There were two things, absolutely two things that Kim Sung Gyu regretted the most in his life. One, he regretted that he decided to go to law school. He should have gone for music or literature or traditional studies; anything that wouldn’t have ed up his life. He knew that he regretted it when he first stepped into law school and dunked head first into a world that he felt was a maze. He couldn’t fit in, he wasn’t a part of it. His hopes and dreams couldn’t fit in the gaps and spaces that law college had to offer; but it was too late for him to turn away. By then, Sung Gyu had already confirmed the rightful path of his future endeavours, and that arouse expectations; so many of them to fulfil.  

The second thing that he regretted so much was this. Somewhere in the thirty-six years of his life, he met a woman that he thought he loved. But when warning signals started to strike all around him, telling him that it was time to walk away from her, he decided against it, went ahead and married her.

Sung Gyu met Song Yeri for the very first time in a ball room; clad in expensive cashmere and million stars in her eyes. When she first saw him and smiled at him across the room, past all the unsuspecting patrons, he first thought the entire world blurred around him. She was that beautiful, Song Yeri. Her hair was a dark shimmering water fall down her back, and when he buried his face in it as he held her, she reminded him of the sweet summer breeze. Her skin was soft and porcelain, her lips the shade of roses, gentle against his own when he first kissed her. She was beautiful, surreal even. She was like a dream.

Barely three months into their relationship, however, Sung Gyu realised that she indeed was a dream, that he’d loved an image of her he’d created in his mind while Song Yeri, in reality, was nothing close to the woman he desired.

He shouldn’t have married her. He knew this even as he waited at the end of the aisle, staring at the carpeted path before him. He felt his life crumbling apart as he took her hand that day and felt himself being trapped in a world he despised when they moved in together. Sung Gyu didn’t love her, and Song Yeri too, probably didn’t love him back. The whole reason why she married him would always be beyond him. And the whole reason why he married her, however, would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Sung Gyu slept in Hyerim’s couch that night; and he had a vague memory of her walking into the living room to check on him, then he had drifted away. He woke up upon the sweet and enticing aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafting around, with Hyerim talking on the phone in hushed whispers, already dressed for work. He sat up with a groan, his head paining. For one, he had a terrible hang over which he had to carry back home; and his limbs pained like he’d been folded into a confined box for too long.

“You up?” Hyerim called from the kitchen and waved at him when she met his eyes. She looked bright and fresh and kind of cute in casual attire. It must be a pain to be working even in the weekends, but she looked like she was having the time of her life. Sung Gyu couldn’t even imagine himself doing that let alone actually going to work on a sunny Saturday morning.

“Can I go home?” He croaked out, opening one eye and his hand in his messy tuft of hair.

“I suppose you can. I had my team do a round again in your flat, we’re clean”

“Good” Sung Gyu groaned in response.

“Coffee, Kim?”

“No” He replied, blindly searching for his belonging in the mess. “Can’t find my things”

It took a moment for Hyerim to emerge from the doorway and hand over to him his coat and his phone which was just lying on the sofa next to him. Momo came running from the direction of the kitchen upon hearing his voice, purring loudly in affection, and Sung Gyu gathered everything he belonged in his arms.

“See you then” he mumbled, feeling oddly saddened by the thought of leaving her. For some reason, he felt comfort in the presence of her. He didn’t feel alone. He dreaded having to sit in his flat all by himself, the cat hardly being his company. He dreaded having to listen to his own thoughts. Having no choice however, he dragged himself back home.

Upon opening the door to his own flat after a night of a fiasco, however, Sung Gyu never expected to hear the sound of his ex-wife’s voice. His initial reaction was to stand frozen in the moment, dread creeping underneath his skin. The one thing even more dreadful than his own solidarity was having to sit in the same room as Song Yeri.

“Sung Gyu? Is that you?” Came her voice from the direction of his room. He got out of his shoes and let Momo wriggle out of his arms. Yeri could be a real pain in the neck, sometimes. The two of them separated a couple of months ago, but that didn’t stop her from nosing into his business on a regular basis. She wanted to know his whereabouts, what he’d been doing, where he was, and the worse thing was that he’d almost always end up telling her things and just about giving into it every time, just so that he could get it done with.

