the people around him, that he cared about the people he worked with'' She continued, her voice quiet, distant. “He was that deceptive, that man. In the court I’d seen how he didn’t give any thought about people. He had no empathy for human emotions, he just wanted to do his job, get his way…” Minister Baek trailed off for a while, her eyes fixed on a distance, deep in thought. He remained quiet as well, waiting for her to continue. With a sigh, she came to, and she turned towards him. “Vice-Minister Kim. You’re not a person like him. I’ve seen you work, I’ve seen the way you treat your staff, your fellow ministers; you’re very considerate, thoughtful, committed...I don’t know what happened eight years ago. I didn’t know you eight years ago either. But I did know Judge Ryu even before then and he hadn’t changed all that much. I could say...whatever the accusation they 'd made towards you, they can’t be true. I have a good judgement on people, and I certainly trust my judgement on you...Vice-Minister Kim. It's not the kind of thing that you would do”

Sung Gyu had expected to hear many things From Minister Baek; about his incompetence, lack of attention, unprofessional behavior, bringing shame to the ministry; basically all the bad he’d done. But not for once for the life of him had he imagined anything closer to what he just heard from Minister Baek. He bowed deeply, apologizing and thanking her. Perhaps she was going to ask him to resign, but at least she gave it a good start.

But what she said next caught him certainly off guard. 

“I want to continue working with you” She said, leaving him frozen to the spot. “But I can see that things are really tough for you. If you want to take time off work due to the investigation, I can arrange that for you, Vice-Minister Kim. It can get quite gruelling, perhaps even more so when the trials start, so-”

“I-I will...continue to work, Minister Baek” Sung Gyu replied, although he felt incredibly thankful for her. He’d thought the whole time that the entire world conspired against him; including the whole ministry of legislation, the police station, the entire legal system of this country. He might end up serving a jail sentence or losing his job. But at least he had a few people who believed him, and that was somehow comforting for him.

“Indeed, of course, if you’re willing to,” Minister Baek told him, followed by a small chuckle. “I expected that, but in case you need it…”

“I will let you know, Minister Baek” With a bow, he replied.

“Well then, while you’re at it, “ She grunted as she climbed up on her feet. “Go through the minutes of the meeting today, you might need it”

Sung Gyu too, assumed that he did.

He met Lee Howon, the prosecution of the case, at the district Prosecutor’s office as planned. He’d been there a few times during his internship back in college, as a judge and after he’d entered politics as well; but not once did he imagine he’d be seated in the defendants table giving statements for a crime that he had been falsely accused of.

Lee Howon entered the room, hurried on his steps, a stack of paper and his computer in his hands, looking as grave as he always would. The years of hard work he’d put to climb up to this position hadn’t changed him all that much. He looked the same, he dressed the same, he spoke the same. What had changed the most, however, was how they felt towards each other. Sung Gyu despised him, that was for certain. He didn’t know how he probably felt about Sung Gyu, but given the circumstances, Sung Gyu could assume that it wasn’t all that different from his sentiments. Even as he first walked into the room, the first thing Sung Gyu saw was the shiny new golden ring that glistened on his hand; the ring that Sung Gyu himself used to have on his own for five years, now him proudly flaunting around. So when Sung Gyu smiled at him and greeted him, that wasn’t for real. The tone of voice he spoke in wasn’t real, when he’d said that he was glad to meet him again, he was lying right through his teeth. But Howon had the fate of his life in his hands, and he had the ability to steer it in any direction he wanted to. It was Sung Gyu’s part, therefore, to proceed with caution, stay congenial throughout, not allow their personal conflicts come in between.

