"Shut your mouth and run me like a river~"

"Choke this love 'til the veins start to shiver! One last breath 'til the tears start to wither! Like a river~"

"Like a river~ Shut your mouth and run me like a river."

When did the last time I could run my favorite song on the car and singing like a mad woman? Since my family is Catholic, I'm not allowed to do anything "unholy". I can't lock my door, I cannot skip any morning service nor absent from church every sunday which at that day I should not do anything, do my grace and pray everyday, ion is a great sin, fasting on occasions, etc etc . .

"Want to hit the drive thru?"

"Sure."

I let her do the order while I'm sitting nicely on the back seat, recollecting how she took me out of the hospital an hour ago.

It's like the scenes from those james bond's movies, completed with their theme song in my head. She called her manager to show up with a bunch of clothes in her hands. She dressed me in casual, with a cap and mask, then told her to stay there. Not to camuflash as me, but just sitting nicely and waiting if anyone asked about me she'd need to answer that we're in the bathroom, trying some outfits. Then with the same bunch of empty laundry bags, I hide my figure while walking behind Nana-sunbaenim. I was so nervous that made Nana-sunbaenim had to talk non-stop during the mission as an annoying artist that stressing her manager. No one actually realized that it was me behind her. We were walking in slow-nice pace to the elevator, rode it with another people, got out and used her van! And nobody knew it was me!!!

"Not on diet, right?" she asks as giving me one bag of large fries, two burgers and one soda.

"One good side of JYP, they'll only hire great nutrionists as counsultants of your balance and healthy diet. Never goaling on making some dancing praying mantists with dresses on them." I tear open the bag and some fries are flying everywhere. "Oops, sorry!"

"Don't mind it. I'll just send it to the car wash tomorrow."

I stop myself who's trying to clean up and enjoy the fries. "Why don't we eat first in the parking lot?"

"Sure." She moves the van to the parking area.

"If you don't mind with my questions, what's that pill again?"

"It has no name. Great medicine never allows you to remember their name. That's why they are so hard to find and so damn expensive."

"Fair reason."

"I call them Purple anyway."

"P for Purple because its indeed purple?" I feel my head getting lighter when we reached one spot at the parking area and start to goble up the food.

"What's make you do the counseling?"

"Who, you mean. My mom. Been doing this for 4 years and I had no idea why."

"And then she told you."

"Yeah, some bulls about Eunjung-unnie. I know it's true, but still, bulls." I sip on my soda, then continue. "Eunjung-unnie fell into this showiz much earlier than me. Star syndrome and adolescent, I guess? She met a wrong guy, did drugs and all, and then she fell for this one girl."

"Girl?"

"Yup. I don't really remember much about the girl. She scares me out. She choked me once, and Eunjung-unnie just laughed about it. They were high, I believe, if it was true that Eunjung-unnie was an addict and followed those kind of trend, well . . "

"I could accept that knowing your sister liked another girl may corrupt your fundamental, but choking you out won't lead you to trauma that needs you to take alot of meds and counseling, y'know."

"Apparently not, but I guessed Eunjung-unnie was hurt, being told to severe her ties with that girl. And it led to misbehaviour as cutting her wrist on my birthday and dropped her blood on the cake. I remember I pretty shook about it and try to remember is giving me a great deal of pain."

"Did they hypnotize you?"

"Maybe. Do you think that is why I get dizzy and fainted?

"Yeah. The memories are starting to leak out. That must be hurt. I pity you."

It is weird feeling to tell her how I feel and think. I've never told anyone about what I feel, I'd always kept some for me, just in case that people betrays me. In addition, that purple pill does help me to not worry about it so much. In normal condition, I would go tripple-axel just because I need to rewind the memories which should give me the worst pain. But no, Nana-sunbaenim's pill is helping me. She's helping me.

When we reached the shooting location of Eunjung-unnie's drama, we're shocked at how happy the people on set were. They're giggling, eating together, and even taking pictures in front of three biggest foodtrucks that I've ever seen. I could see from the van that Eunjung-unnie's faces are attached to the banner of each trucks.

"Wow. You're sister must've has so much money on her."

"Bet it's not even her money."

I could guess exactly how capable Eunjung-unnie in using her "lovers" money. Even though Mom said that all those jewelries at home are not hers, I bet her lovers pampered her to the core and it builds on mom for way different reasons.

"Can we find her van? She could be still in the set, right?"

"Sure."

We have circling the parking area for three times, but I couldn't find her van. "She must've left."

"Unspoken rules, my dear. When you are hosting three big food trucks and all the production house staffs fawning at you, you must never leave the location until the very last person went home before you. Or they'll roast you alive and cut your lines."

"Poor, Eunjung-unnie . . " I look outside the window. "She spends so much . ." And then my eyes lay on a female in a one-piece dress that hugging her curve nicely is walking out the set. "There she is!"

Nana-sunbaenim hits the brake too deep and we jump onward. ". Sorry. Where?"

"On your left. 8 o'clock."

It's nice to see Eunjung-unnie has been directing people who are not in the party to get some food. She bows, smiles, and push them into one spot and all her money won't be wasted. And then she walks toward a big brand new van that standing by behind the building where her manager-oppa has been smoking and I think she asks him to go grab some food too.

Wow. Mom will kill her if she knew that her eldest daughter has found a great sugar daddy. Or daddies.

"Wait here, I'll go to her."

"Okay."

I run fast toward Eunjung-unnie that has been sitting on the passenger seat with open door and tweedling with her phone. "What the hell, unnie?!" I yell out as I hit her arm and her phone falls. "Why you went missing and didn't-"

"What the are you doing here?!"

"What?! Now I can't see my sister?!"

"Your mom won't be happy if she knew you're here! Who's taking you here?"

"Nana-sunbaenim! But it's not your business!"

"Nana?!" she looks bewildered, jumps from the van and looks directly at Nana's van across the street. "Why she's here? How can you both be-"

"Don't change the topic!" I yank her arm so then she could face me. "Do you know what Mom told me yesterday?? That I got this sickness because of you?!"

"And then?" Eunjung-unnie stares at me coldly. "It's pretty old reason, don't you think?! Anything went wrong with you, and I would be the one who's at fault! And if anything went crazy about me, it's all just my fault!"

"That's why you slit your wrist in front of me? On my birtday cake?!"

"I was high at that time! What do you expect?? 5 times on regular dose Z&L and 1 dose ecstasy would not dare me to cut off my wrist?? I even went on OD that night too!!"

"Then why did you get high?! Since when you-"

"You girls are too loud. Get into the van."