"Um , it was alright , " I lied to her , " Pretty uneventful. "  I felt very uncomfortable talking to her about Taeyeon and Taec . I never really spoken  to anyone about my relationships with other people as well maybe it's because we haven't reach  the trust confidant stage of our doctor - patient relationship .  I have a hard time imagining being able to open up to Dr.Kim , who seemed to have her life in perfect order , while over here I'm royally messed up .

Not only that I felt uncomfortable because it was so cold . " Do you think that maybe you could turn the heat on or something ? " I finally asked her . The triumph glowed in my heart .

" Oh , certainly," she said , like she'd just realised that she was currently in an artic environment , " Sorry my last patient wanted it to be cold and I find that people are more open if you let them have their way . Feel free to adjust the heat any time you like ."

I practically ran and the heat on high , shivering in anticipation of the defrosting that would soon take place . " Much better , " Dr Kim said offhandedly , "Now anyway is there anything in particular you'd like to talk about ?"

 " No , " I was officially the worst patient ever and the sudden outburst of my no , I tried to soften it and said , " Not really .. no "

" Any boys in your life ? "

Great start Doc ...

" No , " I blurted out , perhaps a little too quickly , my face beginning to flush . A natural reaction to the warm air blowing out of the vents , obviously .  If Dr.Kim noticed - and I'm pretty certain she did - she didn't give any indication of it  .

"What about drugs ? I know a lot of those go around high schools these days . Have you ever tried some Jess ?"

I got the feeling that she was compiling a file on me but answered truthfully anyway , hoping that the doctor - patient confidentiality thing wasn't a myth or else I would end up dead if Uncle ever found out I did stuff like that . " Sure , there are . Drug use is common at my age ... I've smoked before , but well ... it happened after the accident took place or at times where I get stressed out . You know ... but it never became a habit I don't think . "

" And drinking too , I suppose ?"

I smiled like it was very funny to me , " Of course but I don't enjoy drinking ." I told her truthfully plus whenever I drink it never ends well for me ...

" But you do it anyways ?"

I stared at her desk , trying to get a glimpse into the type of person she was outside of work . It was relatively devoid of any personal memorabilia ,  but there was one picture frame , tilted in her direction so that she could see it easily , but so that I could too . All that it featured was she and two other girls , arms wrapped around each other , grinning at the cameras like they were having the best time of their lives .  It was obvoiusly taken at a club , " Who are they ? " I asked , motioning with one arm to the photo .

She smiled warmly , " My sister and my bestfriend . "

" Have you ever gotten really , completely faced , all by yourself ? " I asked her bluntly .

I would have assumed she hadn't heard me at first , but then curved downward and she told me , " No I don't think I have ."

" It's the loneliest feeling in the entire world , Doc ." I informed her matter of factly " And I've known a lot of lonely feelings ... but the worst , hands down , is sitting at home alone on a Saturday night and drinking a whole bottle of wine and some beers before passing out in your bed . " I paused and frowned , " Well maybe the worst part is waking up the nest day , still completely alone and having the worst hangover ever . Not a good feeling Doc . "

Dr.Kim nodded understandably , " Don't you think it's much more fun to get drunk with other people ?"

***

Later on I would come to realise that Dr.Kim question acted as something of a catalyst  but the blame couldn't be laid at her door; more at my subconscious's for being such a .

Tiff called me on Thursday , inviting me to a party at her cousin's house on Friday and of course her cousin was good friends with Taeyeon and speaking of Taeyeon , my relationship with him went down hill ... well it was my own fault . Whenever I saw taeyeon I would avoid him and not answer his calls .

Tiff assured me that I would have a good time and "it  wouldn't  get out of hand . "

" Okay , I'll go , " I finally gave up , " What should I wear ? "

" Of course something hot Jess , look at your body and hmm maybe you can find a new boy , " she teased me .

I smirked , " Maybe . "

There was no school on Friday , so I spent most of the day lazing around my room with Soojung; I painted her nails and we watched silly movies mainly cartoons since it was Soojung's favourite .

"Unnie " she says while trying to focus on her movie she just put on while I was busy trying to get ready , I hummed in response , " You look hot , " then bursting into a fit of laughters .

" Jeez , Soojung . You're only jealous that I'm a Goddess and looks  good in anything , " and after I said that we both ended up laughing for some reason . So weird yet it felt good laughing with Soojung instead of having petty fights .

My appearance didn't matter as much as I planned on getting drunk , I wore my black skinny jeans which clung to my legs showing off my good figure and I straightened my hair into a nice shiny ponytail  .

Tiff picked me up as we'd arranged and I told Soojung that I was leaving and left through the garage so that Uncle wouldn't see me .

" Damn , Jung where have you been hiding that body , lol . Look at your abs , gurl . "

" Stop drooling , Hwang . My body has been like this forever ."

" Drooling for you as if Jung , lets go babe "

Tiff's cousin lived on the other side , a good 15 minutes drive from my house .  These were the newer suburban neighborhoods with rows and rows of architecturally similar structures . The middle class tended to live on this end and if Uncle hadn't been against this neighborhood we would probably be living in this area . Technically my family are from upper class , the Jungs fortune is worth millions but that's from my dad's side  while my mum's side they are wealthy but not on the same level as the Jungs .

The party  already started when we drove up , all the lights on and a steady stream of teenagers making their way in and out the doors . Some looked drunk already and I envied them because the only thing I was looking forward to was getting wasted enough to forget everything .

" Do you think Tae will be here ? " she asked as we entered the house .

" Well he is good friends with your cousin  , so he might turn up . "

Tiff shrugged and latched onto my wrist , leading me around the entrance way where a huge group had gathered , into the kitchen . There was mostly beers and a few bottles of expensive . I opted for the beer and popped open a can , swigging it down in nearly a minute .  " Whoa , slow down Jung ," Tiff said , eyeing me oddly , " You don't want to get totally wasted before it's midnight babe "

" Hwang you worry to much ," I gasped , still processing the drink . I let Tiff lead me around the house , occasionally stopping to make small talk with someone from one of my classes . I made sure to get a new beer before the last one was finished and lost track at four , while I was talking to Jay from English.

" Jeez , Jessica, " he says , " I didn't know you were such a lightweight ."

I laughed like he'd said something really funny and thought it was a damn shame that Jay had such bad acne . He was an okay guy " You're an