You knock tentatively on the door. At any other time you would have barged in and declared that you were spending time with him, but things have changed. You can’t even remember the last time you really spent with Tae, just the two of you. Even before everything got bad with Jungkook you could sense a shift in the closeness of yours and Tae’s friendship. It was if he was trying to put distance between the two of you, but for the life of you, you couldn’t figure out why.

His deep voice tells calls for you to enter and you push the door open slowly, glancing around the room as you step it.

“Tae,” You call softly after finding the front room empty.

He rounds the corner of his bedroom and stops immediately when he sees you. His face contorts into something you can’t describe before falling neutral once again.

“Y/N…” He breathes out, leaning against the corner of the wall.

“Did I interrupt something?” You ask, feeling awkward in the uncomfortable atmosphere of the room.

He shrugs before walking forwards towards his small kitchen. “No, I just didn’t expect you.”

You swallow, not knowing how to go about talking to him. You walk up to the kitchen bench and rest your hands against the cold surface, stalling for time. “Yeah, I wanted to talk to you.”

He raises his eyebrows, his whole face softening as it contorts in confusion. “Why?”

You sigh, why does he have to act so coy?

You look right at him and open your mouth, figuring you just need to say it then be done with it, but he cuts you off as he gestures behind you.

“Want to play some video games?”

You shut your mouth with a smack, now is your turn to look confused. Why does he suddenly want to play video games with you? He doesn’t give you a chance to reply as he walks around the bench and begins fiddling with the buttons on the television. You join him, sitting on the couch as you wait for him to finish. He gives you a small smile as he sits on the couch beside you, holding out a controller.

“I just brought this new game, but it’s more fun with someone else.”

You smile back at him, not sure what else you should do.

This isn’t uncharted territory for the two of you, so you’re not sure why there is such heavy tension between you. You were the closest to Tae out of all the boys, with Jungkook as the exception, and you used to spend hours playing video games and watching movies with Tae, and the two of you formed a deep friendship.  A friendship that Jungkook obviously felt threatened enough by to accuse you of cheating on him.

Tae shuffles closer to you, his arm brushing yours every now and again as his arms move in jerky movements across the controls. Neither of you speak again and you feel yourself becoming more comfortable in his presence, similar to how you used to be as you find yourself smiling at his whines and squeals as you beat his character to a pulp. You’d always been better than him at these kinds of games.

“Dammit!” He whines, as his character falls to the ground, the taunting KO flashing across the screen as you grin triumphantly.

“Sorry, Taetae,” You say, unable to wipe the grin off your face.

He throws the controller onto the couch in defeat and leans against you, his hair tickling your cheek. “Can’t you just let me win one time?” He reminds you of a small child with his arms crossed over his chest, his lips formed into a pout. You smile fondly at him, glad that things seem to have returned to normal.

You ruffle his hair affectionately. “Then that wouldn’t be winning.”

He turns over, resting his hands on your thigh as he stares up at you, pout still present.  “I don’t care.” He looks down at his hands then which confuses you. “I want to win for once.”

You say nothing, not sure what you can say to such a statement as you have no idea what it means. He looks back up at you with sad eyes and sighs.

“Tae?” Your voice is almost a whisper in the small space between you.

He shakes his head, more to himself than to you. You wonder what he’s thinking as his eyes shift away from you quickly, before he’s looking at you in a way that is beginning to make you uncomfortable.

He sighs as you shift under him jostling him slightly, he knows if he doesn’t say something now he never will. “I was stupid for not saying anything to you earlier.”

You raise an eyebrow, what is he talking about? You wait for him to continue, there is obviously something he needs to say to you, it’s what you came over here for anyway. You didn’t come to play video games, you came to find out why he had acted the way he did this morning.

“I don’t want things to change,” He mumbles shyly.

You place your hand on his head again, the soft strands running over your fingers as you his hair affectionately. “Oh Tae, haven’t you been paying attention? Everything’s already changed.”

“I don’t want to make things worse,” He clarifies.

You still your hand in his hair as you raise your other hand to list off everything that’s changed. “In the last week I walked out on Jungkook only to later find him cheating on me in my own bed. I’ve been living with Yoongi and dealing with whatever is happening there. And I haven’t seen my best friend in all that time and when I do he acts weird and tells me that he can make my life worse because of what he has to say.” You stop to breathe and look at him seriously. “What can you possibly say to make things worse, Tae?”

“I love you.”

The words fly out of his mouth in a rush of air, leaving you sitting opened mouthed and unsure if you heard him correctly. Your first thought is, what? And second, now what happened on his birthday makes sense. You thought he was coming onto you because he was drunk, but little did you know his drunken state was bringing forth and allowing him to act on the desires of his sober mind.

You swallow thickly, your mouth suddenly dry as you whisper. “Tae…”

He hums looking to the side, letting you process your thoughts.