Things started off with the moderate questions that he’d answered to Hyerim in the beginning, then to Woohyun as well. He was asked about his time as a judge, how long he’d worked there, who the presiding judge was, what division and what court he’d worked in. They talked about the case then, and he knew he was threading through hot waters now. Anything he’d say against Yeri, due to personal Bias, if anything, could stand against him. Sung Gyu avoided telling her name at all costs, referring to her as ‘Ex-wife’, her mother as ‘Ex- Mother-in-law’, and explained his side as impartially as he could. The interrogation lasted for about two hours, he gave his statement, Howon informed him that they’d meet again, and then they were done. Outside of the interrogation room, however, Sung Gyu was back to being a level above him. Howon was a prosecutor again, Him, the vice-minister of the legislation. He walked him to the end of the corridor and gave him a small bow. “Hoping for justice to be served, Minister Kim'' Howon replied, staying professional, true to Yeri’s word. Sung Gyu only greeted back in response and returned to his car. Once he got in, he excused his driver, buried his face in his palms and yelled the loudest that he could.

That ended the painful first day of the formal investigation.

Later in the evening, Sung Gyu went down to the supermarket of his apartment complex in hopes to fill up on groceries before his days became worse. He could never be too sure how the rest of the investigation would pan out; he had to be prepared for the worst, have plans made ahead, find someone trustworthy to feed his cat, have enough food to eat before going to serve in jail and live on measly jail meals. In the evening, the market was bustling as usual with fellow patrons as himself. Sung Gyu grabbed a cart and pushed it along at a leisurely pace, tossing in whatever he assumed he needed; fruits, vegetables, ready made meals, lots of Ramen and even more beer. He was in the dairy aisle, manhandling a six-pack of cartoned milk when he felt something hit the back of his head. He looked down at his feet, annoyed, to find a ball of foil rolling by his feet; he turned around to the general direction where it came from, prepared to serve whoever it was with his two cents. He was not surprised, however, to find a certain Jung Hyerim a few feet away from him, waving her hand at him in a too large sweater, half her face covered that only her smiling eyes could be seen.

If it was any other day, nothing would have irked him more than meeting Hyerim in his regular shopping sprees. Buying groceries, for Sung Gyu, was a personal affair. He didn’t want anyone accompanying him and judging his purchases, he didn’t want to wait for the other to catch up with him or for him to catch up with the other. It was a time of leisure, a time that he preferred spending by himself. But when he saw Hyerim that evening, a strange sense of relief settled in his heart. It’s been a while since he met her outside of work (Just a day, if he were to be precise. But that felt long enough) since the last time he’d invited her inside and she pretended to be his girlfriend in front of Jieun, he hadn’t been able to see her in better circumstances again.

Hyerim pushed her cart in his direction as he dumped his cartons of milk in his own. She took her mask off and gave him a suggestive smile as she dragged a finger down the length of his arm. “Hello, handsome, what are you doing with six cartons of milk tonight?”

“Nothing” He shrugged. “Just preparing for jail time. What are you doing here, hitting people with foil balls?” He tossed it in her direction and she caught it with one hand, laughing.

“I thought you’d get pissed and yell at everyone”

“I was about to” He deadpanned and pushed the cart forwards, heading to the frozen food aisle. Hyerim caught up with him.

“Did you hear from your Noona again?” She asked him, and he snorted in response. “I thought you’d ask”

After Jieun left his place last night, Sung Gyu found a string of messages in his inbox from his sister, some of them in their private chat and the rest in their family chat where nobody really interacted. She’d asked if it was his girlfriend and if he cheated on Yeri with her that she left and if he intended to marry her, all the annoying unnecessary information that she sure would have wanted to know. He left her on read, at which point she announced that he had a girlfriend in their family chat. It suddenly came alive again when his mother responded, demanding how Jieun knew and what she was like and ‘Do you have any pictures Jieunnie?’ It really pissed him off when she actually did, one taken surreptitiously of them where he was gazing at her in this strange way which he didn’t know he looked like when looking at her as Yooah put hair clips in Hyerim’s head. That’s what happened last night after he invited Hyerim inside. Yooah found a new subject to use as a guinea pig for her hair inventions, which continued until Jieun’s husband came to pick them up. All in all, it was a very nice play date for Yooah, and Hyerim somehow filled the gap that Yeri had left behind for that half an hour. But it wasn’t the best experience for Sung Gyu who sat there worried, agitated, hiding his concern behind fake smiled. Although he was mad at Jieun for taking a picture of them, he was also kind of glad that it took this turn instead of them assuming anything else.

