The Shattered

"Where is Mingyu?" Taehyung asked, a hand down Jungkook's back in long, languid . Jungkook's breath hitched, steeling himself for the inevitable consequences for his actions. He might have been doing wrong, but he would still try to lie his way out of this, even though he was risking Taehyung's fury and his pure wrath. "I don't know."

"Speaking of which, I had not seen nor heard from Shinhwa in these few days," Taehyung hummed absentmindedly, continuing to massage Jungkook's back gently. The evening sun was casting gorgeous shades of light over the palace, water lilies in the small pond lit up in an ethereal glow and fishes splashing happily. It was heavenly.

But Jungkook's heart was painted an ugly shade of grey, regret and pain coloring his whole soul as he fought to push the painful moments out. The few minutes he had used to shove Jeongguk into Shinhwa's arms and watch them ride away, never to be seen again, was the most soul-shredding part of his entire life.

He would never forget the sensation of letting his own child go, of sacrificing his own blood just so the child could have a better life. For little Jeongguk, so small, so fragile in this cruel world, Jungkook would sacrifice his whole world so Jeongguk could grow up well. Jeongguk was everything, more than just his child.

"Is the baby doing alright?" Taehyung prodded, not noticing Jungkook's sharp intake of breath. It had been a month since the baby's birth, and yet Jungkook still refused to let Taehyung see him. "Why do you not let me see him? Is something wrong with the child?"

"Nothing," Jungkook murmured, turning around so he could wrap his arms around his husband. Taehyung's fingers entangled themselves in Jungkook's dark hair, weaving through the knots easily. "I just don't really feel like talking, you know?"

"How are holding up?" Taehyung rumbled lowly, arms wrapping tighter around Jungkook's lithe female body and bringing him closer. "You look pale."

"I'm doing great, it's nothing," Jungkook sighed, pushing down his urge to burst into tears. The emptiness in his chest threatened to overwhelm him, the feeling that something was just missing from his life. The sick thing was, he knew exactly what, or who, was missing.

"You do not seem like it," Taehyung raised a challenging eyebrow, large palms sifting through the silky layers of Jungkook's grey gown. The material's color shifted along with the light, changing into various shades of silvery white and gleaming indigo like the scales of a fish. The dress was a small gift from Baekhyun, a small token of condolences and friendship from the prince consort of Goguryeo. 

"I just want to rest," Jungkook nestled his face into the crook of Taehyung's neck, inhaling the familiar scent of incense and rain he loved so much. Taehyung's warmth was like a blanket of safety.

At least, for now.

Sometimes safety was just a pretty facade to hide the pain and insecurity hidden away.

"Very well," Taehyung fell silent. Jungkook closed his eyes, and slowly drifted to sleep in his beloved's arms.

"WHERE IS HE?" Jungkook had just barely pushed open the doors leading into the throne room when the sound of glass shattering came from within. Taehyung's roar echoed through the huge room. "WHERE IS MY CHILD?"

"Your majesty, please-" the girl's sentence was cut off by a sharp shriek. Jungkook rushed in, pulling the helpless servant girl away from the livid king. "Kim Taehyung! Calm down!" The girl was sobbing, her long hair pulled out of its bun and a her braid hanging down her back limply. Jungkook shoved himself between the two of them roughly, shielding the girl with his own body.

Taehyung was seething, his while body tensed in a kind of rage Jungkook had never seen before. "Our child is missing. And Mingyu as well."

"Tae, hold on-"

"He is a traitor to his own country," Taehyung said quietly, collapsing back on his throne with a bone-deep tiredness and fear, the bitter tang of it thick on Jungkook's tongue. His heart was thudding painfully in his chest, the lie he was playing in danger of failing any moment, but Jungkook stood tall. "Perhaps you should have banished him long ago."

"I should have," Taehyung slumped, and Jungkook rushed to his side, grasping his husband's body. Taehyung shook with uncontrollable tremors, broken gasps and sobs escaping him. It was the first time Jungkook had ever seen Taehyung break like this, so utterly shattered.

And for the first time, the complete weight of what he had done crashed down on Jungkook all at once.

The child was also Taehyung's, he realized. Taehyung had every right to raise the child himself, he should have had a say in the matter, he should have been given a chance before Jungkook made the brash choice all by himself. Taehyung had all the right to let himself love the child, now far away in a place he would never find.

Jungkook regretted.

