“It’s none of your business, Suho.”

The young man felt his heart skipped a beat when my icy hazel eyes stared at him unforgivingly, almost as if I could see right through all his good and sins. I was pale and scared after my conversation with Irene. He probably thought that I had always had one of my feet closer to death than anyone else before, but this was an emotionally scarred person who tried so hard to mend those wounds but they stuck and I had no other way to heal. There was no amusement, relief or a sense of accomplishment when Suho approached me, extending a hand of help – because this time he was genuine.

“Well, you make it my business because I’m not going to leave a girl who looks like she’s ready to jump out of this plane the second I’m gone,” He explained. He was about to offer another reason – a better one, because he was good at coaxing people, and he understood the skills to talk his way out of things. But as soon as these fat droplets fell from my eyes like crystals, he stopped and unclenched his fists, feeling at least half of his heart gone. Somehow that hurt. It made him uncomfortable when I cried, with my stony, distant eyes, crying tears that fell like river down the waterfall, and they spoke of despair and hopes lost.

“Why are you doing this? Would you write a lengthy report to the Union in details of my misery?”

He shook his head, not even the least bit surprised that I knew about his secret deals with the Union. His mind might be tough to crack, but it was nowhere as hard as Sehun or Luhan’s. I still got a glimpse of his intention from time to time when I wanted to, although lately, things had been so messed up I didn’t know where or how to start untangling all the knots. His reply sounded straightforward, “I was tasked, but I don’t do things I don’t feel like doing. I have been giving false reports to Doctor Lee to mask out your activities, although your little escapade is too grand and obvious everyone would have noticed. But I wasn’t – I’m not – spying on you.”

I just stared at him, wiping away the tears and sniffed. Suho threw his hands up in surrender, “Here. I’ll let you have a glimpse of my mind.” He smiled a sad, almost disappointed smile and I felt my heart skipping a beat at the unfamiliar emotion that choked me bottom-up. Perhaps we both looked vulnerable to each other and bonded over that. But that didn’t change the fact that Suho’s approach was so similar to that man’s that it was eerie. It was nostalgic, painful, and a whole new level of discomfort. “But just for a short moment,” He added, and I didn’t miss the threat in that particular sentence. “No one likes a privacy invasion.”

“Why?” I snorted – literally, even though all I wanted to do was go back to the toilet and vomit. Cradle myself to renew the conviction that I was fine, everything was alright, that the chapter had long closed and I was trying to start a new one. But in between the effort of trying and the closed papers were the space that grew larger – and the certainty of being stuck there for infinity was frightening. I didn’t bother trying to read his mind because anyone who allowed me to invade their thoughts, knowing full well of my ability could not be a liar – that, and at least a tiny part of me wanted to believe in him. “Why are you kind to me, then? All these mind-games about opening up and getting me to trust you – isn’t that for the sake of the Union?”

He chuckled, “Not really. To be honest, I do have my own selfish motives in the beginning, but you are so… intriguing I can’t help myself but wonder how good it would be if you could trust me the way I want to trust you.” He smooth-talked his way out of the responsibility of a lengthy explanation and saved myself from the complicated stuff. Then he held my wrist and put me down on a seat, brushing the top of my head gently as he went to the back and poured us Vodka and Sprite. I scowled and took the glass away from him, “I thought you don’t fancy alcohols. Are we out of milk supply?”

“Well, I figure alcohol will do the talking for us both,” He smiled again and sat in front of me. The crinkle between his eyebrows had been smoothened to non-existence so that I wouldn’t remember his looks of concern. I took a sip and cringed at the taste. The Vodka far outweighed the content of the soda. “So,” I raised my eyebrow behind the glass, “What’s the benefit of me trusting you?” And I surprised myself this time because instead of freaking out, I held myself together in the face of this man, even as I reached out and wiped off the disgusting snort from my nose. “Surely, you can’t expect me to just open up if you haven’t earned my trust.”

“Let’s see,” He pretended to think and to no one’s surprise, it took him more time than he should. “We have plenty of hours left in this plane, I have a shoulder for you to cry on – they’re pretty comfortable, judging from experiences I have had – I get more drinks for you to try on and a listening ear anytime you’re ready.” He quickly added on, “If you are ready. I am not intrusive of a lady’s private space but…” He eyed the toilet in concealed distaste, “I don’t want to see you holed up in that claustrophobic place. My shoulder and arms are much better choice.”

