Author notes: This story was inspired when I was scrolling on my Instagram feed. I swear, all those heart breaking quotes was making my heart dropped. However, all beautiful sentences here weren't all from me, I took it from the post caption and changed it. To @heartsickboy, I'm sorry I took your quotes. All appreciation are for you.

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“The worst mistake that you can make, is to walk away from the person who actually stood there and waited for you.”

     I can’t think of any love story or romantic movie or heart breaking song could ever really describe how much I miss you. In every seconds of my life, I couldn’t forget the look in your eyes, that certain shade of brown especially when the light hits them. And the way your hands always cold and shaking. The way your foot taps automatically to any beats. The way you push your hair behind your ears and the smile when you’re embarrassed or nervous. I miss talking to you, FaceTiming you when you weren’t here beside me.

     I remember how you walked towards me with your million watts of smile, how you’d squeeze on the same chair of me during lunch break and show me the latest show you’d been hooking on. And every single time, I would bored my eyes into yours, and you always said that I wasn’t listening.

     “You aren’t listening, are you?”

     “…”

     “Momo?”

     “You’re beautiful.”

     “Oh, shut up.”

     You always blush on every words I said to you. I wasn’t lying. You’re really beautiful that day. The next time, you would continue blabbering about your day and I would always admiring you in this distance. My clothes would smell like you later, the mix of Jasmine and home you bounce around to. I miss our constant teasing that we never meant or deep text conversation at every point of the day.

     “Momo, you’re a pig.”

     “Hey!”

     “Pig, pig, pig!”

     “Mina, you come here!”

     We would running around like little kids. People were watching but we never pay any mind of them, as long as we happy. We constantly sending each other things that might cause a smile or laugh, going anywhere and having fun even if it was freezing cold or blisteringly hot. I miss feeling like we shared a soul because we were so in sync.

* * *

“It hurts like hell when you know that you need to let go of someone but you can’t, because you’re that dumb potato who keep waiting and waiting for the impossible to happen.”

     My hearts turned cold and my feelings are numb. Without you I’m a corpse. The fact that nothing last forever is the best and the worst thing I could possibly know. I’m sad that now you were gone. No one can tolerate me like you can. You’re special. You breaks my wall easily even I hardly build for myself and people around me. I was ignorant to you. But you never give up.

     In the end, I should have knew that you are playing the biggest part of me in my life. I felt like you’re inside me, even you weren’t physically here. It’s sad, isn’t it? I once thought worlds of you and then you’re just another memories for me.

     When I love you, I really ing love you. There are no in between. I don’t know what the grey area is because my love for you is black and white.

     But, why is this happening to us?

     Why all of sudden you tell me that you need to leave?

     I would never understand that. I want to fight for us, but guess that I’m a chicken. I stood there watching you walking in other man’s arm, wishing that I was him instead. I felt like stupid. No, I’m an idiot. How fool of me.

     I remember that one morning where one of our friend ran to me and dropped the biggest bomb that exploded my heart severely.

     “Momo, Mina was taken away!”

     I dropped whatever I was holding on and charged towards your house in barefoot. I knocked on your door and your mother was the one to greet. It wasn’t a warm meeting. I felt like she was looking at me with full of disgust, eyeing me up and down like I was a beggar. I asked her to meet you but she slammed the door on my face instead.

     The next day I heard from Jeongyeon, you were getting married to the man of your mother’s choice. I was broke. I don’t understand why destiny allowed some people to meet when there’s no way for them to be together.

     What do you do when the one you love is slipping away right in front of you? And there’s no way to make them stay? How do I tell my future kids, the first girl you fell in love with is the reason you question everything? I don’t want to give up on you, but it seems like it’s easier said than to be done. Told you I was a chicken.

     Some days are lonelier than others. Sometimes I can pretend to fit in and force a laugh. Maybe even smile at Jeongyeon’s lame joke. I can smile for a camera. Those are days when I talk some and try to forget.

     Sometimes I can’t pretend. I close in on myself and I’m on my own steel trap. On those days, I just hide from everyone. Because it’s easier to be alone. Sometimes I feel like you were my imaginary friend, going everywhere with me. I saw you everywhere. But what hurts the most is when I realise the fact that you weren’t the one I make up in my mind. You’re real. We’re real. These matters are real. That’s when it feels so lonely. Knowing that you’re there, but not with me. I’m surrounded by walls and walls of silence.

     In 20 years, when my daughter asks me who my first love was, I’ll think of you. I will think of the nights we spent talking until the sun came up. I will think of your smile that could lit up my entire world. I will think of the lesson you taught me, both before and after you left. I’ll tell her that how much I loved you, how dangerous love could be and how destiny being cruel. But I’ll also tell her that none of that matters as much as it did then, I’ll tell her that it doesn’t hurt the way it used to, I’ll tell her that it’s important to put your heart on the line even if it means breaking it somewhere along the way. I was serious about it.

     One of those days I cramping up in my room, Jeongyeon came with an envelope. Looking from the shape of it, I already knew what is coming to me. It’s finally here. Your wedding invitation. As my hands holding onto the small card, I felt eyes bored onto me. It wasn’t yours, Jeongyeon looked at me with sympathetic eyes. I admitted, I was pathetic.

     “What are you going to do?” She once spoke up. I felt devastated. I had enough with this matter. No matter how much I endured it, Jeongyeon would always push me onto bringing up this matter. Didn’t she get it that I have so much done with you?

     “You’re pathetic, Momo.” She muttered. “I can’t believe that this is the Momo that I have been knew.” Her voice was harsh and she had her teeth gritted with my disappointing behaviour. It was as if I gave up on you. No offense. I guess I’m starting to. I felt the need to move on than to be in this cramped corner.

     I felt the movement from the corner of my eyes. Jeongyeon picked up the card from the table and threw it on my face. My jaw clenched.

     “Enough, Jeongyeon. There’s nothing I can do.” I said.

     Jeongyeon ruffled her short hair in frustrated, probably mad at me for being passive in this relationship.

     “Momo, you know that Mina doesn’t want any of this too.” Jeongyeon voiced out. I knew.

     “She’s doing nothing. And I wasn’t going too.” I closed my eyes and breathed out the heavy feelings in my heart.

     “Momo,” she called. “She’s waiting for you to fight for her.” It somehow perked my ears and grabbing my attention. I looked at Jeongyeon and she was looking at me with eyes full of determination. “She’d been trying too but if you aren’t going to do something, then all her efforts would gone to drain.”

    “Nayeon told me that Mina contacted her three days ago. She was crying. She doesn’t want any of this. She was questioning the fate just like you.” She continued. “You know what else she had been asking?” A paused.

     “She asked for you. Where have you been? She was waiting for you to take her away.”

     I bowed my head. Mina had been waiting for me? I guess I was really a fool. Why can’t I think of any ways to take her home? Am I numb?

    “Do something, Momo. Before it’s too late.” It’s the last thing Jeongyeon said to me before she left my messy apartment. The words does really left a big impact in me. I felt the need to think. I just realised that I can’t leave without you just how much you wouldn’t without me. We’re sharing the same soul. If you’re hurting, me too. In this matter, we’re the victims and yet we were hurting each other.

     In the darkness of my room, I reached for my phone that wasn’t switch on for days. Hundreds of mail came in, and I noticed most of it was from you. Jeongyeon was right. You too didn’t want any of this. With the little light came from the street lamp, I typed my first message for you.

     To: Mitang <3

     I will come to you.

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Angst?