“My mum is so excited” He told her laughing at his mother’s response. She had called him too a couple of times, which he didn’t pick up. It was the crying emoji that she’d attached in her messages that got him the most. She wouldn’t be doing that, though, when she learns the truth behind their relationship.

Hyerim laughed in glee upon being told about the crying emoji.

“I’m surprised that they’re not disappointed by the downgrade” She commented in the end. He was looking at the different types of ice cream at that moment. He glanced at her through the smoke. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

“You know...Yeri-,” She gestured with her palm high above her. “And me-,” She lowered her palm.

He was confused by her explanation, so he tilted his head. “Yeri is taller than you?”

Yeri was taller than her; against that, Hyerim was a tiny bean. In fact, Yeri had proportions of a model, she was as nearly as tall as him. He then wondered if she was talking about their ages as heights couldn’t have been much of a concern; Hyerim was about three or four years younger than him, he didn’t know, but in that case Yeri was older than him, so he couldn’t find what could be so upsetting about it. It was difficult to understand Hyerim at times; she spoke in morse codes.

“No” She spluttered, shaking her head. “I mean…” She hesitated for a moment, and Sung Gyu laid a tub of choco-mint ice cream in his cart. 

“Well, she’s prettier….more elegant, and you know, she’s at a higher level than me, so” She sighed heavily, looking away. “They must be disappointed that you went for a really big downgrade...with me”

Sung Gyu just stared at her for a long time, attempting to make sense of her words. In all honesty, the only difference that he’d felt between them (Except for the obvious; their heights) was that he was more comfortable around Hyerim whereas with Yeri, he had to struggle to fit in, to be the person that he was around her which perhaps wasn’t the real version of himself. Hyerim was impulsive, fun and down to earth while Yeri….Yeri was perfect. She was smart, well organized, and even when she did something crazy or impulsive, she’d be quick to fix herself unlike hyerim who would brush it off and laugh about it. And Sung Gyu had long realised that he didn’t want perfection, because it also meant he had to struggle to keep up with that level as well. He wanted comfort, he wanted spontaneous, messy. When he watched Hyerim, her sleeves getting damp by the cold as her sleeves were too big, her hair stuck in every direction and her generally just...out of place, a strange thought occurred to him. He wanted someone real, solid, tangible. He wanted someone who looked and felt like she was from the world that he wanted to belong to, and Hyerim, she was exactly that.

“That’s just bull” Sung Gyu told her in the end. She looked up at him, wiping her damp sleeves on her jeans. “I was just telling the truth?” She raised her brows. “I mean, I don’t know how things worked in your world, the rich and elegant families…”

“You met my sister” Sung Gyu interrupted her. “Did she look rich and elegant to you?”

She was anything but elegant that day. Jieun was an absolute mess. He had never thought he was one of them; the high class, the elite, the wealthy. He and Yeri had moved into an apartment in an ordinary neighbourhood and attempted to live an ordinary life. Yeri had lived an elitist classy life, but she too preferred the life that he chose. She fit well into it for a long time, and hadn’t their marriage fallen apart, she still would. 

Hyerim shrugged in response. “She looked like a mum”

“She is a mum” Sung Gyu laughed. They have moved to the drinks aisle and Sung Gyu got some more cans of beer on top of what he already had. “And we’re pretty ordinary. Well, at least my sister and I are. My parents let us be that way...we chose this life”

“Good for you”

“And I don’t think my parents thought you were a downgrade” He set the cans in his cart and looked up at her. “Besides, why are you upset about that anyway? It’s not like we’re dating for real”

She was quiet as they moved through the market, passing unsuspecting patrons, filling their carts. They approached the instant food aisle, and as Hyerim struggled to get her favorite brand of noodles, Sung Gyu naturally went and picked them out for her. She glanced up at him upon his proximity, Sung Gyu did the same and gave her a smile. He was unsure what he’d done to make her cheeks go crimson, but it was indeed endearing.

“What if we were dating?” Hyerim told him all of a sudden as he moved away. Sung Gyu halted in getting his own share of instant noodles, as his heart skipped a beat. “Hypothetically, I mean” Hyerim quickly added. “Hypothetically, if we were dating, how would your family take it?”

