[ B E F O R E ]

 

I wrote a long letter

To the moon one day

It isn’t brighter than you but

I lit a small candle

 

The lyrics wander repetitively in Park Jimin’s head. He attempts to shake it off, but his efforts are futile.

 

He hates himself for listening to the song on repeat last night. Hoseok already told him off for wearing his earphones to bed, insisting he’d destroy it while he sleeps. But Jimin didn’t listen. Instead, he told his hyung he needed to memorize the lyrics of Serendipity—one of the new songs on their new album.

In reality, he was lying.

 

The nameless bird that sings

In the park at dawn

Where are you

Oh you

 

Luckily, everyone’s asleep. On regular days, he likes the noise of the hyungs and their maknae, but now, the main dancer needs some time for himself.

Everyone knows Namjoon penned the lyrics of 4 O’Clock. When it came out, people praised the leader for his heartfelt words; even the members were touched (yes, even Motionless Min Yoongi said the song made him “feel things”). Fans went crazy for the song—apart from the vocals, they fell in love with the lyrics too, which was why Namjoon explained how the words came to be in one fan cafe post.

The said post not only stirred the interest of fans, but of Jimin as well.

 

Why are you crying

It’s only me and you here

Me and you

Oh you

 

He’s unsure if listening to 4 O’Clock on repeat is the reason he’s wide awake at 4 in the morning. He tried going back to sleep, but he just keeps hearing Taehyung’s voice in his head.

The 95 liner gazes outside of the dorm’s window. As he stares at the empty street, he hears Hobi’s loud snore. How he wished he could be as peaceful as his Hoseok hyung right now.

 

Your singing voice,

That follows deep into the night,

Brings the scarlet morning

One step, then another step

 

“Jimin-ah?”

 

A startled Jimin cusses under his breath as he turns around, thinking there’s a ghost. But it wasn’t unwanted spirit that scared him—it’s just Taehyung.

 

“ Tae, you scared me.”

Dressed in a loose tank top and baggy pants (he’s the only one who wears them to bed), Kim Taehyung looks sheepish as he shuffles in their shared living room.

“Sorry, I didn’t think you’d be awake,” he explains, “I thought I was seeing a ghost too, but I realized ghosts can’t touch windows.”

“Some can.”

“Okay, stop scaring me.”

Jimin shakes his head and returns his attention to the window. He doesn’t want Taehyung seeing him like this.

“Can’t sleep too?” he asks while he stares at a cat lounging by the front yard. The other 95 liner stands beside him, heaving a sigh.

“Yeah,” says Taehyung, “Must be something I ate... or it’s probably because I slept the whole day yesterday.” He brushes his face with frustration. “I really should stop taking 8-hour afternoon naps.”

Jimin smirks. “You really have a hard time when you do that.”

“You’d know.”

“Yeah, cause I’m the one you bother when you can’t sleep.”

These past weeks, he tries his best to act normal around his best friend—pretend that he’s not spending sleepless nights wondering about romance, feelings, and the possibility of being in love.

“Minnie?”

“Yeah?”

Taehyung turns to him and stares. Jimin has always been fascinated with Tae’s dark eyes; they’re so expressive, it’s easy to get lost in them.

“Can we take a walk?”

 

 

 

[ N O W ]

 

At four o’clock in the morning, Jimin takes a walk down the street. It’s deafeningly silent outside, but he needs to clear his head and come up with the right words.

 

Memories flood his brain, but the producer must sort out his thoughts. Compartmentalization is essential if he wants to get work done; otherwise, Yoongi’s gonna give him an earful. So far, the melody is done—he just needs lyrics.

The song is for an upcoming drama on KBS. To get a gist of the show, as well as the overall feel of the OST, he read through the synopsis. Once he finished, he realized that Yoongi’s smirking at him.

“Sounds familiar?” he asked.

 

As he walks down a familiar path, Jimin wonders if the scriptwriter knows something about him. But then again, his story is a generic tale that almost everyone can relate to.

Or maybe he’s just a pathetic puddle of feelings right now.

 

He breathes in the fresh air as he steps over the rocks blocking his way. Taking a walk at dawn for inspiration might seem crazy for some people, but not for him. Who knows what kind of music he can make by the end of it?

