Summer finally came, along with mustard-haired Yugyeom who seemed like he never stopped growing and a skinny, eccentric looking Thai boy called Bambam. He was Yugyeom’s classmate and best friend, which told Jaebum that his personality was most probably as quirky as his appearance since his giant brother wasn’t anywhere near normal either. Jaebum had already heard a lot from Yugyeom about how he befriend a guy with a weird name the last time he was in Korea, and everytime he visited Jaebum at the hospital he would told him every mischievous pranks they pulled off together, which wasn’t only a few. Jaebum’s stomach would’ve been hurting if he could still feel physical pain from laughing too much everytime Yugyeom told him these stories. Another thing he loved about them was because it was able to bring out the clear tinkling sound he missed so much; Jinyoung’s laugh. Since then, Jaebum had always been curious of how the boy looked.

The first time Jaebum saw Bambam, he thought he looked like an alien with his platinum silver hair and blue contact lenses. He wore leopard-patterned T-shirt, a black choker, three piercings on his left ear and two on his right. His skinny black jeans emphasizing his thin legs, and a pair of black leather ankle boots with short heels made them looked unbelievably long. However, those weren’t the weirdest thing Jaebum found on the Thai boy. For a moment, he saw Bambam looking at him. Not at his soulless body on the bed, but at his fleshless presence by the window.

Bambam swiftly looked away, and Jaebum disposed the thought since there was no change in the boy’s expression. It was impossible anyway, no one would ever be able to see him in this form. He watched as Yugyeom introduced Bambam to Jinyoung, Mark, and Jackson. He hoped the duo would bring the much needed cheerfulness in this depressing stark white room. He hoped he could hear laughters filled the room again, especially from Jinyoung.

It was their third visit to the hospital. There were only Yugyeom, Bambam, and him in the room, Jackson and Mark currently dragging Jinyoung out for lunch so he wouldn’t skip it. Yugyeom excitedly told Jaebum about his trip to their hometown the other day while Bambam only listened without a word beside him.

“You won’t believe it, so many things changed only in the span of four years! I almost can’t recognize anything anymore from our neighborhood. That ice cream shop with the kind lady who always gave us free extra scoops is gone. The old library you used to frequent is also gone. You must be sad, hyung.”

“I also went to visit mother, bringing a bouquet of baby’s breath which she liked. I took a selfie and sent it to father. He’s already sulky enough that he couldn’t go with me to see you, now he has more thing to envy me about,” Yugyeom smirked. No one could escape this overgrown little devil. He would forever be five year-old inside.

“I bragged to her that I graduated with better marks than you. You can’t call me stupid anymore, I’m smarter than you now. And hyung, I told her to scold you because you’re such a slob, you’re always sleeping and skipping all your classes. How are you going to graduate at this rate? Who knows, maybe I’ll graduate college before you.” He laughed and maybe something got stuck on his throat when he did because he was suddenly coughing. Served him right.

“I’ll go get a drink. You watch after him, okay?” Yugyeom said to Bambam.

“Don’t worry, take your time.”

Silence filled the room after Yugyeom left. It was understandable, Bambam didn’t even know him, he would have nothing to say to him. However, turned out he was wrong.

“I bet he’s crying somewhere now,” the younger said.

Jaebum felt his heart clenched. How can I not notice it? I’m his brother, he said, even though he knew Bambam wouldn’t be able to hear it.

“It’s not your fault that you didn’t notice it. He tried his best to appear as cheerful as possible. He said maybe if he annoy you bad enough you would wake up to hit him,” Bambam chuckled. However, Jaebum didn’t pay attention to his last sentence, since the first one had already caught him by surprise.It can’t be…

It was impossible, but Bambam looked up and straight to his eyes. “Yeah, I can hear you, and I can see you.”

How…

“Well, I’ve been able to see and communicate with spirits since I was little. Mostly I try to ignore and pretend not to see or hear them, though. It can be troublesome. Though none of the spirit I’ve met is actually still alive, like you.”

Does it mean I won’t wake up? Then why is my body still breathing?

“I don’t know, I just see and talk to them, not understanding their nature. Usually the dead become a spirit if they have strong attachment to this world or lingering feelings like resentment, regret, worry, and others. I don’t know about someone in coma.”

Then, even after I die, it’s possible that I’d still stay here?

“Again, I don’t know, maybe, but I think it most likely would happen. Seeing you’re able to wake up as a spirit even when you’re in coma might mean that your feelings are just too strong.”

Jaebum sighed. If that’s truly the reason, then I’m definitely staying.

