IMPORTANT: This is a double update so if you haven't read chapter 3 then please check it out before reading this one!!  

Once they all reached the vans, it was a question of who would ride together. Wonwoo suggested that Jeonghan take half of the younger ones while Joshua rides with the rest but Jeonghan was quick to reject the idea. As much as he wanted to take on his role as the current eldest member, he was feeling rather selfish and wanted nothing more than to sit next to his best friend. The urge confused Jeonghan himself because he was still kinda pissed at Joshua's persistence to make him talk earlier but he couldn't shake away this need to be next to other. Joshua saw the pleading look Jeonghan gave him and sighed as he came up with a new suggestion which everyone agreed to.

In van #1 it would be: Jeonghan, Joshua, Dokyeom, Seungkwan, Vernon and Dino.

In van #2 it would be: Jun, Hoshi, Wonwoo, Woozi, Mingyu and Minghao.

Once everyone was situated in their respective vans, the doors were slammed shut and they were rushed to the hospital. In van #1, the members stayed silent for the most part. It had started off with Seungkwan asking no one in particular about whether or not Seungcheol would be okay. No one had gotten a good look at the condition their leader was in when he was being carried off by the stretcher so they all asked Jeonghan if he had any idea from when he first saw S.coups on the ground. 

Jeonghan remembered the blood on Seungcheol's forehead and that one moment he was sure the other was dead. He closed his eyes trying to shake the image from his memory, never wanting to experience that feeling again and pushed back his tears as he brushed off the series of questions from Seungkwan and Dino.

"Ya! Why are you doubting our dependable leader! S.coups is strong. He's not going to let a little bump to the head stop him from doing what he loves! He's going to be fine! Trust your Jeonghannie hyung."

That seemed to pacify the younger ones for a while because they were all able to drift off to sleep halfway through the ride. Only Jeonghan and Joshua were awake and so Jeonghan took the opportunity to call the others in the second van. It took a while but after the third ring Jun finally answered his phone.

"Hey Jun, how are you guys holding up over there?"

"They're all fine hyung. Hoshi started crying but we managed to calm him down."

"That's good. Is everyone awake?"

"No, we're all sleeping except for Wonwoo who's reading a book."

"You were sleeping? I'm sorry for waking you! You need all the rest you can get."

"It's okay hyung..." 

There was an awkward silence and Jeonghan was pretty sure Jun wanted to say something else so he encouraged the other to speak, not wanting the him to bottle anything in.

"Junhui...are you worried about our Seungcheollie?"

"Obviously, I mean we all are. I know he's going to be okay...he has to be okay. But I keep thinking that what if he won't be."

"You can't think like that. The youngers depend on your optimism and they need that now more than ever. S.coups will be fine and you have to believe that. Whatever happens, we'll take care of it but don't ever think that he won't be okay. He has us to look after him so there's no way he won't be fine."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"Thanks hyung. I'm gonna try to sleep again. I don't want to be tired when we reach the hospital. You should get some sleep too."

"I will. Sleep well."

Jeonghan put his phone away and saw Joshua glance at him while pretending to look out the window.

"Does our Joshua need consoling too?"

"Are you sure that's not you?"

"I can't cry now. The others need me to be strong."

"No one's asking you to cry. But we're also not asking you to take this burden on yourself."

"What are you talking about?"

"You think that because S.coups is injured, you need to step up as the oldest and shoulder everything while keeping your emotions locked up."

"That is not what's happening. I'm just trying to be there for them!"

"Then explain the last hour to me. Because you haven't shed one tear when I know you're just as distraught over this as the rest of us. Maybe even more so since it was you and Dokyeom that Seungcheol pushed out of the way."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, I don't? Then make me understand."

"What good will me crying do for anyone? And what about you? I haven't seen you falling into a mess of emotions either!"