After all, someone already did years ago.

 

 

 

[ B E F O R E ]

 

“How’s Serendipity going?”

 

The 95 liners make a right down a bushy pathway.

“I listened to Joonie hyung’s recording again,” answers Jimin, “His voice is so deep, I had to turn up the pitch, but I ended up listening to a middle schooler. It was so funny, I stopped.”

“That must’ve been something.”They make another right.

“But it’s always awesome working with Namjoon hyung,” continues Taehyung, “He’s really considerate; he’ll write a song that fits your voice.” He picks up a flower from one of the branches and twirls it in his fingers. “I’m really glad I got to work with him during the FESTA. He wrote the song and everything.”

In an instant, Namjoon’s explanation returns to Jimin’s mind:

 

“What do you want to say?”

“Dawn.”

“Dawn? What kind of dawn? ”

“I was just waiting for my friend at dawn in the park... and the birds were chirping. I just liked that moment very much.”

 

The articles (which his Hoseok hyung shoved in his face out of excitement) talked about the inspiration behind 4 O’Clock, addressing Taehyung’s moment with a “friend.” Jimin knew it was him from the start—he was the only one who was willing to walk with him late at night or early in the morning.

Majority of the articles talk about Namjoon and Taehyung’s successful partnership, but a good number also discussed the inspiration behind 4 O’Clock: Park Jimin.

 

It was a song where V talked about his friend, Park Jimin, and the beautiful moment of greeting the sunrise together.

He said he waited for this friend in a park and it was the most beautiful thing for him. Said friend is none other than fellow 95 liner Park Jimin.

 

Anyone would’ve been flattered to know they served as the inspiration behind a good song. When Hobi showed him the “proof” about 4 O’ Clock, his hyung was beyond ecstatic.

“What are you confused about?” Hoseok asked, “Isn’t this enough proof?”

For the younger dancer, it’d be better if he heard it from Taehyung himself.

 

“Taehyung-ah.”

His best friend glances at the sound of his name.

“Yeah?”

It’s dark but Tae still looks good. His serious expression combined with the shadows make Jimin’s heart skip a beat.

“I’ve been wondering about something.”

“What’s that?”

The older 95 liner stops under one of the big trees along the pathway. He doesn’t know if he’s supposed to do this, but there are numerous questions swimming in his mind. He deserves answers

At least this one.

“Joonie hyung said in one of the interviews that you inspired the lyrics of 4 O’Clock,” he begins, “That must’ve felt great.”

Taehyung chuckles. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah. Apparently, you’re the mastermind behind the moonchild and the dawn lyrics.”

Tae runs a hand through his hair, shrugging. “I just told him what I felt, actually,” he answers, “Namjoon hyung just asked me about the first thing on my mind.”

“That’s cool,” Jimin tries to say as casual as possible.

His best friend gazes at him knowingly.

“Aren’t you going to ask what it was?” he asks his friend, “You’re usually curious about these things, Jiminie.”

“Do you want me to know? What if it’s a big secret that I can blackmail you with?”

The other vocal liner chuckles. “Good grief, Jimin. I can’t even trust you.”

They try not to be too loud since the neighbourhood is still asleep. Jimin looks around, hoping no one is watching them.

“So... Minnie... you’re not gonna ask?”

He returns his attention to Taehyung, whose face immediately shifted from teasing to serious. With hands in his pockets, it seems as if he’s waiting for Jimin to say something.

“Do you want me to?”

“Yeah.”

Oh my god, he’s being weird again.

Jimin huffs his chest, pretending to be in on this unknown game. He puffs his cheeks and looks up at the skies, pointing a finger at his chin then directing it at Taehyung.

“Tae Tae, what was the first thing on your mind?” he asks like a detective.

Taehyung smiles serenely.

 

“You.”

 

 

 

[ N O W ]

 

“I can tell who inspired the lyrics, kid. It’s pretty obvious.”

 

Yoongi lounges comfortably in his desk as he listens to the last notes of the song. The producer of the said song stands opposite him, leaning by the desk.

“Everybody else doesn’t have to know that,” Jimin reasons, taking a sip of his beer, “But is it good? Did I do well?”

