When Jaebum woke up the next morning to the blaring noise of his alarm, instead of moon's silvery gleam, his room was dyed with golden light of the sun. Though his body and mind still felt sluggish since many days of lacking sleep couldn’t be substituted with half a day and one night good sleep, his heart felt a little bit lighter, and the image reflected by the mirror wasn’t looking like a zombie anymore. He wanted to laugh at the irony, seeing that the person who was responsible for his fear of sleeping was also the one who was able to make him sleep soundly.

After the routine of feeding Nora, filling his own stomach and fifteen minutes of walking, he arrived at his campus about ten minutes before the class started. However, as he was nearing the classroom, he also saw someone who wasn’t supposed to be there at all.

“What are you doing here? You said you didn’t have any class today, and this isn’t even your department,” Jaebum said, surprised.

“Waiting for you, obviously. I’m just wondering if you had a proper sleep or not,” Jinyoung look over his face carefully before he cracked a smile, “You look better than yesterday, though. That’s great, I don’t have to drag you back to bed again.”

Being with Jinyoung always brought warmth to his heart. However, at the moment, somehow there was this fluttering feeling knowing the slightly shorter boy was concerned by him that wasn’t there before. A fond smile spread across his face. “I slept like a log through the night, don’t worry. I actually even feel slightly dizzy from how much I slept yesterday. It’s all thanks to you.”

Jinyoung grinned, which failed to hide the shy blush that started to bloom on his cheeks. “I’m so glad my heavenly voice can help you. Well, I think I better go now if I don’t want you to be late for your class.”

“Okay. Let’s have lunch together later, I’ll treat you as thanks.”

“Really? Hmm, what should we eat?” Jinyoung’s face scrunched while he was thinking, making Jaebum laughed at the spark of excitement that was evident on it.

“Just think it over until my class finishes. We’ll eat whatever you want.”

“Alright, I’ll think of something expensive since you’re paying. You better get prepared!”

Jaebum laughed, “Alright, I’ll be prepared to starve for this whole month.”

At that moment, someone called him from behind his back. Even before he turned, he had recognized the voice already, so it didn’t surprise him to see Mark walking to where they were standing. However, he didn’t expect that instead of speaking to him, the red haired boy would look puzzled and ask, “Jinyoung? What are you doing here?”

Jaebum, mirroring his friend’s confusion, turned back to find Jinyoung’s cheek already dyed red again, as they often did. “Wait, you know each other?”

“Of course. He’s Jackson’s childhood friend, and he introduced us right after we started dating. How do you know him?”

Jaebum hesitated to answer, afraid of what Mark would think if he told him the truth. Before he was able to say anything though, Jinyoung had already answered for him.

“We’re dating,” Jinyoung said. Jaebum nervously look at Mark, waiting for accusing words or disappointed glare. He, who couldn't even make Youngjae happy, had dared to date someone else. But Mark only laughed loudly and hit Jinyoung’s shoulder lightly.

“So that’s why you’ve been diligently attending the basketball tournaments these days when we have to drag you there before! Jackson and I already suspected that someone might’ve caught your interest, but we’d never expected it to be Jaebum. I have to tell Jackson!”

Mark bid his goodbye and quickly entered the classroom, possibly wanting to get to his seat and send a message to Jackson telling the news as soon as possible. Jaebum wondered if the couple had already mirrored each other’s personality and released a sigh before looking back to Jinyoung. The other boy, however, didn’t meet his gaze and look at his fiddling fingers instead.

“I’m sorry,” Jinyoung said, confusing Jaebum as he didn’t feel like Jinyoung had done anything wrong.

“What for?”

Jinyoung finally looked at him, with worry and remorse in his eyes. “Sorry I just blurted out that we’re dating. You might not want Mark to know about it.”

Jaebum felt his own expression softened, never expecting Jinyoung to be bothered about it. Jinyoung was too kind, way too good to be wasted on someone like him. “You’re worrying too much. It’s true that we’re dating. Why would I want to hide it from Mark?” Well, that was slightly a lie, but at the moment he just want to erase the sad look on his face. Jinyoung only stared at him without saying anything, and he rubbed his hair gently.

