3PM Sunday 2 April 2017

“Today, I will talk about musicals.”

Sungmin’s nervousness was evident and ironically, I was not having an easy time either. This morning’s first one-on-one sessions with Leeteuk and Shindong passed by without much activity yet it was this slot that I was dreading and looking forward to at the same time. I could not explain it myself. Being alone with him in class made it more difficult for me to function as a human being. His face was such a distraction that I tried not to look at it any more than courtesy absolutely demanded. Even my breathing was erratic. Pulling myself out of my nervous trance, I focused on the brunette in front of me and tried to listen to him. I had a job to do, geez.

“Do you like watching musicals?” He asked timidly.

Funny how he could be so charismatic on stage in front of thousands but English makes him quiver.

Hoping the smile I had was not an ugly grimace, I nodded. “Yep, I really love Les Miserables. Have you seen that?”

He nodded his head and with further encouraging nods, he could share a simplified summary of the somewhat complicated musical. As he spoke, I tried to take notes so I had something else to do rather than be drawn in by the gorgeous brown orbs he calls eyes. It did not escape my notice that my notes for Leeteuk and Shindong were excessively shorter than what I already had for Sungmin.

“Why do you enjoy acting in musicals?”

Sungmin gave the question some thought, his brows furrowing and his thumbs twiddling against the other.

“I... want… to act. And I like singing. In musicals, I can sing and act. Both.” He raised two fingers, and if I was not paying attention, I would have thought he was giving me a ‘peace’ sign.

Fair enough. There was a question I wanted to ask but I was not sure if I was overstepping my boundary as a tutor. The internal debate had been raging within me for the past fifteen minutes ever since he first told me of his topic.

Sungmin then began relating the first musical he acted in, Akilla, back in 2009. Granted, I knew about this fact, along with the fact that he was the second member of Super Junior to branch over to musical theatre, but I feigned interest and nodded as enthusiastically as I could as he recounted his tale. Could this be my chance to ask him?

Throughout the half hour conversation, he used English for most parts and it was a good attempt, in my honest opinion. It only confirmed what I suspected of most Koreans. They usually understand what we are asking for, they just lack the confidence to use the skill they already have. It’s something I noticed the moment I came to Korea but I could not understand why they were so shy to use it.

“We still have about fifteen minutes before your session is up. Do you have any questions before I hand you your assignment?”

Sungmin shook his head, looking a lot more relaxed now as he leaned against the back of his chair.

My mind was still working overtime, so much so I couldn’t even recall what was the initial question I wanted to ask him. Ignoring the raging heartbeat within me, I decided. I had to get the proverbial elephant out of the room if I wanted to do this job right.

“Alright. Then I have something to say.”

He must have sensed the change of tone in my voice and sat up, his brown eyes bright and thinking.

“This has nothing to do with the class. But, I feel the need to say this, to get this clear.” Sungmin looked at me, his face engulfed in a cloud of confusion.

I never thought the day would come when I could better express myself in Korean than in my mother tongue. Clasping my hands together, I took a deep breath while closing my eyes.

“I’ve been a fan of Super Junior for a long time. And I’ve been your fan for almost the past ten years of my life. I don’t even know why I’m saying all these but I just felt that it’s right. Before you panic, no I am not a Sasaeng and no, I am not one of those fans who was upset when you chose to get married.” I drew in a sharp intake of breath and tried to collect my thoughts, not once looking up to look at the man in front of me. “You’re an idol and as a fan, your personal life isn’t something I should bother about. In fact, I’m happy that you have found your happiness and wish nothing but the best for you and Saeun Unnie. And with that, I just want to say that I wish you and Saeun Unnie will have a long and happy marriage.”

The room was silent for a long time.

I must have had been shaking because moments later, a pair of warm hands covered my own. I looked up and realized Sungmin was grinning.

“So that explains why you couldn’t look at me for the past month. I thought it was because you disliked me. You were fine with the others but when you were giving me the worksheets, you didn’t even look at me long enough for me to smile at you.”

So, unlike Sungmin who I idolized, I was that bad an actor. So much for not being obvious.