His producer hyung rewinds the track. “Better than I expected,” he replies, “The melody works well with the words. You didn’t need much help, actually. All I did was the hook.”

“Ah hyung, don’t be too modest.”

“I’m not. I’m giving credit where credit is due,” says Yoongi, “I sent your demo to the producers of the show. They liked it. They’re going to have the singer record it just in time for the show.”

“Thank God. With everything that happened lately, I thought I’d up.”

Yoongi stands up from his chair and gathers the trash from his desk. “Well... all those ty things that happened actually helped you out, kid,” he notes, “Not that I wanted you to suffer for good music. But you gotta admit, you got proper inspiration out of it.”

Jimin adjusts the button of his shirt. “Isn’t that the point of life anyway? up and write about it?”

The two fall silent for a few moments. And then Jimin’s phone vibrates. He fishes it out of his pockets and sees a text from his Taemin hyung. He’s too engrossed in the SHINEE dancer’s invitation for drinks that he doesn’t notice Yoongi staring at him.

“How are you doing so far, Minnie?” he finally asks.

“I’m sorry?”

Looking up, Jimin notices that his hyung is waiting for an answer.

“I asked how you’re doing so far,” he repeats.

“Oh... I’ve been fin—“

“And don’t say you’re fine.”

 

Good grief, does this man read minds? Jimin wonders.

 

He runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know, hyung,” he answers earnestly, “I mean... I’m not too ed up, but I’m not quite happy either.” He sits on one of the desks, “I’ve been through worse, though, so I’m alright. I guess.”

“Has he called you?”

Jimin rubs the surface of his phone with his finger. “Yeah, several times.”

“Define several.”

“I lost count.”

“That much, huh?”

“Yeah. Not counting the text messages.”

“And you haven’t answered any of them?”

“No.”

Yoongi makes himself his second cup of coffee. “How long are you going to ignore him?”

“He stopped already,” replies Jimin.

“And you’re happy that he did?”

“No.”

“Then why didn’t you ing answer him?”

The younger producer sighs. “Because if I answered, I know I wouldn’t be able to refuse him,” he explains.

“But he loves you.”

Jimin feels hollow once again. “I know.”

“And you love him too.”

“Yeah.”

Hearing Yoongi say those words almost convinces him that he’s committed yet another set of stupid decisions. The older, however, is notorious for his no-nonsense way of talking. Jimin knows his hyung understands, albeit not fully.

“You think Tae’s better off this way?”

At the mention of his ex’s name, Jimin somehow lights up.

“Did you see the trailer for his new movie?” he asks his hyung.

“The one about military Black Caps? Not yet. Why?”

“It was so good, hyung. Taehyungie looked so rugged and authentic. His acting has improved drastically,” says Jimin, “I also heard he’ll be getting more projects this year—plus a modelling contract. Do you think Gucci will finally sign him?”

“I don’t know, Minnie.”

“Well, I think they might. I also read somewhere that he might star in two more dramas,” continues the younger producer, “Tae’s got a lot in store for his career.”

The silence ensues again.

“Is this why, Jimin-ah?” asks Yoongi after the short pause.

 

The younger producer doesn’t answer. Instead, he approaches his hyung’s computer and brings out the song again, hitting replay.

 

 

 

[ B E F O R E ]

 

“I don’t get it.”

 

Jimin shivers—and it’s not because of the cold.

“You...the song...wait...” stammers the main dancer, “I’m the first one that came to your mind?”

The younger 95 liner runs a hand through his hair. Jimin sees Taehyung’s face: it’s the expression he wears when he’s trying to come up with a good explanation. Tae purses his lips. He opens his mouth, but no words come out.

He tries again.

“Well... recently... you’re the first thing that’s on my mind lately,” he confesses, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Why?”

Taehyung’s shuffling his feet; it’s a sign that he’s nervous and Jimin knows that well.

“Jiminie,” begins his best friend, “I don’t know how to explain myself right now so bear with me. You know I’m an idiot and I at... stuff.”

“Yeah, you do,” confirms Jimin, “But go on.”

Taehyung bites his lips before he speaks.

“Oh god,” he sighs, “Namjoon hyung said I should just get over with this.”

Joonie hyung?

“Get over with what?”

“He said it’ll be easy.”

