Age 16 Last Winter * Flashback*

Jessica Pov

After dinner , I went out for  a walk .

It was already dark , but the snow on the ground was so white it reflected the moonlight . There was a slight wind that made the leaves rustle in the forest next to me , startingly beautiful contrast to the calm ocean waves . I felt peaceful for some reason as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders .

 As I walked , I kept track of the houses I'd passed as if to memorise the way home . On my way , I wondered what we looked like , Uncle , Aunt , my cousin , Soojung and I in other people's eyes . Did we look like a normal  family like everyone else ? Or would they be able to see the lines that divided us down the middle ?

I tucked my hands into the pockets of my coat , curling my fingers into the wool that retained some of the warmth . The rustling in the forest suddenly made me afraid .

Was I being followed ? Did I care ?

It's just the wind , Jess I thought to myself  and then for a good measure I said it  out loud, " It's just the wind , " my voice was shaky and uncertain and even to my own ears sounded fake .

The day had exhausted me physically and emotionally and I wondered if i could handle one more blow . Taeyeon had been acting so strangely all through out  the day . After fourth period , whenever I'd look at him , he always seemed to be looking back at me .I remembered at lunch time  he was searching for someone looking all worried and for some reason , he ended up in the library  looking in a state of complete alarm but only to calm down when he saw me eating my sandwich by the windows as I watched him run like a mad dog .

What's wrong with this shortie ? Is he crazy ?

When I reached Sandy Beach , I slipped down onto my and pulled my knees up to my chest . The water was silvery black and I was overwhelmed with an urge to dip my toes in the freezing ocean . Slowly , I slipped off the ugly boots that Auntie had lent me and tugged at my thick socks until my feet were free . I placed the boots next to me and stood up , in a sharp breath through my teeth as the bottoms of my feet touched the freezing sand . 

I moved forward an inch , bracing myself for the cold .

" What are you doing ? , " a frantic voice said and I spun around just in time to see Taeyeon yank me away from the ocean . I gasped in surprise but Taeyeon didn't stop dragging me until we were back by the boots.

" What the -" I began , but was interrupted by Taeyeon's voice .

" What are you doing out here alone ? And that close to the water ? Were you going to go in ? You could have been carried away by the tide . You could have ..." he trailed off , his dark eyes troubled . I was closer to him than I'd ever been before , face to face so that I could see the black depths of his eyes .

" I wasn't going to go in , " I defended myself , " I just wanted to put my feet in ."

  Is that so wrong ?

" Why ? " he demanded not understanding my actions and then  like he'd realised how harsh his voice was , he evened it out and gently repeated , " Why ?"

Because I like it , I thought .... because no one was going to stop me .

When I didn't answered him out loud , he suggested that I should put my shoes back on and I nodded and sat down , slowly tugging back on my socks and shoes . Ignoring the sand that made my feet sore and Taeyeon sat next to me while I worked at it , watching my face while I concentrated on my feet .

" How did you see me ? " I questioned him .

" Well, I was out for a walk , " he replied simply " I wanted some fresh air and that's when I saw you and I thought that you were going to go in . I had to stop you or else you would freeze to d-..."

" Well . " I frowned , " Thanks I guess "

Neither of us made a move to get up and I was trapped  wanting to move but somehow I didn't want to leave Taeyeon behind.

Luckily for me , he started the conversation , " Pretty night "

" Of course since it's not raining ," I replied back .

" Look , Jess " he began and I could tell he was about to make a speech but  I interrupted quickly .

" Taeyeon stop , I just wanted a quiet night " I fired back at him which led to a uncomfortable silence .

" Sorry I asked ," he said while playing with the sand .

" Sorry that I snapped ," I replied back while looking at the ocean .

" Are you mad ? " he asked softly , reminding me the situation from  last week .

" I'm not mad , " I replied honestly , " I'm not noticeable and it's not a big deal . I'm too plain for people to really notice me and if they do , they wouldn't talk to someone like me anyway or ask my name . "

 Something about what I just  said made Taeyeon stiffed ," There's nothing not noticeable about you , " he said , " I'm the idiot who didn't know your name ... I'm sorry  "

" No , no it's not just you , " I insisted , " I'm too plain "

" You're not plain , " he argued back and I laughed .

" You're not , " he said , " You're beautiful , you know that "

I let out a burst of shocked laughter this time ; it sounded slightly hysterical .

" Did I embarrass you?" he asked , sounding pleased and when I glanced at him he was grinning like a mad person . When will this person ever stop ? What's wrong with you , Taeyeon ?

" No .... I just think it must be nice to be you "

"How so ? " he challenged me .