9.30PM Thursday 25 May 2017

“Are you alright?”

That question startled me out of my trance and I looked at the concerned man sitting across me. Shrugging my shoulders, I took a bite of the cake in front of me before pushing it away.

“I don’t know why, but I feel so empty.”

My mind went back to the day we first met in the lift and all the memories that came after that. The stupid misunderstanding. The coffee sessions. The meals we ate together. The last night I saw him. Too many things happened and it was all during such a short period of time. Thinking about it was just too overwhelming.

“He’s feeling much worse. Last night, the whole bunch of us sat in the kitchen and talked. Leeteuk talked about you first and the Maknae cried. He said it’s unfair that he had to go in just when he knew he met the one.”

The One. I felt the hairs on my arms stand. It was such a surreal concept. Destiny. Fate. Soulmates.

“How-?”

“It’s Kyuhyun’s fault for being aggressive. But we couldn’t blame him. He has always believed in this idea of a soulmate and knowing it’s her in one look. We always made jokes about it, his mom thought he’d outgrow it after the failure with the nurse. But you can’t just forget a belief overnight right? That very idea of falling in love at first sight was a part of him for so long so even though he said what he said on Strong Heart, he did not mean it. There was even an argument between him and Shindong over this." A smirk started forming on Heechul's face as the memory came to mind.

"He was disappointed in himself for believing in something that didn’t make sense and yet he wanted it to still be true.”

I nodded slowly, trying to understand each word Heechul was saying but the unexplainable sadness within me proved to be a stronger distraction.

“Yes, whatever he did. Confessing within one month and the manner he did it - I still think he was an idiot but people do crazy things when they’re in love, right? Props to him for the courage to do that. You have fallen in love before, you know how that feels.”

I gave Heechul a quizzical look.

“He did mention something about an ex-boyfriend and a list of songs.”

“It’s all in the past…I’m over him.”

“It’s not really in the past if you’re still listening to sad break-up songs a couple of weeks ago. In Kyuhyun’s eyes it's still competition, ex or not.” Heechul leaned forward and gave me a small smile before continuing. “I’m not here to dictate what you should do. And I don’t want to sound like dating Kyuhyun would be the best decision in your life. He’s really serious about you and that’s saying a lot for our member who used to equate love with Starcraft.”

I could not find the voice in me to give a reply.

“I know. You feel something for him too. I’m hoping that something can be strong enough to wait two years.”

“Falling in love was not part of the plan...”

“I didn’t mention the word ‘love’ yet it came out of your lips first.” Heechul’s tone was teasing and yet I did not mind.

“But that’s the thing with love, we think it’s a choice. That it’s for us to pick when to fall in love and with whom we should fall in love with but that’s not how it works. Love doesn't care if we’re ready or not. Love comes unexpectedly. It comes when you’re still hurt and getting over something in the past. It comes into your life, absurdly shaking up everything you’ve come to know. And before you can even understand what is happening, you’re already head over heels, hoping and praying that someone will be there to catch you.”

Not knowing how to respond, I fiddled with my spoon and glanced around the cafe. Heechul was right. I knew he was but I just did not want to admit it yet. The comforting scent of coffee and cocoa wafted through the air as the barista maneuvered the whirring coffee machine behind the counter.

“Why did you call me up for coffee tonight?”

“Hyein said you were turning into a sloth. You refused to get out of bed today.”

I rolled my eyes. “Really, what’s the reason?”

“I’d tell you the reason but I was sworn to secrecy so I can’t.”

Suddenly, my phone began vibrating wildly, causing the salt and pepper shakers to rattle on the table.

It was an unknown number.

“I know this number. We’ve been receiving calls starting with this number ever since Kangin enlisted.”

Without warning, Heechul grabbed my phone. “This bastard. He could have called me first.”

He then swiped a finger across the screen and set the call to loudspeaker.

“Hell-?”

“Yah, you ungrateful jerk. You only have 15 minutes and you choose to call her? You could have called your family or Leeteuk Hyung or even myself.”

“What’s this? Mina, are you there?”

“Don’t ignore me, I’m talking to you.”

I began giggling at the scene in front of me. Heechul, being his dramatic self again while Kyuhyun was spluttering his responses to his Hyung.

“Heechul Hyung, I already called my parents and Leeteuk Hyung before this. I saved the last 5 minutes for Mina and you already took up one minute!” Kyuhyun’s tried to keep his voice low but there was a hint of desperation that I could pick up.

I leant towards Heechul and pulled my phone away from him. Heechul gave a howl protest as I switched off the loudspeaker and cradled the phone between my head and right shoulder.

“I’m here.”

“Mina…” I could hear the smile in his voice.

“How are you?”

I heard Heechul snicker loudly. “He just went in today. He’s definitely still alive.”

Ignoring him, I returned my focus to the voice on the line. Kyuhyun, too, found my choice of question amusing and was not shy in letting me know.

“Yah, you said you had a couple of minutes left...”

“I just wanted to hear your voice before I went to bed.”

“Oh.” How do you expect a girl to react to that?

I must have made a face because Heechul raised an eyebrow at me and started smirking. I knew I was starting to blush and reached for the phone and held it in my hand whilst avoiding making eye contact with the still smirking man in front of me.

“Heechul Oppa asked me out for coffee…”

“Yeah, I know. I asked him to do it.”

I tightened my grip on my phone and held a breath.

“I wasn’t sure. But in the event that today’s event would have made you sad… I know I’m being presumptuous but I didn’t want you to be alone tonight.”

I felt a sudden rush of helplessness and decided it was a good thing I was sitting down. There was this overwhelming feeling of wanting to hug someone but the one person whom I wanted to hug was out of reach. I felt my heart ache at the thought. What was this that I was feeling?

Kyuhyun was still on the other end, his calm breathing filled the otherwise silent line.

“You’ve gone awfully quiet.”

How selfish of me. This call was had a time limit and here I was wasting the precious seconds.

“Did you bring my gift with you?”

“She's resting on my pillow as we speak.”

I could not help but break into a grin. Kyuhyun had insisted on giving the toy a gender and who was I to argue with him?

“Well, you take care while you're in there.”

The emotions was building in my throat and I was fighting to keep my voice neutral.

“I don't know when it will be but I’ll call you again. Don’t miss me too much!”

I could see his boyish grin in my mind's eye and nodded. We both said our farewell and as I put my phone back on the table, an indescribable wave of sadness washed over me.

Heechul watched me cautiously.

Giving a cry of frustration, I laid my head on the table and said the words that I have been long denying.

“Alright, I give in. I’ll say it. I’ve fallen for him.”  

“Well, we knew you were going to have to admit it somehow. That old man owes me some cash. I should have recorded that.”

My head shot up so quickly, I thought I heard a crack. “You guys had a bet? On me?”

“We Ahjussis needed something to do. And you were taking forever.”

Heechul then brought his long fingers together and rested his chin on his hands, a sly expression on his pointed features.

“Now, what's this about a gift you gave him?”