“Stop getting bothered by it, okay?”

A faint smile slowly spread across Jinyoung’s face and he nodded. Jaebum his hair one last time before regretfully saying, “I need to go now. Class would start in a few minutes.”

Jinyoung nodded again, his smile seemed brighter than before. “Okay then. I’ll see you later!”

Jaebum didn’t move from where he was standing until Jinyoung disappeared from his sight. He walked to the classroom, and sat himself beside Mark as always. He didn’t realize Mark was staring at him until he spoke.

“I’m glad you decide to date someone. Jinyoung is nice.”

Jaebum smiled sadly. “He is, that’s why he should’ve going out with someone who deserve him instead of me. I can never make him happy, no matter how much I want to try.”

Mark frowned. “Don’t tell me you’re still blaming yourself over Youngjae’s incident?”

Jaebum looked at him, “It is my fault.”

Mark seemed like he wanted to argue, however their lecturer chose that second to enter the room and greet the class. Jaebum was relieved to let the conversation slide behind them. But turned out he was wrong, because Mark muttered quietly, “I'd never ask you to forget Youngjae, but I don’t want him to remain as your painful memory. You know he wouldn’t want it too. I want you to be happy, as I’m sure he would want too. Forgive yourself, Jaebum. You've punished yourself for too long.”

Jaebum didn't respond. Mark didn't understand. Youngjae had gone forever from his life, so it only fair if Jaebum was sentenced to lifetime punishment. No forgiveness, since the only one who could forgive him was no more, and he would live the rest of his live bearing this sin.

--

“Are you sure you’re okay with my cooking?” Jaebum asked, still uncertain as they entered the grocery store. He had prepared himself to hear something that would broke his wallet like barbequed meat or sashimi, but what came out from Jinyoung’s mouth was this unexpected request.

Jinyoung laughed as he answered, “Of course, I’m the one who asked you to do it.”

“But… It’s not that I don’t cook, but I’ve never cooked for anyone else before. I don’t know if it would suit people’s taste other than mine,” Jaebum tried to convince the other. He really didn’t have the confidence to cook for others. Jinyoung stared at him in surprise.

“Whoa, not even your family?” Jaebum nodded to Jinyoung’s grin, his eyes sparkled. “So I’m gonna be your first? That’s awesome!”

Jaebum sighed as he ruffled his own hair in frustration. “That’s not the point, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung just laughed again before smiling mischievously while he dragged Jaebum to the lines of trolleys. “Come on, don’t worry, I’m sure it would at least edible. If things come to worst, I’ll try my best not to throw it up in front of you.”

Jaebum took a deep sigh again, resigned to his fate, already defeated. “Alright, then. What do you want me to cook?”

“Hmm… What about kimchi soup? It’s quite easy.”

“Okay.”

They took a trolley and started picking the ingredients. He searched on the internet for the recipe and searched for the ingredients according to the receipt. It had been a while since Jaebum last went grocery shopping since he rarely cooked these days, and the big store kinda overwhelmed him. It took a while since he needed to ask the whereabout of the ingredients a few times. It didn’t help that Jinyoung was easily distracted to snack and drink sections too, which caused him to roll his eyes.

“Do you want to leave a week's worth of snacks in my apartment?”

Jinyoung just waved it off with a grin. “It’s okay, your apartment just needs to welcome me more often.”

After arguing a bit over which part of pork they should use and which pre-packaged kimchi to buy, they finally paid for them and left the store. Fortunately, Jinyoung managed to restrain himself from buying more snack. They took half an hour walk to Jaebum’s apartment. As soon as they arrived, Jinyoung threw himself on the sofa only bringing the bag containing his snack with him and snapped one of them open before leaning back into a comfortable position. Jaebum just shook his head as he saw the other’s behavior.