Yeri emerged from the doorway as beautiful as ever, and it was then that he realised that he never really told anyone about the whole frame-up thing, not even to his parents nor sister let alone his ex-wife. He looked around in mild panic, trying his best to not let his worry show. Thankfully the police had cleaned everything and put them in place, the things that were flipped and thrown about, and everything else looked much like his own doing. For the first time ever, he felt so thankful for Hyerim. It was as if she almost knew this would happen.

“Hey” Yeri greeted him sweetly and Sung Gyu greeted back with a small wave. It was how things went between them. They greeted each other like old friends and tolerated each other as long as they could. Then either one of them would piss off the other; they’d fight, she’d cry and scream and tell him that he ruined her life, and he’d call a taxi and transport her back home. There’d been a few occasions which ended up with them having angry with no emotions involved, then he’d pack her home the next morning. The routine was almost the same every time.

“Where were you?” She asked, folding her arms on her chest, her gaze friendly, friendly but unreal. She was, as always, interrogating him.

“I was over at a friend’s” He shrugged. “What are you doing here?”

“Just” she tilted her head, looking away. “To see how you were and stuff”

“Uh, I’m good, thanks” Sung Gyu muttered and moved past her into the house.

The thing about Yeri was that she never came home with the sole purpose of seeing him. She didn’t want to see him. She didn’t even want him, she had plenty of men who wanted her, so she’d rather have that than hanging after her dreaded ex-husband. Whenever she visited him, Sung Gyu knew she had an ulterior motive underneath her sleeve. Sometimes its money, sometimes it’s a favour. In some odd occasions, her latest boy toy had left her, and she needed someone to bed with, and Sung Gyu would just compile to get it over with.

If it was a normal situation, he wouldn’t have minded her there. They’d be quiet and tolerant until one of them got pissed; so, the first halves of her visit usually went by with them walking around like ghosts. But today, Sung Gyu was a nervous wreck. He was in a crisis, and he was expecting for the police or his guards or whoever to walk in any moment now. He had to get her out of here.

He went into his bedroom and got rid of his jacket and his tie, threw them on his bed and let out a sigh. He was tired of having people pushing him around. It was bad enough that he got himself into this, why did they have to with him over and over again?

“Yeri?” he called as he stepped out of the bedroom, this time determined to get her out of the house. She was in the hallway, trying to get Momo’s attention, to get her to play with her. But Momo, as always, ignored her advances.

“Yeri” Sung Gyu tried again.

“Hm?” Yeri climbed back up on her feet and gazed up at him.

“Is there anything you wanted to talk about?” Sung Gyu inquired, going straight for the kill. He had no time nor the patience to deal with her right now, and even the thought of having her hanging around in his house was agitating him.

“Well, I do” She smiled this tight-lipped smile. “Glad you asked”

Back in Sung Gyu’s small kitchenette, he asked Yeri to take a seat as he carelessly went through the content of his fridge. He hadn’t filled up on his grocery, so most things were stale thus he hadn’t anything to offer her. Thankfully she settled for a glass of water, but he had to scavenge for his own breakfast.  In the end he decided he might as well grab a brunch after a good sleep, then decided to get over with the weight at hand.

“Right” He sighed, sitting down in front of her. “What is it”

“Well...” Yeri started. She had this strangely elegant way of telling things which was peculiar but also quite enticing. She could keep one engaged, she could keep them held down to the ground until all they could see, hear and absorb was her. At that moment, she was doing that to him. She was talking, launched into a long account on her parents and friends and parties and whatnot that made up her universe. But Sung Gyu was at the edge of his patience. He had his palms pressed on his eyes, fingers in his hair, barely tolerating her. But when he realised that he couldn’t do it anymore, he lowered his hands and let out a sigh.

“Yeri, can we stop hitting around the bush please?” Sung Gyu muttered, quietly and almost himself. He was uncomfortable and tired and sleepy. He wanted her to go away.

“Sorry, what was that?” She asked him.

“Just get to the point Yeri” He told her.

“Right, the point” She said, as if it occurred to her only then. There was a long moment of quietness, then, as if she was trying to put her words in place. “Right” she repeated to herself, climbed up on her feet and exited the kitchenette. She returned a few minutes later, a thick manila file in her hands.

