Seasons changed, and before they knew it, September had already arrived and fall greeted the city again. The road was filled with dried leaves falling from the trees, and the torrid air that flown with the wind had been humidified. The greyish sky prevented the sun to shine brightly that the edges of the shadows that followed their steps to Jaebum’s apartment had softened and blurred so much it almost fading. They walked leisurely side by side as both their ears were plugged by an earphone each, connected to Jaebum’s phone, saying nothing except sometimes humming along to the song played at the moment.

It wasn’t a rare occurrence, not at all. Jinyoung had frequented Jaebum’s apartment so often this past year, from doing his assignments to just lazing around. Jaebum felt like he had become Jinyoung’s personal cook with how many meals he had prepared for him. Jinyoung would played songs from the playlist in his phone through the speaker Jaebum had in his living room while he cooked, and sang along. The kind of music they liked was a little different. Jinyoung once joked that he liked ‘soft songs’ while Jaebum preferred ‘sticky songs’. There were a lot of songs he came to like after being played on repeat by Jinyoung though, and before long he was humming the song along with Jinyoung’s singing and his own playlist getting mixed with the other’s taste. Beside those there were also different kinds of ASMR sounds Jaebum kept in his phone. Jinyoung recommended it to him, saying it helped him sleep. Jinyoung helped him to search for some good ones, and by far the one that worked the best was the sound of rain dripping to the ground. Although it didn’t stop the nightmare, it still helped him to calm down and fall asleep. He also managed to cope up with his fear, able to convince himself that everything was just a dream.

His bookshelf was no longer contain only his books anymore with Jinyoung’s own jumbled in between and the books they found together in their visits to the bookstore. They shared the same taste of books, leading to Jinyoung bringing some of his books he thought Jaebum would like. They usually just lied on an L shaped sofa in Jaebum’s living room in silence but the constant sound of pages being turned, immersed in two different worlds the books they read brought them into. They would exchange those books with each others after they finished them and later discussed their opinion of the books.

Some nights they would also watch dramas together. Jaebum didn’t really into dramas before, but Jinyoung would watch the dramas aired on TV that he liked, and they eventually caught his interest and before he knew it, his eyes was already fixed on the screen and reacted to every scenes along with Jinyoung. Jaebum would sometimes cry on sad scenes, and by the end of the episode he would turn his head to find Jinyoung with swollen eyes, red nose, and dampened cheeks. They then would laugh at each other’s ridiculous face while snuffling since their noses were clogged up.

Those were mostly the things they did when they hung out together at Jaebum’s. However, today was going to be different.

As soon as they arrived, Jinyoung opened his jacket and left it draped on the arm of the sofa before throwing himself on it. Jaebum went straight from the front door to the kitchen, opened his refrigerator, and after looking to make sure Jinyoung’s attention wasn’t at him, took out a medium sized carrot cake. It wasn’t extravagant, only covered by white cream with no decoration. He put it on the floor, hidden from Jinyoung’s sight, and searched for the small candles and lighter he bought before his class in his bag. He organized the candles on the cake and light it up before bringing it to the living room.

Jinyoung didn’t recognize his presence until he sang happy birthday when he was near enough. He could see Jinyoung’s eyes widened, his mouth gaped as he saw the cake. Those eyes kept following the cake as Jaebum put it down on the table, as if he was hypnotized.

“Did you make it yourself?” he asked. Jaebum chuckled, hiding his embarrassment as he sat on the other side of the sofa.

“Is it that obvious? It’s my first time baking a cake. I guess it is too plain, huh?”

Only then Jinyoung finally looked at him. “No! That’s not what I mean,” he said frantically, before beaming up a smile, the one that made his eyes slightly disappeared and formed wrinkles around their edges. “It’s so beautiful. Thank you.”

Jaebum smiled, satisfied that Jinyoung seemed touched by the cake. “Quickly make a wish before the candles are burned down.”

Jinyoung nodded, kept smiling as he closed his eyes and clasped his hands together. After a few minutes, he opened his eyes again and bent down to blow the candles off.

“How do you know today is my birthday?” Jinyoung asked curiously. Jaebum smirked. “Well, do you forget you have a noisy puppy as your childhood friend? Jackson has been telling me what date your birthday is over and over again since last month until I even repeated it in my sleep.”

Jinyoung laughed, “I really need to treat him for a dinner.”

“Now, your second present,” Jaebum stood up and went to his room, then came out holding his guitar. Jinyoung looked at the guitar, at him, and back at the guitar again. Jaebum walked and sat on the sofa again, laughing at the confused expression Jinyoung made because it looked so hilarious.

“Are you going to give me your guitar?” Jinyoung asked. Jaebum chuckled. “Of course not,” he said, amused. He then put the guitar into a comfortable position on his lap while gripping its neck with his slightly trembling left hand. He took cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

“Listen.”

