The confession - Flash Back

It was always cold when we sat outside because it was winter and even on nice days it was nippy at best . So sometimes we just sat , it was really too cold to move sometimes , " This is nice ," I said one day , referring to sitting by the lake and doing nothing .

" Yeah , " he replied . I was lying down next to him as usual and he was looking dignified , as usual .

" So nice I could almost die !" I answered dramatically , I didn't even try to hide it , because I was unconcerned with what he thought . He looked down at me to reveal his raised eyebrow . I grinned up , " I intend on dying at the pinnacle of my happiness , Tae . Maybe this isn't exactly happiness but thus far this is the pinnacle of contendness for me ."

" Really ? Princess " he questioned me , " and how will you know when that is , the pinnacle of your happiness , what if you die early and you miss the real pinnacle . "

 "Well it wouldn't be the real pinnacle Tae , " I rolled my eyes , " because I would have missed it and my existence would be over . So it wouldn't be possible to be the pinnacle of my existence if my existence weren't present . "

"Of course , " Taeyeon nodded , and I was pretty sure he was pacifying me .

" I'm serious , Tae ! Don't you want to die happy ? " I asked tentatively as I assumed that's what everyone wanted ultimately .

" I think that's asking a bit much of the world; isn't it a bit less presumptuous to live happily ? " he retorted not too loudly , he never got riled up like me but he was usually sincere , beneath the sarcasm and the cold front . Maybe not to everyone but to me , his actions spoke louder than anything and they were always sincere .

" I guess I could see that ... do you live happily Tae ? " I wondered out loud by accident .

" I said it would be less presumptuous , Sica , not reasonable , " he rolled his eyes .

" Yeah , " I replied and continued looking up , " but still ..."

" I could almost die, " I was content to be there and I knew he was too; his eyes were all sincere for him to deny it . He rolled his eyes and kept looking out with a half smile on his face and I kept looking up at the clouds .

A week later still in flashback mode

It was an odd silence . He didn't seem angry or contemplative but just silent . His hands were in his pockets and his stride was long and I semi awkwardly trailed next to him . Some minutes later he stopped and turned to look at me , some how I'd fallen a few steps behind , probably because his stride was so long and mine so ... not .

" What ? " I asked feeling harassed , it might have been a brisk pace for him , but with shorter legs I was almost running besides him the whole time . The silence was not conversational , it was just silent . Considering that I felt so frazzled , he looked all together too put together .

He grinned at me and that was all as he stood in front of an opening in the woods . I was ready to open my mouth and say something snarky except he stopped me short again , this time by stepping  aside just then . He had a grin on his face again . Maybe it was because he was grinning after all that odd silence or because his eyes weren't grinning but smiling bur right then I began to get nervous .

My heart was swelling