“Okay,” I breathed out. “It’s a pretty good deal in a ty situation. And can I get another glass of this, please? I need to loosen up first.” Several glasses and a few coaxing words later, I leaned onto the window and put my feet up, feeling a bit more light-headed than usual. I wasn’t drunk enough to be called one, but certainly less sober than I was supposed to be. I felt a little too hot and wanted to take off the outer wear I was wearing, but when I did, Suho sternly put his hands above mine and shook his head, “Wait. Let me get you something to cover up before you take all that off. And no more drink.”

I stared down at my loose-fitting tank top with sports bra inside and legging. Then I looked at the empty seat in front of me and held back a chuckle. He was much more reserved than I expected him to be. It was just a winter coat, not my inner layer and yet, he was acting like an older brother figure – or an overprotective boyfriend, because I wouldn’t really know how an older brother would react in this situation. He came back with a thin blanket and started cleaning up the glasses and bottles. Whether it was the alcohol that did its magic or just me being the old, foolish me, I opened my mouth and blabbered, “You’re really sweet, Suho. I’ll give you that.”

My confession was met with his sturdy back that carried all the stuff into the kitchen, completely oblivious to the soft smile plastered on his face. I just indirectly admitted that I liked being spoilt by him, but I really shouldn’t get used to it. Good things never lasted anyway. So when he sat down again with two glasses of water for us each, I avoided eye contact and pretended to fall back into the soft, comfortable chair. “Do you feel better now?” He asked and watched me closely. I nodded. Just a tiny little bit though, but enough to feel less terrible about the whole situation. “Still scared?”

I nodded again. “Somehow.”

“Did the girl say anything bad to you?” Suho was very patient with me. I felt horrible. Like really, really bad. But I refused to believe kindness was done without expectation. That was too good to be true. The world would have been a much better place if that happened. There was nothing unconditional – love, friendship, even family – we demanded and longed for something in return. I stared at him and he stared right back. I just felt so tired sometimes because no one was ever there for me anymore – and he noticed because he didn’t push me further for explanation or anything. His presence, his smile, his voice – it was comforting to know that he was here, even though I tended to push people away with my aggressive behaviour when they got too close.

“Irene is not capable of that,” I replied. “She is not like me – she’s not capable of hurting people. It’s tough being a Seer that way because she has to always tell the truth and sometimes the truth can hurt so much more than a lie would.” A drop of tears subconsciously fell. “She is a good girl. Always want the best of this world. Always kind and timid – the complete opposite of me. She was a close comrade that I vow to protect no matter what.” Then came the hushed sobs, choking me alive, “But Suho… I don’t want to go back with her. I don’t want to be with the Rebel anymore.”

“No one can force you to leave if you don’t want to,” He leaned forward and put his hands on my cheeks. I unconsciously flinched from the touch and he seemed to notice because he let go gently, “I’m sorry. I didn’t… I wasn’t thinking if this would be uncomfortable for you.” I shook my head. It was uncomfortable but not disgusting. His touch wasn’t revolting. I didn’t feel the usual aggression and nausea that I felt when a man touched me. Then he retreated a little and ran his fingers through his messy black hair, “That was not very sensitive of me.”

There was a poetic silence that followed after. The sun was still bright on his face, highlighting his pale skin and magnetic eyes. It was so easy to be lost in this quiet conversation. So easy to confide in him – almost like he understood. But I hardened my heart and shook the thought away. At the end of the day, what hurt most was the what ifs and all of the wondrous possibility that – when you thought about it – would never come true after all. All in wasted hopes and bitter dreams. I groaned and forcefully wiped off the tears. “It wasn’t your fault. I am just uncomfortable with physical touch. Strange, isn’t it? How a short few years could change someone so much.”

“Is it true, then?” His voice was a little raspy. Hot. I shifted uncomfortably. “You were by your former boyfriend?”

He didn’t hide anything, not that I’d want him to. The rawness of each conversation we had was a little frightening. I wasn’t used to kindness. Or curiosity and sincerity. These sweet, simple gestures were worth more to me than money would be – and that said a lot, given how much I cherished it. But because I liked to read too much into every little things, I ended up misunderstanding good manners as something more. I shook my head and forced myself to reality. Money was easy to grasp. Human’s heart wasn’t. Money would stay. People would change. Just like seasons and years went by – everyone would inevitably leave at some point.