“Hypothetically” He clarified.

“Hypothetically” She replied. 

The question indeed left him wondering for real. There was not a chance in the world that he would date Hyerim or anyone else ever again. Dating, loving, marrying; they all have left him unwinding; they were simply not for him. But in a case, like she said, hypothetically, if they did date, how would his family take it?

“They wouldn’t believe it, first of all” Sung Gyu told her, realising that would indeed be the case. Even with Yeri, they just didn’t believe it, that someone as elegant and exquisite would actually want to be with someone like him. His mother believed that he was handsome, and he did have a lot of lady and gentleman admirers. What they found unbelievable, however, was the fact that he could choose to stay with one person, not that someone had picked him.

“Why not?” Hyerim wanted to know. “You’re smart and good looking. People would want to date you”

He felt his face heating up. Sung Gyu never took well to compliments. “Thanks” He said shyly and focused on picking through different packaging. “It’s because they think I have commitment issues'' He sincerely replied. 

She was quiet for a while, contemplative. “But you were married,” She said.

“And see how it ended up?” 

Another moment of quietness followed as they moved onto the pet supplies aisle. Sung Gyu picked up a large bag of kibbles, and Hyerim tossed in a few packs of treats as if it was her cat that he was feeding. He said nothing of it. “Do you think you have commitment issues?” Hyerim asked him.

“I actually haven’t thought about it,” He returned. In fact, he hadn’t felt that he did either. It was only that, with every relationship he had, he’d felt that something was missing. It was either that he didn’t feel like himself in their presence, or their thoughts just didn’t match. There were instances where he was just annoyed by their political ideologies or book preferences, annoyed by the fact that they didn’t think ‘The Prince of Tennis’ was the greatest anime of all time. Perhaps he was searching for the perfect match the whole time until he found Yeri, a perfect blend of everything. She loved to read, and read the kind of books and Manhwas that he preferred. She wasn’t a big fan of politics, but her ideas weren’t contradictory with his own. As people, they made perfect synchronicity, but their backgrounds clashed, their reasons and purpose behind marriage clashed. It wasn’t that Sung Gyu was afraid of commitment. He's just unable to love, love without conditions and restrictions, unable to feel loved without conditions and restrictions. 

“I think you can commit,” Hyerim answered for him. “I mean, look at Momo. You’ve been having her for a long time”

Sung Gyu snorted in response. “Why is Momo always an example for you?”

“Because I love her,” Hyerim simply replied. “And pets are a huge commitment, even more so than a person, so you can commit. I don’t think your parents’ argument is valid”

“Thanks,” He replied with a laugh. “I will tell them that”

Quietness fell between them yet again as they went about with their own shopping. Even as he did, he was deep in thought. Things weren’t going so well for him, and Howon’s appearance in his already deranged situation had only made things worse. Sung Gyu recalled back to his encounter earlier that day. His conversation with Yeri had left him unreeling and with so much to think about. He wanted to talk about it with someone, hear their input on it; and the best person for this discussion would be Jung Hyerim.

“I met Yeri today” He informed her.

“You did?” She replied conversationally. “What did she say?”

He took a deep breath. “She’s getting married to Lee Howon”

She paused for a second as she picked out a bag of crisps and glanced over at him. “Lee Howon the prosecutor?”

Sung Gyu could only nod in return. She made a lowly whistle. “That’s grim” A moment and “How do you think it would work out?”

“It just made things tougher for me,” He sighed.

“Do you think he’d be playing Judge Ryu’s side?” Hyerim pushed on.

“I doubt it,” Sung Gyu replied. “He’s known for being impartial and having a good judgement; but he’s also known for winning most his cases too”

“And you’re the defendant” She pointed out to him.

“I...actually trust him not to be swayed by Judge Ryu’s doing” Sung Gyu went on as he pushed his cart towards the check out. Hyerim followed after him. “He’d a good prosecutor...he’d worked hard to come to where he is now, and-,”

“You seem to know him very well,” Hyerim informed him of her observation. 

He stopped at the cashier and heaved a heavy sigh. “He is...also the ex-best friend of my Lawyer...who is also my best friend”

A moment of silence, and- “What the ?”