“What’s that?” He inquired.

“You’ll see” She said, sat down and pulled out a thick sheaf of papers. Then as he watched her, patient and quiet, she slowly laid the papers in front of him. It took a while to adjust his mind to concentrate on it, and then he realised.

Although he and Yeri lived separately, they were still married in the papers. As much as Sung Gyu desired to go ahead with the divorce at that time, his situation didn’t allow them to. It was in the same time of the election that they realised they were not fit for each other; but to be eligible for his position, he needed to be married, so divorce wasn’t an option for him. He didn’t have to ask her twice; Sung Gyu only had to plant the idea in her mind. They lived separately, Yeri lived her own life as she pleased with all her lies and pretence. They attended dinners and parties together, Sung Gyu carried her to the events like a trophy wife. She liked it, she admitted to him herself. She liked the idea of showing him off to the others, hence making her shine, just as much as Sung Gyu didn’t mind showing her off. And so, the need to go forth with a divorce never arouse.

Until now.

“Why now?” Sung Gyu sighed, mindlessly flipping through the papers.

“Why not now?” Yeri hit back in response. She moved forward urgently, her gaze set on him. “We’ve put it back for too long, Sung Gyu. I can’t do this anymore”

“But I thought we had an agreement on this” Sung Gyu replied. The thing was, under the circumstances, he couldn’t take a risk. He was still quite new to his position, and although there were more than enough politicians with divorces and remarriages, he still had to keep his reputation clean. The crisis was liable to tarnish his image any moment now, and a divorce would be indeed hay to the fire.

“You said that was until the election is over” Yeri pushed on. “It’s been ages since the election, it’s the right time that we do this”

“But-!” He started, held himself back and took a deep breath. The worst thing was that she had a valid point. There was no other reason why, in her eyes, to keep this hanging. Their marriage, for both of them was like being chained to a place they didn’t want to be. Yeri probably needed to be freed from him. It was a miracle that she complied even this long.

But on the other hand, the crisis. How worse could this make things for him?

“Yeri” He sighed once he regained his composure. “I know we’ve been....” He trailed off, lifted his head and looked straight at her. “Can we do this another time? Give it a few more days?”

“No” She said without a second thought. “We did this longer than enough”

Sung Gyu groaned, his hand pressed onto his forehead and he felt cold prickle on his skin. Why did people want to with him just around the same time? He was pretty sure his head was about to explode.

“Why, Yeri, why now and why so fast?” He asked exasperatedly. She could wait, at least a week, a month; he wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t care if he had to tolerate her unwarranted visits whenever she pleased or going to events with her or giving in to her whenever she wanted . He wouldn’t mind all that as long as he could have this until the crisis died down.

“Because...” She started, followed by a moment of silence and Sung Gyu lifted his head to meet her eyes. They stared at each other for the longest time; and strangely, Sung Gyu thought, for a flash of a moment, that he saw the Yeri he once loved in the depth of her eyes. “Because I’m seeing someone, Sung Gyu” She finally admitted.

“And?” He said only for the lack of things to say. He wasn’t surprised. She was seeing a different person just about every other day.

“He asked me to marry him, and I want to marry him too”

At that, something uncomfortable slowly settled in his stomach. She wanted to get away from him because she wanted to marry someone else, and she wanted to marry someone else because he didn’t want him anymore. This whole time, though Sung Gyu didn’t admit it himself, he found it quite a comfort to know that she wanted him still, even the slightest, regardless of him wanting her. She’d come numerous times asking for help and for money and to drag him off to one of her parties of the other, to pretend to be the love of her life. Numerous times she’d come home, drunk and miserable and crying to herself after being messed up by her then-boyfriend; numerous timed he’d taken her in, and he let her come to bed with him. Even the long insufferable arguments, the excruciating moments of silence, the mindless happiness he got when she came over and he realised she probably still wanted him; they all made him disgustingly happy. And to know that it will be all gone from this moment onwards.

Well, as it occurred to him now, it wasn’t only his position that held her back. It was his ugly, insatiable desire for her, his fear to be left alone, to be without her.