My face was still flushed and I suddenly felt a creeping regret for wearing my cashmere top today. The room was starting to feel like a furnace despite the air conditioning whirring in the background.

“Thank you for this confession. It sounded as though a KTX was right behind you, you were talking so quickly." He gave a soft chuckle before letting go of my hands.

"It clears up the mystery and I don’t have to keep wondering what wrong did I do you in the past.” His voice was teasing and it was not helping in calming me. “And for your support. On behalf of Saeun and myself, we thank you for your well wishes and I will promise to work hard. To be the Sungmin you will continue to be a proud fan of.”

He then stood up and bowed, startling me in the process. I must admit, after that admission, I felt as though a large weight was lifted off me. I did not have to walk on eggshells around him anymore.

“Alright then, this was a rather odd lesson today. I’m sorry if I surprised you with this but I’m glad I said it.” I meant it. It was an unexplainable sort of happiness. I then continued in English as I handed him a couple of papers, “This is your assignment. I expect to have it back when I see you again.”

Reaching out for them, he raised an eyebrow at me. “I still get assignments even though I’m your favourite member?”

“I’m sorry but your English has to be as good as your Japanese before you get exemptions from homework.”

Sungmin then offered the pout he is known for, earning an amused laugh from me.

“Nope, Oppa. Aegyo is not going to work.”

Giving a sigh in mock defeat, he kept the papers in his folder and packed his bag.

“You have not seen the current musical I’m in, right? I’ll pass you an invite one of these days and maybe Saeun will be there. I think the two of you will get along well.”

My eyes grew wide. I was not sure if I was reacting to the idea of him inviting me to his musical or the fact that I could meet his wife.

“Don’t look so shocked.” He patted my shoulder and walked towards the door. “Saeun may even give you some pointers on what’s it like to date a Super Junior member.” With that, Sungmin bowed and waved, smiling as he stepped out of the classroom.

A while later

It was Kyuhyun’s turn and the earlier mood from Sungmin's session left me feeling that nothing would ruin my day. I felt light and liberated.

“My topic is about falling in love.”

I froze. Instinctively, I looked up and observed the far corners of the room. Were the cameras already in place? Was today the chosen day for Jung Mina to be victimized?

I forced myself to keep calm and looked at the waiting Kyuhyun in front of me. I never wanted a lesson to be over and done with so quickly before.

“Okay, so what about falling in love? “

Appeased that he got my attention, Kyuhyun looked down at his handwritten notes, smiling widely as he spoke.

“I am now 30 years old. My parents want me to find someone and settle down soon. But…”

I waited. It was hard to concentrate when you're anticipating an unwanted surprise and I was still trying to scan the room for the probable locations of the cameras. I maintained an enthusiastic facade while I kept my eyes on my pencil, pretending to be busy with my notes while my heightened senses tried to pick up any clues on the incoming practical joke about to be played on me.

“I thought I have fallen in love before. But that was not with the correct person.”

Pretending to be listening intently, I pursed my lips and looked at Kyuhyun.

“Why? How did you know it's not the correct person?”

It was silent for a couple of moments. Kyuhyun scanned his notes in front of him, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown, deep in thought.

“Because she already found her soulmate. It's not me.”

“So have you found your soulmate?”

“Yes.” His answer was definite, weighted with confidence.

I couldn't believe that this was how he was going to pull the prank and I was busy mulling over the ways I could and should react that I almost missed his next words.

“I fell in love with you the moment I first met you.”

The pencil rolled off the desk and all we could hear for the next moments was the soft tapping of the pencil hitting the floor.

There. He said it. It could have been quite a romantic gesture but it's such a pity it wasn't the truth. Shaking my head, I grinned inwardly and looked up at Kyuhyun. His face was still serious and if I did not know better, I would have thought he looked sincere.

“I’m flattered. Thank you for thinking so highly of me.”

I watched as his eyes widened, confusion washing over his face.

“What? I don't understand.”

For the second time today, I had to revert to using Korean so as to be able to fully express myself. The irony of the situation was not lost on me. I suppressed a smile.

