04. Back Up, Back-up.

Taeyong's hands gripped tightly around the steering wheel. He drove to many places in attempts to sort his emotions and calm hinself down.

But as he drove back closer and closer to their house, past experiences only resurfaced in his head that made his attempts to cool himself down previously, futile.

"Taeyong ah, this has to go with this." Jessica said as a 4 year old Taeyong sat beside her staring at math questions with a puzzled expression. But Taeyong carefully lifted his pencil and figured it out seamlessly. Jessica wore a proud smile. It was after all, a few grades higher for a 4 year old.

"See you can do it. Now, I want you to practice these pages well until you don't make any mistakes." Jessica told her son who only blinked and nodded his head. "No playing until you get everything right." 

"Perfectly." Jessica added sharply with a slight stern look. Jessica's cold demeanour betrayed no emotions. Making her the tough mother Taeyong grew to be afraid and sljghtly wary of.

Taeyong nodded meekly. He knew at a young age that he couldn't mess with his parents and obeyed them. But he couldn't understand why he had to perfect such tough and boring things at his age.

"This isn't perfect, do it again." Donghae said coldly as he tossed the work in front of him down, before looking at Taeyong's stoic face.

By then, 21 year old Taeyong was aware but indifferent to his parents unattainable standard of perfection that he had to meet. That was his life.

"Well," Taeyong said, his voice as calm as possible. "Tell me what I should work on then."

Donghae looked up with a raised eyebrow. "Is this the best you can do?"

'How do you even know what's my best. You're not me.' Taeyong thought angrily but refused to let his emotions show. 

"You can always work on something and I know you can do this better."

Taeyong's head dipped slightly at the mention of those words. He could never figure out if those were said out of love but after all these years, he was convinced that it was mocking in attempts to spur him.

"Taeyong haven't I told you countless of times you need to do things perfectly. You're the first born of this generation. Your birth brought with you high expectations for you and you have to deliver it." Donghae and Taeyong rolled his eyes.

'Him and his perfection talk all over it again.' Taeyong thought and let Donghae ramble on. It never failed to make Taeyong question if his parents do actually care and love him as a son.

'Have I ever experienced love from them?'

Taeyong thought and sighed internally. Not waiting for Donghae to even finish, Taeyong grabbed his work and walked out of the room.

Taeyong pulled to a stop at his usual parking space with a large screech. Taeyong hit the steering wheel and took deep breaths to calm hinself down. He couldn't let anyone see him in this state.

Taeyong ran his hand through his hair one more time before opening the car door. He stepped out an adjusted his blazer before walking. He saw Seulgi's silhouette from the window on the second floor. She was no doubt doing her work but Taeyong stopped walking and watched her.

'Kang Seulgi' Taeyong said in his head.

Taeyong saw as Seulgi stretched her body and he guessed she must have been sitting for while. He watched her slim figure curving and straightening and only felt another set of mixed feelings welling within him. Taeyong only closed his eyes.

"Why is it so difficult to be human?" Taeyong asked aloud to himself, exasperated once more. Taeyong shook off his thoughts and approached the house.

Taeyong entered their room, causing Seulgi to look up from her laptop. Seulgi waited for him to acknowledge her presence.

However, Taeyong walked to his table and pretended not to see Seulgi. Seulgi rolled her eyes before getting up.

'What a prince' Seulgi thought in response as how Taeyong was behaving. Seulgi stood up and turned to him, trying to brush away the tinge of annoyance she was feeling.

"Are you alright?" Seulgi asked as Taeyong back faced her. Taeyong stopped walking and paused. As he turned around to face her, he snickered.

"Why does it matter to you?" Taeyong seethed and still didn't look at her face. Seulgi was baffled at the statement. 'Hasn't he cooled down already?' Seulgi wondered.

"You didn't even defend me infront of father." Taeyong said, and Seulgi could tell he felt betrayed. Taeyong himself was surprised that he even said that to her. He never ever said such things to her before.

But Seulgi only felt wronged. She huffed out in disbelief and her eyes darted everywhere. 'Would you even let me have a say in that argument between you and your father?' 

'You didn't even let me show that I supported you.'

Seulgi was mentally screaming at Taeyong but she knew she couldn't say everything. It would only agitate and incense him further.

"What was I to say to father? How could I just go against him?" Seulgi reasoned in a stable voice, hoping nothing will break loose. Taeyong ignored her and turned away.

"Isn't it obvious we have to be on the same side?" Taeyong said and moved closer to her. Seulgi looked at him and backed up slightly unknowingly.

"What if I said the wrong things?" Seulgi continued as calmly as possible. 'You even left before I could even try to be there for you.' Seulgi thought and contemplated if she should say it out.

