After that revelation about Writer Taeyeon’s notetaking habits, Tiffany went home and burned the 3 Minute GIrlfriend 2.0 kit.

 

Or, at least, that’s what Tiffany wanted to be able to say. Unfortunately, she had to be very honest with herself. She was, first and foremost, desperate for a girlfriend. Secondly, Taeyeon was, like, super hot. Thirdly, Tiffany never gave up on anything halfway — those past three girlfriends were the only exceptions — and fourth, lastly: that brief glimpse into Taeyeon’s notes had made Tiffany a little…curious.

 

Which was why she was tapping her feet nervously in front of the microwave, waiting for the One Night Stand girlfriend pack to be done.

 

Of course, Tiffany had considered all the ethical and moral issues of using this particular pack. That’s why she was only doing it now, halfway into the afternoon. She had spent the whole morning debating furiously with herself and in the end, the “curious” part of her had finally won out.

 

What? She was human!

 

Tiffany eyed the timer as it dropped down to 0:21. She took a deep breath, checked her nails quickly, and went to stand by the door. The moment the microwave beeped, the doorbell also rang, and Tiffany opened the door immediately. 

 

This Taeyeon was dressed in a loose plaid shirt and sweatpants, her hair tied up in a messy bun. 

 

Tiffany gasped at the sight. “Tae—”

 

Then Taeyeon looked up with dead eyes and held out a small bundle. Instinctively, Tiffany reached out for it in her confusion. It was heavy, she realized, and warm, and soft, and when she cautiously pulled back some of the soft cloth, oh. It was a tiny baby.

 

“This is your son,” said Taeyeon seriously.

 

Tiffany stared down at the tiny baby, then back at Taeyeon. “What?” She managed.

 

“Remember me?” Taeyeon’s exhausted eyes held Tiffany in place. “We spent that night together at the beach.”

 

What the was happening?

 

“This is your son. Our son.”

 

Hold on a second, thought Tiffany. Hold on a ing second. We’re both girls. Neither of us…this isn’t even possible. And what the heck, why does all the fun happen before I meet you people, every single time! 

 

Tiffany was about to convey her thoughts indignantly and disbelievingly when there was a small sound coming from the bundle. She looked down just in time to see the baby yawning in a tiny way, and in that moment, something became apparent to her. 

 

She looked again, just to make sure, but there was no denying it. The way the baby’s eyes curved into a graceful point at the bridge of his nose...there was no way around it. Those were Tiffany’s eyes. And his small baby lips with their curl at the edges were very, very clearly — Tiffany’s eyes flickered to Taeyeon’s face — yeah, those were Taeyeon’s lips.

 

“What the ,” whispered Tiffany.

 

She nearly dropped the baby as Taeyeon gave her a huge slap on the arm. “Language! He can hear you!”

 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Tiffany cowered against her doorframe, still clutching the baby to her chest. “Please don’t hit me again.”

 

“I need to use your bathroom.”

 

“It’s just down the hall.”

 

“Hold this.”

 

Once again, Tiffany nearly dropped the baby when Taeyeon dumped a huge bag at her feet. “W-What is it?”

 

Taeyeon kicked her shoes off and stalked into the apartment. “What do you think? Close the door. He’ll get cold.”

 

In a daze, Tiffany did as she was told. She awkwardly moved the bag inside the house with her feet before carefully closing the door, all while keeping the baby securely in her arms. Bending down gingerly, Tiffany peeked inside the bag to find at least twenty baby bottles and a family-sized pack of nappies. “Oh,” she said.

 

When Taeyeon came out of the bathroom, Tiffany was still standing by the door. “What are you doing?” Taeyeon let her bun down and ran a tired hand through her hair. “The bottles need to be put in the fridge.”

 

“Oh,” said Tiffany.

 

“Give him to me.”

 

Robotically, Tiffany shuffled over and handed the baby off. 

 

“Okay, now put the bottles in the fridge.”

 

As Taeyeon sat down on the couch with the baby, Tiffany lugged the heavy bag into the kitchen. Was there space in her fridge? What if there wasn’t any space, what would she do? Tiffany opened the fridge — and found that it was entirely empty.