“I know”

“Your life is like a roller coaster, Kim”

Sung Gyu merely laughed in response, and feeling lighter than he did earlier in the day, he continued to lay his items on the counter. Talking to Hyerim somehow made him feel a lot better; things were pretty despondent as they were, and would only become worse as they progressed; but at least he had Hyerim and her ridiculous comments entertaining him. At least she was there still making the situations lighter.

As he always did when he’d come out shopping, Sung Gyu asked the cashier for his weekly pack of Marlboro. It was difficult to do without one these days; more often than not, he would find himself in the fire exit or the back entrance of the ministry building, having a cigarette or two to calm down his tense mind, numb his senses and not feel like himself again. 

As the cashier rang it off, however, he could feel Hyerim’s hard glare piercing upon him. He remembered her reasons clearly well, but at this point nothing really mattered. Sung Gyu wasn’t about to become a father who would make any impact on his daughter’s life one day. He wasn’t going to have children or a family or anything good happening in his life. The least he wanted now was surviving through the day.

“I thought I told you not to,” Hyerim spoke only after they’ve gathered their respective groceries and made their way up to their floor. Sung Gyu kept the lift open for her, Hyerim climbed in after him. 

“Right now? I can’t help it” Sung Gyu told her with a heavy sigh. “Life is really tough right now,J ung everything is a mess. and frankly I don’t give a if it ends up killing me”

He understood how his voice sounded grim at that moment, unrelenting. But there were things that had gone beyond his control; and it wasn’t only the fact that he was in an untangleable mess. It was the way his life was going; the loneliness, the pain, the fact that everything was panning out in a way that would only end up hurting him, and it was just too much for him to take.

“And do you think it’s going to fix anything?” She pushed on.

“It doesn’t” He sincerely agreed. He couldn’t fight her in this one. Hyerim had a very good reason to be against him; she lost someone precious to her for the very reason. Although he didn’t give two cents about his own father, he couldn’t say the same about Hyerim, and he respected that.

“Then why are you doing this?” 

He closed his eyes, lowered his head. His grip on his bags became tighter. “It stops me from feeling things…” A moment, he took a deep breath and added. “Even if it's slow, it would eventually kill me”

At this point, Hyerim didn’t reply. 

They arrived at their floor, both of them quiet as they traversed the corridor towards their respective flats. Hyerim stopped at her own, which was right across the hall from his own. He entered his passcode, she did her own; but something kept him from going in yet. As soon as he did, he would be alone again; just him and his relentless mind, his thoughts so loud echoing and bouncing off the four walls, slowly destroying him.

“Kim?” Hyerim called him all of a sudden, and he turned to face her. 

“Hm?”

“Meet me at the rooftop?” She asked him; there was a reassuring smile on her lips. “I’ll bring snacks”

Sung Gyu smiled in return. It was as if she understood he needed this, he needed her. “Beer’s on me”

Sung Gyu reached the rooftop way before Hyerim did. It was dark, gloomy and empty as usual; but it didn’t make him feel as lonely as his apartment would. Sung Gyu set the two cans of beer he’d brought on the bench and walked over to the railing. The city, as usual, had brightened up for the night, forming hues of golden yellow in the horizon. The bridges were illuminated blue, a hint of red then and there. In a distance, he could hear music. It was late in the summer, autumn just around the corner which made the evenings a little colder. He put his hand in his pocket and produced a packet of cigarettes. Hyerim wasn’t going to be none too happy to have the stench of smoke around him, but he couldn’t help it. His head of ringing, his mind was too heavy. Way too many things had happened within the day, and he still had so much more to come. At times, it felt better to pretend to be somebody else. He despised smoking, he despised the way it made him smell, the way it burned his throat and nostrils; but he still did it because doing something he hated made him feel like he wasn’t himself for that time. And that made him feel better.

