I went straight to my room when I got in and slammed the door.
Why was I such an idiot? I hated myself so much, I just wanted the groud to swallow me up.
There was a faint tap on my bedroom door and my mom came in carrying a tray
'I brought you your dinner' she said 'I figured you weren't really in the mood to be around anyone but you still have to eat'
I owed my mom so much, she kept the family together when my father worked all day every day.
'Thank you' I said quietly as she set the tray down on the bedside table.
'Do you want to talk about it?' I shook my head but a tear rolled down my cheek and she hugged me 'what's going on baby?' she asked as she my hair soothingly.
'Why does no one like me Mama?' I sniffed.
'That's not true, plenty of people love you'
'No they don't. Everyone hates me and the few that might like me, I push them away' I buried my face in her blouse. She always wore the same perfume, vanilla with a hint of rose, it reminded me of my childhood.
'Everything will be okay my dear, you'll see' she lifted my head 'trust me' and she kissed my forehead.

Perhaps I shouldnt have done but when I saw JongIn the next day, I made a point of completely ignoring him and making sure he noticed.
It worked though, he grabbed my arm pulling me back.
'I need to talk to you' he whispered.
'Are you sure your friends will let you JongIn?' I spat 'I mean I wouldn't want to ruin your reputation now would I?' I pulled my arm free and walked off.
And to be hinest, I felt rather proud of myself.
'You feel bad about making a scene' a voice in my head said.
'He deserved it' I said aloud, luckily there was no one around to hear me.
He did deserve it right? I mean he'd made me feel like complete crap and now I had embrrassed him back. I should feel happy.
So why didn't I?
Ugh!

I turned back down the hall and went to look for him, the least I could do was hear him out I guess.
Thankfully when I did find him he was still alone, in the music room again.
'How come I always find you here?' I asked and he looked up and smiled 'hey' I waved and he looked back at  what he was doing 'I'm sorry for what I said earlier JongIn' I said, still standing in the doorway.
He sighed and put down his pen 'I'm the one that needs to say sorry' he said quietly 'you were right, it was all about my reputation and I'm so sorry'
'It's alright' I shrugged 'I mean I guess I get why you did it, kinda'
'I only act the way I do because I know what it's like to be at the bottom and I never want to go back, but it's all an act I swear, I hate doing it and I hate myself afterwards all the time'
'You do?'
'Of course I do' he said 'it's my escape' he added.
'Huh?'
'You asked me why I always come here and the answer is because it lets me get away from everything out there' he pointed to the door 'music lets me get away from all the I have to put up with in the real world...I can play you something if you like' he said when he noticed me looking at his notes.
I smiled 'that would be nice' i said and he smiled back.
'Great, I've been working on this for a while and I'd love to get a second opinion' he said sorting his notes 'I'm a little unsure about some of it'