 

Oh, right. She was a lonely homebody. Of course her fridge would be empty.

 

Resignedly, Tiffany reached into the bag and took out a bottle. She stared at it. Was this…br-breas— Lord. “What the ,” she whispered.

 

“Language,” said a voice from outside.

 

“Sorry.” Tiffany took a deep breath and tried not to think about it. After all, she had s too, right? Theoretically, this was a thing, wasn’t it? She began to mechanically stuff the bottles of milk into the fridge.

 

After what seemed like hours, Tiffany finally straightened up off the ground and closed the fridge. She put the bag on the kitchen counter and stood awkwardly in the doorway. 

 

In the living room, Taeyeon was holding the baby with her head back and eyes closed. She looked really worn-out. Tiffany couldn’t help it; even though this was seriously weird — why wasn’t she freaking out — she couldn’t help but feel very concerned for the woman on the couch.

 

She tiptoed over and crouched beside Taeyeon. “Hey,” said Tiffany softly.

 

Taeyeon opened her eyes. “Hmm?”

 

“Do you need anything? Water? A pillow? Blanket?”

 

“I’m fine,” said Taeyeon, nodding slightly. “Just tired.”

 

Tiffany bit her lip. She wasn’t quite sure what to say. “Um. W-Why…why are you here?”

 

“Well, I had to come to Seoul for the week, and I figured maybe he should meet his mom, you know?” Taeyeon looked down at the baby with a smile. “Even if what we did was rash, and if his arrival has really changed my life,” Taeyeon glanced up at Tiffany, “I don’t regret having him at all. I just wanted you to know that.”

 

On the outside, Tiffany nodded. On the inside, Tiffany was going insane. What the fu— fudge was this fu— fudging kit?! Why was she constantly saddled with the weirdest fudging girlfriends possible? How the fudge did this Taeyeon count as a girlfriend? Was Tiffany supposed to…what was she supposed to do? 

 

As if on cue, the baby started to fuss. It started out as a whimper and escalated mightily into a full-blown screaming fest. Taeyeon sighed. “Can you quiet him down?” She held out the crying child to Tiffany. “I’m so tired. Please?”

 

“Um, s-sure,” said Tiffany. “What do I do?”

 

But Taeyeon had already closed her eyes again. Desperately, Tiffany patted the baby’s back.

 

“It’s okay, little guy. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. There, there. It’s okay. Are you hungry? Is that what it is?” 

 

“He just ate,” whispered Taeyeon.

 

“Oh, okay. Nappy change?”

 

“That’s not the nappy cry.”

 

Tiffany started to sweat nervously. “Okay, not the nappy cry,” she said to herself. “Um…okay.” She stood up and started to walk around the apartment. “See? This…this is a light switch. Isn’t it fascinating? And this is another light switch. And here’s the bathroom. And here’s my bedroom, see, look at this, uh, light switch…”

 

She hadn’t ever noticed how many light switches there were in her apartment, but when the baby finally calmed down, Tiffany found herself armed with the knowledge that there were 12 light switches in total. Very useful, she thought, drained. She collapsed on the couch beside Taeyeon.

 

“You did it,” said Taeyeon in a voice thick with sleep. “He’ll nap for another hour.”

 

“That’s good to hear.”

 

“Mhmm. Here. I’ll take him.”

 

Tiffany watched as Taeyeon settled into a comfortable position with the baby nestled into her. It was a heartwarming sight, in a kind of terrifying and bewildering way. If Tiffany had had some kind of mental preparation of some sort before this all happened— 

 

“Can I stay here tonight?”

 

“Uh—” 

 

“It’s just,” Taeyeon shifted, and winced, “sorry, my back’s been bothering me. Anyway, I’ve been staying with my cousin and her place is tiny enough as it is. I feel bad about taking up her space. If you don’t mind…”

 

Tiffany gulped. “S-Sure.”

 

“Really? It’ll be just for the night. I’m going back to Jeonju tomorrow.”