Sounds of servants shuffling away, shook Jungkook up, and he ordered everyone out of the room immediately. When the double doors of the throne room were shut tight and the room silent, Jungkook held Taehyung in his arms, letting the king drop his mask and cry to his heart's content. Hot tears pricked at the edges of his eyes, but Jungkook fought them back.

He had to hold on, and be Taehyung's light amidst the dark.

Taehyung was the king, he should have had his walls up, even with Jungkook. Instead, he had opened up, given Jungkook his everything. But Jungkook had been impromptu, taken the risks, and given away a chunk of Taehyung's already fragile soul along with baby Jeongguk. Jungkook had ruined all of Taehyung's hopes for a child with his idiotic choice.

But stupid as it was, Jungkook had to believe he had done the right thing.

Because however he repented, everything was too late to take back and rewind once more.

Jungkook rocked Taehyung lightly, whispered soft condolences into his beloved's ear, and finally, a single tear slipped down his cheek and into Taehyung's hair.

That day onwards, there was always a deep exhaustion and pain in Taehyung's eyes, a hardened hallowness that tore at Jungkook's heart. It was one thing to know he had caused it; It was another to know he had to play out this lie in front of Taehyung's eyes his entire life.

Taehyung was a strong king, doing everything he could to repair the damage he wrought during his father's reign and rebuilding their weakened kingdom. The restoration process from what they currently were to what they could be was a slow, tedious path, but they could do it.

Jungkook believed they could.

Taehyung led his citizens with a listening ear; faithful courtiers were brought in and good, kindly advisers raised from previous positions in the palace. Jungkook had a band of his own handpicked ladies-in-waiting, all of them seasoned fighters and none of them the preening, hapless girls Jungkook despised so much. Jungkook was a queen; He would rule and act like one.

The sun was shining brightly down onto the palace, the gardens blooming wildly with the coming of summer; Everything looked and smelled perfect. Jungkook settled down in the garden amongst a patch of wild daffodils, their yellow blossoms waving and spreading their unearthly fragrance everywhere. There was a piece of unfinished embroidery in Jungkook's hands, which he planned on bulling through without the help of any of his ladies.

As Jungkook put down the cloth and needles, he studied his hands, those soft, female hands that were pale and fragile. He closed his eyes, the pain hitting him and making it seem like it was when he just came all over again. His body, his form itself......

He had had a life here, a whole lifetime, but he still yearned for his own world, his own family that he had been missing for years now.

The skin was smooth and unblemished where he touched, not a single mark anywhere. The perfect doll, the perfect queen. Jungkook could be a puppet, was made to be one, but he had pushed away the image and created a new Jeon Jiyeon, one that was uniquely Jungkook.

Was he Jiyeon, or Jungkook?

"Talk about being able to avoid a job," Jungkook bit back a sigh as he stared at his work. "Never dreamed I'd be regretting all that bull I told Jimin."

"I know, I know, I should've at least called him hyung before I came here," Jungkook recalled the night they went camping and Jimin slept early, slightly ruffled over the fact that Jungkook refused to call him hyung. Jungkook had always been a stubborn mule, now more than ever. "I should've at least told him he was my best friend instead of jabbing at him every chance I get."

"I'm so stupid, you know that?" Jungkook poked the needle through the cloth aggressively, cursing when he pricked his finger and a bead of blood dripped to the ground. "I should never have gone on that trip and ruined my life."

But you earned a whole other life in return, a voice nagged at the back of Jungkook's conscience.  You have another life in another world that would be worth all the pain you ever had. You have a child and a marriage.

"Yes, I have," Jungkook smiled bitterly, a sour taste in his mouth. "But I ruined everything, didn't I?"

The Jeon Jungkook who had lived in the real world would never have been selfless enough to give up his own happiness; and yet that Jungkook would never have been selfish enough to give away someone else's happiness as well. Jiyeon was brave enough, but Jungkook was selfish enough.

I was never the right person for this, Jungkook took a shaky breath, looking out at the calm surface of a small pond, Fish swam underneath the surface, colors reflected by their scales shining on the pale waves sloshing against the soil. The sight was oddly peaceful.

Jungkook's finger twitched, and suddenly an urge to jump into the pond took over his primal instincts. Jungkook choked and keeled over, coughing hard. Immediately, a guard that was rotating in the back rushed forwards, gathering Jungkook into his arms and calling for help. Jungkook spat out a few more coughs and looked up with bleary eyes, distinctly hearing someone call for the king.

Jungkook passed out.

"What were you thinking?" was the first thing Jungkook heard when his