Tiffany held the box in her hand. A firefighter girlfriend. That sounded really dashing. And exciting. Weren’t firefighters really cool, usually? Brave and kind. And hot. Like, not the fire kind of hot, but like, muscles…

 

She blushed. Before she could go any further down that path, Tiffany hurriedly put the Firefighter box into the microwave and set the time for 3 minutes. 

 

The machine started to buzz; Tiffany watched the box go around and around. What would happen next? The instructions said the girlfriend would “appear” — the normal way, presumably, and not out of thin air. The door, then. As the timer ticked down to 2 minutes, Tiffany slowly edged towards the entrance of her apartment, smoothing her hair and clothes down as she went.

 

The microwave beeped. With bated breath, Tiffany waited. Anytime now, she thought. Anytime now, her perfect girlfriend would ring the doorbell and—

 

There was a loud crash from the direction of her bedroom. Tiffany froze for a moment, then ran towards the source of the sound. She skidded to a halt right outside her room and gaped at the sight in front of her.

 

Her window was shattered. Glass shards were all over the bed and the floor. Her curtains had been pulled to the ground, and her neatly arranged vanity beside the window was a wreck of broken bottles and powders. Everything was messed up.

 

But Tiffany found herself staring at the person lying on her bed. As she watched, the stranger got up and revealed the most attractive face Tiffany had ever seen in her whole life. Holy heck. Wow.

 

“Tiffany! Are you alright?”

 

“Uh?” Tiffany blinked. “Um, who—”

 

The woman stepped forward, and though the concern in her beautiful eyes was clear to see, Tiffany instinctively stumbled back. 

 

“Who are you?!”

 

“, have you inhaled too much smoke?” Before Tiffany could protest, the woman had already taken off a huge glove and put a warm hand to Tiffany’s neck. “Okay, heart rate is normal. Are you able to walk?”

 

“Y-Yes?”

 

The woman looked worriedly into Tiffany’s eyes. “Is there anyone else in the apartment? Just you?”

 

“Ju— who the hell are you?”

 

“I’m Taeyeon,” said the woman, slowly drawing out her syllables. “Can you hear me? Do you recognize me?”

 

“No, I’ve never seen you in my life!”

 

The woman, Taeyeon, cursed and pulled out a walkie-talkie. “This is Kim. We have one survivor, I repeat, one—”

 

Tiffany knocked the device out of Taeyeon’s hand. “Hey! Excuse me, you just broke into my apartment! What the heck are you doing? This isn’t a game!”

 

“Okay, okay.” Taeyeon took hold of Tiffany’s shoulders gently. “Look at me. I know you’re in shock right now, but I need you to listen to me. Okay? I’m going to get you out of here, but first you need to tell me where the fire is. Is it in the kitchen?”

 

“There’s no fire. What are you talking about?”

 

“Tiffany, please, every moment we delay could cost us our lives.”

 

Standing in the ruins of her bedroom, Tiffany looked at Taeyeon. Really looked at her. The woman was dressed in thick, protective material with an axe hanging from her belt and an oxygen tank on her back. She was also wearing a helmet and heavy boots. This…

 

“Are you the firefighter girlfriend?”

 

Instantly, relief broke out on Taeyeon’s face. “Yes! Okay, good, you’re starting to remember. Can you tell me where the fire is? Is there anyone else in the house?”

 

“Oh god, you’re like…” Really, really ing hot, thought Tiffany. She realized that Taeyeon’s hand was still pressed to her neck, and she twisted away in embarrassment. “Um, I mean, uh—”

 

“Tiffany, where’s the fire?”

 

“There’s no fire. Nothing’s on fire.” 

 

“But I got the call and rushed here immediately.”

 

Tiffany started to speak, then noticed anew the chaos that was her bedroom. “Did you just— you broke my window! How the hell did you get all the way up here?”

 

“The ladder,” said Taeyeon, pointing. “The firetruck is downstairs, ready to deal with the fire.”

 

“There is no fire!”

 

“I smell smoke.”

 

“No way!” Tiffany sniffed to prove her point. “Look, no smo…wait a second.”

 

“I think it’s coming from the kitchen. Stay here, okay? Stay right here.”

 

Brushing by Tiffany, Taeyeon ran towards the kitchen. Tiffany followed closely right on her heels. “I swear, there’s no way anything is on fire,” she said breathlessly as they rounded the corner, “I didn’t even turn the gas on—”

 

Her jaw dropped. 

 

Her kitchen, the kitchen she had been standing in not even ten minutes ago, was consumed in a roaring inferno. The stovetop was aflame, the counters burning, and the farthest tendrils of the fire were their way towards her fridge. 

 

“What the ?!”

 

Taeyeon whirled around. “I told you to stay in the room!” She backed away from the flames, pushing Tiffany behind her with a protective arm. “I’m going to bring the hose over. Stay right here. Do not go near the fire!”

 

As the woman disappeared, Tiffany stared in horror at her kitchen. The fire…why was there a fire?! Was it from her microwave? But, no — the device was sitting innocently on the other side of the kitchen. Then what could it have been? Tiffany hadn't even gone near the stove. What the heck?

 

“Fany, step aside!” 

 

Just in time, Tiffany jumped out of the way as Taeyeon rushed forward, pulling a long coil of hose behind her. The firefighter dropped it on the ground, only holding onto the nozzle at the end, and spoke rapidly into her walkie-talkie. “This is Kim. We’re all set — medium power, now!”