“What’s going to be easy?” asks a persistent Jimin, “Taehyungie, I swear to God. ust spit it out—“

 

“I like you, Park Jimin.”

 

There, he said it.

Instantly, Jimin is reduced to a shell-shocked silent entity frozen on his spot. Meanwhile, Taehyung averts his gaze and stares at the stars instead.

“You... you like me?” stutters Jimin.

“Yeah, and not just the platonic kind,” confesses Taehyung, still gazing at the sky, “I like you, Jiminie.” He heaves a sigh. “I like you a lot.”

The revelation stumps the older 95 liner. His thoughts are all over the place; he wants to reply, but he doesn’t know what to say. It’s ironic because he’s been waiting for this revelation; now that it happened, he’s a solid block of ice.

“Minnie?”

He realizes that Taehyung is slowly approaching him, taking one cautious step at a time.

“Jimin-ah?”

“Yeah?”

Tae peers at him carefully. “Are... you okay?” he asks, “I...I didn’t want to scare you or anything. But you asked me and I want to be honest.”

Jimin’s head is a mess: thoughts are scattered here and there. He wants to ask Taehyung, but he also wants to say a lot. Which question goes first? What should he say?

 

“Why? When...I mean...how? I—wait, I’m...” he begins, “I...Tae—“

“You want me to explain?”

Jimin nods.

Taehyung stretches his neck as he thinks about it, clueless to the growing jumble of emotions stirring in Jimin’s chest.

“Okay, let’s start with WHEN: I don’t know when it all began, Minnie. I guess I just realized I had feelings for you after ISAC 2016, but I think I’ve liked you way before that,” he explains, “Back then, I was fighting myself. I didn’t think I was the type who could fall for boys too.  I tried dissuading myself whenever I became too fascinated with you. But when we went to Hawaii for vacation, I realized fighting my feelings is pointless.”

“You ask me HOW? I honestly don’t know how it happened, Jimin-ah,” continues Taehyung, “It just did. One day, I woke up jumping out of bed because I couldn’t wait to see you. I started staring when you weren’t looking, laughing too loudly at your jokes even if they , and hoping—even wishing—that we could take longer walks together. When I hear your voice, I just want to melt and listen to you talk or sing.” He chuckles. “It sounds ing cheesy, but that’s the truth.”

He then gazes intently at Jimin’s eyes.

“You ask me WHY?” he begins again, “You wonder why I fell for you?”

Taehyung is closing the distance between them. On any other day, this would be normal—nothing weird. Voices in Jimin’s head would scream, but he’d brush off Tae’s actions as a typical BFF thing. But in this context, with Taehyung confessing—it’s not normal anymore.

He has never seen that stare from his best friend. This is the first time.

“I could list down everything about you, Minnie,” says Taehyung, “Looks, talent, wit, attitude—the list would go on. But apart from those things... I guess it’s your heart.” He rubs his neck nervously. “It’s no secret that you have a big one, Jimin-ah. How you care for others, especially for me... it’s the last nail to my coffin.”

He chuckles nervously.

“I tried to tell you, but I was too scared,” he confesses, “Only Joonie hyung knows about it. He’s been badgering me to say something, but I didn’t want to lose you as a friend, Minnie. What if you didn’t like me back? What if I made things awkward?”

“So when Monie hyung invited me to collaborate, I figured a song would be the best way to express my feelings for you.”

Taehyung’s hands are fidgeting, but his face shows no evidence of doubt or nervousness.

“So... 4 O’Clock,” begins Jimin, “It’s... partly about me?”

His best friend smiles.

“Not partly...” he says, “Well, it is Namjoon hyung’s song too. But I guess you can say it is about you.”

There’s a twinkle in Tae’s eyes as he reveals these little details to Jimin.

It’s been months since the speculations began. He’d always wonder about the meaning behind every little thing Taehyung does. His Hoseok hyung would often tell him to just ask his best friend, but Jimin’s always too scared to do so.

Now, here it is.

“Jimin-ah?”

The older 95 liner is too absorbed in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice Taehyung standing a few inches away from him.

“Is it okay?” he asks.

“Is what okay?”

He throws a hopeful look down Jimin’s way.

 

“Is it okay that I like you?”