“Oppa. I know what's going on. You can show me the cameras now. Are the other members outside?”

A deep frown was now set upon his face, his arms folded against his chest as he silently looked at me.

“Why are you looking so confused? I should be the one looking confused. I’m sorry if your prank did not turn out how you guys wanted. I kind of guessed it a couple of weeks ago. I'm surprised it took you so long to finally get to it.” Glancing at my notes, a realization dawned upon me.  “Yesterday would have been too obvious because it was April Fool’s Day?”

Kyuhyun’s lips were set firmly in a line, his jaw rigid. When he spoke, his voice was soft and serious.

“I have no idea what you're talking about.”

I could not resist a scoff.

“Isn't it Super Junior’s tradition to welcome new staff with a hidden camera prank? I'm not particularly sorry that I figured it out before I could be made a fool. But, good attempt. You were believable for a while. I will admit I spent a few sleepless nights on you. And you can stop acting now. We know you don't believe in love at first sight.”

The silence that followed was thick. Kyuhyun finally looked like he knew he was caught and stood up. He let out a sigh of frustration and turned away from me, his hands on his hips.

“Alright then, I’ll pretend to look that I fell for your confession. We can re-film this-”

I was cut short because in a span of a few moments, Kyuhyun whipped around, gave a growl of anger and swept the papers and stationery off the table. Shock was an understatement to what I felt. Surely this kind of response was excessive. I felt anger bubble inside of me. He had the nerve to be angry?

His eyes were narrowed, rigid, cold, hard. In that moment I knew that this was no longer a joke. No one had come into the classroom to laugh and celebrate the success of the prank.

“I don't know what gave you the idea that this was a prank. I was serious about you the whole time. I just made a confession, and you took it as a joke?”

His tone was ice-like and I almost shivered. Kyuhyun was still glaring at me and for a moment, I felt like an errant child being reprimanded. The anger I began to feel earlier was in danger of spilling out and rational thinking was not on my side.

“You're telling me that you expect me to believe you? That you fell in love with me? Despite not knowing me? Are we in some Disney movie? Is this a scene in a drama?”

Kyuhyun looked defeated, mouth opening and closing wordlessly. I, on the other hand, was on a roll and I was not going to stop.

“We all know how ridiculous it sounds. No one falls in love at first sight. Especially not with someone like me. This is real life, where falling in love with someone you don't know just does not happen.” I took a deep breath as I glared at Kyuhyun. “And you don't believe in love at first sight either. You said it in Strong Heart before. You stopped believing in it after that experience with that nurse.”

I felt my face grow hot, not from anger but from embarrassment. It was not my intention to reveal that snippet of knowledge but it came handy for my defence. Hyein always complained that I remembered too many things about the various Super Junior members but here I was, in a middle of a heated debate with Kyuhyun over his love life. The man in question looked at me incredulously. I knew I sounded ridiculous but I was too infuriated to be ashamed.

“I'm not sure if you know how falling in love really works. You meet someone new. You get to know the person and with time, the feelings develop. Love is not like a game of Pokemon where ‘I choose you’ means ‘I must have you!’” My hands were gesturing wildly, adrenaline was pushing me on to continue with my rampage.

Kyuhyun clenched his jaw, his unmoving gaze was full of disdain and uninhibited anger.

“You're crazy.” He finally spat out.

“So says the one who just confessed to someone he doesn't even know.”

“You have no idea what you're talking about. And yes, you're right. I’m crazy. For thinking that you were the one.” He gave me a long look, his eyes screaming with exasperation as he grabbed his bag. Crossing the room in a couple of long strides, he swung the door open and stalked out of the room.

As the door slammed with a loud bang, I looked at the mess strewn across the floor. The tears that threatened to fall finally fell as I sunk into my chair. I wasn't made a fool out of but why did I feel so foolish? I heard the door creak open and I hastily wiped my tears. Heechul quietly entered the classroom. He gave me a knowing look and walked towards the table. He then reached out and pulled me towards him, his voice was comforting.

“I've already told Yesung his class is canceled today.”

Wordlessly, I nodded and gave way to the tears I was failing to hold back.