"You weren't with the rest of us when it first happened. All we heard was that loud crash and suddenly everyone was yelling and screaming. We couldn't see you, Dokyeom or Coups and we were all scared that the 3 of you were caught under that thing. The kids actually had to hold me back from walking out there to find you guys. Tonight I've been sad, angry and terrified but I haven't been hiding that from the others. You've shown your anger and frustration but you haven't let out whatever sadness you're feeling. Instead, you've been pushing it down and ignoring it in favor of giving these kids some hope. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be reassuring them, but blocking out your own feelings is not a healthy coping mechanism. If you're feeling sad or worried then talk to one of us. Let us lean on each other rather than you trying to be a rock for everyone else."

Jeonghan was speechless after Joshua's lecture. The other was right and he knew he needed to talk to someone. Maybe subconsciously, that was why he was so adamant about riding in the same van as the other. Because now more than ever, he needed the one person who understood him best and would force him to talk even when he was too stubborn to do so. Knowing that he was finally at his breaking point for the night, he turned to face his best friend and took a deep breath.

"Shua...I'm scared for Cheol. I didn't want to tell the others but he looked really bad when I saw him." 

For the first time that night, Jeonghan let himself fully feel the worry and anxiety that he been ignoring and he felt the tears threatening to spill as he spoke. Joshua didn't say anything and instead moved closer to put his arm around him.

"Why is Cheol so stupidly selfless and caring? I bet he didn't even think twice before pushing us out of the way. He never puts himself first and that's what got him on that damn stretcher on his way to the hospital. That idiot."

Joshua had to laugh at Jeonghan. The guy was clearly upset but he was still pretending to be more annoyed. "Don't act like you wouldn't do the same for him. I'm pretty sure we all would do that for each other. That's what Seventeen is, isn't it? We're more than just teammates. We promised that we were brothers. 13 members but one group."

"Yeah but that doesn't mean he had to go that far for us! Now we're all worried and we don't even know how severe his injuries are! What if it's really bad, Shua? I get worried when one of you complain about an ache after dance practices. I don't know what I would do if it was something serious....Oh god and he wasn't even moving! What if he doesn't wake up? What are we going to do? I've never been this scared before!"

Jeonghan was fully crying now and he found comfort in Joshua's arms.

"Cheol will be fine, Jeonghan. Just believe in him and don't give up on him."

He was rocked back and forth while Joshua told him the same things he had told the others when he was trying to console them. And it worked. Just hearing someone else trying to reassure you and take away your doubts can do a world of wonder when you feel yourself slipping away into a dark place in your own thoughts. Jeonghan was grateful and he thanked every star out there that he had someone like Joshua in his life. 

When he was done crying, Joshua joked that with his puffy red eyes and snot running from his nose he looked nothing like an angel. That got Jeonghan to laugh as he shoved the other on his shoulder and grabbed a tissue from his pocket to fix himself. As he did, he looked at his younger members all sleeping peacefully and that brought another smile to his face. Then he remembered a fanmeet they had a couple of months ago where the members were all sleeping in the van looking just as peaceful and they did now. He remembered Seungcheol sitting next to him and telling him that their peaceful faces is what made everything worth it. That he would do anything to take care of them as their leader because they were the most important to him after his family. In this moment, Jeonghan knew exactly how Seungcheol felt. He loved s dearly and that same feeling of admiration towards his leader shot through him again along with another warm feeling that Jeonghan couldn't put his finger on.

But he chose to ignore it and thought back to Joshua's words about not giving up on Seungcheol and he realized that him thinking that the other wouldn't pull through was him losing faith in his leader. And Jeonghan refused to give up on Seungcheol. He may act like a child at times but he was their leader and he was going to be just fine. And if he wasn't then Jeonghan was going to be there for him until he was.

A/N: omg double update AND this is my longest chapter!! ahhhh idk, I wanted to write just one chapter but my fingers kept typing lol

Anyway, I really hope you guys are enjoying this so far. Please make sure to comment and let me know what you guys think. I get super happy reading reactions and I really wanna know your thoughts about the story.

And yeah...thank you so much for reading. I had so much fun writing this chapter and I hope you all enjoyed it!