"What do you mean wrong things?" Taeyong asked and Seulgi felt her body heating up. She couldn't tell if it was out of anger or agitation or out of annoyance.

"Your partying habits. And not to mention make out habits." Seulgi shot out coldly without much thought. Seulgi had on a cold look now and crossed her arms. The conversation took a turn that never happened before. Taeyong's eye contact lowered and he felt his fists balling up.

Seulgi had no idea why she'd suddenly said it out after all these years of pretending she didn't know. But Seulgi knew she had to stand her grounf.

"Do you think I'm dumb, Taeyong." Seulgi said, trying to sound as indifferent as possible. "but, you do what you want, I can't stop you anyway. What place do I have in your life anyway." Seulgi added, with some hope in her heart.

Taeyong stared at her, he definitely did not see this coming and for some reason, a pang of guilt was rising within him.

"Forget it."

Taeyong dismissed the confrontation, knowing the lack of control he had over everything at that point. From his emotions to his thoughts to this exchange with her.

"That's what we've been doing. For 4 years." Seulgi replied monotonously without much feeling. Seulgi looked up, reminded that she had something to tell him.

But Taeyong walked away. He didn't know whether to feel apologetic, frustrated, angry or upset. 

Seulgi let out a silent, exasperated sigh.

"Taeyong, I have something to tell you. It's important." Seulgi said in a calm voice. But Taeyong didn't acknowledge and proceeded taking off his watch and ring.

"We'll be meeting Mark's in-laws in two weeks, we'll need to clear our schedule that evening as requested by -Taeyong, are you listening?" Seulgi continued but stopped as Taeyong was going into their bathroom. Taeyong didn't utter a word and kept as quiet as possible.

Taeyong couldn't hear anything. He was overwhelmed by the sudden influx of past experiences that he didn't want to revisit. He didn't want to explode at Seulgi for something she didn't cause. 

As Taeyong was about to close the door Seulgi stopped and pushed the door aside enough for her to step in and get a full view of Taeyong. Seulgi stared at him into his eyes but Taeyong broke away and walked out of the bathroom.

'Something is bothering him again.' Seulgi thought as she followed after him again.

"Taeyong, Taeyong, are you listening to what I said?" Seulgi said as she caught Taeyong's wrist with both her hands and turned him to face her.

He had enough. He wanted to be alone. Taeyong bit the insides of his cheek to stop himself from cussing at her.

Taeyong carefully pried her hands away before going to the bathroom again. Seulgi helplessly slapped her face. She knew Taeyong wasn't listening at all.

"Taeyong, I'm not your secretary." Seulgi whispered to herself before tossing herself onto the bed.

"Well, what's new." Seulgi said as she sat up and hopped off the bed, not bothered that Taeyong ignored her anymore. Seulgi nonchalantly walked to her table and continued with whatever she was doing prior to Taeyong's entrance.

----------

Mark and Herin stared blankly at their mothers' back as their mothers' discussed about furniture.

"Do you think this is big enough?" Mrs Seo asked for the nth time that day.

Mark looked around and instantly noticed Herin's lost face and he chuckled without much thought. Her lost look made her look adorable and Mark paid attention to her.

"Herin," Her mother called and she snapped her head in many directions before looking at her mother and this only caused Mark to smile.

"How do you think this will fit in your room?" Mrs Seo asked and Herin absentmindedly said, "Mother, I don't even know how the room will look like."

"Mark?" Mrs Seo diverted the question to Mark who was caught off guard. Mark swiftly gave an answer.

"Anything will do."

Mrs Seo took the answer as a 'Yes' and proceeded to discuss with Jessica.

"Hey, you alright?" Mark nudged her gently and asked her softly. Herin looked at Mark and nodded.

"It's just, I'm lost and overwhelmed." Herin said and Mark had to stop himself from screaming 'Totally relatable' in English.

"Me too." Mark answered calmly and Herin smiled. "It's comforting that we feel the same way." Herin said and laughed and Mark smiled and watched her. Mark was surprised that he wanted to pay attention to her. This was new for him.

It didn't take Mark long to realise Herin had a natural charm about her. "You must have been quite popular at school." Mark said and Herin looked at Mark and shook her head. Their mothers had moved off and their legs automatically followed.

"I was the quiet girl who just tried to excel at academics and  music." Herin described as she recalled.

"Among guys?"

Herin gave a laugh and shook her head. "They only wanted to talk to me and were interested in me because I looked different from them. I was after all a Korean in England."

Mark kept quiet and listened but Herin diverted the question to him. "How about you?" 

"Me? I guess I was quite decent among people. I enjoyed playing sports, dancing and music. But let's say I wasn't as stellar in my academics." Mark said and they laughed and didn't realise Jessica's fond g