Bambam hesitated, before carefully asked, “Can I ask what it is? Maybe I can help.”

Jaebum smiled bitterly. It’s not something you can help with. I just can’t leave before I see this certain someone happy. And it won’t happen as long as I’m still alive.

Silence filled the room once again. Jaebum was lost in thought before an idea suddenly came to him.

Are you really willing to help?

“Of course, you’re the brother of my best friend. That’s why I talk to you in the first place.” Bambam then seemed to thought of something that made him frown. “You won’t ask me to kill you, right?”

Jaebum shook his head. No, of course not! Just… can you tell Yugyeom about me being here and deliver my words to him so I can communicate with him? I need to ask him for a favor.

Bambam thought for a while before agreeing, to Jaebum’s relief. Thank you so much,Jaebum said gratefully. I’m glad Yugyeom has such a great friend beside him. It’s one less worry from my mind. Please stay with him and support him always. He is a big guy, yet he’s actually a crybaby, Jaebum chuckled.

Bambam smiled warmly. “He’ll forever be my best friend, you don’t need to worry about that.”

The door slid open, and the smiling Yugyeom went in holding a glass of chocolate milkshake in his hand. He didn’t look any different from when he left, except that his yellow fringe was slightly wet. He sat and said, “I hear your voice from outside. Did you talk to my brother?”

“Yeah,” Bambam said looking at Jaebum, asking for confirmation if he really wanted to do this with his eyes. Jaebum nodded. “Yugyeom, you know I’d never lie to you, right?”

Yugyeom seemed confused, nevertheless he still answered. “Yes.”

“Do you trust me?”

The smile faded from Yugyeom’s face, feeling the seriousness of the question. “Of course.”

Their eyes was locked with each other, none of them said anything for a while. Bambam looking for any trace of uncertainty, Yugyeom trying to convey his unwavering trust for the other. And then Bambam smiled. “Thank you.”

Yugyeom also smiled. “I know you trust me just as much.”

Bambam took Yugyeom’s hand into his. ”I do.”

Again, they both didn’t say anything. Bambam seemed lost in thoughts, while Yugyeom waited patiently for the silver-haired guy to talk.

“You know that I’m able to see the spirit of the dead, right?”

Yugyeom nodded. “Yeah. You said you saw many of them flying around here since it’s a hospital. Is there any in this room? Do they bother you?”

“There’s one, and no, he doesn’t bother me,” Bambam sighed, before continuing. “He’s your brother.”

Yugyeom eyes widened. He quickly turned his head at the monitor showing the constant waves of Jaebum’s heartbeat, and back to Bambam. “But he’s still alive. How…”

“I don’t know either. It’s the first time I saw a spirit that’s disembodied from his still breathing body. He’s over there, by the window.”

Yugyeom fixed his eyes at the window, searching fruitlessly for any trace of his brother existence, slowly b with tears. Bambam patted Yugyeom’s back with his free hand, trying to comfort him.

“Why are you telling me this? I don’t know what to feel about this. It changes nothing even if I know he’s here. I can’t see him, I can’t talk to him. It makes me feel frustrated.” He choked up, and Bambam pulled him into his arms, trying to calm the soft-hearted bear down. Jaebum felt guilty. He was hurting someone again with his selfishness.

Tell him I’m really sorry, Jaebum said, but he’s the only hope I have.

“Your brother said he felt sorry, but you’re the only hope he has.”

Yugyeom snuffled, looking at Bambam with teary eyes and damp, red face. “What do you mean?”

“He said he has a favor to ask from you. I think you’re the only one who can do that.”

Yugyeom stared at him, then at the empty wall beside the window. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and then looked at Bambam again with a determined face. “Okay, I’m ready to listen.”

--

“We’re going to go back to LA next week,” Yugyeom announced as soon as Jinyoung, Mark, and Jackson were back from lunch and the latter two were about to go home.

“Why so sudden? You said you’re going to be here the whole summer break,” Jinyoung said as he strode across the room to stand on the opposite side of the bed from the two youngest, holding Jaebum’s hand.

Yugyeom bit his lips nervously, but he knew he had to break the news sooner or later. Bambam tighten his grip on his hand, supporting him. He took a deep breath, and said, “Actually, my father and I decided to bring Jaebum-hyung to LA.”

Every eyes in the room were directed at the mustard-haired boy in disbelief. Yugyeom averted his eyes down.