“...And we’ve been through this million-times now, Sung Gyu, this is getting out of hand” Yeri was saying even as he stared at her, feeling all out of place. So, this is going to be his life now. People leaving him, people ing him over, his career falling apart, his parents being disappointed, him being utterly alone in his world. It was going to be his life now.

And Sung Gyu couldn’t even contemplate it any longer. The more he resisted her, the longer she stayed. He wanted to get out of here, he wanted his peace. And the only way to do that was getting things done with.

“Right” He said, finally coming to. “Where do I need to sign?”

Yeri stopped mid-account and stared at him. “So you’re going to do it?”

Sung Gyu raised his brows. “Do I have a choice?”

Yeri shrugged. “Don’t you want to like, read through it or something?”

“Any property that you’re going to claim?” He asked her. That’s easier than going through the pain of actually reading it.

“Nothing except for my parents trust fund”

“Right” Sung Gyu nodded. Yeri received a huge lump of money from her parents when they married; it was her trust fund. They didn’t have to spend much from it, except for this once when they leased the flat, but that Sung Gyu slowly paid off during their time of separation.

Sung Gyu went ahead and signed in every paper, every space and every line he was required to sign. They’d be meeting their lawyer soon and go ahead with the procedure. Once it was all done, Yeri stood up, gathered her papers and slipped them back into the manila folder.

“So, this is it?” Sung Gyu muttered before he could stop himself. He felt surreal. He was finally letting go of a weight that’s been holding him down, but the parting pained more than he expected it would. After all, she used to be a woman that he loved.

“This is it” Yeri sighed. They were quiet and hesitant for a moment, staring at each other, their past a quiet connection between them, slowly flittering away. Finally, Yeri stepped towards him and pulled him into a hug.

“It wasn’t that bad” She mumbled, her head on his chest and the scent of her hair in his breath. She still smelled the same; classy and expensive. Sung Gyu put his arms around her.

“It wasn’t good either” He replied.

“I might miss you”

“Okay” He sighed, and she pulled away. “Will you come to the wedding?”

Sung Gyu screwed his face. “I doubt”

“Okay...okay” Yeri nodded in return, slowly stepping away from him. “Well, take care of yourself...and all”

“Yeah you too”

And soon, he was left behind in his house as he watched her exiting the front door of their used-to-be home for one last time.

The entire morning and the early part of that afternoon, Sung Gyu slept through his new-found painful solidarity. He was startled awake then and there by the sound of voices echoing in his empty vast home, only to realise that the voices were in his head. At one point, he’d drowsily walked to the kitchen to fill Momo’s feeder, and ended up falling asleep in his couch. Then he had a dream; a dream of himself, in this couch, with his limbs dangling over the edges. A faceless woman walked towards him and placed a lingering hand on his shoulder. He vaguely remembered himself comforting up to her, like a cat begging for affection. Then he heard a voice in his ear; so familiar yet ever so far away. ‘I hate it that I can tell your voice just about anywhere’

A shrill ringing echoed in his mind afterwards. The woman vanished, and he was on his own again. Only except that his phone was ringing on the floor.

He didn’t get that many calls on his personal phone, and his office phone he had deliberately left in the drawer of his office table. He hadn’t expected for the police to have gotten hold of his personal number as well. But then it occurred to him that he was a criminal on the lookout.

Sung Gyu picked his phone after letting it ring for far too long, and Hyerim’s stern and professional voice echoed from the other end.

“Kim. We have the recordings”

The recordings. The crisis. Cold sweats began to form on his skin. “Right” He gulped. “Do you want me to come over?”

“We’ve already contacted your secretary and she said she’d send your guards on your way”

Sung Gyu groaned under his breath and planted a hand on his face. He could have driven himself there. It was Saturday, he wasn’t even working. The last thing he wanted right now was having his guards pestering around and looking surreptitiously at him like he was a ing criminal.

But he supposed he hadn’t a choice there as well.

“Okay...fine” he sighed. “Where will I be coming to?”

“The police”

The police. He was going to the ing police. Where in his life did he go so terribly wrong to end up going to the police? His parents weren’t going to be so impressed.

“So my driver is coming to drive me to the police” He clarified.

“Get yourself here, Kim” said Hyerim, stern and dismissive, and when the line went dead after that point, Sung Gyu realised that he most definitely had no choice.