You are you, I am me 
We lived without knowing each other but 
With a hello 
You and I became a we 
With a low voice 
Slightly shaking with a fluttering heart 
I went in front of you 
And carefully said these words 

Hi (hello) 
Every time I say hi to you 
It makes my heart flutter 
Hi (hello) 
As we exchange those words 
We’re starting our own story 

La lalalala 
La lalalala 
La lalalala 

Me, to you, you, to me 
We used to mean nothing to each other but 
With a hello 
You and I have finally become one 

Filled with happiness 
In your face 
You look at me 
And I go to you 
And say those loving words 

Hi (hello) 
Every time I say hi to you 
It makes my heart flutter 
Hi (hello) 
As we exchange those words 
We’re starting our own story 

Just by looking at each other 
Makes our hearts overwhelmed 
But after we say hello 
I am so happy 

Hi (hello) 
Every time I say hi to you 
It makes my heart flutter 
Hi (hello) 
As we exchange those words 
We’re starting our own story 

La lalalala 
La lalalala 
La lalalala

Throughout the song, Jaebum had his eyes fixed on his playing hands. If he was to look at Jinyoung, he would’ve been too nervous and embarrassed to continue. Of course he had practiced playing this song many times before, and he believed the guitar skill he self-learned since two years ago was quite decent, but he wasn’t used to doing something like this. He never had any lover to sing for since Youngjae, and he obviously never sang like this for Youngjae since he hadn’t learned playing guitar back at highschool, also as a teenager he thought it was too cheesy. He still did, but Jinyoung had sung so many times for him, cared and helped a lot especially in resolving his problems with sleeping, also understanding that Jaebum could never do any skinships every couple did. He wanted to show how grateful he was for everything he did, that he was glad they got to know each other, and after thinking hard he came to a conclusion that singing was the best way to convey it sincerely.

After the song ended, he felt his cheeks burned as he nervously looked at Jinyoung, wondering how he would react. Maybe he would laugh, or maybe he would cringe at how cheesy it was. However, he would never expected to see Jinyoung cry. Not the kind of I’m-so-touched tears, but a pained one. He tore his eyes from Jaebum’s gaze and covered his face with his hands. Jaebum was so puzzled he didn’t know what to do, and his heart tugged at how sad Jinyoung looked. Jaebum put down his guitar and moved closer to him.

“Hey, what happen? Did I do something wrong?” Jaebum asked carefully. Jinyoung only shook his head. Jaebum hesitated before throwing his arms around the other, pulling him in his embrace, trying to comfort him and protect him from whatever it was that hurt him. Jaebum never saw Jinyoung looking so frail he might break if he hugged him even a little bit too tight. They stayed that way for a while until Jinyoung pulled away. He wiped his tears, smiling gratefully, yet still heart-wrenching Jaebum’s heart ached so much he felt he himself would break. Never one’s emotion had affected him so deeply and he finally realized that the feeling he had for the other had extended much further than it should.

“This is the happiest moment of my life. Thanks for giving me the best presents I’ve ever had, Jaebum. Thank you so much.”

--

“...bum! Jaebum!”

Jaebum was snapped out of his train of thought as Mark shook his shoulder. The lecturer was gone already, so did half of the class. He turned to look at Mark, finding the other’s brows furrowed in worry.

“I’ve been calling you a few times and you didn’t respond. What happen?”

Jaebum shook his head and smiled. “Nothing, just have a lot on my mind.”

The creases between his brows disappeared, but Mark still looked worried. He seemed like he wanted to ask. However, he only said, “You know I’ll always be here for you whenever you need me, right?”

Jaebum nodded. “Yeah.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Jaebum. It’s okay to depend on someone. It doesn’t have to be me. Don’t wait until you’re on the edge of the cliff. It might be too late to call for help that when you tripped and fell, no one would be here on time to pull you back.”

Jaebum smiled fondly to his best friend. It always felt nice to know you’re important enough for someone to worry about you. “I will. Thank you.”

Mark smiled back and patted his shoulder. “Alright, let’s go. Jackson and Jinyoung are waiting.”

They gathered their things and stepped out of the class. By the time they exited the college area, the blue sky was already dyed with the color of orange and pink. The sun was no longer in sight, hidden behind the tall buildings. They walked together, trying to find the location of the barbecue restaurant Jinyoung had mentioned.

They walked for fifteen minutes before finding the restaurant. They quickly found Jinyoung and Jackson, the latter waving at them with all his might. Jinyoung, who sat facing the opposite direction from the entrance, turned around to see them and smiled brightly. Jaebum felt the butterflies filling his stomach, and he wanted to vomit it all because he hated himself for feeling that way. They walked up to where the two were seated, and Jaebum sat beside Jinyoung while Mark beside Jackson.

“What took you so long?” Jackson asked.

“Sorry, the lecturer really took his time,” Mark answered, “Have you ordered already?”

“Yeah. You can order more if you want,” Jinyoung said, “Today, it’s my treat.”

“Of course, it’s your birthday! Of course you’re paying!” Jackson smirked mischievously. “What about Jaebum? He didn’t forget your birthday right?”

Jaebum snorted, “How can I forget when you remind me everyday?”

Jackson grinned. “Is that jacket your gift? It’s new right? I’ve never seen it before.”