“My first impression of you has been a shy, quiet person, you know. Seems like I’m too naive,” Jaebum said while putting down the groceries on the kitchen counter. The referred boy bend his head a little with a shy smile, timidly looking through his eyelashes, even though the playful gaze in his eyes told Jaebum that it was all a sham. Jaebum in return put his hand on his heart, putting on a hurt expression.

“So, all along, you've been tricking me… I’m such a fool, falling for your scheme.”

Jinyoung laughed, “Quit being a drama queen, Jaebum. I think being in Film Department requires you to be dramatic on every little thing, huh? Now, please start cooking already because I’m about to die from hunger.”

Jaebum looked at him in disbelief. “Die from hunger? But you've been eating that for a while now!”

“It’s not a meal, it doesn't even relieve one percent of my hunger,” Jinyoung said, pouting his lips.

“And you don’t even have the slightest intention to help me out?”

“You’re the one who said you wanted to treat me, so you should. And I’m a guest here, why would to tell your guest to cook?”

Jaebum raised his hands in defeat. “Alright, alright. I’ll cook for you, young master.” Jinyoung grinned at him and continued eating. Jaebum shook his head as he took out all the groceries from the plastic bags and arranged it on the counter. He took out a cutting board and knife and put it there too before rolling the sleeves of his shirt up. He began to cut the ingredients, starting from kimchi. The chopping noise filled the room, combined with the sound emerged from TV speaker which suddenly disappeared after fifteen minutes. Jaebum to look up in curiosity, chuckling when he heard Jinyoung grumbled something like why was there nothing worth watching in Friday noon as he loudly crushed the potato chips between his teeth, irritated.

“Can I wander around?” Jinyoung asked, bored, which Jaebum answered with, “Go on.”

Jaebum completely immersed on his cooking after that, didn’t really pay attention to what Jinyoung do. He put a medium sized pot and put the kimchi and pork he had cut before inside. After adding hot pepper paste and sugar, he pour water and the stove. Only then he realized Jinyoung was no longer in the room. He just started wondering where Jinyoung could’ve went when Jinyoung appeared from his room, still with a bag of potato chips in his hand. For a moment he thought the other’s face looked strange, but he dismissed it as Jinyoung grinned widely at him.

“How does it progress? How much longer it will take?”

“I just need to let it boil for a while before adding tofu inside. It will be ready in about forty minutes.”

“Ugh, why does it took so long? I’m already so hungry,” Jinyoung pouted.

“Hey, you can at least help me cook the rice. You just have to put it into the rice cooker and that’s all.”

“Alright, alright,” Jinyoung put the snack down and walked toward the kitchen, “Where do you keep the rice?”

Jaebum smiled. Sulky Jinyoung was kind of amusing and, he didn’t really want to admit, adorable. “It’s inside that cabinet,” Jaebum said, pointing at a dark wooden cabinet at the corner of the room. He watched as the other scooped the rice and pour it into the cooking bowl. Jinyoung then put it inside the rice cooker which was located on the counter beside Jaebum, and turned it on. “Done,” he said.

They chatted while waiting for the soup to boil and the rice to cook. It was the first time he cooked for someone else, the first time Jinyoung was in his apartment. However, everything seemed so natural it felt strange. Jinyoung laughed at how Jaebum folded a tissue and stick it on his forehead, below his hair that was started to feel damp. He sweated so much from standing near the stove for too long. Jinyoung shared his snack and sometimes fed Jaebum some of it when his both hands were busy. When the soup was finally ready to eat, Jaebum brought it to the dining table and scooped the rice into bowls while Jinyoung prepared the utensils and put a glass of water for each of them. It was almost as if they did those kind of things everyday.

They sat and started eating. Well, at least Jinyoung did, while Jaebum just stared at him, waiting in anticipation for his reaction to his cooking. Jinyoung took a mouthful of it, and Jaebum laughed when his eyes widened, looking funny combined with his puffed out cheeks. He swallowed it and eyed him accusingly, “You said I’m tricking you, but you’re actually the one tricking me.”

Jaebum was confused, “Wait, what do you mean?”

“What's with those hesitant act when you can cook so well? You made me drop my expectation so low and you give me a kimchi soup that tastes so good! It’s cheating!”