 

“Of course,” said Tiffany weakly. “Of course.”

 

What a terrible idea. It was honestly a terrible idea. But there wasn’t anything Tiffany could do about it. For one, she had already stupidly said yes. But also, the baby really did look like her, and Taeyeon looked so haggard; Tiffany just had to let them stay. 

 

“Do you, um, need anything?”

 

“No, I’m okay.” Taeyeon smiled gratefully. 

 

At that moment, Tiffany was reminded that she really did find Taeyeon very attractive. Even in this weird, weird situation, just a smile from Taeyeon was enough to make Tiffany go weak at the knees. Those people at the 3 Minute Girlfriend company really knew what they were doing. Tiffany scooted closer, ignoring the blush in her face. “Here,” she said to Taeyeon, gesturing at her shoulder, “take a nap. You need to rest.”

 

With Taeyeon and the baby sleeping peacefully by her side, Tiffany felt a strange kind of contentment she had never felt before. It was nice. Whole. Cozy. Slowly, she also drifted off into sleep.

 

Only to wake again in exactly an hour to boil water to warm the baby’s dinner. And then to change his nappy. And then to make dinner for herself and Taeyeon, who was passed out — in the middle of which the baby started crying again. By the time he finally cried himself into exhaustion, the fried rice was really burnt and Taeyeon was still conked out, so Tiffany ate the crunchy bits by herself and tried to save the edible parts for Taeyeon. 

 

When night fell, Tiffany managed to persuade Taeyeon to move to her bed, and by 9pm the woman was once again asleep. Tiffany had barely turned out the lights before the baby started wailing, again, and another half hour was spent on trying to figure out why he was crying. An hour later, Tiffany woke up with a start to realize she had fallen asleep on the couch. There was a twinge in her back and a horrible smell coming from the bundle she held in her arms. 

 

“Mother of God,” said Tiffany to herself at 3AM, having been roused from her nap once again. “What is it this time?”

 

It was apparently nothing. After an agonizing 12 hours, she had come to realize that Taeyeon was right — the baby had different cries for different reasons. This one, this drawn-out wailing, was an indication that absolutely nothing was wrong and that he just wanted to cry for the sake of crying.

 

Tiffany managed to get him to fall asleep again in another five minutes before the whole cycle began again.

 

By the time Taeyeon finally woke up, it was 7AM and Tiffany hadn’t closed her eyes for more than fifteen consecutive minutes the whole night. 

 

“Thank you for taking care of him,” said Taeyeon. She took the freshly-changed, just-fed, snoozing baby from Tiffany with a smile. “I haven’t been able to sleep this well since he was born.”

 

“Uh huh,” said Tiffany, her eyes glazed. 

 

“Did he keep you up?”

 

“Not really.”

 

“Oh, good!” Taeyeon booped the tiny nose affectionately. “I’m impressed. He must’ve been on his best behavior.”

 

“Haha,” said Tiffany faintly.

 

Taeyeon disappeared into the kitchen and reappeared with the huge bag, loaded up with all the empty bottles. “Well,” she said shyly, “I’m going to go catch the bus now.”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

“Thank you for letting us stay with you.”

 

“Yup.”

 

Tiffany vaguely sensed that Taeyeon was waiting for something. With a groan, she scraped herself off the couch and creaked her way over to open the door. 

 

“Thank you,” said Taeyeon.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Tiffany looked down as Taeyeon placed a hand on her arm. “It was really nice to see you again.” Taeyeon shifted her hold on the baby so that his tiny face peeked out. “I’m glad he got to meet his mom.”

 

“That’s great.”

 

“I’ll, um,” Taeyeon reached up and left a quick peck on Tiffany’s cheek. “I’ll call you?” She said hopefully.

 

“Word.”

 

“Say bye to mommy, sweetie.”

 

“Yep.”

 

After Taeyeon and the baby left — not without many lingering glances — Tiffany locked, then double locked, and triple locked her door.

 

 

 

 

i think by now yall can sense how desperately running out of ideas i was when i wrote this