“He didn’t me,” My throat felt dry. The sappy part of me was gone, now replaced by an angry, more aggressive version of one Jung Sera. “But he might as well have been. Listen, uh. This is a very nice gesture, and I appreciate the thoughtfulness, but I can’t.” I choked. “It’s not something I want to think about. I don’t want to sound miserable and pathetic. Especially since we’re not at the level to talk about deep, personal stuff.”

His smile was so beautiful it almost hurt to look at him the same way again. It was the kind of smile that held a certain magic spell that compelled you to just stare. I quickly diverted my eyes. Good-looking people were disaster-in-the-making and I always made sure to steer clear of their path. Suho twirled the glasses around his fingers and let out a series of deep, breathy chuckle. “I guess we’re not quite there yet,” He offered a reply that sounded civilised and gentle without an inch of denial. “Well, I’m always up for a talk, anytime you need me. I’m pretty good at giving advice, and even better in being a wonderful listener.”

“I’ll be honest with you, Suho,” I blinked away the remaining moist in my eyes. The tears tasted salty and bitter at the same time, the taste melting in my mouth as my jaw ached. He looked at me with interest. I didn’t know if it was truly friendship he was looking for – if he really felt a sense of kinship and wanted to bond over that. What I knew was that I was still scarred. And they were a reminder of a lesson I learnt the hard way. “You’re exactly the type of guy I usually avoid. Smart, charming, good with words –“ I paused when his eyes softened at my confession. “– sweet. Not to mention, you remind me too much of my ex because he used to push me to admit the things I felt uncomfortable about, even if I was uncomfortable talking about it.”

“I sense a ‘but’,” He interrupted unhurriedly.

“But I want your friendship at the same time,” I sighed, “If you could tell me what you really want. You bring great benefits to me with your position in the Union, and you’re the first person I can talk to without hating. However, as pleasant as that sounds, I don’t believe in unconditional sincerity. There’s always a catch, and I want to know what it is. I want to draw a very clear line in what I’m getting into, so we don’t get lost somewhere along the way.” I narrowed my eyes at him, “What do you want from me, Suho?”

“I want a strong, solid partnership,” He admitted. “I want your knowledge and your experience, and you can utilise my position and information in return. I want long conversation and nights-out, with Chinese food and pizza, or milk, or both. I want random talks and meaningful ones. I want trust and understanding. When I need help, I want you to be there for me. And I would like you to do the same. I admire your potential and you as a person, so I just need your promise of friendship, that you’ll be there and so will I. The rest is compromises. That’s what I want.”

I raised my eyebrow, “That sounds an awful lot like a boyfriend. A boyfriend-with-benefits.” He made it sound like a political marriage when all I wanted was someone to call a ‘friend’. I wondered if he knew the limitation of friendship and the sometimes blurred line with romance. When two people were involved, it was hard to tell when one would fall in love. I wanted to erase the possibility and made it very clear from the beginning that this was all there was. I was not in the position to give more. “But I want it all platonic. Yes to all of the above, but with a guarantee that there would be no romantic involvement and the likes.”

“Of course, Darling,” His smile wide in amusement, “Friends. That’s all we will ever be.”

* * *

Luhan woke up from his nap and adjusted his seat. Then he checked the watch on his hand and sighed. There were seven more hours to go, and he was already feeling worn out from the motion sickness. Luhan hated long flights, and tried to avoid inter-continent mission whenever possible, making him one of the most reclusive Elites in the Union. He tried to recall the dreams he had – one where someone was screaming at him loudly and the whole village burnt in fire, the other where he was attacked under a Shelter by a pair of hands covered with black gloves. Research published the fact that people dreamt in black and white, but for some reason, Luhan could remember the vividness of red in his dreams.

Just another dream, He watched Sehun’s sleeping figure across him. His brows were furrowed tightly as if he was having a nightmare. The blanket had slipped off of Sehun’s arms and fell close to his legs, almost dropping dangerously close to the ground. It wasn’t everyday that he saw Sehun so open and vulnerable in his sleep – not that Sehun liked doing that in front of others. Baekhyun was reading a book he had never seem to finish since the beginning of this journey – with dirty white cover and blaring text that seemed to eat at your face ‘Smoke Gets in Your Eyes’. Luhan figured out it was his way to fall asleep as he had had troubles with it for years.

Kai was snoring lightly with his mouth open. Luhan’s lips held a fond smile and he got up from his seat. First, he had to adjust the blanket position on Sehun’s lap to cover his arms, so he would feel more comfortable and warm. Baekhyun shot him a lazy glance and went back reading. Then he would go over the medicinal box on his bag so he could get a sleeping pill to drown himself in another series of dreams before they landed in the headquarter. Luhan decided to make a trip to the toilet and found out where Suho and the girl was. They were missing, doing God knew what – not that he was curious about it.