Jaebum stared at Jinyoung, raising one of his eyebrow at the white jacket Jinyoung was wearing. “It’s new? It looks familiar though. I feel like I’ve seen you wearing it before.”

“I’m wearing it for the first time though? My mother bought it for me and sent it so that it would arrive yesterday, exactly on my birthday.”

“Auntie sent it? Then what’s your present from Jaebum?” Jackson asked curiously. Jinyoung smiled teasingly and said, “It’s a secret,” to Jackson’s annoyed frown.

Jinyoung became so talkative whenever he was with Jackson, showing how close they were to each other. Watching them bickering was so amusing, and he could see Mark also thought the same with the fond look the red haired boy threw at them. They kept on going at it until the waiter came bringing side dishes. Mark ordered a ramyun and Jaebum added one more ramyun and a dosirak, making Jackson’s eyes widen.

“Guess you’re so hungry,” Jackson said, which Jinyoung sighed at and Mark laughed. “You can never imagine how much he could eat, Jackson,” Mark said, and Jinyoung nodded at the fact. Jaebum scowled, feeling wronged.

“Don’t act like you don’t eat as much, Mark. Usually you eat even more than me! Don’t get fooled because he looked so thin.”

Jackson nodded. “Now that you say it, that’s right. I’m scared to see the bill sometimes when we eat together. I wonder where all the food he eat goes when he never gain weight.” Mark pouted and hit Jackson’s upper arm hard. As usual, Jackson exaggerated his reaction, which annoyed Mark further and bringing laughter to the two others.

The meat finally came. Jackson took the tongs and started grilling. After that, the food they ordered came one by one, and they started eating. They chatted and laughed over the food. All the time, Jaebum tried to pretend he was alright when it hurt so much sitting there beside Jinyoung, their arm sometimes brushing against each other, seeing his face, hearing his laugh, despising himself for the strong affection he felt toward the other boy. Youngjae’s face kept appearing on his mind all the while, reminding him that the feeling was something forbidden for him, something he had lost the right over. Finally, after the food was all gone and they felt like their stomach was about to burst from being filled to the brim, Jinyoung paid the bill and they went outside. Jaebum and Jinyoung bid goodbye to the other couple, and they were left on their own in front of the entrance.

“Can I hang out at your place?” Jinyoung asked. Jaebum squeezed his brain to think of an excuse fast, because there was only so much torture he could withstand in a day.

“Sorry, there’s an assignment that I have to finish soon, and it need my undivided concentration. So I don’t want to be disturbed when I work on it.”

Jinyoung seemed disappointed, but he quickly brush it off with a smile. “Okay then, good luck with your assignment. See you later.”

Jaebum watched as Jinyoung’s back slowly getting further. Suddenly, when Jinyoung was about to reach the crossroad, a flash of memory came before his eyes. Just like the images shown to him almost every night, Jinyoung was lying in the middle of the road, life slowly fading out of him as more blood spread on the grey asphalt. The snow was falling, as white as the color of Jinyoung’s jacket. The very same jacket Jinyoung was wearing at the moment as he waited for the light to turn green so he could go across the road, minus the bloody red spots on the surface from his memory.

Before he knew it, he already ran toward Jinyoung, pulled his arm and squeezed his body tightly. He didn’t release him even after the light turned green, letting all the other passerby to cross the road, and turned red again. He didn’t know he was crying until he felt the damn jacket damp under his cheeks, and Jinyoung was his shaking back, trying to soothe him. They didn’t know how many green light they missed until the tears streaming from Jaebum’s eyes dried.

--

Jaebum ended up taking Jinyoung home, afraid something might happen on his way there. For the first time, they walked hand in hand. However, instead of the usual comfortable silence, what filled the air was suffocating uneasiness.

Jaebum was so scared. He should’ve realized sooner, and stopped before falling further for Jinyoung. Fate was playing with him, or maybe this was his real punishment. Fate led him to Jinyoung, made him fell for the boy when he had managed to stay away from love for years, only to take the one he loved the the second time. He had fallen too deep, he would be completely broken with no chance to recover if he lose Jinyoung too. He would die.

Then again, maybe it all happened because Jinyoung loved him, someone with such a sinful past. That was why he was chosen as the tool of his punishment. Maybe if he hadn’t love Jaebum, he wouldn’t die.

It might not too late. Maybe if Jinyoung fell out of love, his destiny would change before the accident happen. Maybe he would be able to live on. That was why, when they reached the front of Jinyoung’s apartment, he let go of the other’s hand. He stared at Jinyoung’s anxious gaze, holding himself back from wanting to pull him in his embrace again for one last time, and said, “Let’s break up.”

P. S. :

The song Jaebum sang is Day6's Hi Hello. I'm so, so excited for their September release and GOT7's upcoming comeback. I personally think that Flight Log: Departure is their best album so far since it's the only album that make me hooked on all the tracks, and that Fly is the concept that suit them the most, standing between soft and dark, or you might call it between fluffy and angsty in fanfic terms :)) I haven't found someone who think the same though. Well no matter what kind of concept they do for this upcoming comeback, I'd still be writing fanfics about JJP :D