Jaebum chuckled. “Well, to be fair, I never cook for anyone else before, so I don’t even know if it’s good for other people too or not. And I know you’re just exaggerating, so stop it.”

Jinyoung took another mouthful. With his mouth still full of food he said, “It’s so good, really,” and continued to devour the food. Jaebum just smiled watching him eating before he ate too. So this is why people cooks for others.

--

Jaebum stared at the ceiling from where he lied on his bed. He had been tossing and turning, trying to chase the demons of his fear away and sleep, but failed. He just turned off the music playing from his phone, disappointed that it didn’t bring the effect he hoped for. He fell asleep at Jinyoung’s singing, so he thought other songs would work too. He sighed. It gonna be another long night, it seemed.

Suddenly, his phone vibrated. He ignored it, thinking it was just some text messages. Who would call in the middle of the night? However the vibrating didn’t stop, so Jaebum turned to his side, reaching for his phone on the nightstand. He furrowed his brows, confused when he saw Jinyoung’s name displayed on the screen, and he started to get worried. Were there some emergencies? Did something happened to Jinyoung? He remembered the nightmare that had been haunting his nights. He sat up, anxiously dragged his finger on green phone receiver symbol on the screen, and put the phone on his ear.

“Hello?” Jaebum said, uneasy.

“Hi. Are you sleeping? Did I wake you up?”

Jaebum sighed in relief. Jinyoung sounded fine, at least Jaebum was sure he wasn’t on the verge of death like how he always saw in his dreams. “No, I’ve been awake. What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? You should be sleeping, you bullheaded idiot.”

Jaebum chuckled, “Whoa, wait a minute. You call me in the middle of the night, and the first thing I hear is you cursing me? I’ve been lying on this bed for an hour already in a wasted effort of trying to sleep and that’s what I get?”

Jaebum could hear Jinyoung’s laugh chirping across his ear from the other end of the phone. “Sorry, sorry. I’m afraid that’s the case, that’s why I’m calling to check on you.”

Jaebum felt warmth seeped into his heart again, and that strange fluttering feeling came back. He lied back down on his bed, smiling. “And now that you know, what are you gonna do? Are you going to sing again?”

Jaebum had meant it as a joke, so he didn’t expect the seriousness contained in Jinyoung’s voice as he answered, “Well, if you want me to.”

Jaebum was caught off guard, never thought that Jinyoung would really care this much for him. Silence extended between the imaginary distance their phones created, which was ended by a nervous laugh by Jinyoung.

“Forget it, I’m just kidding. We could just…”

“Please,” Jaebum cut in.

“... huh?”

Jaebum closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again. “Would you sing for me?”

None of them said anything for a minute, and he started thinking Jinyoung was going to refuse before he heard the now familiar serene voice singing through the receiver.

“When you try your best, but you don't succeed 
When you get what you want, but not what you need 
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep 
Stuck in reverse 
And the tears come streaming down your face 
When you lose something you can't replace 
When you love someone, but it goes to waste 
Could it be worse? 

Lights will guide you home 
And ignite your bones 
And I will try to fix you 

And high up above or down below 
When you're too in love to let it go 
But if you never try you'll never know 
Just what you're worth 

Lights will guide you home 
And ignite your bones 
And I will try to fix you…”

As Jaebum slipped into his deep slumber midway through the song, it didn’t just fade away into the darkness. The melody seeped into his dream and chased the wolves of the night away in the form of an image shaped as Jinyoung, smiling softly with the crinkles around the corner of his eyes, holding his hand.

P. S. :

I don't know why there's so many features on aff can't be used when you're uploading from your phone. That's why I hate uploading through my phone. However my laptop has been out of reach for weeks so be it. Anyway, as most of you, or maybe every single one of you, knows, the song is Coldplay's Fix You. It reflects the determination Jinyoung has to fix and save Jaebum. Another reason would be because Coldplay's old songs would forever be the best for me, no offense just opinion. Hope you enjoy this chapter!