“I know it’s sudden but we’ve thought about it for a while because we wanted him to be as close as possible. My father disposed this idea after seeing all of you because he didn’t have the heart to separate all of you from him. But my father isn’t young anymore, and his monthly visit here while he still have to work starting to take a toll on his health. That’s why he’s not here with us right now. A stubborn man he is, I know he will continue going back and forth to the point of breaking down. So I persuaded my father to make this decision. I’m sorry.”

By the end of his words, his voice was so faint it could barely be heard. Jaebum felt so bad putting this load on his soft-hearted brother, but this was the only thing he could do to ease everyone’s burden. He was worried of his father, and he knew Yugyeom felt the same way. He also feel bad for taking away Mark and Jackson from their daily lives the whole two years and even more if he stayed here. He knew they had a hard time balancing their studies and watching over him. But the biggest reason he did this was, of course, Jinyoung.

He knew seeing him in this state everyday only made Jinyoung’s guilt grew deeper. He knew the hollow in Jinyoung’s eyes would never vanish with the constant reminder of the cost of his life. He knew he would only hurt Jinyoung more and more if he stayed. As long as he was here, Jinyoung would never forget him and find someone better than him, who could give Jinyoung the love and happiness he deserved.

The silence that filled the room felt stifling even though Jaebum didn’t need oxygen anymore. It was finally broken by the steps Jinyoung took around the bed to Yugyeom, the latter still didn’t have the nerve to meet the older’s eyes until Jinyoung lifted his hand and pat his head.

“It’s alright, you do the right thing. I understand. Thanks for giving us these two years with him,” Jinyoung smiled.

Tears fell on the younger’s cheek, and he hid his face with his lower arm as he sobbed. “I’m so sorry, hyung. I know you love him so much, but father and Jaebum-hyung are the only family I have left. If something happens to father too...”

Jinyoung squeezed his shoulder gently. “I know, I know, you have nothing to be sorry about. I’m okay, don’t worry.”

Jinyoung then turned to Bambam. “You might better take him outside so he can calm down. I’ll talk to the doctor later and help with every preparation needed.”

Bambam nodded. Jinyoung looked back at Yugyeom and find the pair of glazed eyes staring at him. “Thank you, hyung.”

Jinyoung gave him reassuring smile. Bambam tugged lightly on Yugyeom’s hand, and the latter followed the other out of the room, passing the frozen Mark and Jackson by the door. The couple walked to Jinyoung.

“Are you really alright with this?” Jackson carefully asked. Jinyoung smiled sadly.

“What can I say? They have the right to be with him, instead of me who still shamelessly stay beside him despite being the cause of his state now. If only I didn’t approach him that time… if only I didn’t talk him into getting back together with me after he broke up with me… he would be alive and healthy, not lying there for years.”

Mark frowned. “Jinyoung, it’s not…”

“Please,” Jinyoung cut him off, “just go home. I want to be alone with him.”

Mark seemed like he still wanted to say something. However, Jackson stopped him, shaking his head. The two walked to the door, stealing last glances at Jinyoung before closing the door.

Jinyoung walked up to Jaebum. He raised his hand to softly Jaebum’s hair.

“So I can’t cut your hair anymore.”

Then another pale hand slid down from the sideburn to the smooth jaw he just shaved again this morning.

“And I can’t give you a shave anymore.”

He brushed the fringe covering the wide forehead, and as he planted his lips on the patch of skin, a single tear that escaped his eyes turned into a downpour. He broke down pressing his forehead against Jaebum’s, letting his teardrop fell on the sleeping face.

“Why can’t we be together? Why?”

Because we’re not meant to be, Jaebum answered, feeling his heart crushed into pieces that could never be glued together again. Because you deserve more than someone who can only hurt you. See, I’m hurting you even now.

Jaebum held his hand hanging very closely to Jinyoung’s head, knowing it would only get through if he went further down, and move it slightly, as if he was caressing Jinyoung’s hair.

But everything will be alright. You will forget me. Time will help you forget me.

And without me, you’ll find happiness.

_____________________________________

P. S. :

Back sooner than I thought because I got this idea about this new chapter and got so thrilled to write it as soon as possible even if I had to write all the chapter by phone. So... I'd like to tell you that I've prolonged this story even more again than I intended when I posted the last chapter because I changed the story again and so the ending changed, again. This would be the last, I promise.

This is the first story which I change the ending so many times that even I wonder how the ending would end up to be since I don't know what kind of idea would appear in my head and change the ending for who knows how many times. Usually I always had an ending when I thought of a story and I never change it. This story, however, is different.

Anyway, thanks for staying with this story through it all and hope you like this chapter :))