He pulled aside the curtain separating one compartment from the other.

There Suho was, his posture straight and his legs up in a meditation position. The four prisoners from the Rebel were all blindfolded with a piece of grey silk. The man whom Sera called ‘Suga’ was sitting on the front row, beaten to pulp by Sehun that his face and body looked red and black instead of the original white. How he got there was something Luhan did not want to know. If Sera didn’t try to hold him back, this man would probably be ashes and dusts, scattered in the savannah.

Then there was Dan – Sera’s best friend who seemed overprotective and quiet. His face turned towards Luhan, but he couldn’t really tell with his blindfold. Luhan faced him in the battlefield, and he wasn’t too happy that his Shield was broken. Other than that, Daniel didn’t seem to be too sad or scared about coming to the Union when he really should be. It was the first time a core-member from the Rebel was captured, and Luhan wasn’t sure what kind of experiment and interrogation was coming his way soon. His eyes slowly darted towards a new face, the man with the slow-poison ability who was sleeping soundly on one side because the skin on his right ribs was torn open to a horrible gash that was covered up with bandage to stop the bleeding. Suho might not admit it outright, but he, too, suffered from internal injury after fighting with this man.

Then there was the only woman in the team, the fair-skinned Irene whose dark brown hair and soft facial features reminded him of a popular anime character from Japan. She was the only one who got out unscathed after Sera’s warning. She shifted a little and her eyebrows were closely knitted into a heavy frown when Luhan passed by, as if she knew something everyone else didn’t. He had never met a Seer before, and he didn’t intend to know more about her or his own future because it just seemed so wrong.

Sera was alone in the next compartment. Baby hairs falling onto her forehead as she mumbled in her sleep. Luhan smiled and hurried to the toilet before he was forced to succumb to nausea. The girl opened her heavy lids when she heard of the flushing noise. Then Luhan came out, and she was still drowsy from the after-effect of alcohol. Sera had been deprived of good sleep for a few days, so these few hours were essential for her to restore her sanity. He unconsciously stopped when he saw the puffiness on her eyes. Clearly, she had been crying herself to sleep.

Don’t stop, keep walking, Luhan told himself. But his feet were firmly rooted to the ground and he soon found himself in an awkward position when the girl stared at him through her half-awake eyes. It was pretty adorable and pitiful at the same time. She called out his name softly, like she wasn’t sure if Luhan was a dream or reality, and it left him feeling a little disoriented and lost. How was he supposed to deal with a sad girl? He froze. He knew Jung Sera as the closed-off shell who never allowed anyone within five-metres of her reach. Not literally, of course. But he felt a sense of obligation to ask, just to seem less like a jerk.

“Did you… cry? Is everything alright?” Then he felt a little stupid for asking. Now he sounded concerned when he really wasn’t. But Luhan had always felt a little protective over the fairer gender because they looked so gentle and soft, but it was just that. She stirred a little and rubbed her eyes, clearly still tired. “No. I’m fine.”

“Is it Suga?” He blurted out without thinking much, then almost slapped himself when he realised what he was saying. She said it was fine, and he should leave it like that. Why did he have to be such a nosy person and dive into her personal problem if she wasn’t willing to share? But all had happened and now he couldn’t take it back. This was helping her, even though he had no reason to be. “Did he say something to you? Because Sehun beat him pretty bad and I can do more if he still had the ability to actually talk to you.” The main goal was to shut him up forever and Luhan could do away with snapping off Suga’s vocal folds and snatching away his ability to talk.

And then the girl laughed and rubbed her eyes some more. He hated to admit that his heart softened a little at the sight. She was very pretty, with long lashes and mixed features, albeit a little taller than the average girl – something he had noticed when he kidnapped her back to the Union’s headquarter. Her voice was very low, like she was an adolescent boy, but too soft to be one, “No, I’m really fine. Suga wouldn’t dare to do something outrageous to me with all of us here. As if that guy had the nerve to do so.” She snickered.

He wanted to stay a little longer and maybe say a few more words to soothe her of whatever was bothering her to tears, but his rational self decided against it and he simply replied, “Okay, I’ll leave you to your sleep then,” before strutting off to the front compartment, feeling more confused with himself than he ever did before. Did he really just call her pretty?

A/N: Bonus: Luhan's expression when he was doing all the talking