 

 

 

[ N O W ]

 

“The final recording’s in your email, kid. Might want to give it a listen.”

 

Jimin was busy with laundry when he received the message from Yoongi. It’s been a week since he sent in the song for recording. Two hours ago, he found out production has wrapped up and the finished product awaits in his email.

There’s always that sense of accomplishment when he finishes a song. It’s not just the money—it’s the reality that he contributed to the industry again.

Since he’s still folding his clothes, he hasn’t listened to it, but Jimin’s already speeding up the folding process. He just wants to listen to the song now.

Once he’s done with the underwear, he shoves all pieces of clothing in his closet and drawers. He then runs to his laptop and opens it.

As usual, his email is a mess.

RE: Recipes for a Healthier Jimin – Thank Hyung Later

He smirks at the subject line. Trust Jin to sound like a cocky mother even in emails.

RE: Song for Tablo Hyung

Get Fit with 200% Slimming Herbal Tablets Now!

Hyung, Jihyunnie here

He decides he’ll read his brother’s letter later when he spots the subject [FINAL] KBS DRAMA SONG: IS IT OKAY?

That’s the title of the song. Is It Okay? sounded stupid the first time Jimin tinkered with the lyrics and the title, but when the words came together, it made perfect sense. Even his Yoongi hyung praised him for his work.

“It’s not the best, but it’s better than the last time.”

Of course it’s better than the last time—he had more inspiration now.

He spots the file attached. Immediately, he downloads it. While he waits, the younger producer reads the comments from the people in the email.

Well done, Jimin. As expected.

Perfectly fits the feel of the drama.

Finally, the file is complete. He opens his music player, turns on the speakers, and sets the volume. In his usual Jimin fashion, he sits in front of his computer and closes his eyes to feel the music.

The first notes hit the air.

Then the words.

 

Is it okay to say hello

To the unknown?

I was terrified, but you held my hand

You asked me to stay

Because it was more than okay

 

Is it okay to love

And be in love?

“No one can reach us

It’s just you and me,” you said.

You took me higher

Way up we go

 

Is it okay?

Is it alright?

 

Jimin’s heart stops. Immediately, his eyes widen and he stares at his computer.

Wait a ing second.

He leans over his equipment and adjusts the volume of the sound. He checks the equalizer to see if there’s something different. Nothing—he’s hearing the song as it is.

He’s hearing the voice as it is.

 

Is it okay to cry

For one last time?

Because fate keeps playing us

You wanted to stay

But reality is stronger than our dreams

 

Is it okay?

Is it alright?

 

No one told him who the singer would be. But had Jimin known he’d be singing, would he have changed the words?

 

Is it okay to bargain with God

To ask for another dance

Another moment

Another chance?

 

Is it okay to put you first

To let you go

To hide behind a smile?

Is it okay to say goodbye?

 

It’s okay.

It’s alright.

 

He reaches for the phone and dials the number of the person who can explain it all. The other line rings and rings again. Jimin’s hand firmly grips his mobile, fervently hoping he’d pick up.

“Hello?”

The young producer gulps.

“Hyung.”

He takes another deep breath. A million of words rush in his mind, but he can’t find the right combination to say.

“So... you heard it?” asks Min Yoongi.

“Yeah,” replies Jimin, finding his voice, “I... hyung...”

“What?”

He collects himself. “Who sang the song?”

For a second, Yoongi does not reply. Jimin’s sure he’s still at the other end of the line; he can hear his producer hyung’s hesitant breathing.

“Minnie... I think you know.”

“Did you?”

“No. I was surprised too.”

Jimin pauses.

“Do you think he knows I...wrote the song?”

“I put your producer name in the original file I sent: Lawson,” replies Yoongi, “But will it make a difference if he knows or not? He’ll recognize your voice, Min.”

The younger producer pauses. “I just... I don’t want him to know.”

“Because he’ll realize the song is about him?”

“Yes.”

A pause ensues between the two producers.

“Don’t think too much about it, kid. Just enjoy the music,” advises his hyung, “Even if he’s the one who sang it, it’s still an accomplishment for you. That’s what matters, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I gotta go, Minnie. Promise me you won’t hyperventilate.”

“I won’t,” says Jimin, “Thanks, hyung.”

The call ends.

J