 

A jet of water blasted out of the hose. Grimly, Taeyeon aimed it at the spreading flames, stopping them from moving out of the kitchen. The floor, the ceiling, and everything in between — it wasn’t until every single surface in the room was doused in water, dripping wet, that Taeyeon finally gave the order to cut the flow.

 

With one last serious look over the scene, Taeyeon dropped the hose and strode over to Tiffany. She pulled Tiffany into a strong hug and said, “Thank God you’re safe. I don’t know what I would've done if something had happened to you.”

 

“Um,” squeaked Tiffany. 

 

Taeyeon Tiffany's hair with one hand, the other one tightening around her waist. “There, there,” she whispered, “it’s okay. The fire’s been dealt with. You’re fine.” 

 

“The fire…”

 

Slowly, Taeyeon released Tiffany. “Yes,” she said, turning around, “it’s gone. Don’t worry.”

 

“Why was there a fire?!”

 

“Did you remember to turn the stove off after you used it?”

 

Tiffany shook her head vehemently. “I didn’t even touch it at all today!”

 

“Remember what I always tell you?” Taeyeon sighed and took Tiffany’s hand. “Always, always make sure the stove is clear before you leave the kitchen. Okay?”

 

“No, I swear, I didn't touch anything.”

 

“It’s the shock, baby. You’ll think more clearly after a bit. Are you hurt anywhere?”

 

Tiffany looked down at herself numbly. “No,” she said.

 

“Okay, good. I—” Taeyeon looked up and frowned. “Is that…Do you smell more smoke?”

 

“What?!”

 

“Bathroom. Stay here!”

 

Two hours later, Tiffany found herself curled up on the couch in Taeyeon’s comforting hold. The couch was mildly singed, but it was already the most untouched piece of furniture in sight. Somehow, there had been a fire in every single room in her apartment and everything else — the TV, the coffee table, even the lights switches — everything else was charred and black. Everything.

 

Tiffany let out an involuntary whimper.

 

“Oh, baby,” said Taeyeon softly. She kissed the side of Tiffany’s head tenderly. “I know it’s scary. I know. You’re fine now.”

 

“That’s what you said the past seven times!”

 

“Shh. It’s okay. Breathe.”

 

As Taeyeon ran a soothing hand down her arm, Tiffany nearly let herself be lulled to sleep. But a sudden splintering sound made her sit up in terror.

 

“Relax,” Taeyeon pointed sadly, “it’s just the fridge caving in on itself. There’s no more fire.”

 

“Why…why did this happen?”

 

“I know. It was very sudden, wasn’t it?”

 

“This is insane!” Tiffany threw up her hands. “I just, I mean, I was just minding my own business and out of nowhere my house is trashed?! I just wanted a firefighter girlfriend! Why is all my stuff gone?!”

 

“Baby, I’m sorry. I know you want me here, but,” Taeyeon pulled Tiffany towards her, “I have to go back to the station. My shift ends the day after tomorrow, remember?”

 

“But—”

 

“I know, I know. I miss you too.”

 

Tiffany was going to say other things, other angry things, but somehow everything disappeared from her brain as Taeyon smiled. All Tiffany could focus on was the fighterfighter's loving gaze. “Yes,” said Tiffany faintly. God, this woman was gorgeous. How— 

 

“How about this. When I get my day off, we’ll spend the whole day together, okay? I promise you.”

 

“Uh.”

 

“I love you, Tiffany. So much. I’m so glad you’re safe.”

 

Tiffany’s eyes went wide as Taeyeon’s lips connected with hers. The kiss was soft, but quick — too quick for Tiffany to even realize what was going on before Taeyeon pulled away. 

 

“Hold on—”

 

“Baby, I need to get back to work.” Taeyeon smiled apologetically. “I’ll be back in two days.”

 

“But—”

 

Taeyeon got to her feet. “My supervisor’s going to be mad if I don’t give my report soon. Come on,” she said, holding out a hand. “I have to go.”

 

Wordlessly, Tiffany took Taeyeon’s hand and followed her, dazed, through the wreckage. Taeyeon led Tiffany into the bedroom, helped her over the crumbling remains of her belongings, and then walked up casually to the windowsill. Before Tiffany could react, Taeyeon had already swung her legs out of the empty frame.

 

“Tae—”

 

The firefighter winked, tapping the metal ladder under her. “I’m going to take the stairs down,” she said. “Anyway, I’ll see you in two days, love. Can’t wait!”

 

Tiffany watched in stunned silence as Taeyeon clambered down swiftly to the ground and opened the door to the waiting firetruck. With a final wave, the firefighter disappeared into the vehicle. The engine started, the ladder receded into the back of the truck, and in a matter of minutes, all evidence of the day’s events were gone.

 

Or…

 

Tiffany turned with horrified slowness to take in the scene behind her. Her bed. Her closet. Her drawers. With some strength from way deep inside her, Tiffany stepped robotically through her house. Her bathroom. Her computer. Her desk. Her fridge. 

 

All of it, burnt to a crisp.

 

All of it except her couch and — Tiffany narrowed her eyes, walking closer — the microwave. Somehow, the metal box had been left wholly intact, without so much as a scratch, throughout the whole process. How— 

 

She stubbed her toe on something. Bending down, Tiffany gingerly pushed aside a few layers of blackened wood to find the 3 Minute Girlfriend 2.0 kit. It was a little crumpled and entirely soaked, but it was still there. Tiffany, her eyes blank, opened the kit and took out a random box.

 

“007 Girlfriend,” she said to herself. “Okay. Why not. Why the not. How much worse can this get?”

 

Tiffany silenced the screaming in her head and set the timer to 3 minutes.