“Since when?” You need to know.

He smiles fondly as if recalling a happy memory. “Since always.”

. This is just not your week.

You press forward past the lump in your throat, you need to know. “Why did you never tell me?”

He turns to you then, letting out a short humourless laugh. “You’re my best friend.”

You shake your head as you move away from him slightly, you do not accept that answer. “No. Don’t use that as an excuse. You should have told me.”

He shrugs as if it wasn’t a big deal, though it’s obvious that he’s putting up a front. “You were with Jungkook.”

Well yes you understand that very well, but still you can’t help thinking how things might have been different if you’d known. “You still should have said something.” You mumble.

You watch as all friendliness leaves his face, making him look older. “And what would you have done?” His voice is louder, a sign that he’s getting annoyed. “Left Jungkook and start dating me?”

“Well no, bu-,” You start, it wasn’t that simple.

“But nothing.” He cuts you off, causing you to close your mouth quickly. “You were with Jungkook and even though he treated you like more times than not, nothing I could have said to you would make you see me that way.”

Who is he to tell you what you would have done? Best friend or not, he doesn’t know your every thought and desire.

Is he that blind?

“I did, Tae!” You declare, staring at him angrily.

His eyes widen in shock, he’d not been expecting you to say that.

You continue, trying to calm yourself down as you speak. “You’re my best friend, and yes I was with Jungkook. And I’m not saying that I would have left him, but I had feelings for you that I didn’t want to admit to for that reason.” You stop; trying to get your breathing under control, this week has been too much.

He stares at you silently as he waits for you to continue, he always knows when you have more to say.

You smile slightly, placing your hand against his knee. “I love Jungkook, nothing I do will ever change that. I love you, Taehyung, you’re so special to me, bu-,”

“You love Yoongi more,” He finishes for you with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

It’s not what you were going to say, but you find yourself nodding anyway. Because maybe you do love Yoongi, he’s been there through one of the toughest times in your life, been a rock that you could confide in. It’s been such a short amount of time but maybe that doesn’t matter. Maybe that’s love, to be honest you’re not really sure what it means to love someone and have them love you back anymore.

Jungkook took care of that.

“I guess I missed my chance,” He whispers solemnly.

Your heart shatters for him; you never wanted to see him like this. And you find yourself regretting not coming to him immediately after you found out about Jungkook. But Tae is closest to him and you didn’t want to do anything to ruin that. You know that loosing Jungkook’s friendship would crush Taehyung, Yoongi felt differently. You knew he could handle things if they really had to come to that.

“I’m so sorry,” You breathe out, and you know it changes nothing, but what else can you do?

He smiles again and gets up from the couch coming back with two glasses of water and sets them on the table in front of you. He sits back down, this time making sure to sit at the other end, not wanting to make either of you uncomfortable now that feelings have been voiced. You want to laugh at how things got so screwed up. But you still have no desire to leave, so when he asks if you want to watch a movie you nod and pick one out before lying down, making sure your head is resting on his lap.

 He shouldn’t have been scared; nothing between you has changed, not really. Now you’re just aware of the others feelings, just as you’re aware that you both missed your chance. But maybe that’s just life.  

“Why didn’t you come to me?” He suddenly asks twenty minutes into the movie.

You turn your head to find him already staring down at you with sad eyes. You wish you could smooth out the wrinkles that form across his forehead.

“I mean after you found out about Jungkook, why didn’t you come to me?”

You sigh; remembering the night Yoongi found you in the convenience store and demanded you come back to the dorm with him. You’re not sure if Yoongi has told any of the others about what really happened so you go with the answer that’s shorter but still just as true.

“Everything got so crazy, I just didn’t think.”

He doesn’t reply, so you twist your body, bringing your hand up to caress his cheek.

He sighs, closing his eyes as he leans into your touch. “That hurts.”

You blink slowly, thinking he meant your touch when you realise it’s you who’s hurting him.

“I’m sorry,” You breathe out; there is nothing else you can say to him.

A small smile turns up one side of his lips as his eyes open again. The love in them causes your heart to constrict painfully.

“It’s okay,” He sighs again, fighting with himself, unsure if he should speak on the topic or not. “He seems like he really cares about you.” It’s a statement, one that you are already well aware of.

You nod absently, knowing that talking about Yoongi is making him uncomfortable.

You sit up, pulling your head off his lap and nudge his shoulder with your own trying to lighten the mood. “Want to order in?”

His eyes light up at the mention of dinner, transforming him back into the Tae that you didn’t realise until it was too late that you had fallen in love with. He gets up to fetch the take out menu, leaving you sitting on the couch.

You think about the last week, how you went from having a boyfriend and being cheated on. To being taken in by someone you never thought could be so caring, and finding out your best friend for years has been in love with you all along. And yet you find yourself feeling oddly calm, yet still so unsure as to what could possibly happen next.