He puffed out clouds of smoke into the cold late summer air as he leaned against the railing, gazing at the sky. It was scattered with thousands of stars. As a child, he used to think that stars were people who had died and went to heaven. His mother never stopped him from thinking that way; so when his grandma passed, he still remembered, little Sung Gyu had sat outside in the garden of his childhood home, talking to the stars above. He told her that he missed her; her stories, her cooking, even the times she beat him for his mischief. Growing up, he realised how stupid he had been. But at that moment, Sung Gyu thought about it yet again. If he tossed this cigarette away now, climbed over the railing and threw himself off the ledge right now, his body would land on the hard ground underneath, lifeless and broken; and his soul? Would his soul be reborn a star then? Would he become one of them? If so, all his troubles would be gone. 

He finished one cigarette and watched it fall off the railing as it disappeared into oblivion. He imagined himself doing the same, he imagined himself disappearing into the night, leaving all his worries behind, then he lightened up another. With every smoke he dragged,  burning his throat and his nostrils, Sung Gyu succumbed to that pain, he allowed himself to feel it, embrace it, and closed his eyes as he released a cloud of it into the thin air. This continued on for a while, and he watched its bright ember as it burned. Doing This didn’t fix anything, Hyerim was right. But what more could he do to ease what he felt? What more did he have?

It wasn’t the first time that fate worked in the strangest way for that day. Almost as if she’d heard his quiet pleas across the thin air, Jung Hyerim had finally come to him. He knew this because he heard the sound of her footsteps, her slippers against the gravel ground. He didn’t move still. He didn’t want to appear too desperate, he didn’t want her too close to him lest he searched for her comfort every time he fell.

“Sung Gyu?” She called him. For the first time, she called his name. Sung Gyu felt warmth in his eyes, and he couldn’t breathe again. What had he done to deserve this? Deserve her? What had he done for her to come to him every time he needed her? He remained quiet, gazing across at the city beyond them as it slowly drowned in sleep. He heard her footsteps approaching him, closer and closer. He watched her as her hand reached for his. He knew what she wanted, so he did it for her. Sung Gyu let the half burned cigarette fall off his hand and into the darkness of the night. 

She was close to him at that moment, so close. He could see her hair dancing in the wind, stuck to her cheeks, stuck to her lips. He wanted to touch her at that moment, to feel her warm skin, to feel the gentle raise and fall of her as she breathed, to feel something real again. He wanted to lean down and kiss her, hold her, and beg her, please, make him feel real again. But Sung Gyu knew better of himself. Jung Hyerim deserved more than what he could possibly give her. Jung Hyerim deserved better.

Her eyes, he realised, were different at that time. They were glistening. She smiled, the smallest little curve, before she asked him. “Are you okay?”

He wasn’t. And for a very long time, he hadn’t been.

Sung Gyu shook his head.

“I thought so” Herim whispered, lowering her head. A moment of contemplative silence, and- “I thought that you might need this” She added.

Before he could register what was happening, then, Hyerim moved closer, threw her arms around him and pulled him into her embrace.

Hyerim was small in his arms; but she was warm, she was real. She was more real than anything else he’d felt for the longest time. Naturally, his arms wrapped around her and he closed his eyes, burying his face in her shoulder. He breathed in her familiar scent; a comfort, it was. A reassurance. He reveled in the feel of her hand on his back, caressing him, he heard her voice whispering into his ears. “You needed this...you need this Sung Gyu...you should have gotten this more”

Until then he hadn’t realised just how much he had craved for human connection. After Yeri had left, he hadn’t been so close to anyone for a while. Not just physically, but in their minds as well. With Hyerim, there were no conditions; she was so easy to connect to, she was so easy to feel. He closed his eyes and revelled in her warmth for the longest time. Slowly he returned to his senses again. Sung Gyu wouldn’t fly over the railing of the building tonight. Sung Gyu wouldn’t join them up among stars. Instead, Sung Gyu would hold his new found comfort in his arms for as long as time allowed him to. He would feel her warmth, he would breathe her in and feel alive again. For her, tonight, Sung Gyu would live. Within her, he would find a reason to go on living, nothing more. 

Author's note

I'm a littel disappointed with this chapter; it didn't come out as well as I expected, but I posted it anyway so I could move on to better things. Thank you for reading it and I hope you enjoyed!

Love,

Achini