When did exactly i fall for you? This isn't the first time. My heart is always beating crazily at the sight of you. I can't see anything but you. I must be crazy. Just seeing you makes me forget all the bad things inside of my head. I've trapped in your love before i even realize it. I'm sorry for making you worried. I'm sorry that i took it long for figuring it out. I wanted to end this before it's get deeper... but i think it'll be hard. 

Jungkook stared at the camera monitor. He was looking at Chaeyoung who came again to his house. She came everyday yet he was still scared. He scared of his own feeling. He realized that his feeling towards her wasn't as a friend, but as a man. He scared that he would want some more. He scared that he couldn't hold his feeling. He scared that he would lose her as he lost his father. Because both of them were precious to him.

"You see me, right? You're in there, right?" She knew that he was looking at her. 

"You made me worried, made me assume that something must be wrong. I don't know and i don't even want to know anymore..I thought that day meant nothing for you?" It absolutely wasn't true. It meant so much for him. 

Jungkook wanted to get out and hugged her so much. He was dying because he missed her. He missed every moments he spent with her. He missed doing almost things together with her. The small things. The small things that gave him happiness.

"Show up tomorrow. For the sake of the project. I'll kill you if i fail this semester.." she said before leaving. 

Jungkook hate himself that he couldn't even do what he wanted. He hate himself for upseting her. He knew he shouldn't have been fallen for her in the first place, but he had no regret. The memories he spent with her were all beautiful. It felt like he wanted to be with her for longer time. 

The sound of opening door startled him. It turned out that his mom had come home after almost a week. She said that she had a trip to country side with her collegues. 

"Have you eaten? I bought eels today" she walked to kitchen, holding fews of plastic bags that filled with stuffs. 

He didn't have appetite to eat. And he didn't feel like he wanted to eat with her. So Jungkook went to his room instead. 

He laid down on the bed, facing on the ceiling that was drawn with stars and moon. It felt like he was staring the galaxy. 

Things were getting complicated these days. There were a lot things that going on in his head. He couldn't tell what he wanted and what he needed. He couldn't tell what would be the best for him and people around him. He was indeed tired. He was sick of living. He still had nightmares and felt hollow at night. So he wanted to end this. He wanted to erase the pain. When his mind went blank, that was when the insane thoughts took over. The insane thoughts.

∴ℵ∴

Chaeyoung immediately rushed to Jungkook's house. With the letter in her palms, she took buss while thinking the sign that already shown when they were together. Jungkook always said that he wanted to do something he never did. He said that he gave his instruments in orphanage. He also talked a lot about wanting to be a good person. She couldn't fight the tears that already falling on her cheeks. 

I just want to look at it. As much as i can... in case i wouldn't be able to look at it again...

She wasn't sure of her feeling because at the same time, she felt scared and mad. She scared that she would lose him. And she was mad that he was so selfish. She never knew that he would be like this. All this time she spent together with him, he always been the mischievous one. Behind that smile and laugh, there was a pain, sorrow, and despair. And she hate that she didn't see that earlier. 

The buss had stopped. Chaeyoung forced her legs to run even though they were weaken. As soon as she arrived in front of his house, she pressed the bell repeatedly. 

"Jeon Jungkook! Come out now! I know you're in there! Please come out!"

After a few moments, the door was opened. But it wasn't Jungkook, but a middle aged woman welcomed her. Chaeyoung was startled and quickly hid the letter behind her. 

On other side, Jungkook just woke up from his sleep. He sat on the bed by the smell that coming from the outside. Food smell. He was hardly a morning person before. Then it was the quickest time he woke this past week. He got up and then opened the door following where the smell coming from. It was from kitchen. 

His mom rarely cooked since she was always busy. Jungkook remembered that she brought eel as she said it yesterday. 

"Oh? Let's have breakfast together" his mom said, realizing his presence. She wasn't usually like this. 

Jungkook actually wasn't in mood to have breakfast. But he immediately stalled in his place at sight of uninvited guest. Chaeyoung just came out from the bathroom which was a surprise to Jungkook. 

Why the hell you doing here?

"Chaeyoung said she hasn't had breakfast yet. Turns out that i'm making grilled eel. Come on, take a seat" his mom set the table. His and Chaeyoung's seat were across while his mom on the other side. 

Chaeyoung awkwardly sat on the chair his mom had prepared. They changed gaze but none of them said something. Jungkook, who was still froze in disbelief, then was pulled by his mom and sat on the chair. 

"I went to Gwangju yesterday, i saw bunch of eels then i reminded of him" she talked to Chaeyoung, while grilling the eel on the table. 

Chaeyoung looked up to see him, but his eyes glued on the table. The dinner went just fine. Jungkook's mom was the most person who talked while the two could only staring at each other, feeling awkward. Chaeyoung showed that she was a little bit uncomfortable when his mom gave her the best part of the eel, its tail. 

"I give this for you because you're pretty" his mom said while cutting the eel for her. "Besides, this is the first i have meal with him, all thanks to you" Jungkook cleared his throat, embarrased. 

After quiet awkward breakfast, Jungkook invited Chaeyoung to his room while his mom insisted to wash the dishes herself. To be honest, she was the first girl that had stepped into his room. He was embarrased that he hadn't even c